Chapter 46
CHAPTER 46
SONG: SUDDENLY OKAY BY BLAKE ROSE
Parker Thompson:
There’s a knock on my bedroom door and I look at it, wondering if I should just pretend I’m asleep. It’s 2 in the morning so it wouldn’t be far off. But if it’s Xander he’s going to know I’m faking considering I haven’t slept before 2 AM in two months. I close my laptop.
“It’s me, I know you’re awake,” Xander talks but it’s obvious his words are slightly slurred.
He walks through my door and I lean up, pushing my throw pillow off of my chest.
“What’s up?” I ask, barely recognizing my own voice at this point.
“I saw her… Tonight,” he tells me.
“Leah?” I ask, assuming since he’s drunk that he was at her bar as he’s done before. But he had a game earlier today so my confusion is prominent.
“Well yes, but that’s not who I’m talking about. I’m talking about Bri,” he tells me, and my muscles tense at the mention of her name. My entire body goes rigid.
“What do you mean you saw her? Is she okay, what happened? Was she at the bar Leah works at? With who?” I ask rapid fire and he waves his hand.
“Chill out dude.” He comes and sits on the end of my bed.
“I’m not going to chill out, tell me what happened,” I insist.
“I’m working on it… I was at The Bulldog where Leah works. I was helping her out on her shift and she was closing up, getting ready to bring me back here because I definitely couldn’t drive, but right before she left she got a call from Bri. Some guy called, he works at Corner Bar. Bri got cut off from drinking anymore there,” he tells me and my heart sinks to the bottom of my chest and stomach.
“What did you do? Why did she call Leah?” I ask, partially wishing she called me, but knowing she wasn’t going to after the last time she did.
“I don’t know. When we picked her up it seemed like it was her only option in her mind.” He shrugs.
“How did she look?” I ask.
“Really sad…” He yawns and I shove him.
“Wake the fuck up, this is serious., I urge.
“Sorry, sorry… She looked fragile and sad and embarrassed. She barely talked but when she did she mentioned that she still loves you but she can’t. That she has no friends, and she can’t talk to Bellamy still,” he tells me.
“Her and Bellamy aren’t speaking? Still?” I ask.
“Not from what she said. I didn’t catch half of it, after she mentioned being in love with you I got excited and zoned out, I had a game tonight, give me a break,” he defends himself.
I chew on the inside of my cheek, thinking over and over again.
“The fact that she and her brother still haven’t smoothed this over or tried to figure anything out is insane… I wonder if he knows how bad she’s doing. I wonder if he cares,” I speak my thoughts, not thinking them through at all as I do.
“I’m sure he does care if he knows, but I doubt that he does. She’s been trying to keep it a secret from him,” Xander admits.
I let my head fall into my hands and I sigh wanting nothing more than to just scream. I still want her. Brother or not, breakup or not, I want Brianne Archer. The past few months without have been dull and so dry. I thought maybe there’d be some semblance of a chance but it doesn’t feel like there’s any hope now. I can’t try and talk to her because all she’s going to do is push me away. Dakota doesn’t talk to her either so he’s a dead end. I could try Leah, but she’d probably rip my head off if she ever saw me face to face for hurting Brianne or having any part in this.
“Thank you for telling me,” I mumble.
“What are you going to do?” Xander asks,
“I have no idea. I feel like there’s nothing I can do,” I admit. Xander stands up from my bed on wobbly legs and I shake my head.
“Why were you even at The Bulldog tonight?” I ask him.
“Because even if she won’t admit it to anyone else, every time I walk into the bar, I see her smile. It’s really small but I notice… There’s more between us than I can really tell you… She’s sworn me to secrecy and I’ll be damned before I break her trust,” he tells me.
“I don’t know. I don’t want Leah hurting you,” I admit, knowing Leah is not the kind of person to mess with.
“Is that you caring about me?” He jokes.
“Yeah, it is…” I admit.
“Who are you, and what have you done with Parker?” he asks and I roll my eyes.
“Go to bed, and take a shower, you smell like a hockey rink and a bar mixed together,” I tell him and he throws his middle finger up as he leaves my bedroom, leaving me with a head full of thoughts about Brianne Archer.
So much has genuinely changed since I met her—since I fell in love with her. The person Brianne met, the man I was before, never talked. I never talked to my roommates unless he had to. I never talked to my friends unless I felt the need to, which I never did.
