The Secret Play (Pucking Daddies #3)

28. Gemma

Chapter 28

Gemma

T he faint hum of my laptop and the occasional tapping of my fingers on the keyboard were the music of my day. Winnie was at school, the morning rush had long since passed, and I was finally able to dive into my work.

The college beats were starting to grow on me. The players were lively and enthusiastic, hungry for the win. More than any of that, though, they loved talking about themselves. Maybe it was the hubris of youth, but the first chance they got to spill their guts, they took it. There was something pure about it—kids chasing their dreams, playing with everything they had, their futures still ahead of them. They were doing it for the love of the game, the fans, the campus clout.

But this beat didn’t hold the same thrill as the Atlanta Fire coverage. No matter how many stories I threw myself into, my thoughts always found their way back to Casey.

I hated how much I missed him.

I hated that no amount of logical reasoning or self-preservation could stop my heart from aching for him. And I hated that every time my phone buzzed, my chest tightened with hope, only to deflate when it wasn’t him.

It wasn’t healthy, this constant longing, but I couldn’t help it.

Maybe the college kids were getting to me. I remembered what it was like back then, chasing after new love and the possibilities therein. I’d never been lucky in love, not even in my college days. But I had tried to make it work a few times. Never went anywhere, but I tried.

Maybe that was my curse. Maybe I was destined to fall in love and never have it returned.

“That’s a depressing thought,” I said to no one but me.

The more I thought about it, the more I replayed every encounter I’d had in my youth. It was always the same. I threw myself at love, and it never caught me. I’d had a high school boyfriend I thought I’d have babies with, and another in college who made me want to be a better person.

Neither ever said the l-word to me. And after I had Winnie, guys tried to date me, but most weren’t interested once they found out I had a kid. Those who were still interested after learning I was a mom proved themselves to be either untrustworthy or, worse, boring.

Maybe I really was destined to be alone in one-sided relationships.

I sighed at myself and rolled my eyes. I didn’t believe in destiny or a higher power. All of that was just a fairytale we told ourselves to feel better about our bad choices, and I wasn’t a child, so I didn’t believe in fairytales.

Was love a fairytale, too?

I was so caught up in my thoughts that I almost didn’t hear the knock at the door. Frowning, I set my laptop aside and padded to the entryway, glancing through the peephole. My breath caught when I saw him.

Casey stood on the porch, looking more nervous than I’d ever seen him. He held a bouquet of roses in one hand, a box of chocolates in the other, and had a bottle of wine tucked under his arm.

What the hell is going on?

I opened the door slowly, my heart pounding.

“Hi,” he said, his voice soft.

I slowly said, “Hey.”

His eyes flicked over me, taking in my oversized sweatshirt that hung just above my knees, the messy bun I’d given up on straightening out, and my bare feet. For a moment, he just stared, his blue eyes softening, and whatever he’d planned to say seemed to vanish. “Can I come in?”

I hesitated, then stepped aside, watching as he shuffled in awkwardly, his hands full of gifts. I closed the door behind him. “What’s going on?”

“I, uh…” He cleared his throat, setting everything on the table before turning to face me. “I had this whole speech prepared.”

I raised an eyebrow, leaning against the doorframe. “A speech?”

“Yeah,” he said, running a hand through his silver hair. “Something about how I’m sorry for being an ass, and how I don’t deserve you, and how I’m probably going to screw this up again, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes to try, but there was more…”

I held my breath, afraid if I took another, I’d wake up.

“But then I saw you,” he continued, his voice dropping. “And my brain went blank.” He stepped closer, his gaze locking on mine. “You’re so beautiful, Gemma.”

I let out a shaky laugh, trying not to cry as I motioned to my huge sweatshirt. “Like this?”

“Especially like this,” he said, his voice rough.

Before I could respond, he cupped my face in his hands and kissed me, soft and slow at first, then deeper, more urgently. I let myself get lost in it for a moment, my hands curling into his shirt.

No. Not again.

I pulled back, placing a hand on his chest to stop him. My voice still shook as I told him, “Casey, we can’t keep doing this.”

He frowned, his hands dropping to his sides. “Doing what?”

“This,” I said, motioning between us. “Coming to get a ring or visiting to celebrate a win or showing up with flowers and wine, and expecting sex to fix everything, and then hurting each other all over again. I’m not strong enough for that.”

His face fell, and for a moment, I thought he might leave. But then he straightened, his jaw tightening with determination. “You’re right,” he said. “Presents don’t fix this, and sex doesn’t either. I just got caught up. But that’s not why I’m here.”

“Then why are you here?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“Because I want to give this a real shot. If you still want to.”

I stared at him, my heart pounding. Did he even know what that meant? Did I? I cleared my throat to stop from crying or laughing or some other hysterical reaction from coming out of me. “A real shot? And what does that look like to you, exactly?”

“It looks like me trying.”

“I don’t…know what that means. And what about the team?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. “What about the rules? What about your career?”

“I’ll talk to the owner. I’ll explain everything. If that means stepping down, I’ll do it.”

He’d give up his job? But he loves his job. Does that mean he loves me?

