Chapter 59
JANE
Some mornings, it’s hard to appreciate where I’m at. If it wasn’t for the scars or permanent pain in my lung if I breathe too heavily, I might have thought everything that occurred was simply a terrible nightmare.
The only evidence of what my life has been through is the way my heart has changed. How deep wounds are finally closing, and I actually have love for a man that I never thought possible. A love I feared I would lose.
Now that my life is starting to settle, I’m officially tired of the fates.
Of premonitions.
It’s difficult when Soren lives within those confines, but he’s learning to not frame it in such a way. I’ve missed feeling autonomy over myself, and predestined bullshit robs me of that.
At my mirrored desk that I use to pen letters to Kathleen and my dad, I sit with only a silk robe on and stare at the ruby earrings belonging to my mom, studded into a small cushion for display.
It will be a while before I wear rubies again.
Did Mom know that Cypress was watching her while wearing them? Questions about her invade me at least once a day, wondering all the way to what her childhood was like. We never got to talk about it much. Maybe it’s something I can bring up when I go to visit her painting next, which Dad let me keep. Soren gifted me one of the rooms that overlooks the ocean—something I’m forcing myself to stare at. Despite the way ocean waves are like nostalgia, they’re now stained with a complexity from enduring that storm, from standing next to Misery while rain pelted my face. There’s bodies out in that water. Even my enemies are still alive, stuck in the siren’s curse, just under those waves. My hope is that if I stare at them enough, surrounded by my mother’s things, that maybe I’ll somehow get over it.
That room even has Mom’s brush with a few blonde strands in it, like she may have just visited.
Yes, I’ll bring up her childhood next time I visit that sanctuary.
Properly dealing with her loss is an ache I’ve come to accept will always linger, and in that, I understand Anya better, understand my father . I can’t imagine living with Soren for years on end, growing so used to him I forget what life was like before him, only to permanently lose him.
I drop my gaze, wishing Dad was here so I could talk to him about that. Ask him how he is, make sure he’s healing, too. The next time I see him, he’ll have a new weapon for a hand.
Reaching out to touch the rose dagger lying on the surface, I think of those that Soren bloodied in his reclamation of me. I’ve always craved special items of my parents, but never thought I’d ever have my own ?—
The door to this room opens, and I flash my gaze up at the mirror, seeing Soren stride in with dirt smeared all over and sweat glistening on his body.
Training.
When he meets my gaze through the reflection, peace rises within me like an ocean filling a cave at high tide, gentle and without rush.
I trust him completely.
His chest rises and falls to a heavy rhythm, as if the adrenaline still courses in his veins. I grin at him. “If I had your powers, what would I read in this very moment?”
He places a hand on either side of me on the table, which slightly shifts with his weight, looking at me through the mirror. “It would be a lot to take in, love.”
The smile that man can spread across my face is my true healing in all of this. “Tell me you love me,” I say, almost with a little too much sass.
Without skipping a beat, he confidently replies, “I love you, Jane.”
My heart pounds away, heat pooling between my thighs, needing to be close to him. To smell his skin, and feel the warmth of his body. Soren’s physical strength is a comfort I never thought I’d desire, like he’s a literal wall of safety that reminds me as long as he’s here, someone will come for me.
He raises his hand to thread his fingers at the nape of my neck, pulling my head back to fully expose my skin as he grazes his lips below my ear, sucking hard. “I can’t tell what’s best— hearing you say you love me, or the way your heart reaches out to me like I have a permanent invitation.”
“Well, you’re not wrong about that invitation. I think even if I hated you, I’d still miss you.”
I swear the sound that comes out of him is almost like a pleased purr , deep and velvety, before positioning me so he can lean over to plant hungry, possessive lips on mine. I just let my heart go, no longer burdened by any debt or obligations.
He pulls me up out of my seat against his massive self. His tongue parts my lips to command my mouth, grazing against mine like it’s his to claim. There’s a depth to every movement, as if we’re both aware of how every moment matters, and that he’s already memorized every curve and scar of my flesh.
At least, I know that’s what I’ve done with him.
His lips demand for mine to bend with him, the movements deeper, clinging to each other.
Gripping his neck, I melt into him as he lifts me, that internal, pleasurable vibration taking over my navel and spreading through like a pulsing heat.Soren plants me on the desk, my back resting on the wall as his hand spreads my legs, his rough touch contrasting against my inner thigh before sliding two fingers inside of me as I’m already slick for him. My legs straddle around his waist, the man rubbing my clit with his thumb in a motion that my body has grown to love , especially when he arches his fingers inside.
I’m so eager for him to fuck me. I’ve never known a high quite like watching him unleash himself and using my body for his pleasure, or to see his throbbing cock hard because of me.
As I cling to him for balance, his free hand works swiftly to unbuckle his leather belt, sliding it through to almost make a pop , dropping it onto the floor with a dull clink. I don’t know why that makes me shudder, but I kiss him even harder as teeth slightly graze.
He darkly grins against my mouth.
Soren’s affection moves as he kisses my jaw and then sucks hard on my neck, to which I whimper as I grip his hair, his thumb working perfectly in rhythm with my rising ecstasy. He unleashes an almost animalistic sound into my skin as my pussy is absolutely ready for him to take me. He just got here, and yet I can’t control my damn self.
My fingers curl against his body, one hand digging into his shoulder as I arch into him, rolling my eyes as he controls the entirety of me, right between my legs.
He groans with longing as he continues to focus solely on me, and I know his determination isn’t going to waver until I’m coming right on his fingers—I moan loudly as my muscles contract around him, panting into his skin.