The Parker who met Brianne was a fly on the wall that didn’t have much but the person I see myself as now is different. I feel rich compared to what I was, even if I’m missing a huge chunk of myself with her gone. I’m still… different. Determination has been something I’ve always had, but I never allowed myself to vocalize it. I never had confidence and now I can stand up for myself, my friends… and for the woman I love. I’ll be damned if I let the changes in me—the confidence, the sense of self, the compassion I carry—go away. I can’t let it go. If I did, I can just imagine how disappointed Brianne would be and how disappointed I would be in myself.
* * *
The morning light is blinding as it pours into the apartment. There’s a loud and stern knock sounding through my place. I run to the front door , toweling off my hair from my morning shower. The knock finally stops and I question why not a single one of my roommates could have answered this, but then again, I don’t even know which of them are here right now. My heart races at the thought of it potentially being Brianne. I know it’s silly, but I can dream and hope. I open the door and am faced with an Archer, but not the one I had been wishing for. I just stare at him, my eyes set on Bellamy, my hands frozen in place now by my side.
“Considering you look confused, I’m going to assume Bri isn’t here is she?” he asks, and now my brows furrow, a small bit of anger bubbling in my chest.
“No, she’s not here. Why would she be here?” I ask him. “We broke up, we haven’t spoken since…” I think back to the night I picked her up from the bar, the night she kissed me, the night I can’t erase from my brain.
“That doesn’t matter. I can’t find her and she hasn’t answered a single text or call. I’m worried about her,” he admits, his voice exponentially calmer now than it was the last time we spoke.
“I’m glad you’re finally worried… But she’s physically fine. She’s with Leah Ashley,” I tell him and now his brows are furrowed.
“Why the hell would she be with Leah? And how do you know? Are you sure?” he asks.
“Yeah, I’m sure. Leah picked her up last night, my roommate was in the car with Leah. She took Brianne back to her apartment because she was apparently very drunk and really upset,” I admit to him, and his jaw clenches. He stares at me straight forward, his eyes searching mine. I raise my eyebrows and look at him as if to ask, what?
“Can I come in and talk to you?” he asks.
“You’re talking to me already,” I admit.
“Yes, but I want to actually talk to you, Parks… A real conversation that I’ve wanted to have for a month or two now,” he explains.
“Is this conversation going to end with you hitting me like the last one did?” I ask him.
“That depends on if you say something hurtful again, but no, I really hope it doesn’t,” he tells me.
I hesitate, but then I open the door fully, letting him in. He steps through the front door and I nod toward the couch, hoping now that my roommates aren’t home because if they see him sitting here, at least two of them will jump into fight mode. The first is Xander. I sit in a chair that’s angled toward the couch while Bellamy sits on said sofa. I stare at him, expecting him to say something slightly rude or out of pocket toward me considering the last time we spoke resulted in a punch to the face.
“I’m sorry,” he speaks out and my jaw hangs slightly. I furrow my brows and shake my head.
“Wait, what?” I ask.
“I’m sorry… For hitting you,” he says it again and I blink a few times.
“I’m… I’m sorry too,” I admit. “Not for the things I said, but how I said them. And for lying to you.”
“You shouldn’t be sorry about the things you said, even if they did hurt me.” he admits and there’s nothing I can say.
My shock is written all over my face that he’s even saying any of this at all let alone admitting I was right.
“Is… Is that all you wanted to say?” I ask and he sighs.
“No. I wanted to tell you… I…” He shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose. “This is hard for no reason. I have been waiting. For you or Brianne to talk to me first. I have tried to talk to her. The day all of this went down I tried to talk to her. When I first found out, right after you left I was livid… Then I saw her face and I have never seen her look so… lost and honestly hurt. I tried then, but she wouldn’t hear me, kept saying I was right and that she was sorry so I wanted to give it a few days. I had no intention to talk to you until we sat in Coach Corbin’s office and he made the point that you’re not a bad guy… and I don’t know why I needed him to say it but I did.” He stops for a brief second and looks at me.
“Um… Thank you? I guess?” I mumble.
“That’s not my point. My point is, the more I’ve waited and thought about it, the more I realized that I wasn’t hurt or mad that you and Bri were together. I was hurt that neither of you felt like you could tell me. I was hurt that both of you felt like you had to keep it from me. Not mad,” he clarifies.
“It felt like you were mad when you punched me,” I mumble.
