The Shadow Prince’s Ruin (Dark Companions #2)

Chapter 27

Sylvan

M y head feels like a pot being beaten by a metal spoon over and over again. But maybe it’s my stomach that’s the pot, because it’s overflowing, boiling, and I’m vomiting again. I’m half-lucid, and barely remember fragments of what I did at the inn.

Did I really grab Tristan, who is one of the strongest shadow-wielders I know, like a puppet and smash him into a wall? Did I rip his wings off? Fortunately for him, they’re shadow, so he’ll manage to nurture them back to their right form eventually, but still.

“I feel so bad…” I mumble to Hawk, desperate for pity.

We’re in the swamps, the moon is setting as night nears, and the scent of damp earth and leaves, while fresh, does nothing to relieve the violent nausea. I don’t remember how I got here, but Fenren informed me that my new husband carried me all the way from the inn. At least now I can be sure he’s serious about the whole ‘till death do us part vow humans use.

The bench we’re sitting on creaks when we move, but it remains solid, and I’m glad I can use the wall of the cabin to lean my back against.

“Why did you drink so much if you can’t handle it?” Hawk asks, watching the ruins of an ancient aqueduct sink in the murky waters. The moon now appears even bigger than it had midday, but soon enough its eye will disappear beyond the horizon, leaving us all in the dark, at the mercy of beasts.

I look up at him, ashamed of my state. We’re outside a cabin in the middle of a swamp. This remote place functions as a safe house for Fenren and his gang of smugglers. The hut is small, damp, and far from what I could at a stretch call ‘charming’, but it has stone walls and it can protect us from most of the wild creatures roaming the area. At least the frogs outside are providing interesting background noise.

“Um… that’s harsh,” I mumble, looking away from the bucket I’m cradling. I must not appear very princely right now. Is it possible that Hawk is rethinking his choice of husband so soon?

He shrugs and covers himself with the threadbare blanket our host offered him earlier. Both our gazes follow a trail of bubbles emerging on the algae-covered surface of the swamp, but while it initially comes our way, the creature creating the disturbance changes direction.

“I’m just surprised,” Hawk says after a moment of silence that feels strangely tense.

Fenren emerges from the hut and huffs with exasperation as he lifts a torch and moves it in a circular fashion. When nothing happens, he utters a curse and returns indoors. We could have gone way farther from the inn, but his daughter needs to catch up with us first, and now it seems inevitable that we will all need to share the tiny dwelling tonight.

I sigh and lean my head against the wall. “I just wanted to let go and be happy at our wedding celebration. I never really drank before, so I thought I was having a reasonable amount.”

He frowns, watching me while the frogs and insects grow ever louder, as if they were warning each other about the upcoming night.

“Are you… a minor here?”

“A minor… what?” I ask, unsure about the change in conversation direction when even talking about the weather feels like a strain on my mind.

Hawk clears his throat and takes a lungful of the cool, root-scented air. “Since elves live so long… are you still too young to have alcohol?”

I groan. Not this again. “No, but I was advised by my mother that because of my stature, it could have an adverse effect, and that I would make a fool of myself. Guess she was right.”

Hawk exhales, and I shudder, because it’s difficult not to interpret the sound as agreement. “You should start slow and get used to it gradually. But I get it, that milky booze was very tasty.”

But something else is on my mind when I notice that one of his fingers is red and swelling. “What happened?” I grab his hand to examine it.

“It’s broken,” he says, flinching when I prod the flesh. “Fenren helped me push the bone in place, but now it’ll take time to heal. Maybe I should find a stick to keep it safe?”

“One of my books features a great recipe for—” I stall, only to shoot to my feet so fast the world spins around me. At least I might be done emptying my stomach for now. “My books! We left everything at the inn, even the m—”

Relief covers me like a warm blanket when Hawk pulls my hand to his chest and I sense the Sunwolf Crown under his coat. “Figured I better keep it on me, since it’s so important,” he says before once again obscuring it with the blanket.

I lean in to hug him, so happy I could cry. I might be able to still recover some of my items from Fenren, but losing the mask would have been a disaster. Our future at court hinges on it just as much as it does on Hawk’s bottomless shadow.

“I love you so much right now.”

He remains quiet as Fenren bursts out of the cabin and cups his hands at his mouth before releasing a strange cry. I’ve seen something similar done during royal hunts, when beast masters imitate the calls of creatures the party is after, but surely, that cannot be Fenren’s goal?

A series of taps resonates over the water in response, and his body language relaxes. “She’s here,” he says and gestures at us to follow him inside. “Come, I brewed some tea.”

