Chapter 18
Sylvan
I can’t believe the ease with which he carries me off the sofa, but my mind is too fuzzy to think, and I go from the utter shock of him pulling out to the softness of a fur rug in front of the fireplace. I touch my cock, moaning when pleasure sparks inside it and trails down to my empty hole, but then Hawk’s kneeling beside me, and he rolls me to my stomach in a single move. Before I can think, he pulls me up to my hands and knees, and shoves my thighs apart.
A low grunt escapes his throat, and I shiver, sensing his gaze on my naked body. I know I’m short, and thin, and my shadowcraft is close to none, but as long as this one man wants to see me like this, touch me, satisfy himself using my body, I’ll be happy.
The heat of the flames caresses my side as I stretch like a cat, whimpering when Hawk’s heavy palm rests between my shoulder blades, only to trail down, to my hips.
I can’t believe I’ve been waiting for this for so long and needed banishment to find someone who can fill the void inside my heart. And my body.
I moan when his slick cock rolls up and down my crack, but then the head pushes in, once again opening me up. The stretch stings, but it’s not nearly as painful as I feared. Perhaps I’m a glutton for punishment, but a part of me relishes in the discomfort, as if it’s yet another layer to the overwhelming sensation of that big, wide cock filling me. A price to pay for the pleasure of having it deep inside me.
I may still be new to this, still adjusting, but I couldn’t have dreamed of a better lover. Hawk responds to my illicit fantasies, making me comfortable to indulge in them and show him that sexual side of me. For once, I don’t have to be guarded and in control.
For him, I’m a pliant body with open legs and an available hole, and I don’t question it. I don’t overthink.
In this place, I’m even free to moan as loud as I want. There’s nobody here to laugh at me for soiling the Goldweed legacy by submitting to someone else, a human at that.
I arch my ass up higher for him, and I’ve never felt more alive. I lose myself in him, enjoying how he’s pushing my body to its limits. On this soft fur, I’m just an animal, indulging in the most primal form of exchange.
He’s a beast in human form, and I’m powerless against him.
I whimper and fall forward when he bottoms out, and his balls slam mine. I can’t even begin describing the sensation of being taken like this, but as invisible fire dances over my flesh, I writhe and coil, guided by the strange mixture of pain and pleasure unlike anything I ever felt.
My secret dreams, the same ones I’ve left unspoken for fear of shame befalling my whole family, materialized in the form of a tall, hairy man, who grabs me as if he has every right to it, and fucks me like an animal desperate to plant its seed in a willing mate.
I chose him for his shadow, but right now I’d have given myself to him forever even if he didn’t cast any at all.
“Oooh, fuck, wish you could see this, kinky prince,” Hawk rasps as his hips slap my buttocks over and over, and his cock slots back in, massaging my pleasure spot. “Your ass jiggles every time I thrust in.”
I want to answer, but I’m left speechless when he pulls out altogether and holds my buttocks wide open. It only lasts a moment before he buries himself back in, making me scream when his dick slides against my prostate. “How does something so long even fit inside you? Maybe your hole’s magical too?”
He grabs my sides with hands so massive they almost wrap around my waist when he squeezes. “Fuck…” I utter, at a loss. “Fuck…” I never thought sex could feel this intense. I now see my wildest fantasies were like touching through glass. But he not only stimulates my body with his sheer physical force. The things he says make me shiver and gasp. I want to be his plaything forever.
“That’s how you like it? Exactly what you wanted?” he asks, chuckling, but in a way that seems satisfied rather than condescending as he speeds up, riding me as if he were ready to finish. Oh, how I want him to. But also, I want this to keep going, because the friction of his thrusts makes me feel so incredible inside.
I can’t decide, and with raspy moans escaping my chest over and over, I can’t bring myself to answer his question. He’s entering me like a machine, tirelessly and without an end in sight, but as his hands squeeze my flesh, and a raspy noise tears out of his lips, I know that he’s coming.