“I was. Only because you were telling me all the things I already knew but didn’t want to admit nor hear out loud. I was still pretending like it wasn’t true. And I already apologized for that, I shouldn’t have hit you,” he admits and I nod.
“She chose you… Either way, she chose you, you win.” I admit, still bitter and hurt by the words.
“I don’t want that, though. If what she says is true and you guys really do love each other, it wasn’t my place to make her choose between the two of us,” he says and I scoff.
“Well, it’s too late for that. She chose you and she said it multiple times. And to be absolutely honest, you might want to hit me again for saying this, but it’s a shame that she chose you and you’re not choosing her back. You don’t deserve how much she loves you. Not at all,” I tell him and he nods.
“I know that. Not the choosing me part but the fact that I don’t deserve her. I’m trying though, that’s why I’m here. I’m trying to be worthy of the love she gives me,” he tells me and I sit up straight.
“I’m going to give her more time. I’m going to watch her closely and try to talk to her, but I’m not going to force her into a conversation or she’s going to push me away even more. But I do know that no matter what happens I won’t leave for New York without her and I having a conversation. I think the reason she doesn’t want to talk to me is because she… She wants something she can’t have, which is you, and she doesn’t want to lie to me anymore. I think Brianne thinks that I would be upset if she still wanted a relationship with you,” Bellamy admits.
“Why are you telling me any of this?” I ask him.
“Because I want what’s best for my sister and at first I thought I knew what that was, but I was wrong. What’s best for Brianne is me supporting her and not stopping her from being with someone she loves… Even if it does slightly gross me out when I think of it being one of my best friends,” he speaks and I open my mouth and close it, still trying to process this.
“So you came to apologize and tell me you want me to date your sister?” I ask him.
“I want whatever she wants… Which I think is you,” he admits.
“You do realize that you telling me this only makes me want to call her,” I tell him.
“Yeah I do, but I know you’re smarter than that and I know that you want what’s best for her too if I’m assuming correctly. Brianne doesn’t need you to come to rescue her, she needs to figure this out. She needs to stand up to me, and I’m going to open myself up to let her. She deserves to get it all off of her chest, to throw it all at me, but until she’s in a place to do that, she’s also not in a place to be with you or anyone else for that matter. Don’t you think?” he asks. I nod.
“I do. But when she does talk to you, when you two have that conversation, will you tell me…” I ask, still worried about his reactions.
“Yeah, I will… But before any of that happens, I need to threaten you,” he tells me.
“Threaten me?” I ask.
“Yes. If all goes to plan. If you and Bri get back together… If you so much as harm a single hair on my baby sister's head I will fly back from New York and I will end your football career. And if that doesn’t scare you enough, I promise I’ll bring some of my new teammates with me and they’ll help. You so much as breathe wrong in her direction and you’re done.” I’ve never seen Bellamy be so serious in my life. All I can do is nod.
“I understand,” I admit, trying to contain my excitement and fear for what could come of all of this.
“I also want to… To ask if there’s a chance in any way that the two of us could potentially rekindle this… Our friendship. Before I move, please.” He looks nervous now. I clench my jaw and nod.
“I’d love nothing more than to be your friend Bell…” I admit, feeling relief all over my body.
He stands up and I do too. I step forward and bring him in first, our hands clasping, then our chests touching. I hear a sigh of relief from Bellamy and my heart finally slows, knowing Bellamy isn’t going to lose it again.
“Take care of her when I’m gone next year,” he mumbles into my shoulder.
“I will. Always,” I admit. We start to pull away and are instantly interrupted.
“You let go of my best friend, motherfucker!” Xander crashes into the room and I open my arms up, stopping my idiot roommate who is armed with his hockey stick.
“Chill! Chill! Xander, calm the fuck down!” I shout, grabbing the hockey stick and yanking it free from his hands.
“What the hell is the enemy doing in our apartment?” He glares at Bellamy.
“Apologizing,” Bellamy admits behind me. Xander instantly relaxes.
“Oh. Well in that case, welcome, can I get you water? We have regular and sparkling,” he smiles and I shove him.
“Go away,” I mumble and Bellamy smirks.
“Good to know Brianne has an army on her side,” he tells me.
“You have no idea,” I agree and see him out.
Relief is a feeling heavy in my chest, but there’s still fear. Stark fear is present in all of me, hoping that Brianne will see all of this for what it is. That she’ll want another chance at us, with honesty and no secrets. But considering how her last semester has gone, I have no idea what Brianne wants anymore. I don’t even know if she knows…