Chapter 17
Chapter 17
Jason didn’t start the engine. Instead, he sat in his car in the parking lot of the Peachtree Court apartments and conceded reluctantly that he didn’t belong here. Not that he didn’t want to be here...but that he was an outsider. Someone who had never lived a life of financial stress.
Gabby had told him so many stories about her neighbors. He’d even met a few of them in passing. He couldn’t think of a single person or family in this complex who didn’t struggle in one way or another. Childcare issues. Elderly folks with no support system. Teenagers with dreams that were curtailed by the financial realities of their parents.
Shame filled him, but for what, he didn’t know. He liked to think he was generous with his money and his resources. He hoped his friends knew they could always come to him for help. Still, he realized for the first time that although he had often brushed aside Gabby’s concerns, she was right. Their backgrounds were opposite sides of the moon.
How could he understand and love her when she had overcome almost insurmountable obstacles in life? She needed a man who would appreciate her strengths and shore up her hidden insecurities. A person who recognized what those early years had done to her...how they had shaped her.
His eyes stung and his chest ached. Finally he knew what he had to do.
He pulled out his phone. Hit a number. Waited.
When the person on the other end answered, he cleared his throat. “Are you guys home? Can I come over and talk to you?”
The affirmative from the man who was his de facto brother helped him breathe.
“I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” Jason said.
Harry’s penthouse apartment was luxurious in every way. But homey, too. Cate had added a few feminine touches when she moved in.
They both greeted him at the door when he got off the elevator.
“Are you okay?” Cate asked anxiously.
Harry put a hand on her arm. “Give him a minute, love. He just got here.” Harry shot Jason a rueful smile. “My wife is a worrier, as you know. We ordered pizza. Thought you might be hungry. It should be here soon. Come on into the den.”
Jason breathed a little easier. Maybe he had come close to having a panic attack. That was a hell of a thing for him to admit. But he was struggling suddenly in high weeds, and he needed help.
The pizza arrived even before they were all seated. Harry offered him a beer. Jason chose Coke. He was too wound up to drink. He needed a clear head.
Cate and Harry didn’t question him right off. Jason offered no explanations for his sudden appearance. They ate and drank. Discussed the weather. Bemoaned the stock market. Talked winter sports.
At last, Cate was incensed. “Stop it, you two. Jason is here for a reason.” She smiled at him sweetly. “Go ahead. We’re listening.”
Jason bounded to his feet and paced. The pizza churned in his stomach. Finally he stopped with his back to the fireplace, shoved his hands in his pockets, and stared at his two friends. “I’m in love with Gabby.”
Damn. That wasn’t how he’d meant to start this conversation. But the words had been bottled up inside his chest since yesterday. He sure as hell couldn’t have said them to Gabby. He knew instinctively that a declaration like that would have sent her running.
Telling Cate and Harry was the next best thing.
Cate burst into tears immediately. She jumped to her feet and hugged him. “That’s wonderful news.”
Over her head, Jason and Harry exchanged a grim look.
Harry sighed. “Easy, love. I don’t think it is.”
Cate sat down, wiped her face with a tissue, and glanced back and forth between the two men. “Why not?”
Harry looked at Jason. “Like she said. We’re listening.”
Jason sat on the hearth and rolled his shoulders. “Cate...you don’t know this, but I asked Gabby out back in college. Long before you and I started dating. She shot me down right away. I’ll admit. It hurt my pride.”
Cate nodded slowly. “I’m not surprised she would have said no. She wasn’t at all social back then. I had to drag her to parties and get-togethers. Gradually she loosened up, but that reserve she has will always be there, I think.”
Harry nodded. “Gabby isn’t an easy person to get close to. I suppose you know that already.” His sympathetic expression as he spoke made Jason feel worse.
“Oh, I do know,” Jason said. “From the moment we ran into each other earlier this month, she’s been telling me why we could never be a couple. Because we’re too different.” Jason shook his head slowly. “But the truth is...” He trailed off, feeling disloyal to his lover. Should he even be talking about their private lives? On the other hand, Cate and Harry knew better than anyone how tricky this was.
“The truth is?” Cate wrung her hands. “Don’t stop there. I’m worried about both of you. What happened? You each seemed happy at your parents’ party yesterday.”
Jason cleared his throat, feeling his face go hot. “We had an amazing night. All night. She was open and sexy and funny, but...”
Now it was Harry’s turn. “But what, Jason? Did you upset her?”
“No, damn it. Everything was perfect. Until today. I think I screwed up and didn’t even know it.”
Cate poured herself another glass of wine. “I think you’d better start at the beginning. We can’t help if we don’t know what’s going on.”
Jason rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hands, suddenly feeling the sleep deprivation from the night before. “I took her to brunch, and we stopped by Lenox. My grandmother wanted me to pick up my gift from her at Neiman’s since she and Granddad aren’t coming at Christmas.”