Heat shoots deep inside me, pulsing in every bit of my body.
I felt the connection to him when I bound our shadows, but now it intensifies. I sense his heartbeat quickening. It throbs like it wants to reach me. When we’re so close, it seems to beat against mine. Will he feel that too when he becomes my Dark Companion?
For now, all romantic thoughts slip back into the gutter when he lies on top of me. Hawk is so heavy his weight pushes me down. My knees slide apart, and I’m left to take his final thrusts. My ass is sore, but I secretly love it, moaning every time he pushes in, planting his seed.
“So cozy inside you…” he murmurs against the back of my head as he slides his hand under me and grabs my cock. “Feel all that spunk? It’s gonna be dripping down your legs.” He licks my ear to its very tip.
When he starts jerking me off, I writhe under him, excited by how I can barely move with his whole weight on top. It makes me breathless, as I rock my hips between his hand and jabbing myself on his pulsing dick.
I think of all the cum he’s pumping inside me, how I let him use me, manhandle me, overpower me… And then he once more shows me his force when he wraps his massive hand around my neck.
I cry out, coming harder than ever, and when my ass clenches on Hawk’s softening cock, it only intensifies my orgasm. I squeeze the soft fur of the rug in my hand, rubbing my face against it to muffle my noises, but it’s no use. I moan. Shout. Scream so loudly it leaves my throat raw, and he holds me through it, whispering dirty and sweet words alike.
How I’m his moonlight prince.
How I’m his tight warm cumhole.
Somehow, both seem appropriate.
I don’t know if it’s the shadow bond or love, but it feels real damn close.
His heartbeat slows, as does his breathing, and he stretches, finally slipping out of my body. But when I expect him to pull away, he grabs me and wrestles me to the rug alongside him.
“Hell yes,” he mumbles, cuddling me close.
I settle into his embrace, too tired to fight him. Never before him have I felt so comfortable with another person. I’m not ashamed that he saw me unravel or of the things I told him in the heat of the moment. I rest against him, catching my breath.
I know it’s silly, but after having sex with him, I somehow feel more like my own man instead of the family pushover. With a smile, I tune into the heartbeat that resonates within his shadow. I ache a little, but I’m so satisfied.
It’s also a relief for my collar to be off, and I revel in access to my shadow. Toying with it is like meeting an old friend. In a moment of goofiness I cannot explain, I form several tendrils, no thicker than fingers, and let them pet Hawk’s back.
He stirs, blinking as if he was about to fall asleep, and glances over his shoulder.
“They’re not much,” I explain, “but you deserve all the cuddles I can give.”
How sappy , my inner voice says. Are you even a Goldweed?
But is it really so bad to enjoy another person without an ulterior motive? To want to give more than I get?
Hawk stares at me. “That was you? Jeez, I thought a giant spider ran over me,” he mumbles and pulls me close to his chest, burying his face in my mane.
“Um… thank you? For, you know.”
Why are you so awkward? Why?
I cover my face and take a deep breath, trying to focus on the pleasure still settling in my body instead of picking apart what I’ve just said.
“For my amazing sexual skills?” he asks, chuckling, and pushes on my forehead to make me look at him.
My face flushes with heat, but I nod. “Yes, that. It seems we are…” What? A good fit? It would hardly explain how I feel about him right now. He seems so relaxed and casual while I scramble to make sense of everything that’s happened between us since our first meeting. “Like… I’m a locket only you could open.” Sappy. Again. But what if that’s what my feelings for him are? All mushy like fermented coralberries. Maybe I have to become at peace with that, and allow him to be my weakness.
Hawk bites his lower lip, grinning. “I definitely seem to have the right key, don’t I?” he asks and kisses my forehead before urging me to rest my head on his chest. I’ve never heard a more beautiful heartbeat than his, and the intimate nature of the gesture settles me a bit.
