The Retrofit: The Callistar 1.0

Chapter Fourteen

KIRA

The repairs are complete according to the trackers.

“All of them?”

All of them.

Kira puffed her cheeks and blew hard. “Guess he has had little else to focus on the last couple of days.”

She could practically hear the pleasure in Watson when he replied, He is an emotionally stunted, lab rat. I’m not sure what you expected.

“Do you have to do that?”

Have to do what?

“Tear him down, he’s still a person, he’s still…” Something.

Kira, you put this ship in danger. You put me in danger. The fact he’s avoided you the last couple of days shows just how volatile he is. He does not understand complex emotions. If you anger him again, he could choose to make sure it is never a problem again.

“I didn’t mean to.” She rubbed her eyes. They burned with the sensation of unshed tears. Their ducts were unusually hard to activate. They still had them like their human counterparts, but for praetorians it was a very marked reaction when they worked.

I am aware you did not mean to, but I will continue to advise you on what is best for the crew, best for everyone.

Her lack of an immediate reply boded well, or unwell.

The Vicar has arrived.

Her mood improved as she went to greet the older gentleman, to welcome him aboard. He came over from the Eikos, and while she wouldn’t cross for a proper escort, she would meet him at the door.

“You believe you’ve made genuine progress.” Max stood within the kitchen, taking up the doorway, arms tucked behind his back in an eerily familiar at ease position.

“I do, but it’s like-” She poured more flour into a bowl, “Well, it’s like that thing you say where it’s one step forward and then two steps back. Every bit of progress I make, I undo as quickly as I make it. I just want to help him, but he resists. I’m never sure how far is too far until I’ve gone too far.”

A flash of white caught her eye. Quinn. He walked into the mess. How much he overheard anyone’s guess. His hands tucked in his pockets and shoulders hunched up to his ears as he took a seat without a word.

Kira’s mouth dropped open at the sight. Seeing him, especially when he knew there would be others, was a good sign. Max’s raised brows showed equal surprise. He had received a warning to be gentle with him. Kid gloves, Kira had said.

Max carried a dish over to the table. With the crew returning, they wouldn’t be eating in the pass through anymore. He smiled, not as broad as usual, and said, “I’m glad you’re joining us.”

Kira had her back to Quinn, but she glanced over her shoulder to gauge his reaction, as she knew he wasn’t fond of strangers. Max had been sincere in his well wishing, even if Quinn wouldn’t take as intended.

The response Max received was as succinct and to the point as one could hope for. Quinn grunted, acknowledging his words but offering no comment to them.

“Max, this is ready too.” Kira settled the gravy on the window, attempting to save Quinn, if only for just a moment.

Max set the table, then took his spot, placing Kira at the head. Quinn to her right and Max to her left.

Max, ever unable to keep from poking an open wound, said, “I noticed the upgrades in the rooms. Thank you. I’ve got to finish writing my collection and it will be wonderful to do it in the peace you’ve created.”

Kira glanced under her lashes at Quinn, but fixed her plate.

Quinn shrugged.

Kira jumped in. “Did you finish what you needed to do with Toke?”

“Oh, yes.” Max turned to Kira.

She knew what subjects could carry him on for some time. He wasn’t awkward, and he wasn’t bubbly, but straightforward, kind, pious in the best ways while allowing for understanding that the very nature of every race was to be chaotic. He talked for a while on Toke, reminiscing about the man’s underlying qualities, a topic that Kira had wondered about, as Quinn knew.

Quinn never interjected, nor did he interrupt. When he cleared his plate, he said to Kira, “Thank you for dinner.”

“You’re welcome.”

The drone popped in to clean up. Kira excused herself, catching him in the hall. “Quinn?”

The tenseness loosened. “Yeah?”

“You can’t.” She knew she needed to rephrase the instant those two words left her mouth. “Well, I mean you can do it, but I’d prefer you didn’t cut me off anytime that either of us does something embarrassing. That’s part of being friends, laughing and moving on.”

Kira could read him much better than he read her, but her shoulders hunched and her hands fidgeted at her sides betraying her nervousness that this might make him more distant.

“I don’t know what to say,” he admitted, not the most in-depth explanation.

