Chapter 26
T he first thing I did when I woke up the next morning was check my phone to see if Sarah had ever called or texted. She hadn’t, so I was hoping that was a good sign. Lex was still sleeping, his arm draped over my midsection. He seemed thoroughly asleep, so I crawled out of bed slowly, trying not to wake him. Once I got in the hallway, I called Sarah.
“Hello?” she answered quietly, but not sleepily. I knew immediately from her tone of voice that she wasn’t alone.
“You dirty whore!” I said, giggling.
“Shhhh! Keep your voice down,” she whispered. “He’s still sleeping.”
“So what?” I teased. “Wake him up. Take care of his morning wood for him.”
“No, asshat. I’m not ready to face him just yet,” she said, still whispering. “Come meet me outside and take me to breakfast. I’m starving.”
“Having sex all night long will do that to a girl.”
“Just come get me,” she said before abruptly hanging up.
I went back into Lex’s room and left him a note to tell him where I was going before slipping out to meet Sarah.
She was running down the walkway from Jace’s house with her heels in hand, wearing a dress that was clearly meant for nightlife and not breakfast with a friend.
I laughed at her disheveled appearance as she ran up to me saying, “Shutupshutupshutupshutup.”
We drove to a breakfast spot downtown, and I grinned at her suggestively as she gulped down her coffee.
“You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?” she said.
“Yep,” I said, still grinning.
“Fine. You were right.”
I cupped a hand around my ear. “A little louder, please.”
She rolled her eyes. “While I may have been the teensiest bit resistant to having your leftovers, I’ll admit I was wrong.”
“I’m so happy for you, you filthy slut.”
“So am I,” she said. “I forgot what sex with an actual man felt like. I thought I was going to have to buy stock in a battery company at one point.”
I laughed, feeling ecstatic with my matchmaking skills. “So, you like him then.”
She sipped her coffee and shrugged noncommittally, refusing to meet my eye.
“Oh, you really like him.” I knew she’d be more than happy to tell me if she didn’t.
She smiled into her mug. “Shit. I think I do.”
“Sarah, that’s great!”
“He’s just so fucking cute.” She began to blush, and I almost spit out my coffee. Sarah wasn’t the blushing kind. “And smart,” she continued. “Too smart. It makes me feel like a dumbass.”
I nodded. “Tell me about it.”
“He told me nothing happened between you guys.” I had already told her this, but I guess she wanted more reassurance.
“Very true,” I confirmed. “He asked me out once, but you know…” I smiled, knowing she knew I had always been into Lex.
“Speaking of… Jace mentioned he’s never seen Lex like this.” She smirked. “Said it’s the happiest he’s ever seen him.”
I shrugged. “Well, sex with me will do that to a guy.”
“I knew it!” She drummed on the table. “I knew you slept with him! And you call me the dirty slut.”
I laughed. “You missed a lot these last few days. Garrett showed up on my doorstep Friday night wanting to work things out.”
Her eyes widened. “You’re kidding me.”
“Nope. Lex made him sleep at his place with Stuart, and he stayed at my house. That’s when… you know.”
“Bow-chicka-wow-wow,” she sang, and I giggled. She leaned forward. “So how was it?”
I smiled over the top of my mug. “Which time?”
“You dirtyyyy frigginnn’ whoreee. The nerve of you calling me out for sleeping with Jace.”
I laughed even harder. “So, are you going to see him again?”
“He asked me to go out again tonight.” She tried hiding how happy that made her.
“Bring a change of clothes this time,” I said before dodging a piece of egg she flicked at me.
◆◆◆
I was tuning the strings of my guitar with my notebook splayed out in front of me, trying to think through the verse I’d been grappling with over the past few weeks. The song was intended to have a visceral image of the narrator feeling duplicitous in their existence and trying to make a hard decision—not a clue where the inspiration came from. However, the verse was feeling more like rambling prose with no end in sight, and I’d been attempting to fix it day after day with absolutely no luck.
My phone started ringing with a FaceTime call from Lex, and I was happy for the distraction from my muddled thoughts. He had left for a conference in San Diego yesterday and would be gone the whole weekend. He had to give a big presentation Saturday morning about their project, and I could tell he was nervous.
I answered the call to see his hair still wet from his shower, and he was naked from the waist up. Worst of all, he was wearing those damn glasses.
I frowned. “Oh Lex, I don’t think I’m ready for this.”
“Ready for what?” he asked, confused.
“Phone sex,” I replied.
He paused before throwing his head back, laughing. “Your mind is always in the gutter,” he said, still chuckling.
“That’s because you look like sex on a stick lying there with no shirt on and those damn, freaking glasses.”
