The Shadow Prince’s Ruin (Dark Companions #2)

Chapter 23

Sylvan

T he tailors working on my clothes are so swift with their needlework my eyes can barely catch their movements, and I wonder if it’s a skill they’ve had to master to remake stolen goods into unrecognizable outfits. Still, I’ve been in this tiny black and white boudoir for over half an hour now, and I’m itching to get back to Hawk.

On the other hand, it’s given me an opportunity to consider the upcoming nuptials.

My stomach is in knots, so I’ve been refusing any food, and all I can think of is that I am about to make a bond for life with a human I’ve known for three days. It feels so very right in my heart, but my head is throbbing with worry. How will my mother react to a Dark Companion like Hawk? While she will surely appreciate his shadow, Hawk can be so brash, so forward. I appreciate his honesty, but what if it gets us in trouble at court? I will be bound to him forever after all, and therefore held responsible for his actions.

My mind stalls as I look into my own eyes in the big mirror with a little crack at the bottom. Is this really the way to think about the man who’s chosen me over his family? Over his world?

Guilt chews on my inside, and when it occurs to me I’m about to bite into my nail, I rub my face, torn between my feelings and the insistent need for my mother’s rare nod of approval. I’ve been conditioned to chase those since I was little.

“Having second thoughts?” asks the girl who led me here. She has bright red hair, eyes as brown as the strongest coffee, and a little mouse-shaped birthmark on her bare shoulder. At first glance, she appeared to be one of the many tavern workers, given that she’s wearing a no-frills apron and ties her locks back, but she hasn’t moved a finger since we entered, which tells me she might be someone of more note, even if her name, Ivy, is as common as they come.

I’m not used to speaking about my feelings. Even Hawk, who’s remarkably adept at pushing my boundaries, had trouble prying open my clam-like heart.

“Only nervous. This is a big commitment, and it must be made tonight, or I will have to wait another month.” Which would have been a very reasonable choice, yet the idea makes my nails itch to grow into shadow claws. Deep down, I don’t want to wait another minute, let alone a month. I want to be in Hawk’s arms all night and melt into him again.

But I’m stuck waiting for my jacket to be finished, and I don’t even know how the preparations are going on Hawk’s side, since he’s of substantial size, even for a human. After spending some time in the other realm, I can’t deny that they differ from us in shape—their limbs are somewhat shorter, bodies—sturdier and less agile. But even among his brethren, Hawk is a giant, and I cannot imagine there are any clothes his size at the inn. Which means they must be custom-made, which will likely prolong our time apart even more.

The seamstress adds a final button to my sleeve and steps away with a pleased smile. “Oh, that is perfection. The gold truly brings out your eyes.”

By Nocturne Court standards, my ensemble would be considered simple, and not at all wedding-worthy. Fitted black pants with golden embroidery, a shirt with a lace collar, and a short jacket to go with it in the same elegant color as the night sky. Tiny specs of crystals twinkle on it like stars, but I can’t stop feeling as though I should be wearing my family crest for the occasion. I have often resented my family, yet I am still a Goldweed, even if in exile.

“I cannot wait,” Ivy says, throwing her hands up as she slides off the windowsill, where she’s been sitting for the past thirty minutes. “I love weddings, but one with a human? That, I am waiting to see,” she tells me with a twinkle in her eye.

The two seamstresses leave after saying their goodbyes, and while I am still in the presence of a stranger I need to be mindful of, at least I’m no longer scrutinized from all sides. At court, I only ever trusted my housemaster with my clothing. He’s taken care of my attire since I was officially introduced to the rest of the aristocracy at the tender age of fourteen.

Only he knew the insecurity-inducing flaws that needed filling, padding, and obscuring from everyone else. The fact that Hawk has seen me naked many times already, without all the adornments, and still calls me beautiful is a revelation I can’t quite believe.

I miss hearing his opinion about my wedding outfit, as he has spared me no compliments since the night we met. I blush just thinking about the way he guided my hand to his crotch before we even made proper introductions.

“A marriage can be dissolved, but the bond I will be making tonight, one with a Dark Companion, can only be cut by death, so you must understand why I am slightly…” I trail off, because why am I even telling her this? It must be Hawk’s influence and the time I spent in the human realm. It’s not like me to make my vulnerabilities known. I’d be eaten alive at the Nocturne Court otherwise.