Cate snickered. “The silk boxers, right? Your grandparents are a hoot. They get you those every year.”
“Yeah, the boxers.” Jason grimaced. “I think Gabby saw a price tag and...” He swallowed hard.
He still felt a little sick at his lack of understanding.
Harry was a brilliant man. He caught on immediately. “Gabby saw you holding a box of ridiculously priced silk underpants, and it proved her point that the two of you should never end up together. Period.”
“That’s about it,” Jason said. “The truth is, I’m finally beginning to understand that she may be right. I don’t care about her past. Other than to admit it hurts like hell to think about what she endured as a child and a teenager. I love the woman she is now. But I may not be the man I need to be for her.”
“Why not?” Cate asked indignantly.
Jason shrugged. “She’s told me about a few of her neighbors. The single mom with two young sons. Daycare eats up a third of her paycheck. And then there’s the older lady who has mobility issues and survives on a fixed income. The compensation package for Gabby’s job means she could live lots of places in Atlanta, but she chooses to stay at Peachtree Court, because she belongs . Those are her people. In fact, she’s experienced far worse in life than most of her fellow residents.”
Harry nodded. “Empathy. Our Gabby has it in spades. She feels things deeply. Her caring heart endears her to everyone in her orbit.”
Jason looked at Cate. “I know you and Leah are her dearest friends. And she is so very grateful for all you did to take her under your wing at UGA. But when we were in Blossom Branch recently, she showed me things and told me some about her past that she says even you guys don’t know.”
Cate’s gaze was wide and worried. “Why would she do that?”
Harry rubbed his jaw. “Because she feels close to Jason? Romantically?”
Jason snorted. “I wish. No. She was trying to push me away. When I questioned her about that very thing, she admitted it.”
“So what are you going to do?” Cate asked.
“Give her time?” Harry frowned.
“It’s not as simple as time,” Jason said. “That’s why I’m here. I need to talk this through. You two know Gabby as well as you know me.”
“What’s there to talk about?” Cate said. She kicked off her shoes and curled her legs beneath her. “Gabby needs a man who will love and care for her. She deserves that—more than anyone I know.”
Harry shook his head slowly. “I don’t know that I agree with you, sweetheart. Gabby is incredibly strong. She doesn’t need someone to take care of her. Love her, yes. But she can chart her own life.”
Jason resumed his pacing. “I want to be with Gabby. I want to love her and spoil her and fight with her and...well, everything.”
“So what’s the problem?” Cate asked. She and Harry stared at him.
“That’s just it. I’m not sure. Maybe a guy like me can’t be the man she needs. I’ve never faced a single day where I worried about money. Gabby, though, went to bed hungry on multiple occasions in her young life. Do you see how that looks from her side? There are so many layers to her, maybe I never can understand. I might end up failing her because of my ignorance.”
Jason had been hoping Cate or Harry or both would jump in and convince him that everything was going to be okay. Instead, they sat in silence, clearly processing his words, their expressions troubled.
Harry stood up as well and stretched. “What’s the harm in trying?”
Jason swallowed hard. “If this relationship with Gabby is a possibility—if I want her in my life permanently—I have to be sure. I nearly ruined Cate’s future. I can’t do that to another woman.”
“Don’t be stupid,” Cate said indignantly. “You and I were both to blame for our mismatch. You didn’t ruin it. We were both afraid to admit the truth.”
“It was the biggest mistake of my life, Cate. I knew there was something wrong, but I waited until literally the last minute to back out of our wedding.”
Harry scowled. “We’ve both said this to you, Jason, but you’re not listening. That’s in the past. Yes. You made a mistake. Get over it.”
His throat hurt. “What if being with Gabby is an even worse mistake? I can’t do that to her. She’s dealt with such hard things in her life. I don’t want to be another crisis. I don’t want to cause her more pain.”
Cate crossed the room and took his face in her hands, her expression pained. “The decision isn’t entirely up to you, Jason. Gabby gets to have a vote. You can’t presume to know what’s best for her.” She kissed his cheek and went back to her seat. “Men tend to fix problems. Sometimes we women appreciate that. But in a situation like this, I think Gabby will have to take the lead.”
“There’s more,” Harry said. “You may not want to hear it.”
“Oh, great. Go ahead.” Jason braced inwardly.
Harry shook his head slowly. “I’ve been a closed-off bastard for a lot of my life. I let you get close when you were a scrappy six-year-old kid and I was sixteen. We kept that bond and still have it to this day. But when I was in love with Cate, I was a chickenshit coward. I hated to see her hurting so badly. I took care of her. Loved her in silence. Despite all that, when the time came, I was afraid to tell her how I felt. I could have easily lost her forever.”
“What are you saying?” Jason asked, trying to follow Harry’s explanation.