“You don’t have to say anything. Do you want to have lunch tomorrow? Some of the other crew members will arrive in the morning and we generally have dinner together, but we could eat lunch, just you and me.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Kira believed helping him by ignoring the problem would be best, but perhaps it was the opposite. His general hesitation told her she was wrong somewhere, but she wasn’t sure where.

“Great. Promenade at noon?” It wasn’t private, but it wasn’t public either, though the crew knew where to find her usually if they needed her.

“Okay, I’ll see you then.” A weak upturn of his lips, not promising, yet not off-putting.

On a tray were hamburgers and some fries that were still warm. Then Kira, her legs hanging off the ledge, eyes forward. Turning Watson off her comms and she put herself on emergency communications for the next hour.

Quinn remained as punctual as ever, which with him meant arriving exactly at the appointed time. Never early or late, just there when asked to be. He plopped down next to her, selecting a fry and munching on it.

“We’re handling things rather poorly, aren’t we?” A statement more than a question, but somehow she made it come across as both.

“I don’t really know.”

She smiled despite everything, popping in a fry, chewing thoughtfully. “I’ve been attracted to men physically, but not emotionally if that makes sense,” she started in, going for the obvious problem of his conflicting emotions. “It’s possible to find someone attractive without meaning to as well.”

“I wasn’t attracted to anyone.” He pulled out a knife. The burger sliced up and paired with different combinations of ingredients.

She gave him a pointed look. “I’m sure lab coats weren’t really attractive.”

“Not particularly. I saw some women wearing less than you when I stayed at Toke’s place.”

“Did you pay attention to them at all?” If he’d not cared to even look or they’d not looked his way, it could explain a lot.

“I saw them. One tried to talk to me. Didn’t really care about them, though.” He shrugged as he focused on his experiment, keeping himself busy.

“Well, maybe if you’d cared, it would have been different.” A bit of mustard shot out the side of her burger, the foil crinkling.

“Isn’t that the problem?” He made eye contact.

“It’s not a problem to care for someone.” She never wanted him to think that. “I was just saying that you weren’t interested in companionship, so you weren’t actually ‘looking’ at them.”

“It feels like a problem.” Quinn went back to mixing condiments. “It feels like I am being rude to you or something. I’ve never... noticed anyone in that way. The first time I had it was the only person I would call a friend. It feels wrong to...”

“Like how they look?” Now she knew it would be necessary to bring up her own thoughts on the matter. “You’ve yet to meet our pilot, Morgan, but I am sure you’ve looked at his file. Morgan is a very attractive man. I’ve told him as much. I don’t fancy him in a romantic light, but if I met him in a bar somewhere, I might have drank with him and admired him in the same way. Just because I think he’s attractive does not make it difficult to know that our relationship is meant for friendship. He’s become like a brother to me.”

“I’ve seen.” Quinn shifted slightly at the information. “I don’t like this. I feel all knotted up and I don’t know what I am supposed to do.”

He closed his eyes, breathing slowly through his nose.

“I’m probably not the right person to be talking about this. Max would be more suited, probably.” Wiping her hands clean she touched his shoulder lightly. “I didn’t mean to put you through this.”

“I don’t know.” He repeated. “I was, I enjoy your company. I just, it’s gotten, hard.”

She knew he was utterly unaware of the inadvertent double entendre. Biting the inside of her cheek, she swallowed her laughter. “That’s part of relationships. It’s dealing with those hard parts. People are difficult. What I spoke of before, about not being able to fix everyone and everything, this is why. There’s not always an easy answer, but when you truly care about something, you work through those hard parts because there’s always good there too.”

“It hurts though.”

“Does it outweigh the good?”

“I don’t know. In terms of anguish, I would say somewhere between an 8-10. Happiness is kind of moving from a 6 to an 8. In terms of length of time, more good than bad, but in terms of intensity-”

Frowning at his system, she stopped him by cutting him off. “Quinn, you can’t measure your emotions in numbers. It’s a simple yes or no question. Do you enjoy your time enough with me for it to outweigh the embarrassment you felt and to work through it?”

She hoped the answer was yes. Obviously, he kept showing up to see her.

