12. Graduation Day
Itapped my fingers across the window on the kitchen door before I opened it. “Hey.”
Wiping his hands off on a dishtowel, Otis gave me a quick smile as he dropped his eyes away when I backed toward the hallway. “Thanks for the card and the cash. You didn’t need to do that, but I sure do appreciate it.”
The dishtowel fell onto the tabletop, and he pulled out the chair as he came around it. “You’re welcome, but Faith isn’t upstairs.” He jerked his head toward the hall. “She went for a walk down to the playground.”
Faith was afraid of the dark, and being alone, and that big tree near the monkey bars. So, I narrowed my eyes back at him as a sensation of falling started in my gut. “Alone?”
Raising his eyebrows on the other side of his beer bottle, he hummed back at me. “Mmm-hmm.” After he swallowed, he wiped his mouth on the sleeve of the only dress shirt I’m sure he owned. “She’s in a mood. So, tread carefully.”
My hand stayed glued to the knob as I hesitated before going outside. “Anything in particular happen I need to be aware of?”
Flicking at the label on his bottle with his thumb, he turned his lips down and shook his head. But how he wouldn’t look at me when he said, “Just reality getting a bit too real for her these days,” made my heart take off.
Pulling my keys from my pocket, I jogged back to the truck. “Great.”
Something had been bothering her since I kissed her when we lined up for graduation that morning, and I didn’t have a minute to talk to her about it yet.
With all the family things I had to take care of these past few days, I worried she might start feeling left out and neglected. And the fact that I’d be up to my eyeballs in school commitments soon that didn’t include her wasn’t making my plans for us any easier to sell.
But I was as focused on Faith as I was the first day I met her, more than that. Everything I did and would do was only because I couldn’t imagine life without her.
That little box in my pocket was itching to come out. So, I needed to solve whatever mystery was going on with her so I could finally slip the diamond on her finger.
Driving over the sidewalk, I crept up to the opening in the fence at the elementary school.
I heard the metal on metal of the chain against the swing frame before my eyes adjusted to the dark enough to find the outline of Faith’s body swaying in the wind. “Baby, I’m so sorry I’m late. Please don’t be mad.” Stepping over the swing seat beside her, I sat on the soft plastic strip and flipped my wrist to check the time. “Mom’s church thing ended an hour ago, but I had to wait for about a hundred people to move their cars to let me out.”
Her head shook at me as she twisted her bare feet in the dirt and sighed. “It’s okay. I didn’t have anything special going on or anything.”
I rocked my swing over to bump into her. “What’s wrong?” Her fingers swept over her cheek when she sniffled, and I grabbed her knee to stop her movements. “Look at me.”
Rolling her head off the chain to face me, she barely held herself together as her bottom lip fluttered when I pulled the chain to bring her closer. “We’ve talked about this, Faith. All this us living different lives stuff is temporary. It’s a few years of uncomfortable for a lifetime of amazing.”
The day I spent three years looking forward to became what Faith feared the most. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get her to stay focused on all the good things ahead. “We just have to keep our eyes on the prize.”
She blinked up at the sky. The night was perfect, from the warm, gentle breeze to the full moon reflecting in her tears. So why did she have to go and break my heart like that? “It’s a dream.” Her finger uncurled from the chain and pointed at me. “You and me and the past three years were only a dream, and it’s time to wake up now.”
I rolled my eyes away from this same bullshit excuse she gave me when things started to seem like they may be a little too hard. “Please, stop. I can’t do this whole rich man-poor man thing again. It’s just,” — I groaned as I let her go and waved my hand away — “we’ve talked this one to death already.”
My hand drifted up and down her back. “Besides, what’s mine is yours. You having empty pockets means nothing to me, nor has it ever.” I beat my thumb at her and winked when she glanced at me. “I like you for your body mostly, anyway.”
Never once in the whole time we’ve been together was there a time I couldn’t make her smile with some stupid innuendo. So when she only closed her eyes and her back heaved at me as she started crying, I realized how fucked I was. “Baby, please tell me what’s wrong.”