“I’m saying you may have to lay your heart at Gabby’s feet and risk letting it get stomped on. You may have to be more vulnerable than you ever have been in your whole beautiful, golden, entitled, easy life. But when that terrifying moment occurs, remind yourself of everything Gabby has endured.”
In a startling moment of clarity, Jason saw the truth. Harry and Cate were right. If Jason wanted Gabby in his life, he had to let Gabby call the shots. He had to step back. He had to wait and hope and pray that she would come to him.
It wasn’t what he wanted to hear. It wasn’t what he wanted to do.
But it was the only way.
“Thanks for the advice,” he said gruffly. “I’ve got a lot to think about.”
“You’re welcome to stay and watch a movie with us,” Cate said.
Jason knew he wasn’t doing a good job of covering up his emotional state. “I appreciate the invitation, but I think I’ll head to the house and sledgehammer a few things.”
Harry grinned. “That dump of yours is better than therapy, right?”
“You could say that.” He hugged both his friends and headed for the door. The urge to drive back to Gabby’s apartment was almost overwhelming. But he knew he couldn’t. “I’ll keep in touch,” he said. “Good night.”
Gabby hadn’t expected to miss Jason so badly. Her apartment felt empty and cold without his presence. Even though she had been the one to send him on his way, and even though her decision was the smart thing to do, she felt sad and wrapped in regret.
The late afternoon and the evening stretched on forever. She ran through her list of Sunday night chores automatically. A trip to the grocery store. Back home to wash fruit and start a load of laundry.
When she picked out what she would wear Monday, she was mindful of her lunch with Sheila Brightman. Everyone at Grimes & Hancock adhered to a classy dress code. Any of Gabby’s work outfits would have been fine for tomorrow.
Even so, Gabby picked out one of her newer tops. It was a sleeveless apricot silk shell that looked feminine and flattering beneath her charcoal-gray, waist-length jacket. The matching pants showed off her long legs. Often she wore skirts to work, but the temperature was supposed to tumble during the night.
At ten o’clock, she was ready for bed. After getting so little sleep last night, she was ready to crash. But her bedroom was a problem. She could swear Jason had left an imprint in the space. She could see him in her bed. Amused. Aroused. Focused on her pleasure.
Some women might have climbed into the rumpled bed and inhaled the faint remnants of his aftershave on the cotton sheets. Gabby was the opposite. She was determined not to weave silly, pitiful fantasies.
Doggedly, she stripped the bed, tossed the pile of linens on the floor of her small laundry room, and reached into the closet for clean sheets. When the bed was made and the covers smoothed perfectly into place, she breathed more easily.
Jason hadn’t disrupted her life. He’d taken her to a fancy, fun party. At her invitation, he had stayed over at her place. They had indulged in incredible, crazy sex. She had enjoyed last night immensely. But tomorrow would be the moment when Gabby Nolan went back to the real world and reclaimed her no-nonsense, predictable life.
She was almost ready to turn out the light when her phone buzzed. She picked it up. “Hey, Jason.” She tossed her book to one side as she answered. “What’s up?”
“Nothing really. I’m calling to say good-night.”
His voice sounded different somehow. Maybe he was hoarse. She curled on her side. “That’s nice.”
“Do you miss me?”
She gripped the phone. Her breasts ached and her nipples tightened. “You know I do.” She was in bad shape if nothing more than hearing him on the phone made her feel so restless and desperately alone.
“I miss you, too, Gabby.” He cleared his throat. “Lucas texted me a little while ago. He’s off tomorrow and asked if I wanted to take a tour of the camp. Leah, too, of course. I’m excited to see it.”
“That sounds like fun,” she said wistfully.
“I’ll happily reschedule if you’d like to go with us.”
“That’s okay,” she said. She swallowed her weirdly emotional response to hearing that her friends would be socializing without her. Leah and Jason had known each other forever. And Gabby had been to the camp many times. She didn’t need to be included.
Jason moved on. “I hate to bring up a potentially sore subject, but are you fretting about lunch with my mom?”
“Not at all. I told you—I like Sheila. It will do me good to get out of the office. I eat lunch at my desk far too often.”
“I hope she behaves.”
“Maybe you’re the one who’s nervous,” Gabby teased. “I promise to say only good things about you.”
“Thanks. I think.” His voice lowered. “Last night was insanely hot. You made me lose my mind, and I didn’t even care. We’re good together, Gabby.”
“Good in bed.” Was she trying to pick a fight?
She heard him laugh wryly.
“It’s more than that, and I think you realize it deep down,” he said. “You know I want to see you for Christmas. I’ll try to be a patient man.”
“So I’m supposed to pick a time?”
“Is that so surprising? I’m flexible. I know how hard you work. I’ll drop everything when you call.”
“Don’t say that, Jason. It makes me feel weird.”