Hawk is stiff in my embrace and is quick to untangle himself from it. Did I… do something? I don’t want to ask with Fenren within earshot, so I turn to greet Ivy, who emerges from a nearby thatch of bushes in the same dress she wore at the reception, though right now the lush skirt has transformed into pants with the help of a long cord and some knots.

“Uh, finally!” she groans and stretches her back. “I’ve had to hide inside a barrel for two hours!”

“Is your wife coming with us?” I ask, getting to my toes to see if she has company.

“My wif—” Ivy’s face twists into a scowl. “I really don’t have the patience to play this game anymore. There is no wife. I just wanted you to go through with the wedding.”

Hawk’s presence next to me feels even colder.

I look up at him in panic. “I was not reconsidering it!” But then I turn back to Ivy, crossing my arms on my chest. “How could you have lied in such a perfidious way?”

She rolls her eyes, joining us on the porch. “Oh, please , like it actually matters to you whether I’m happily married or not.”

My ears heat up and twitch. “That’s not the point!”

“I think I’ll stay outside for a bit longer. Really need more air after… all that happened,” Hawk says and steps away from the hut just as Ivy enters it, leaving both of us outside.

Something’s not right, and, like the research-driven person I am, I will find out what. “I will join you two later as well,” I say, but Ivy shuts the door in my face before I even finish speaking. I clear my throat and turn to my husband. “I hope the Nightmare Realm has not proven overwhelming?” I ask, following Hawk down a short pier and leaning against the banister next to him.

The expanse of swampland in front of us is new to me, even though I’ve read about it and can name every frog, insect, or plant thriving in this environment. I both dread the beasts lurking beneath the surface of the dark water, and wish to touch every flower I can spot, just to learn its texture. There is lots of beauty in those marshes, especially now, with the moon halfway gone beyond the trees, but areas like this are considered dangerous, and no royal in their right mind would risk their life venturing into such treacherous terrain.

Which only shows how low I’ve fallen.

“It’s… not quite what I expected,” Hawk mutters and leans forward, massaging the base of his nose.

“Has the alcohol affected you negatively as well?” I stroke his arm. “It was so noble of you to carry me all the way here despite feeling unwell.”

I freeze when he pushes my hand off him and meets my gaze with his lips in a thin line. “No, it was not the alcohol that affected me. Don’t you remember anything?”

I step back and force my mind back to the fight at the tavern. My memories are jumbled, like torn pieces of paper I can try to arrange into a coherent picture. I freeze, recalling the moment Hawk’s nose started bleeding, and him stumbling against the banister on the stairs.

I run my fingers over the wood separating me from the murky water he surely wants to throw me into.

“Oh, I… um… I wasn’t aware I took so much.” Which is stupid of me, since I can sense him through our bond, and I know how much shadow I used to have for my use. Very little. Hawk’s feels like a full well, but the truth is that it’s not bottomless, and if I take too much, my Dark Companion will be depleted. He will ache, he will be out of breath, he will bleed, and if I choose to take even more, I could crush him.

Did I… lose control and hurt him, on the very same day I vowed to never do such a thing?

Shame is like a spiky ball growing inside my heart. I don’t know what to say and just watch him contemplate the moon.

“Do you care?” Hawk asks.

“Do I care ? There’s no one in this world or yours for whom I care more.” Yet I don’t dare touch him, afraid of being rejected again. Memories from the fight now punch me with their intensity. I wasn’t just drunk. I was drunk on power , and I took, took, took, stopping only when there was no one left to fight.

“It didn’t feel like you cared when you summoned giant spikes, tentacles, and broke the floor just to show off in front of your cousin,” Hawk tells me, pinning me to the pier. Is it me, or have the frogs gone silent, eavesdropping on my moment of shame.

Fuck. Tristan. We lost the advantage of making our arrival a surprise.

I take a step back, pretending I’m admiring the smelly algae on the water. “He always teased me about my size, my lack of strength and my faded shadow. Is it really so wrong that I wanted to show him I can best him for once? That his wings are not as impressive as he thinks?”

I flinch when the railing creaks in Hawk’s hands, as if it’s about to break from the strength of his grip, but then he pulls away and kicks it so hard the wooden barrier cracks and falls into the water.

I get the sense it was either that or me.

“So you decided that it’s fine to hurt me just to show him what a shadow you’re now packing?” Hawk growls, and when he glances my way, for a moment I’m certain there’s a red glint in his eyes.

“I can see how it might have sounded that way—”

“It didn’t just sound like it! That’s what you did! Like it was all about you and your petty revenge.”

