Chapter 41
It surprised me how late in the day it was – time seemed to move differently in Mae’s dreams.
No-one had noticed my reappearance yet, so I took my time watching the people who had stayed with me when day turned to night.
General Toro and the curator from Murus caught my eye first because they seemed an odd pairing, and I wondered what they had to talk about. Tomas and Braya were preparing a deer to roast on a spit. I felt my stomach rumble at the sight.
Ania’s mischievous laugh rang out, drawing my attention. She and her brother were engaged in a spirited game, throwing pinecones and sticks at Atlas, who was in the midst of building a fire. He skil fully dodged and batted away the flying objects with a playful smile.
Pretending to be annoyed, he rose with a roar and grabbed Ania, who wasn’t as fast as her brother. Atlas tossed her over his shoulder and whacked her playfully on the backside.
Ania’s laughter abruptly ceased, her cheeks turning a deep shade of crimson. Still chuckling, Atlas gently set her down, oblivious to how her eyes sparkled and how she struggled to catch her breath, captivated by his mischievous grin.
‘See that, Wolfe? That’s what you get if you behave like a naughty child.’
Wolfe had long disappeared.
‘Child?’ Ania’s eyes welled up with tears as she backed away from Atlas. His brows furrowed, perplexed by her sudden shift in demeanor.
Ania shook her head at him before running off to her tent.
Atlas caught my eye. ‘What did I do?’ He glanced at the opening of Ania’s tent.
‘Leave her, Atlas.’ He would only make it worse for her.
Eventually I made my way to the tent I had slept in, hoping to find soap and clean clothes inside. Torgrin was sitting atop a pile of furs, writing in one of his journals. Next to him was a sleeping Wolfe.
He looked up from his writing at my arrival, and I noticed his hair was freshly washed. Inky strands flopped over one eye, reminding me of the boy I had watched playing in the Red River all those years ago.
Things were still uncertain between us, and there wouldn’t be enough time to fix that. That realisation added more weight to the sadness dragging me down. I wouldn’t burden him with everything I had learned today in Mae’s tent. What would be the point? I was leaving with his father for Ephemero s.
I whispered so as not to rouse Wolfe. ‘I’m looking for soap and clean clothes?’
Torgrin motioned to a corner of the tent, and relief flooded through me to see my saddle bags there.
Nightmare must be with the other horses.
I wondered who had thought to find my horse during our escape from Capita.
All my belongings, including the sword Iain made, were propped up in the corner.
I grabbed what I needed and headed to the pond to bathe.
Afterwards, I searched for the horses and found Tomas tending to them. I greeted Nightmare and stroked her lovingly.
Tomas snorted. ‘That horse of yours is a menace. She even bullies the stallions.’
‘Good girl,’ I cooed to her.
Tomas chuckled before turning back to camp.
‘Wait!’ I called. ‘Can I walk with you?’
He nodded, and I gave Nightmare one last pat.
‘I want to apologise for what I said to you earlier.’
‘Don’t worry about it. We’ve all been through a lot.’ He smiled sadly. ‘I’m sorry about Cillian.’
I swallowed, trying to push away the instant rush of grief. I wasn’t ready to talk about Cillian. But I had questions. ‘When I was in the dungeon, I found Finn. Dead.’
The image of him hanging in that cell flashed in my mind. I shook my head to clear it so I could continue. ‘Why did the dragon fire go off so early, and how was Finn captured?’
‘As promised, he took me to the Order’s secret chambers, where they had mounds of dragon-fire powder.
Atlas wanted us to take some if we got the opportunity,’ Tomas explained, keeping pace with me.
‘Maybe the curator could have discovered its properties, and we could’ve made it for ourselves.
But the Order would rather die than have anyone learn their secrets,’ he said bitterly.
‘When they recognised Finn, they drew their weapons.’ T omas kicked the ground with the scuffed toe of his boot.
‘He got caught drawing them away from me.’
‘King Hared carved “TRAITOR” into his forehead before he hanged him.’
Tomas swore, and we were silent for a while.
‘The Order ignited the dragon fire. They killed their own to keep the powder secret. We didn’t get any, and Finn sacrificed his life for nothing,’ Tomas said furiously.
The ability to make the powder would have given Atlas and Torgrin an even playing field in the future. Losing that knowledge was frustrating, but Finn’s sacrifice was heartbreaking.