“But you really shook my world too. So damn pliant, so excitable, so pretty,” Hawk says, stroking my bare skin. “You feel okay?”
After a bit of hesitation, I wrap my arm around him and push my face between his furry pecs. “I’m just… a little overwhelmed with everything. But you make me feel safe, like you’re where I belong. You not only gave me so much pleasure of the flesh, but also a closeness of the souls unlike anything I have ever known.”
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
Hawk grins and looks straight at me. “Aw, you’re so sweet. But give me time, and I’ll do my best to be the knight in shining armor you deserve. You do have knights in that other world, right?”
I snort, cuddled up under his arm. It’s like he brought the sunlight with him and I thought I hated it but melted anyway. “We do indeed have knights. Who knows, maybe with how strong and broad you are, you might become one someday.” I imagine him as my personal guard, and my stomach flutters with excitement. It’s too soon to think so far into the future, I know. Still, I see him at my side at court, and while his size would only emphasize how small I am, I love imagining how impressive he’d be in armor. The first human guard at the Nocturne Court? I’d have to check the history records to make sure that’s the case.
Hawk hums and kisses my forehead with a silly smile. “You may call me Sir Hawk.”
I can be soft with him, and it’s so new I’m still adjusting to it. I let the tendrils of shadow slide over his back, then all the way to his neck and cheek. I don’t feel his skin through them, but I can sense the touch.
“And are you ready to serve the Goldweed cause?” I kiss his hairy pec with a smile.
Gasping, he nudges the shadow tendrils with his finger, and smiles when they wrap around the digit like a baby’s hand. “As long as that doesn’t make me the villain. Kinda like the idea of being the good guy for once,” he says, winking at me.
I look up at him with my most innocent expression. “Do I look like the ‘bad guy’?”
Hawk stalls, his mouth falling open as if he’s gotten lost in my eyes. “Damn, I think I would have burned cities to the ground if you looked at me like that,” he mumbles and leans forward, pressing his mouth to the little shadow tentacle I created. “You said you were banished? I assume you did something people didn’t like.”
I groan, pushing one shadow tendril behind his ear to stroke him. “I may have taken part in an assassination plot against our Lord. Though, in fairness, at that point he was still a prince, and my intentions were noble. Me and my family, we considered him a rake, a wastrel, and someone who would doom us all if he gained the position of supreme power. And the plot wasn’t even my idea.” I had a better one, that would have most likely succeeded, but maybe I don’t want Hawk to know that about me just yet. “My involvement wouldn’t have been revealed if it wasn’t for my sister’s diaries. A farce really.”
Hawk frowns. “So you, like… committed treason.”
“Well, we all make mistakes in life, do we not? I do not wish to kill him anymore. That does have to count for something, right? I reluctantly admit he will make a fine ruler, and all I want is to get back into his good graces so I can return to my rightful position at the Nocturne Court. Now, with a Dark Companion.” I kiss him under the collar bone.
Hawk clears his throat, and while I understand his hesitation, he must get on board with my plan or everything will be lost. “And you think he’ll just forgive you? Is that possible?”
“I was but a marginal part of my family’s plan. And when our cousin got seriously hurt during the assassination attempt, I saved his life. This is why I was banished rather than executed, and not even permanently. I’m sure when the Lord sees us together, me as the master of your shadow, he will see the value of keeping us around.”
Clearing his throat, Hawk lets his gaze wander down my chest. “So… what will be my role in this? You connected our shadows. What now?”
I pull on the thread of shadow that connects us and show it to him with a wondrous sigh. “This means you are meant for me. My promised. We’re only hours away from the full moon in the Nightmare Realm, so as soon as we’re there, we will make our vows, and you will forever become my Dark Companion. Then, I will be able to wield your powerful shadow and not be forever doomed with my own, which is like clouds where yours is obsidian. To say I cannot wait to feel that force within me is an understatement.”
Hawk pulls on my knee and moves it to rest on his thigh, entwining us even more completely. Oh, how delightful it is to be wanted this way.