“I didn’t realize they were such a turn-on.” He smiled, adjusting them on his face.
“Can you tilt the screen lower? Your chest went out of frame.”
“Pervert,” he teased but tilted the screen anyway.
“Hey, you were the one who called trying to have phone sex with me.”
He sighed. “This was supposed to be a regular goodnight phone call.”
“You think I believe that?” I narrowed my eyes. “You’re trying to seduce me again.”
“You caught me. I put my glasses on, knowing you couldn’t resist.”
“At least you’re finally admitting it.”
He shook his head, chuckling.
“Are you ready for tomorrow?” I asked.
“I think so. I’ve been practicing for the last hour. There are a lot of big companies that will be there who could potentially sponsor us in the future. I don’t want to mess it up.”
“You won’t,” I told him. “Just keep your glasses on. They’re your superpower.”
He laughed. “I might just do that.”
The phone shifted, and I got a glimpse of something truly frightening behind his head.
I gasped. “What is that?!”
His brows pinched together. “What is what?”
“That abomination on your headboard!” I cried.
He looked back and started to choke on his laughter. There were pictures of large, ornate birds carved into the wooden frame of the headboard.
“I don’t know how you’re going to sleep! I’ve still got nightmares from my close call.”
His mouth pulled into a half grin. “I think I’ll be alright.”
“If you say so.” I made a face of disgust. “Where is everyone else tonight?”
“They all went out to the bars downtown.”
“You didn’t feel like joining them?”
He shrugged. “Not my thing.”
“A drink might help to calm those nerves.”
“No, I just need a good night of sleep. I told them I was heading in early and not to bother me, because I was going to take a sleeping pill to get some rest. I want to be ready for tomorrow.”
“Do those work for you?”
“Yeah, they usually knock me out. But I try not to take them too often unless I really need it, like tonight.”
“Well, I’ll let you go so you can get some rest,” I said. “Although, I don’t know how you will with that atrocity hanging over you all night.”
He chuckled. “I’ll call you after the presentation tomorrow.”
“Okay. I’m off to spend a little me time before bed,” I said with a wink.
His eyes darkened. “What does that mean?”
“Just that I’ve got a great visual to use now, and I don’t want to waste it.” I raked my eyes over his chest one more time.
“That is definitely not helping me calm down before bed.”
I laughed. “Good luck tomorrow.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “Goodnight, Hadley.”
“Night, Lex.”
I stayed up for a few more hours working on the song, but still wasn’t able to get very far. I started thinking about Lex, hoping he wasn’t too nervous for this presentation. I wished I could be there with him. He had invited me to come along, but I didn’t feel comfortable leaving my mom for that long. Once she was better, though, I thought I might have more freedom to travel with him. I knew we were in that frenzied stage of dating, but I never seemed to be able to get enough of him. I’d always heard absence made the heart grow fonder, but in my case, absence made the heart grow hornier.
◆◆◆
I had my morning routine nailed down now. After waking up, I’d head downstairs and grab a tennis racket from the hallway closet before slowly opening the door to the kitchen to make a sweep for any feathered intruders. Once the perimeter was secured, I would make a cup of coffee before getting ready for the day.
Today was no exception.
Tennis racket in hand, I crept into the kitchen, ready to swing at the first thing that moved. I never left the windows open anymore, because once you have a brush with death, you’re just never the same. After a quick sweep of the perimeter, I determined that the home was avian-free, so I lived to fight another day.
Heart rate under control and coffee in hand, I grabbed my phone to wish Lex good luck when I saw a message from a blocked number. I opened it and had to look twice at what I was seeing. It was a picture of Lex lying in bed sleeping with pink hair draped across his chest, his arm around her. She was topless as well, and I felt my stomach clench painfully.
My heart was racing, and I tried to calm down, hoping this was just an old photo someone had sent to mess with me. Then my eyes zeroed in on the headboard. The fucking birds . I ran to the bathroom, thinking I was going to be sick.
My hands started to shake, and I fought to get control as my thoughts began colliding in a downward spiral of unbridled chaos. How could he do this? He told me he was done with Nicky. That he was just going to sleep early that night. He’d just neglected to mention that he wouldn’t be sleeping alone. I pictured his wet hair, fresh from the shower, when he had called me. Had she been there in the shower with him? Bile rose to my throat.
Is that why he always fought to have her around? Maybe that was why he hadn’t stood up for me outside the bathroom that night. Was it some kind of sick game the two of them were playing? If so, it was definitely not one I wanted to be a part of. The image of the two of them lying there together felt forever branded in my brain.