I swallow, and while I’m sure he won’t feed me to the array of slimy, razor-toothed lizards hiding in the water, I still step farther from the edge of the pier. “We had to escape…” I say weakly, but the truth is I did lose control. I wasn’t paying enough attention to how much I was taking, or how it affected Hawk. In that moment, it was all about presenting my new power to a man who’s belittled me in the past.

Hawk makes a bitter snort and shakes his head. “You told me I won’t be giving anything up, but now that you have me entrapped, turns out you injure me every time you use my shadow? Was this whole Dark Companion thing ever about me , or am I only a convenient attachment to my shadow?” he asks, glaring at me in accusation.

I know it doesn’t look good that I’m spending time thinking about it, because yes, I do love him, but I’d be lying if I claimed his shadow didn’t matter when I chose him. “You and your shadow are part of one whole. There is no one without the other. I cannot tell where you end and it begins. On the night we met, I was as entranced by it as I was by your body and the way you treated me. I… do not wish for you to feel trapped.”

“But I am,” Hawk says. He’s no diplomat and won’t bother covering a dirty table with a clean cloth. “You lied to me, told me it’s safe and costs me nothing, so you can gain access to my shadow. But now I can’t back out of this agreement until one of us dies.”

I clench my fists until my nails dig into my palms, but it doesn’t help me calm down. “I promised you my body. That was what you wanted, and it is not nothing .”

Hawk sucks in a lungful of air, spreading his arms like a bird about to strike its prey. “And I would never use this promise to hurt you. I would never demand my rights if you didn’t actually want to be with me, but you just took, and took, and I was powerless to stop you!” His voice chokes, and he turns away, walking back onto the shore.

I wrap my hands at the back of my head, at a loss about what to do. Am I really this bad at dealing with people? Just seeing Hawk so somber and disappointed makes me want to hug him and beg for forgiveness, but how would I even know if my touch is still welcome?

All I know is that I must make amends.

I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying. I am not the victim here, and I don’t deserve to feel sorry for myself. I might not have understood how much my actions were affecting Hawk, but now that I do, it’s my responsibility to prove to him that I can be trusted with his shadow.

“I’m sorry,” I choke out. “This power is new to me, but that is no excuse. I am so ashamed to have let you down on the night I promised you protection. I vow to you, that it will not happen again. I will only use the surface of your shadow, never more. I will not hurt you again.” My heart beats faster, and it shames me that he might sense it through our bond. My feelings are my responsibility. “Please give me grace,” I dare extend my hand to him so that it is his choice whether to take it or not.

Hawk exhales and glances at me, so tall and strong, yet now so vulnerable to my power over his shadow. I’ve only ever seen this exchange from one side. Never once did it occur to me how frightening the sensation of having one’s life force drained must feel to a Dark Companion, how much trust it must require. I can’t turn my gaze away from that anymore, because my husband would never forgive me if I did.

“You know, I’ve been fucked over so many times,” Hawk whispers, grabbing handfuls of his hair as he stares into the darkening sky. “The reason why I was a wanted man in the first place was because I fell in love with a boy who made me feel sorry for him.”

“I also promise not to drink again,” I add and let my hand fall to my side, rejected. “It has not aided my control over the situation.”

Hawk nods, and when the weight of his warm hand settles on my shoulder, I’m devastatingly close to crying. “Talk is cheap, so I’ll believe it when I see it. But thank you for… trying.”

My heart is bleeding all over the wood, yet no amount of regret can take back time or my choices. I fucked up, and he doubts me. I have to live with that.

I slide my fingers onto his hand and look into his soulful eyes. “Please do not consider fleeing. It’s not safe, not only because of the swamp beasts, but also because my cousin has no doubt alerted the Lord of the Nocturne Court of my arrival.”

I’m tense but breathe in relief when Hawk squeezes my hand. Maybe not all is lost after all.

“I don’t run,” he says, only to scratch his head. “Actually, I did run from prison, and from my family, and from that soul river of yours, so watch it. I’m good at escaping.”

Nerves coil in my stomach but I nod because I meant my vows and promises, even if I managed to break them so fast. I will not give him a reason to regret his choice of husband.

“Hopefully we will both be, if need be?” I offer him a shy smile, even though I don’t think we’re there yet. I want to be loved by him so badly it makes every bone in my body itch.

Hawk’s mouth quirks, and he strokes my hand with his thumb. “I can be your escape teacher. But just so I know… how wanted are you really?”

“Well… I’m a fugitive in all of the Nightmare Realm, really. Bounty hunters might want to seize me anywhere, though the farther we go from the Nocturne Court itself, the safer we will be.”

Hawk takes a deep breath. “But isn’t that exactly where we’re headed?”

My shoulders sag. “Yes. That is correct.”