I couldn’t let myself get carried away. “What about my job?”

“I know your connection to the team has helped your career,” he said, his voice softening. “But you’re amazing, Gemma. You don’t need me or the Fire to prove that. I’m sure your boss knows that, too, and if he doesn’t, then he’s an idiot and you should quit.”

I shook my head, tears welling up in my eyes. I laughed behind my hand. It was all so easy when he put it that way, and nothing was easy in life. “It isn’t that simple, Casey. It’s not just about us. It’s about Winnie, and our families, and?—”

“And I want to figure it out, but I want to figure it out with you,” he said, stepping closer. “I think that’s where I kept screwing this up. I thought I had to figure out a plan without you. That’s what I do.”

“I don’t understand.”

“At work, I make the plays, I make the calls. All the planning is on me. I make plans without my players, alone. So, I think when it came to us, I tried to make the plan alone, because that’s what I do.”

I shook my head. “That doesn’t work in a relationship, Casey.”

“Exactly the problem. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m willing to find them with you.”

I took a quick breath, trying not to get my hopes up. “Do you know how to let me in like that?”

“Not yet. But I want to learn. Just like, I didn’t know if you were a flowers, chocolates, or wine-as-an-apology type of woman, so I brought all three. I want to learn everything about you, Gemma. I want to know what you love, what you hate, what makes you laugh, what makes you cry. I want us to work this out. And if you’re willing to give me a chance, I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that I’m worth it.”

I stared at him, my heart breaking and healing all at once, again and again. The words came out in a whisper. “You’re serious about this?”

“Without a doubt.”

“What’s changed?” I asked, my voice trembling. “You said I didn’t think you were worth being a father back then, and you were so angry about that. So what’s changed?”

“Everything,” he said simply. “You. Winnie. Me. I’ve changed, Gemma. And I don’t want to miss out on another moment with either of you. I know I was angry, and part of me still is, but I refuse to let that anger stand in the way of me and my family being together.”

I bit my lip, the tears spilling over despite my best efforts. “I love you,” I whispered.

His face softened, and he stepped closer, pulling me into his arms. “I love you, too.”

The words hung between us, weighty and light all at once, and when he kissed me again, it felt like the beginning of something new. We moved together slowly, deliberately, as if we were trying to rebuild what had been broken with every touch, every kiss, every whispered word.

There was no hesitation this time, no doubt. As our clothes fell away and our lips met, I had the strangest sinking and floating sensations come over me. I didn’t recognize it at first, but for once in my life, love had come for me, too.

I backed toward my bedroom with Casey following me, his eyes never leaving mine. What did it mean to give things a real shot with him? Where would we move? My place or his? Or would we get a new place together? We’d have to get Winnie to a new daycare, and that would be a hard?—

“Where did you go?” he asked with a smile.

“Hmm?”

We stood in my bedroom near the foot of my bed, naked and smiley, like two lunatics in love. But he was right. I had gone somewhere else. I didn’t want to admit it.

But if we were doing this, I had to be honest with him. “I think…this is big for me, Casey. I’ve never had a guy say the l-word back and mean it, and I think my brain panicked and made me focus on the logistics of being with you instead of the emotional stuff, because that is much bigger and scarier than logistics. I can’t wrap my head around this, and now I’m rambling, please say something to stop me.”

His smile had fallen the longer I rambled. “No one has ever said it back?”

“No. If they ever said—and most didn’t—they weren’t serious about it. They just said it to get what they wanted from me. It was never real.”

His fingers brushed along my cheek. “I love you, Gemma Grimaldi. With everything I am, I love you.”

I couldn’t stop the tear that fell. But he kissed it away, and I turned to take his lips for the next kiss. There was something about the way he held me, so tender and so supportive that I fell in love with him all over again every time his grip changed. How had I survived without this?

I backed onto my bed, and he followed. I had thought he meant to jump me, but instead, he took his time. We laid on our sides, kissing and touching and exploring this new love like we had all the time in the world.

His rough palms on my breasts shot sensation through me, urging me to hook my leg over his narrow hip. From that angle, I pressed myself against his cock, slicking him with my wetness as I ground on him, but not close enough to take him inside of me. We moaned together, two voices in sync with one another. Two souls, the same.

Casey grabbed my ass and rolled onto his back, pulling me on top of him. He laced his fingers with mine as I slowly sank onto his cock while he watched from the flat of his back. But he couldn’t take it for long. He sat up and closed his arms around me as we kissed with him fully seated inside.

This was so different from every other time, and the absolute love in his eyes made me want to cry. How could I be worthy of it after all I’d done? But he had decided that I was worthy of his love, and I silently vowed to do my best to make him never regret that choice.

Normally, I knew when I was going to come. Not this time. This time, it caught me completely off guard. It was as if, once my body knew we were truly going to be with Casey, that question was answered. I was no longer alone, and I could finally relax. And it led to the biggest orgasm of my life. I lost myself in it, in him. And when the pleasure died down, I was in his arms, his mouth on mine as he came, too.

Maybe it was because, in that moment, he understood he was no longer alone, either.