Chapter 21
Chapter 21
Gabby was in shock. She knew she shouldn’t attempt driving, but Jason gave her no choice. In half an hour, she had gathered her things, set the thermostat, unplugged the Christmas tree, and closed the drapes.
After one last check of the bathroom and laundry room, Gabby returned to the kitchen. As far as she could tell, Jason hadn’t moved, other than to stand and rest a shoulder against the door to the outside.
His handsome face was entirely devoid of expression.
“Are you ready?” he asked curtly.
“Yes.”
They exited the house in silence. He carried her bags. She locked the door.
At last, they stood and faced each other in the driveway. The harsh glare of a streetlight painted the planes and angles of his face in foreboding shadows. “Anything else we need to do for your mother?” he asked, no inflection at all in his words.
“No,” she whispered.
“Then get in the car, Gabby. Let’s get the hell out of here.”
She climbed into her vehicle and closed the door. It took her three tries to get the seat belt fastened. Tears still tumbled down her cheeks. She had cried more since lunch than she had in the last two years.
Jason didn’t seem to care. Not anymore.
He backed out of the driveway and far enough up the narrow street for her to get in front of him.
Her hands shook from the cold or her nerves or both. When she put the car in Drive and headed toward town, he was right behind her.
In a flash of incredulous, dark humor, she realized this might have been her last overnight visit to the house where she had spent a big portion of her childhood. If things in Florida went well, Dahlia might move in with Dave and sell the unassuming structure in the rearview mirror. Another crack opened in Gabby’s heart.
That house had seen its fair share of sadness and pain, but it was home.
The drive to Atlanta was a blur. Though she kept her focus on the road, each time she glanced in the rearview mirror, there he was. Jason. Keeping her in sight and shepherding her home, even though she had been a coward and a liar.
Of course she loved him. How could she not?
She had probably been in love with him at some subterranean level since she was eighteen and Jason flashed across her path like a fiery meteor.
When he asked her out on a date all those years ago, she had been young and timid and scared. Jason had been like the gorgeous alpha hero in the movies. All smiles and laughter and brilliant light.
What was her excuse now?
Jason wasn’t willing to “date” her or court her or flirt with her. Or at least not only that. Those were superficial interactions. The relationship between them had moved far beyond lighthearted fun. He wanted more.
Finally, after an interminable drive, they ended up at Peachtree Court. A headache from stress and crying crushed her skull.
She made herself get out of the car and face him. “Good night. Thanks for the company on the way home.”
The words nearly stuck in her throat. She wanted to throw herself in his arms and tell him the truth. She was madly, wretchedly, hopelessly in love with him.
But she had endured one too many shocks today. Her emotions were fragile as spun glass. It would be dangerous to blurt out the truth without considering the consequences.
She always weighed the consequences...
Jason popped her trunk. “I’ll carry your bags.”
She was under no illusion that he wanted to come inside. His terse words made that clear. Instead of protesting, she picked up her purse and a couple of lighter totes and followed him up the stairs. When she unlocked her door, he set the two small suitcases inside and stepped back.
They were at an impasse. An awkward, here-comes-the-end confrontation.
“I’m sorry I made you angry,” she said.
His expression was impassive. “I’m not angry, not anymore.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at her. “You and Dahlia have conquered unimaginable obstacles in your life. And you’ve come out the other side. I know it’s impossible for me to understand exactly how hard that was, though I’ve tried. When you let me. Now...” He shrugged. “None of your life experiences matter to me—other than to feel gut-deep sorrow that you faced so much hardship at such a young age. I don’t care about your past. But the problem is... you care. Far too much for you and me to have a shot at anything real and lasting.”
She opened her mouth to say something.
Jason waved a hand. “I’m not finished,” he said. “I think you love me. I’m pretty sure you do. But I can’t be the one to make you feel safe and comfortable and accepted. That can only come from inside you. So here’s the deal, Gabby. I won’t call you. I won’t ask you out. I won’t send you texts. I won’t contact you in any way. I love you too damn much to be nothing but a fuck buddy.”
She winced. “That’s not what you are to me,” she whispered.