“Weird, how?”
“Like I’m playing hard to get. I’m not. You remember last night? I invited you to spend the night. We were in my bed when we...”
“Explored our mutual fantasies?”
She flexed her toes, feeling his phantom touch even when he wasn’t with her. “You could say that.” When her breath came more quickly, she knew it was time to end the call. “I need to go. Good night, Jason.”
“I’ll let you sleep,” he said. “Though I doubt I will. Good night, Gabby. Sweet dreams.”
On Monday morning, Gabby made it to work twenty minutes early. Even her ambitious intern, Jamie, hadn’t arrived. Gabby hadn’t been willing to risk another emotionally hungover Monday.
Thankfully, she had slept straight through until her alarm rang. Her exhaustion from Saturday night had helped with that. Now she’d had two cups of coffee. Her daily calendar was neatly planned. Even the upcoming lunch with Sheila wasn’t bothering her.
The familiar routines of her work were comforting.
A ten o’clock meeting with her immediate boss took a surprising turn. When she showed up in his office, he shut the door. “Have a seat, Gabby.”
She wasn’t alarmed. Bradley was lazy and a bit too full of himself. He could be goofy and annoying on occasion. But he had never done anything that could remotely be construed as inappropriate. They had a good relationship. Gabby brought in new clients and made them feel important and comfortable with the services they received. Bradley racked up the credit.
“What did you need to see me about?” she asked.
He leaned back in his chair, flipped a page or two on his fancy leather-bound agenda, and gave her an odd look. “This is not to be shared,” he said, lowering his voice. “But I’m leaving town.”
Her jaw dropped. This silly, pretentious man had it made. Why would he give up such a cushy position? She swallowed all the inappropriate questions that trembled on her lips. “Where are you going? If I may ask? I thought you were very happy here.”
“I have been.” For once he looked moody. “My wife has been offered a big fancy job at a headhunter firm in Orlando. It’s what she does here in Atlanta. This will be more money, though, and a promotion. She’ll be in charge of her own department.”
“Wow. That’s wonderful,” Gabby said. “Please give her my congratulations.”
“Sure,” he muttered. His gaze was focused out the window. Finally he spun his chair again so he faced Gabby. “The big cheeses here have asked me to consider starting a branch of our company in Florida.”
Her jaw dropped briefly before she snapped it shut. “Again. Wow. You must be flattered that they think so highly of you.”
“Yeah. I guess.” He tapped a pen on his blotter, then shot her a calculating look. “I wondered if you would consider going with me. I’m not a fool, Gabby. I don’t have what it takes to do something like that. You’re the smart one. I’d give you a huge increase over what you’re making here. And a title that reflects your worth. What do you think?”
“Um...” Her head spun. If Grimes & Hancock was her passion, this might be very tempting. But her work here in this building was only a job to her. A means to an end. “I appreciate your trust in me. I do, Bradley. But my answer has to be no. My mother lives alone. I have certain responsibilities with her.”
“Move her to Florida, too,” he said, the words impatient.
“She wouldn’t go, unfortunately. I haven’t even been able to get her to relocate to Atlanta. She’s a very stubborn woman,” Gabby said with a smile.
“I thought this would be your answer,” he grumbled. His expression was morose. “You got any suggestions? Preferably someone without kids who wouldn’t have to worry about the school year. This thing is going down ASAP.”
“Well, Timothy is single and very competent. He might be interested. Or Geneva. She’s a widow. Also super sharp. She would be more than capable of setting up a new cast of team members and supporting you.”
“Got it.” He jotted a couple of notes on a slip of paper and shot her a cajoling glance. “Any chance you might think about this overnight and change your mind? They’ve given me a huge budget. I could make it worth your while.”
She smiled at him kindly. “Thanks, Bradley. But no. I’m settled here in Atlanta.”
He sighed. “I understand. I don’t like it, but I understand.”
When she made a move to stand up, he waved a hand. “Don’t go yet. There’s one more thing.”
“Okay.” She settled back in her chair.
“To be honest,” he said, “they’ll probably offer you a shot at my job as I’m leaving. Don’t let them jerk you around. I’ll tell you what they’re paying me. You ask for more and don’t budge. They’ll have three or four names on the short list. You’ll be my recommendation.” He shrugged. “You deserve it, Nolan. You work twice as hard as anybody here.”
“I appreciate your vote of confidence,” she said faintly, her head spinning. For a moment, she wondered if getting Bradley’s job could change how she felt about fitting into Jason’s world. She would be an executive at a prestigious company. But she would have even less time to care for her mother. And truthfully, the work at Grimes & Hancock often felt like drudgery. “Thanks for the head’s up,” she said.
“You’re welcome. That’s all I’ve got for now,” he said. “But if there’s an overnight miracle and you have a change of heart, let me know.”