I dropped to my knees on the bathroom floor clutching my phone, the image still taunting me. Someone had obviously wanted me to see this. The possibilities raced through my mind. Was it Stuart? Did he want me to know what was happening without Lex knowing he was the one who ratted him out? That didn’t seem likely. It was probably Nicky herself who had taken the picture just to antagonize me, but why was she in his room in the first place? Why was his arm around her? None of this made sense.
Sobs wracked violently through my chest with a pain I’d never experienced before. I stayed frozen on the bathroom floor for hours, staring at nothing but seeing entirely too much.
When I finally managed some semblance of calm, I drove to my mom’s house and knocked on her door.
“Hey baby girl,” she said, opening the door. “What’s wrong?” Her tone changed instantly when she looked at my face. She grabbed me, pulling me into her arms as the tears came out in another fierce wave. We went to the living room, and she held me until I could finally tell her what happened.
She stayed quiet for a while, just listening before she said, “This doesn’t make any sense. He’s crazy about you. Why would he have waited for you all this time just to sleep with his ex-girlfriend the first weekend he went away?”
“I don’t know. They’re together all the time. They wouldn’t need to go away if they really wanted to be together,” I said as the horrible possibility sank in. I tried to push the thought out of my mind, but the seed had already been planted. All those late nights in the lab together… it was how they had gotten together in the first place. I had no way to know how long this had been going on, but I knew one thing for certain—he and I were done.
◆◆◆
Lex tried calling me after his presentation, but I didn’t answer. I was too busy getting shitfaced with Sarah and Lionel because that was the only solution we could come up with for my problem. He had texted me that everything went well and that he would try calling again later.
“Hadley, just so you’re aware,” Lionel slurred after we’d had far too much wine. “I’m an avid true crime fan and dedicated podcast listener. I know the perfect way to get rid of this douchenugget, and we’d never leave a trace.”
“Here we go,” Sarah said, just as drunk. “Everyone knows you’d use the old icicle trick.”
I hiccupped. “What’s the icicle trick?”
“See? Not everyone knows,” Lionel said, giving her the side eye before turning to me. “All you have to do is freeze a giant icicle and use it as a spike to drive into your enemy’s heart. And then there’s no murder weapon to be found because it melts! Easy peasy.”
“Ohhh.” To my booze-addled brain, that sounded like a brilliant plan. “Although, I don’t think your plan would work in this case.”
“And why is that?” Lionel said, sounding offended.
“Because you’d have to have a heart to drive the spike into,” I explained. “And that assface definitely doesn’t!”
I knew that wasn't true, but with the picture fresh in my mind and my inability to come up with another explanation for what I saw, I let the hurt spill out.
Lionel cackled. “I see we’ve moved on to the trash-talking phase of the evening, and I am here for it!” he said, lifting his glass in the air.
“It just doesn’t make any sense,” Sarah said, unknowingly echoing my mom’s words from earlier.
“He fucked someone else. What about it doesn’t make sense to you?” Lionel asked, and I flinched at the image his words conjured up.
Sarah swirled the wine around in her glass. “No, I get that, but I swear, if you had seen him around her, you would have sworn her pussy was made of pure gold.”
“If you say so.” Lionel shrugged before turning to me. “Hadley, maybe this was all some big misunderstanding. What rules did you guys come up with?”
My brows knitted. “Rules?”
“Yeah. Did you guys ever talk about what you could and could not do?” he asked. “Like, I once dated this guy who came up with the hundred-mile rule. We could sleep with other people as long as they lived outside a hundred-mile radius. Is San Diego more than a hundred miles away?”
“We didn’t have any rules like that,” I told him. “We never even talked about it.”
“What do you mean you never talked about it?” Sarah asked, confused.
“I mean I just assumed we were on the same page. I haven’t been seeing anyone else. He acts like we’re together. He basically threw my ex out of my house a few weeks ago when he showed up on my doorstep. Not to mention, we’ve been sleeping together practically every night for the past month. I didn’t think I’d have to spell it out that I didn’t want him screwing other people.”
They exchanged looks between each other.
“What?” I asked. “Spit it out.”
Lionel put his drink down. “If you guys never said you were exclusive then maybe he didn’t think he was doing anything wrong.”
I scoffed. “He’s told me a million times he’s not interested in her anymore, and yet for some reason, she made it inside his room and into his arms last night, long enough for someone to capture a photo of the encounter,” I said, my voice shaking. "How is that not a betrayal?"
Sarah was looking at me sympathetically. “Just say it,” I huffed at her.
“Lionel might be right. If you never talked about it, then maybe he didn’t consider it cheating,” she said in a gentle voice, trying not to upset me further.