“I…I think so.” He had not taken a bite of his meal for a while, but he’d also stopped placing slivers of onions on different pieces. “I don’t know, though.”

“Well.” Rising, she picked up her own trash. Her meal hardly touched. Even if she’d sorted out things, his inability to decide was hard on her as well. “Will you let me know when you figure it out?” She stepped past him, looking down as she walked to prevent him from seeing the emotions on her face.

“How do I figure it out?” He sat completely still, focused, yet not- not on her.

“I-” It was her turn to tell him she didn’t know because it wasn’t something that could be taught. “I don’t know, Quinn.”

She wiped at her eyes, knowing this might be the end of something that was just beginning. “Maybe-” the word sounded stunted in her mouth as she tried to get it out. “You should look at examples or talk to Max, or anyone. I think I’m just causing more problems by confusing the matter.”

“I don’t want to talk to Max about it. I want,” He flinched, physically drawing back as if he recognized what he saw in her, as though he saw pain for the first time, or anger, recoiling. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll just, I’ll fix this. That is what I do. I fix things. I solve problems. I can solve this.”

“It’s not a problem you can solve like that, Quinn.” A muscle flexed in her cheek. “I just don’t want you to isolate yourself again. I know that I’m going to lose you eventually, but until then I don’t…”

“It’s all chemicals.” He looked at her with a mixture of annoyance and desperation in his features. “I can make something to modulate them. It shouldn’t be hard, a scanner to monitor level, some kind of injector to modulate them. I should be able to just turn them right off and then this will stop happening and we will both stop hurting. I can fix this, I can fix this.”

“Don’t you dare!” She crossed the small space, throwing down her trash in her flurry of emotion. This time he would not escape her grasp as she forced him to look up at her by putting her hands more gently on his face than she felt like doing. “Quinn, you can’t just turn things on and off. You’re not a machine. You are a living, breathing thing, and you can’t change that just because you wish to. If you shut things off, you’re no longer who you are and while things may be better for you, they won’t be better for anyone else.”

“Why not?” He demanded. “I can figure it out. I can fix it. We are just computers made of meat at the end of the day. You’re saying that things won’t be better, but things aren’t good now, clearly. If I can fix this, then I will know exactly how I feel. Then I can answer your question and you won’t have to be upset.”

“I’m not upset because you can’t answer the question.” Dropping her hands, all she could think of was how thick-headed he was. “I’m worried that I will lose you because you’re so concerned about how I’m going to react and how you are going to react because you can’t sort out your emotions. If you turn them off, if you find a way, I’m done.”

“What?” Quinn frowned in obvious confusion. “I just, I can’t hurt you Kira, and I am hurting myself and I just, I am so tired of hurting all the time.”

Dropping to her knees and reaching out, she hoped he wouldn’t draw away when she tried to embrace him and draw him close, thankful he stiffened but didn’t move. Running her hand over his back, she failed to contain herself. A few tears fell loose over his shoulder.

“That’s part of being normal too, Quinn,” she told him. “I wish I could take it all away, that I could make it better, but all I can do is just be here for you. I can listen and be here.”

“But, if I can’t fix it, and I don’t know how to talk about it-” he shuddered as he trailed off, every breath came quicker than the last.

“You’ll learn how to talk about it.” Turning her face slightly into his shoulder so he couldn’t see her fully, she said, “Just be right now, Quinn. Just be here with me. It’s okay.”

It was all she could do for him. She knew applying a gentle pressure through touch could be soothing. He still had not learned how to really do it back, but she didn’t care. It didn’t matter. She simply wanted him to know that someone cared. Someone was there for him.

He tentatively tried it. He wrapped his arms around her, loosely at first, but soon he clung to her.

A smattering of tears hit her shoulder from him. She held him tighter. “You’re not some experiment anymore, Quinn. You’re free.”

“I don’t know what that means.” He sounded so tired, weary. The little hold out on his Irish accent gone, once again replaced with his factory standard.

“You’ll find out.”

“What if I don’t? What if I never stop hurting?”

“There’s never going to be no pain. That’s just life, but you find moments that outweigh it. You can’t feel those, though, if you cut it all off.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Life isn’t fair.”