She exhales and approaches a little wooden console, which opens to reveal cups, and bottles of wine. She fills a metal goblet before handing it to me. “No, I understand, but you don’t get married thinking that it’s going to be dissolved, do you? When I met my wife, she felt like a creature from a different world. Always smiled, never spared me compliments, had such an ease talking to anyone she met. Her tribe visited my village to sell dreams on stage, and I was enchanted.

“Coming from a family of warriors, I’ve been taught that providing entertainment is a dishonorable way to live, but she was so beautiful, so kind, and she seemed to understand me in ways my family never could. I knew I would not be permitted to return if I put down my sword, but a few days later, I left with the theater, and with my wife. It was a huge risk, yes, but I never regretted that choice.”

I give her a shy glance. Neither a servant nor a royal would ever open up to me so casually at court. I have heard one of my cousins, Prince Tristan Bloodweed, chatter about inane things without shame, but never to me.

It’s… nice. To be included, instead of treated like a shard of ice better left untouched.

I take a sip of wine. Just a tiny one, since my mother often warned me that with my stature I am bound to get intoxicated all too fast. As soon as I think about her, it hits me that she is influencing my life even now, when I’m so far away. Perhaps I’m not really afraid to make my forever vows to Hawk, but rather of her judgement?

I straighten and look into Ivy’s eyes. “So… you know what it’s like to leave behind all you’ve been taught to believe for the person you love?”

She offers me a brilliant smile. “It was the best decision I ever made. Sometimes… we are not best suited for the conditions of our birth. But there’s always something beyond the bend of the road. Something that might feel perfect. Like baking cakes and watching my wife perform on stage. She changed my life forever, and I believe that human could do the same for you. The way he looks at you…” She places her hands on her breast and sighs.

I melt a little, feeling my cheeks heat up. She can see it too?

Hawk’s not bound by the rules I’ve been subjected to, and despite the betrayals he has suffered, he opened up to me. And maybe, just maybe, Ivy was right when she suggested it’s not me who has been born unsuitable for my family, but that my family that was unsuitable for me. I don’t even notice the absence of my parents or dead siblings.

Yet when I think of Hawk, I miss him as if we have been apart for centuries, not an hour. My chest aches, my fingers yearn for him, and the need to make him mine forever is unbearable.

“He is… he is indeed…” The words I wish to speak are not meant for her. I need to say them to Hawk. Not in an hour or two. Now. “Ivy, I know Fenren said I am not to see Hawk before the party, but I’m sure you’d understand that—”

She smirks and lifts her palm. “Say no more.”

I offer her a shy smile I’ve only learned since meeting Hawk. It’s a vulnerable expression, yet with him I feel free to show my true thoughts in ways I never dared.

“Let me guess, you want to take a sneak peek at his wedding outfit?” she whispers with a giggle, and grabs my hand, as if we were old friends, not a royal and a tavern worker.

I let her guide me though, and it’s only when we reach a door at the other end of the room that old worries flood my mind. What if there’s another shadow-wielder here, and he too tries to steal my promised? An assassin could be hiding nearby, ready to cut my throat, so that I meet Tassarion’s fate. They would then be free to coerce Hawk into an arrangement in my stead.

The urgency inside me rises, replacing any other fear, because as soon as I think of the grimsmith, it’s not my selfish need to have Hawk that is most prominent. I remember the greed for power in Tassarion’s eyes and the threats wielded at my beloved. I need to be able to protect Hawk from people like that, shadow-wielders who would cruelly bend him to their will. I’ll only be able to do so once I have access to the darkness he holds.

I cannot wait. I need to bond with him now.

Ivy wiggles her brows with a wide smile. “You do only have this one set of wedding clothes. Don’t stain them.”

Unbelievable.

“It’s— not like that,” I say awkwardly, but I give up on trying to explain myself when she unlocks the second door and shows me a narrow and dusty corridor, which no doubt is for the sole use of the staff.

“Down there…?” I ask as she urges me forward. I sense treachery and consider threatening her, because that’s what I’ve been brought up with, but maybe not everyone is out to get me after all? When she nods, I smile again. “I will not forget this.”

I turn and boldly rush toward my promised.