‘This belief they have, that they will be reborn if they die in service of the Order, makes them very dangerous,’ I said, clenching my fists.
Tomas nodded in agreement. ‘I got out before the next chamber went up – the fire was uncontrollable by then. I didn’t know about Finn until Torgrin had recovered enough to tell us what had happened in the dungeon.’
‘What do you mean?’ I asked, concerned.
‘Torgrin was a mess while you slept. He wouldn’t eat or talk to anyone.’ Tomas cared deeply about his captain’s wellbeing, and I admired him even more for it.
We were approaching the edge of the camp when General Toro stopped us.
‘We are leaving tomorrow, so be ready,’ he said to me.
It was a command, and it was clear he wasn’t giving me a choice. I had made the deal. He had done as I had asked, and Torgrin was free. Cillian not being here wasn’t his fault. It was mine.
‘I’ll be ready,’ I said.
The general opened his mouth and then closed it again. He nodded once and turned away.
Tomas and I watched as the general talked to his men, who were still on watch.
‘You are going with him?’ Tomas asked with wide eyes.
I nodded. ‘It was the only way to get him to help us.’
‘Do Torgrin and Atlas know?’ He stopped walking and studied me.
‘Torgrin doesn’t. Atlas suspects,’ I admitted.
‘Torgrin won’t let you go to Ephemeros without him.’
‘Maybe he’ll come?’ I shrugged a shoulder.
Tomas’s brow wrinkled.
‘I don’t have a choice. Please don’t say anything until I’ve had a chance to talk with them both.’
Tomas stared at me silently. I knew I asked a lot of him. Atlas and Torgrin were more than his captains – they were his family.
But he nodded, and I briefly touched his forearm. ‘Thank you.’
‘The tournament seems like a lifetime ago, doesn’t it?’ He looked up at the darkening sky with a sigh.
‘We have been through a lot together since then.’ I swallowed the lump in my throat. ‘How do you do it?’ If anyone was going to understand this knot of pain in my heart, it was Tomas.
‘Before he died, Rhett made me promise not to let his death stop me from living.’
‘How’s that going for you?’
He shrugged. ‘I just put one foot in front of the other, hoping I don’t break my promise.’
?
Everyone had gathered around a sizeable fire to watch and smell the venison cook. I put my things in the tent and went to find somewhere to sit. Torgrin and Atlas made room for me between them.
The venison was delicious. Torgrin and Atlas took turns loading up my plate, and they even brought me some ale, which I gulped down gratefully. The alcohol numbed me a bit, and I found I could relax and enjoy the last evening I would have with them.
‘What were you and my father talking about?’ Torgrin stretched out his long legs and leaned back on his elbows to gaze vacantly into the fire. Nothing escaped Torgrin’s notice.
‘Ephemeros,’ I told him. ‘He’s leaving tomorrow,’ I added.
‘Good.’
‘Would you want to see your home again?’ I asked.
‘Pedion is my home. Nothing will ever make me go back to Ephemeros.’ He continued to stare at the flames.
Atlas shifted uncomfortably next to me. He shook his head at me. I grabbed Atlas’s big hand and held it to my face. ‘I’m sorry,’ I mouthed to him. He looked at Torgrin and then back at me sadly. He would never leave Torgrin’s side, and I wouldn’t let him anyway.
The ale had made me sleepy even though the night was still young, but I didn’t want to leave the warm fire and the surrounding people just yet.
As if sensing my mood, Torgrin silently moved behind me, and I repositioned myself to rest comfortably between his legs. I leaned against him sleepily, feeling his warm torso against my back. He continued to murmur to Atlas, and I was content to listen to their deep, soothing voices.
They were making plans to go back to Murus. They wanted to repair the fortress and build another army. How would they pay for repairs or soldiers’ wages? They discussed King Hared and how they could negotiate a truce for the sake of Ania and Wolfe.
They were both in line for the throne and would always pose a threat to him. However, would that be the case if my birth mother was revealed? I had a stronger claim to the throne than my cousins, but I did not want to disclose that now. Or ever.
I understood they wanted peace, but at what cost? The king would need a solid reason not to finish the job he had started. He had attacked Murus to rid himself of the Warwick family. What bargain could Torgrin and Atlas make to keep Lord Warwick’s children safe? My thoughts came to a halt.