But I just shook my head. Were they right? Was I an idiot to have assumed that we were together and not seeing other people? This was too much for my drunken brain to consider, so I grabbed the bottle of wine and tried to drown out any more thoughts about Lex and what else he could possibly be doing right now… or who .
◆◆◆
My head was pounding the next morning as I stepped over Sarah and Lionel, who had passed out on the floor next to me last night. I chugged a bottle of water and rifled through her cabinet looking for aspirin. I had several missed calls from Lex as well as Stuart, along with numerous texts from them asking if I was okay.
I wasn't ready to talk to Lex or face this situation yet, so I texted him back that I was fine and that I had gotten drunk at Sarah's, which was completely true.
He texted back almost immediately asking if he could come over tonight once he got back. I made up some excuse, saying I was staying at my mom’s. I didn’t know how long I could put him off, but I needed a little more time to think about things.
Lucky for me, this week was fall break at the university, which meant we didn’t have classes. It gave me the opportunity to stay with my mom and avoid Lex for the time being. I went home and packed a bag to stay with her for at least the next few days.
The more I thought about it, the more I thought Sarah and Lionel might be right. I was an idiot for never talking to Lex about the expectations I had for us. The thought of him with another woman clearly made me sick, but it felt like a complete and utter betrayal that it was Nicky. I still believed he owed me an explanation even if he didn’t consider it cheating, but I didn’t know how we were going to move forward from here. I couldn’t stomach the thought of them working together side by side, day after day, knowing they had just slept together. I had to tell him we were through, but even thinking about saying those words out loud made me want to crawl into a hole and disappear.
I started running out of excuses as to why I couldn’t see him over the next few days, and it was clear he knew something was wrong. He kept asking to see me, begging even, but I wasn’t ready. By Wednesday, I stopped answering him completely. I shut my phone off and just spent time with my mom and Carl. She was sympathetic but still pushed me to go home and talk to him. She figured there must be some explanation, but I couldn’t think of any that would explain what I saw.
After dinner one night, I was checking my emails to see I had an obnoxious amount from my old producer friend, Logan Shipley. I smiled at the colorful language he was using to tell me he found out from Jimmy that I’d been in California all this time and that no self-respecting New Yorker would ever stoop so low. I decided it might be time to finally give him a call.
“Hadley Olivier,” Logan answered. “As I live and breathe.” Logan was in his late thirties, impatient beyond measure, and brutally honest—a New Yorker through and through, so we’d always gotten along really well. We’d worked together a handful of times over the years and our collaborations were always successful.
“Hey Ship,” I said, calling him by his nickname.
“No one’s been able to get a hold of you in months, including me, and now I have to hear from Jimmy fucking Blackmore that you’re doing some weird teacher cosplay out in California.”
“Jimmy’s got a big mouth,” I retorted.
“Seriously, Olivier. What could you possibly be doing in the land of the gluten-hating, tree-hugging, lip-plumping hipsters?” He was biased against pretty much any state that wasn’t New York, but California was at the top of his shit list.
“I just needed a change,” I told him, not wanting to get into it.
“Alright. Whatever you say,” he said, dropping it. That was the great thing about Logan. He never prodded, probably because he really didn’t care. He was all business, all the time.
“Well listen, I haven’t been calling you for shits and giggles. I’ve got this new girl, Fiona Lockwood… I’m telling you, Hadley, she’s really got something. Her record company hired me to produce her debut album, and we’ve got some great stuff so far. But we need your ear for the ballads. Feedback from the label is that she still sounds a little too bubblegum. It’s a pop album, but they want a single that sounds a little more sentimental that will really showcase her pipes, and you know I can’t do that kind of shit. There’s only one person for the job, so spare me the bullshit and just agree to it.”
I laughed. “If I did agree to it, I couldn’t stay long.”
“I don’t need long,” he said. “Besides, if I know you, you’ve already got about twenty songs ready to go.”
He was right. My mind was already going through my catalog, thinking of which ones in particular would fit a young pop solo artist.
“When does the record company want it finished?” I asked.
“They want to release it in early March.”
“Alright, I’ll see what I can do.” Hopefully, my mom would get to a point where she was well enough to fend for herself for a few days, but we weren’t there yet, or at least I wasn’t.
“I need an answer, Olivier,” he pushed.
“I said I’d let you know,” I countered. I learned a long time ago you can’t let these guys push you around or they’d walk all over you, especially if you’re a woman in the biz.
“Fine,” he huffed. “But next time, answer your fucking phone.”
I didn’t take his advice. I shut my phone off as soon as we hung up, not ready to face what was waiting for me.