36. Erratic
Aloud clang came from the bedroom, and Jason yelled, “Goddammit,” when Carolyn shut the French doors behind her.
Pointing back inside with her thumb over her shoulder, she softly laughed at his cursing tirade. “For a guy who builds houses, he can’t put a bed together to save his life.”
She gave me a water bottle and sat beside me on the stone half-wall separating the deck from the yard. “The washer yodeled at me while I was walking by the basement door, so I tossed the sheets in the dryer for you.”
Twisting open the bottle, I gave her a quick smile and went back to staring at the grass that already needed to be cut. “Thanks.”
Swaying into me to bump my shoulder, she leaned over until I looked at her. “What’s wrong? You don’t seem thrilled for a woman who had a man buy her a house today.” When I only grinned back at her, she dug her finger into my thigh. “You must have some magic bajinga to get a place like this out of a man.”
The back of my hand wiped my mouth dry, and I spun the cap back on the bottle. “It’s crazy. Huh?”
I glanced over at her, and her eyebrows jerked up in a way that told me I might be the crazy one. “You think?”
Bending down enough to set the container on the ground beside me, I shook my head at how out of control things got in just a few hours. “One second, we’re saying hello after twenty years, and the next, he’s giving me the keys to his house.” Other than Dom, I never really had a serious long-term relationship with anyone. But I had enough experience under my belt to know all of this was moving way too fast for me. “I feel like we might have missed a few very important steps somewhere.”
To be sure he hadn’t sneaked home from work when I wasn’t paying attention, I stretched back to check that the door was still closed. “I’m not sure how this happened. I don’t think I said anything to make him believe I wanted him to do this.”
My fingers slid through my hair as I bent over and finally spit out what I was thinking. “He’s acting so erratic. I just don’t understand where this is coming from.”
Soft swipes of her hand moved up and down the back of my shirt as Carolyn laid her ear on my shoulder. “Faith, he’s always acted like this.”
I shook my head, but she nodded at me even harder. “Yes, he has. But it’s been so long ago you’re not remembering it right. Think about it.” Her short, little legs swung back and forth like a kid on the playground. “He wouldn’t let you associate with anyone outside our little group. Walked you to and from all your classes and stalked you every minute the two of you weren’t together. He was obsessed with you.”
She cradled herself in her arms and rocked from side to side. “He’s always treated you like a helpless little baby who couldn’t do anything for herself.” Looking back at the house, she puffed her cheek at it and hummed. “Actually, him doing this isn’t a surprise at all, now that I think about it.”
My hands flipped up from my lap when I sighed. Everything she said was true. I know that. But I watched a hundred girls waste their time on guys in school who did nothing for them, and Dom did everything for me. How could I ever think badly about him for that? “Okay. He was a little overprotective and all, but he was never anything but sweet to me.”
She held up another finger and nodded with every thought. “And controlling. And jealous. And got in a fight just about every week with whatever guy happened to say hi to you.”
I shook my head and rolled my eyes away. “It’s not control when you want it that way, Carolyn. And I let him take the lead, because I wanted it that way. I liked it that way.”
A twist of her mouth flinched back at me. “I love Dom. He’s a good-hearted person with a fun-ass crazy streak. But when it came to you, he got pretty scary sometimes.”
Blinking down at my hands, I rubbed them together as the anxiety stole their warmth. “I get what you’re saying, but how can I not recall all these bad things you’re talking about? All I can remember is how happy we always were.”
Rolling her shoulder to shrug back at me, she curled in her lips. “Same reason I ignored all the signs my husband was banging one of his students — because you love him, and love makes you stupid.” I laughed, and she smacked the back of my arm. “So, what are you going to do? Are you moving in or what?”
Catching the pops of the gravel in the driveway, I turned over my wrist to check the time and groaned at her. “I’m not sure yet.”
Crossing her arms over herself, she gurgled air through her throat and rolled her eyes. “Don’t kid yourself. You’ve never been able to say no to him — ever.”
While she batted her eyes, she lunged her tongue at me and made gross kissing noises until I busted out laughing. “All he has to do is bat his baby blues and kiss you until you forget what he asked you in the first place. The two of you haven’t changed at all.”
When it came to sorting out my thoughts and feelings, I wasn’t quick on my feet like Dom and most other people, I guess. I had a hundred thoughts waiting in line for their turn to be analyzed, and it overwhelmed me.
As a kid, I relied on Dom to fill all the voids in my life that my parents left. I don’t know how I would have survived without him. But as an adult, I realized our dynamic wasn’t healthy. I wanted a new way forward for us, something that didn’t burn both of us out. There I was, though, struggling to find the words to tell Dom what I meant without sounding completely ungrateful for every sacrifice he made for me. “No. I guess not.”
She pulled on me as she backed away and shook her head. “And I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t move in with him. This is your dream house, and he’s your dream guy. But you should make him understand it’s because you want to be here and not because he expects you to do as he says.”
Flicking the side of my tit with the back of her finger, she bit her lip. “So be a big girl and tell him what you want.”
Deep down, I knew she was right and nodded back at her slowly. I spent twenty years becoming this woman, whoever she was, and I couldn’t go back to being that scared girl who let her boyfriend run her entire life again.
If I didn’t set some boundaries now, he’d run all over me, and I’d be happy to let him. So, with one last big breath in and out, I straightened my shoulders and opened the patio door to Dom rushing across the living room with his arms out to hug me. “I’m home, baby.”