I was leaving tomorrow. I had no claim over what the future would hold for Ania and Wolfe. They were my cousins – our mothers were sisters – and yet I was leaving them, breaking my oath to Lord Warwick. Atlas and Torgrin were staying to protect them. I had no right to judge their decisions.
Their familiar low tones soon soothed me to sleep, and I didn’t wake until I felt myself being lowered to my bedroll.
Torgrin had somehow carried me to our tent without waking me.
He moved around in the dark and then came to lie beside me.
I rolled over to face him, and he raised his hand to brush the hair from my face.
I needed to be up before dawn to get ready to leave, although I had little to take.
‘You fell asleep.’ His thumb trailed down my face and gently traced around the outline of my lips. My heart fluttered at the innocent caress.
I raised my hand to his bare shoulder – his skin was warm. I wanted to remember him like this: relaxed and sleepy.
‘Kiss me?’ I whispered.
He looked into my eyes uncertainly. ‘Are you sure?’ His low voice rumbled over me softly.
I grieved for Cillian, for a mother I never knew, and now I was leaving Torgrin and the friendships I’d made. I wanted to feel something other than fear and sorrow. Mostly, I wanted to show Torgrin how much I cared for him. Maybe he would remember tonight long after I’d left him.
‘Yes,’ I said breathlessly.
I held his heated gaze as he moved his hand to the back of my head and gathered my hair in his fist.
Torgrin leaned over me, and I watched his face grow tense and serious before his mouth found mine.
His lips brushed across mine so softly. I had never thought Torgrin could be this gentle, and my heart rate sped up with the anticipation.
The pressure of his lips increased as he kissed my top lip, then my bottom.
With sensual slowness, he ran the tip of his tongue along the part of my lips.
I sighed with pleasure, and he sucked at my lower lip like my mouth was a ripe peach.
Running my hands across his back, I could feel the way his muscles bunched under his smooth skin.
I cried out in surprise when his teeth pierced my bottom lip. He hushed me and soothed my lip with his tongue.
‘Why did you do that?’
He smiled down at me, showing me those rare dimples. ‘Got a little carried away?’
I was strangely pleased, and I laughed.
‘You have a beautiful laugh.’ His smile disappeared, and his gaze intensified, making me feel hot and breathless again. ‘Give me your mouth, woman,’ he ordered, and then his tongue found mine, and everything inside me lit up. I did not want slow and soft from him now.
My hands frantically grasped at his hair; the thick, soft strands fell between my impatient fingers.
Desperate for more contact, I pulled him over to fully cover me, pressing my hungry body against his.
I wrapped my legs around his narrow hips, dragging a low growl from him as he settled his weight between my welcoming thighs.
Whatever control he seemed to have left him.
He grabbed both my wrists in one of his enormous hands and raised them above my head, stretching me beneath him.
Soon, he was everywhere. His greedy mouth moved to my throat and down between the opening of my shirt.
His free hand cupped my breast so he could use his hot mouth to suck me through the cloth.
The wet fabric and his punishing teeth made the tips of my breasts so hard they ached for more.
I tried to free my hands, but he refused to let go.
‘Tor,’ I moaned desperately. He must have felt me shivering uncontrollably against him, and his teasing chuckle made me pant even harder.
When his wondrous mouth returned to mine, a moan escaped him as I sucked on his tongue, and shivers of pleasure ran through his half-naked body.
With a subtle shift of my hips, I pressed against him, feeling the heat and desire intensify between us.
I began rocking my hips against him, and I could feel his hardening cock twitch in response.
‘Fuck …’ He pulled back to look at me. The look he gave me was full of—
A jolt of power between us made me cry out in shock. Was that a spark where our hands joined? Torgrin pushed off me so fast I knew he had felt it too.
‘I’m sorry,’ I apologised, confused. What had I done? ‘Did I hurt you?’ I asked in a whisper.
‘You didn’t do anything,’ he said, but he moved to put his shirt on, and when I reached for him, he jumped back from me.
‘Don’t touch me!’
I took back my hand, hurt by his words.
‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.’ I looked at him, feeling crushed.
‘Stop saying that,’ he barked. ‘You didn’t do anything wrong.’
Then why was he leaving?
I tried again. ‘I don’t understand, Tor. That’s never happened before.’ This was our last night together. ‘Please stay!’ I knelt before him as he backed closer to the entrance.
‘I can’t.’ Then he was gone. I buried my face in my bedroll to muffle my sobs.
My powers were out of my control once more.