“So it’s like a real wedding? And people will know that I’m your Dark Companion? It’s not just a secret thing between us?” Hawk asks, nuzzling my cheek. His breath is so warm and comforting, I stretch, enjoying it on my skin.
I let several shadows lock around him like an embrace and stroke the stubble on his face. It’s still such a new thing to me. “Um, yes, it is most often called a wedding, and we will be considered married, even though that bond isn’t always a romantic one. I do hope ours will be. And you will not be a secret. Once we get to the palace, I will show you off with pride.” So everyone can see the kind of shadow the ‘shortest elf in the Realm’ has taken. No one will laugh at me then.
Hawk’s face brightens, and he strokes his stubble, smiling at whatever fantasy his imagination’s producing. “I wonder what made it so special. That smith guy also wanted it for himself.”
I groan at the memory of Tassarion’s hands so close to Hawk. I should have cut them off while he was still alive, but that wouldn’t have been reasonable or as easy as slashing the right artery in his throat.
“Scholars disagree on what it is exactly that makes a shadow grow in potency, but there must be a pattern of despair in a person’s life for that to happen,” I say softly, because this might bring up some terrible memories for Hawk. “And there is always a near-death experience, of which you said you had several. How did that happen?” I don’t ask just to study him. I want to be close to him, I want to know everything about him.
He transforms before my eyes. Gone is the easy smile, and his eyes dart to the ceiling as his breathing quickens, only to slow, as if he were trying to calm himself down. “Despair is a strong word. Everyone has bad moments.”
I stroke his back and kiss him. “If you tell me how you got so close to death, I will be able to look for patterns.” Parts of him are still like a deep ancient forest, impossible to penetrate, but I want to create paths that allow me to understand him better.
Hawk exhales and strokes my back, but his eyes remain fixed on the wooden beams above, as if he didn’t trust himself to meet my gaze. “You’ve met my family. They’re all about kids, and living simply. I was confused when it turned out I liked boys. Our little community started feeling more and more like a prison after that. So I got into fights a lot, and one time I almost died when one of my older cousins tried to teach me a lesson by choking me.
“When I woke up, it was clear I might not have survived, so I decided to go out and look for what I wanted. I went to a normal school and met boys like me. I was already big and strong at the time, so people quickly learned not to bother me about being gay. And I was real popular, invited to parties and that kind of stuff. And at one of those parties I ended up taking drugs, but I didn’t know what I was doing and took too much. Almost died again.”
So he was the outcast of his family as well, just like I was the black sheep of mine.
I sense that closeness of souls again, the conviction that I’m not alone in this universe of many realms. And that I can take away his sorrow too. I want him to drown in me and stay submerged for as long as his heartache lasts.
“The way I see it, I had a fairly average life. The world is hard on everyone, sometimes because you lack something, sometimes because you’re different. But I kept trying to find my own happiness, independent from my family. It didn’t work out well, as you know,” Hawk adds with a bitter chuckle. “Next brush with death? I wanted to show off for my then-boyfriend and did a backflip while standing on a tree branch. I thought I’d just land or grab onto the branch instead of falling, but I did fall on my head. It’s a miracle I’m alive. Then, I ran from the cops, just before my arrest. It was a crazy chase, but I felt so betrayed by my now-ex that it didn’t seem to matter if I died. But I didn’t. I crashed and had a few broken bones, but all is now healed.
“And the last time was two months back, give or take. Another inmate tried to kill me. Apparently, it’s a miracle I survived that. They have no idea how. Maybe I’m secretly a cat and still have five lives left? Unless we count the accident of the prison van, then that’s four to go,” he adds, stretching his tense back in an effort to appear casual about something that’s so clearly difficult for him. He finally meets my gaze and shows me a pale scar on his abdomen. “See? Already all healed up. It’s weird.”