Lifting her chin enough to swallow the lump of tears she held back, she closed her eyes and shot every plan out of the water. “I’m not going with you to school, Dom.”
So I could snuff out this brewing storm before it got too big, I launched myself up and pried her fingers from the chain. “Of course you are.”
When she half-heartedly smacked my hands away as I pulled her to me, I closed my arms around so she couldn’t get away. “It’s just like any man who works all the time and can’t be home much. But I’ll be with you when I’m not going to school or practicing.” She buried her head in my chest, and I dug my nose through her hair to get to her. “And the summers, and holidays, and every night when I don’t have an away game. Plus, you can work part-time or take some art classes if you want. It’s going to be fine.”
She pushed harder until I let her go, waving her hands at me. “You’re all this, and I’m only me, and I’m never going to be anything else.”
Growling at her, I flipped my hands up. “What the fuck does that even mean, Faith?”
I laid my hand across my stomach as I kept pace with her when she backed away from me. “I know who you are better than anyone, and I like everything about you. I have never asked you to be anything else, not once.”
She balled her fists and yelled at me like she’d been dying to spit it out the whole time we were talking. “We have to break up.”
Smacking her hands over her mouth to mask her whimpers, she backed into the ugly old tree she hated, and I snatched her cheeks up in my hands. “No. We’re absolutely not doing that.” If I had to handcuff myself to her, I would. I should have. “Not now. Not tomorrow. Not ever.” My forehead squished into hers and rocked us both. “You are not something I can do without. We’re a package deal. I can’t breathe without you.”
I woke up sweaty a hundred nights, the same dream of her leaving me replaying in my head. Like some premonition coming to life in front of me, I squeezed her tighter, locking my wrists so she couldn’t disappear. “None of those plans I made or that school I got into or this ring in my pocket mean anything if you aren’t with me.”
As soon as she opened her mouth, I stole whatever she planned on saying with my kisses. “I’ll die if you leave me. So if you want to stay here and live normal lives, we can do that. I don’t care. I like living here.” Simple and sweet, Faith never had a dream for herself, only agreeing to whatever kind of idea I spouted off because she figured I knew better. And I completely missed how I overlooked that until now. “The only reason I’ve been pushing so hard is because I thought you wanted all this.”
Contrary to what my parents saw for my future, I didn’t want to be anything but Faith’s. Honestly, spending the next seven or eight years getting a law degree to work myself to death in a job I hate like my dad seemed pointless. “But if you don’t, then I don’t either. I only want to give you whatever kind of life you want. So tell me what you want, Faith, and I’ll make it happen.”
I wrestled the box from my pocket and flipped it open with my thumb as I brought it between us. “Please trust me to take of you, whatever you decide for us.” A trail of endless tears fell from the outer corner of her eyes when I slid the gold band on her finger. “No is not one of the options, though.”
Whatever she was going through had her spent, and she had no energy left even to continue to fight with me.
Nearly a foot taller than when we started dating, I lifted her in the hug I already had her in and walked her to the truck. “You still love me? Don’t you, Faith?”
She nodded against my neck as I fought with the door handle. “More than anything.”
I set her on the seat and dug around for my keys. “I’m going to stay with you tonight, but I have to run out in the morning to help Jason pick up something he bought at that auction yesterday.”
The diamond I rubbed my fingers over was pathetic, really. But that speck of shiny rock was all I could swing without setting off the town’s busybody mom network.
I’d gotten every scholarship I was eligible for and had every living expense calculated down to the penny already. We didn’t need a thing from anyone anymore. I could have run off with her that night, and there was nothing anyone could have done to stop us. “Then we’re going to tell our parents what’s up. We don’t have to run around and keep secrets anymore.” I took her face in my hand and wiped the tears away with my thumb. “Look at what it’s doing to you.”
She was part of me and always would be. I could feel her pain like it was my own, and carrying it around all day was exhausting. “Let’s go home, baby. All I’ve been able to think about since I woke up is crawling back into bed next to you.”
I went to sleep one night and woke up the happiest man in the world the next day, thinking Faith was finally all mine. But she was right — it was only a dream.