“I want to make it fair.” He squeezed tighter.

“You can’t fix the whole universe, Quinn.” Drawing back so she could look at him, her arms came down his forearms, she did not release just yet, knowing that he needed this still, “Men have tried, and they’ve failed. Some have become monsters in the process. The best you can do is to treat those around you as you would wish to be treated and hope that in some small way, it makes things better for them.”

“Why can’t I? I figured out how to fit the power of the sun into a battery you can place into your communicator. Why can’t I just fix everything? Why do people have to take what I make and use it to blow things up?”

“Because that wasn’t alive. It was when you added in that factor that it was used horribly.” She hoped he’d understand one day that it wasn’t his fault. He had been innovating for good. “Your intentions were good, but they were taken by others and transformed. You cannot blame yourself for what others do. If I were to use Gabby to pull off a robbery, it would not be your fault.”

“I have an answer for you. It is yes, you make me hurt less. Enough that I could talk this out with you.” His infernal, technology driven blue eyes met amber. Emotionless sentiment met someone lacking an understanding of what this meant. She gripped him a little tighter.

“Then please don’t destroy yourself.” The first real and true thing she’d ever asked him to do for her. Everything else he had done was voluntary and never something she pushed for. This she was asking for. She was asking it as a woman that was but a scant foot in front of him and still connected to his body.

“Okay, I can do that.” That half sparse laugh he’d done in the pool. He did it again, and both of them let go only physically.

“Okay.”

Captain. Alec is asking for access to the ship.

Kira had forgotten the codes had changed, and she knew she should greet Max personally. She paled, asking aloud, “How long has he been trying?”

About ten minutes now.

Kira buried her face in her hands for a second. “I’m so sorry, Quinn. I have to go fetch Alec or else he’ll be in an even worse state.”

Quinn just nodded, blank, remote, and yet not.

Alec was about to blow a gasket by the time she reached him. His accent didn’t disappear when he became angry. It got worse. Much worse. So much so that Kira couldn’t understand the brogue and would tell him to speak where the translator could decipher it.

That set him off on another tirade all the way down to engineering with her in tow, rolling her eyes once or twice.

He wasn’t grumbling about the alterations, but rather being locked out, “Bloody kicked ou’. Then locked ou’. You ken how frustrating it is ta be locked ou’ of yer own bloody ship!”

Kira trailed behind him, still knowing exactly how long he could carry on this rant and choosing to ignore most of it, “It was a security issue, Mr. O’Malley.”

Alec went on under his breath for a short while as they walked through the engine room. He stopped, suddenly, by the oscillator, looking up and noticing the stark change as Kira had. “It’s quiet.”

“It is.” Kira didn’t know how he would react. Until-

“It’s about bloody time!” Alec threw his hands up in the air. “Been telling you for years, my hearing ain’t gonna hold out.”

Kira laughed at that one. Things were going to be fine then.

She left him to explore, knowing that he had the manual Quinn issued.

QUINN

Despite the addition of Alec, Quinn still turned up for dinner. His warring emotions almost made him turn away at the door when he saw Alec present as well.

Taking his place, he stated gruffly, “Ship is done. Watson will have control of its systems tomorrow morning and his body is in the drone bay, ready to go. It matches his specifications exactly.”

The program for building a body was pretty foolproof, even if it wasn’t in the hands of a digitized consciousness.

“I am sure he is eager to try it out.” Kira seemed pleased for Watson. A step in the right direction, and it gave him autonomy while they were on this mission, at least.

Alec perked up at their discussion. “You made the bastard a body?”

“Mr. O’Malley!” Max intervened this time with a sharp reprimand.

“He knows it’s all in good fun,” Alec said pointedly, turning his attention to his plate.

Kira smiled wryly at the exchange.

Watson spoke from a speaker overhead, Mr. O’Malley. You will have more trouble telling me where I can stick my voice with a physical presence, as will the Captain.

That got Kira laughing and Alec saying some choice words in return.

Max hid his own laughter, attempting to be appropriate, but his shoulders shifting forward told Quinn he found it funny.