“Why did he try to kill you?” I ask, trailing my fingers over the scar to see if there’s anything unusual about it. Hawk has many prominent marks on his body, and I hope not a single one is ever added.
He shrugs and swirls his fingertips along my spine. “We never liked each other, and I made a joke he took real personally. He got my cellmate to lead me someplace private and attacked me when I was about to get a hand job. Kinda stung being betrayed like that. I always stood by the guy, but clearly he didn’t like me back the same way. Or was just offered something more valuable than my life,” he adds with such bitterness in his voice, a drop of it could spoil a whole barrel of cherin.
There’s definitely a pattern I’m seeing about betrayal, and I can only hope he will give me his trust regardless. “Did you… love him?”
Hawk swallows. “I wouldn’t have killed for my ex if I didn’t love him. As for the guy in prison… not sure if it can be called being in love, but it sure was as close as I could get to it in that place. I trusted him.”
“I killed for you. Do you trust me?” I look into his soulful green eyes, worried that I might be coming off as needy, something my mother could always spot and prod at.
Hawk smirks. “I think you killed the smith both for me and yourself, but it’s a good start. Do you think—” He stalls, swallowing as I process the burn of his first comment. “Do you think you could love me?”
It’s like being struck by an arrow dipped in a blend of illegal love potions. It’s him who sounds needy, and he’s just as embarrassed about it as I am about my desire for affection. All at once, I know how wrong my mother has been to scold me for wishing someone would always have my back, because I would never fault him for wanting my love. And if he deserves that, why would I not? If I don’t see that as a weakness in him, why would it be a flaw in anyone else?
My heart beats so fast when I press my lips to his and let emotion take over instead of logic. “Would you believe me if I said I already do?” I whisper, drowning in his eyes. If this is how I feel, why should I hide it? I already trust him more than I do my family.
When his eyes brighten, filling with stars, I know it was the right thing to say.
“You do? Really?” he asks, rolling us over, so I’m flat on the furs, and he’s on top of me, stroking my cheek with tenderness someone with hands as big and calloused as his shouldn’t be capable of. He presses his forehead to mine and exhales, as if I’ve offered him the relief of fresh water after days of being stranded at sea.
“I'd kill for you even if it wasn't to my benefit. I give you my body in the most intimate ways, and I adore yours. I care deeply for your feelings, and I want to bring you joy. I'm jealous of every man you've been with, and I'm itching to make you mine forever. If that's not love, what is?” I run my hands down his sides, half-lucid with how much I treasure him. Can he feel how fast my heart is beating?
Hawk smiles. This time it’s not a grin, but a wide, honest expression of utter joy. “Nobody’s ever said it to me like that. You don’t know what you’ve just done, handsome prince from the Nightmare Realm,” he whispers and holds my wrists down as his smile turns predatory. “Because now you’re mine, and I’ll make sure you don’t even look at another man again.”
The buzz inside makes me breathless. I love being at his mercy, tiny under the weight of his massive body, because I know he won’t actually hurt me.
“For you, I would wade into the River of Souls, even though you would have surely drowned me. But I would see those tattooed arms, a glimpse of your green eyes, and there would have been no other for me.”
Hawk strokes my face and gives me another kiss. “That’s so strange, but I think I dreamed about… a girl version of you when I was bleeding out after that lowlife cut me open. I was drowning, trapped in black water with so many other people, and then this one person grabbed my hand from the shore. Hair like yours, but longer,” he says, smelling it as frost spreads over my heart. “With her help, I climbed out as other people grabbed her legs and dragged her under the waves. And then I finally woke up.”
It’s all falling into place as I stroke him with trembling fingers. He was in the River of Souls. And he has been pulled out of it when he should have died.
“A-and… when was that, remind me?”
“About two months ago,” Hawk informs me before resting on top of me with a yawn.
“Did you see her eyes?”
“Sapphires like yours. Destiny, as you said.”
My heart sinks because I cannot fight the realization any longer.
My sister.
He drowned my sister.