He pulls his hard cock right out of his pants, using both hands to grip my hips as he grazes my clit with the tip of his erection before he finds my entrance, sliding in with one motion as my pussy slightly stings from the stretch. Soren rides in the wake of my climax, and he nearly rips off the silk robe as he lowers over me, kissing and licking my neck, fucking me hard as this desk hits the wall with a rhythm.
The pain is quickly gone until all that’s left is Soren filling in spaces of me I didn’t even know existed. “So fucking perfect,” he rasps.“You feel perfect .”
I cling to his shoulders. “Yes I do, when you fuck me like this,” I say, my mouth running away from my mind.
His growl is so primal I groan in response, moving my head forward so our foreheads are nearly touching. The man pants as his eyes slightly roll in his head, until his hips crash hard into me as he comes, remaining there to very carefully rock as he drains everything he has into me.
I’ve grown quite fond of our quick sessions that wet our appetite between the longer, more intense ones.
Soren reclaims my lips, licking my bottom one before he pulls back to carry me to the bed. I waste no time in getting settled into his arms as we both lie there, naked on the fur blanket, my eyes closing as there’s not a single worry in my heart while Soren rubs his fingers on my skin.
His icy irises are what I saw at the brink of death, engraving himself deep into my soul when he appeared. I don’t know if I could accept any other kind of love, honestly. I always feel like I belong when it’s just the two of us.
“So, what happens to us next? To life?” I ask, not wanting to leave this reprieve, and yet I’m itching to visit Dad and Kathleen.
“Visiting Skull’s Row seems important, given your ties there.” He slowly inhales. “I’m nearly ready to find Serena. The dust is settling, so I could leave again, even if it takes me a few months.”
I remember the first full moon appearing in the sky since I woke up here. Soren spent all night on the coast, staring outward over the sea, having told me everything Cypress shared with him.
He had felt his sister.
Finally .
And she wasn’t hurt. Or afraid. He said she felt normal, as if living a real life. It took an immense amount of pressure off his shoulders, knowing she didn’t need him to find her. Not with such urgency.
He could recover, first. Tend to the mourning families, and get his affairs in order.
“What about here?” I ask, knowing that travel is in our future, no matter where we go. “What goes on here when you’re gone?”
“My mother runs it. I only trust her to do so. It’s best done if I have a presence for a time, before leaving again.”
I nuzzle into him, my arm stretching across his chest. “Serena is across the Black Sea, right?”
“Yes. Near Grimstone, where Basilisk lives.”
“I’m going?” I ask, nearly tightening my grip as if to say I’ll fight him over it.
His laugh is so calming as his chest moves against my head. “You already said you’d help me. You can’t back out of that now.” A deep sigh escapes him. “There would be rules.”
“Of course,” I mock.
“If you travel with me, and it’s not for luxury, there’s protocols for how we move as a unit. You’d have to adhere to it.”
Like an addict, my heart is willing to agree to anything if it means being by his side. I mean, can this really be my life now?How is it fair that I live while someone like Maryanne is burned, her children still scorned out there?
Soren stiffens in a way that’s akin to an unspoken reminder that I’m to tell him what bothers me— unprompted —which is a new concept for me. “First, I’d happily go and help you and do what needs to be done,” I state with full confidence. “I just… I also feel, wrong . Guilty, maybe?” I press my lips together, trying to muster the words to leave my tongue. “Maryanne’s children are out there, somewhere, bitterly enraged. I know that feeling. And I’m the reason their mother was killed.”
His chest rises high before lowering with a deep exhale, my head moving with the motion as I can hear the faintest echoes of his heart beating. “That’s why we never have peace. As long as there is revenge to be had, blood will be shed. It’s why we enjoy the quiet while it exists.”
I give a sad, bitter half-smile. I appreciate that Soren doesn’t treat me like I’m all rose petals and no thorns, but the gratitude is weighed down knowing that he’s right.So many were irrevocably damaged in the wake of whatever the fuck just happened to us.
“Do you think finding your sister will be dangerous?” I ask, wanting to focus on something else.
“Somewhat. The path feels clear. But not without fighting someone .”
I move so I can glance up at him, Soren’s chin dipping to he can lower his gaze to look at me.“We should bring back a pet,” I suggest, trying to give him a sweet gaze.
He raises a brow, hiding his amusement. “A pet.”
“Like one of those shadow cats. Basilisk loves his.”
“He doesn’t love it because he loves his cat, it’s who gave it to him.”
I frown, eyeing his stubble and the new streak of blank growth from a scar he gained when coming for me. “He was pretty passionate about that cat’s welfare.”
“It’s because it’s the only thing he possesses of the woman that gave it to him, and she wanted him to take care of it. I think he fucked something up, and he’s trying to make up for it.”
My eyes flash with intrigue. “Oh, well, this sounds interesting.”
Soren’s eyes hold no play. “He is what I would be if you left me. Took a lot to learn that from him.”
I can’t help but smile. “We definitely need to get a cat now.” I lay my head back on his chest. “You’re also not allowed to leave me, either,” I state matter-of-factly. “I let you in, so now you’re staying.”
My heart is filled with so much peace that I kiss his chest, to which he turns us so I’m on my side, facing into his body as he also turns on his side, my head nestling into his chest. Those large, powerful arms wrap around me as one of my legs intertwines with his. I will never not love the girth of this man, especially when I’m up against the expanse of his chest.
“Don’t worry, love. I feel your heart as if I’ll know it for decades.”
I breathe slower, my eyes closing as my body completely relaxes. “I’d like to grow old with you, Soren. My parents were robbed of that.”
He holds me close, no need for anything other than love and adoration in his touch; it’s pure affection. “Then we will.”