Quinn was the only one that knew Watson’s statement was more than idle boasting. The body he would be in was being made with technology patented by Paradigm and designed by Quinn. The organically grown, synthetic androids that it produced were rated for deep space work. Which meant it could withstand an impact from free floating debris in space while in orbit, which basically meant it was damn near indestructible with how fast such things could be moving. That was just one of its many perks.

The rest of dinner went about the same. Light banter around the table, none of it directed at the outfitter of the ship, but all of it lighthearted. It was clear they had missed one another by the way they interacted. Kira seemed more lively than usual, as if she’d been toning down some of herself around Quinn unknowingly, since he reacted so poorly to her full personality at first.

Quinn listened to the conversation, finding it enlightening. What she had told him about teasing came to light as she interacted with Alec, and he with her and Max. Admittedly, Max followed his rule about not insulting people whom he liked, but he wasn’t getting upset at being teased. Which shed some understanding on how one could tease without offending.

Alec, by the end, finally tried to involve Quinn again with a gruff, “Your manual was very thorough. I managed to get through it, but I’m the kind of man that has to get his hands truly dirty to understand everything.”

“It shouldn’t take long for you to figure it out. Most of what it will need is regular maintenance that will be familiar to you.”

Alec nodded. It appeared the manual had already won him over. According to his personality outline in his file, he liked instructions, regularity, things that required the sort of taming that only hands could do. “Looks a right bit prettier than what was there to.”

Kira was the only one thus far to be offended by the changes and she beamed now at the two speaking openly.

Max finished his last bite of pie and got up to collect the dishes, even reaching over to take Quinn’s.

“Time and shortcuts happen. People rush and don’t make things neat and tidy. They don’t coordinate or have to figure out how to make things work. I worked alone, and I don’t take shortcuts.” Quinn looked squarely at the table as he explained this to Alec. His voice a barely understandable mumble. Maintaining the ship was something he was, apparently, willing to talk about. Though without the fire of the faux Irish temper to bolster him, he was just awkward.

“Well then, seeing if I got questions, I’ll coordinate with you so I don’t rush or fail to make it neat and tidy like ya say.”

Quinn fidgeted uncomfortably, not enjoying the thought of Alec seeking him out in the slightest. The manual had a search feature, after all. Still, he couldn’t rightly refuse the man, since maintaining the ship was something he had a vested interest in as well.

Max addressed Kira while returning for more dishes. “Are we having a party for Watson, or should we be there when he’s able to emerge, so to speak?”

“It might take him a moment to get things working correctly.” Kira didn’t miss a beat. “Perhaps a get together would be best when he’s accustomed to moving.”

I’d like you there, Captain.

Kira’s gaze flicked up to the speaker with a tight nod.

“Why would there be any awkwardness?” Quinn asked. The body was purpose-built for the Android. It would be as natural for Watson as it was for the Artificial Geckos in their own bodies.

Max filled in the answer, being ever helpful in matters concerning personal well being. “I am sure it is not the ability to move that is concerning, but the ability to move from an emotional standpoint.”

Kira quieted.

Quinn grunted. If the AI wanted to think himself into circles and be awkward in his body, that was his business.

“Is he connected to it now?” Kira asked politely for Watson.

“We can do the upload in the morning.”

Dinner wrapped up shortly after. Kira walked after Quinn to ask, “Do you have to initiate the transfer for the first time? I’m sure he’d like to thank you for your work.”

“Have to? No. Watson will have access to the drone bay controls. Once I put his body into its charging unit, he can transfer his primary algorithm in and out of his body from there seamlessly.”

“Ah.”

Quinn paused mid-step when he realized she kept following him, frowning. “Do you... want me to be there?” One of the various algorithms he designed to help him with social cues indicated that may be the case.

“I-” She took a deep breath. “I have to admit that for once I’m nervous. I’m not sure why...”

“I really can’t guess.” It seemed like everyone thought this was a bigger deal than it was. He controlled dozens of drones all the time and his brain functioned in similar ways to the AI’s. “Whatever, I can be there to run a diagnostic and make sure my work is functioning perfectly.” He hadn’t been planning to bother since the AI would be capable of self scan and diagnostic.

“Thank you, Quinn.” She flushed with appreciation, and a smile crossed her features at his agreement. “Just let me know what time.”