His expression was bleak. “Feels like it from where I’m standing.” He sighed. “If you ever want more from our relationship, you know where to find me. I’ll still love you in a day or a week or a year. But I’m not willing to accept less than a hundred percent. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Um...”
“I want you , Gabriella. All of you. A woman who will be at my side for better or worse, for richer or poorer. A wife. The mother of my theoretical children. A lover who will keep me warm at night. If my wants and needs ever line up with yours, come and get me. No more hiding. No more insecurity.”
For the first time, his stoic expression cracked. She saw the utter devastation and pain in his gaze. “Good night, Gabby. Merry Christmas.”
Gabby had thought one of the most dreadful days of her adult life was standing near the altar and watching Jason prepare to marry Cate Penland.
Turned out there were worse moments.
She was living a nightmare now.
How could he ask that of her?
Ignore her past? Act as if she belonged in the world Jason inhabited?
It wasn’t possible.
Somehow, she made it through the holiday week by watching TV and eating junk food and texting with her mom. Dahlia was over the moon with excitement. She loved Florida. She had caught two fish so far.
New Year’s Day was spent much like every other day since Christmas. Although Gabby did watch parades and clean out a few drawers. Despite the brand-new calendar on the wall and the pristine date, she refused to make even one tiny resolution.
Resolutions were for people who focused their hope into the new year.
She had nothing to hope for .
Returning to work on Monday was a welcome distraction from her personal life. She relished the busy pace, the nonstop demands.
For two entire weeks, every day was the same. Then, when she thought there were no more surprises, her mother FaceTimed one evening.
“Hey, Mama,” Gabby said, feigning cheerfulness. “How are you doing? Wow, you’ve got a suntan.”
Dahlia beamed. “I know. Isn’t it great? Dave and I spend most of every day outside. And the fish we’re eating...so good.”
“I’m glad.”
“Anything new in Atlanta?” her mother asked.
“No. Just working.” On another, earlier call, Gabby had mentioned in passing that she and Jason weren’t seeing each other anymore. Her mother had been visibly disappointed but hadn’t pressed the issue.
Dahlia wrinkled her nose. “ I have some news,” she said. Anxiety colored her expression now.
“What is it, Mama?”
“Dave and I got married today. I started to feel bad about, you know, living in sin .” She lowered her voice as she said it. “So we popped over to the courthouse and tied the knot. I’m Mrs. Langford now.”
The man in question eased Dahlia to one side so his face appeared in the frame. He grimaced. “If I had known how she was going to feel, I would have married her in Blossom Branch before we left. I even offered for us to turn right around and go home for a few days so you could be with us, but your delightful mother is stubborn.”
“Don’t I know it.” Gabby smiled. “Congratulations to you both.”
Dahlia held up a bare left hand, bouncing in that way she had when she was excited. “I knew my baby would understand. And by the way, we did this so fast, we had to fake the ring part. We’re going shopping tomorrow.”
“Sounds fun,” Gabby said. “I can’t wait to see the new jewelry.”
She had a hunch Dave saw through her lightly worded response to the shock and worry she was feeling. He leaned into the camera. “She’ll want to have a party in the spring. When we get home. I’m sorry you weren’t here, Gabby.” His expression was troubled. “I hope you’ll forgive me for stealing her away.”
“I’m happy for you both,” she said. “Truly, I am.”
A few moments later, they all signed off.
Gabby sat on her sofa and stared out the window, feeling numb and surreal. How many more shocks could she take? After all these years, her mother was married. For the very first time. To an adult man, not a boy. A husband who would make her his priority. Who would love Dahlia and watch over her.
After tragedy and illness and heartbreak, Dahlia’s mental health had improved. Jason had been right about that. Gabby had been too close to the situation to recognize the incremental changes in her mother. Dahlia was moving on with her life.
Gabby was not.
The empty feeling in her chest frightened her. She glanced at the clock on the wall. The twins would be in bed by now. She sent Tanya a text. Any chance I could come over for a few minutes?
Tanya replied immediately with a thumbs-up emoji.
When Gabby knocked at her friend’s apartment and the door swung open, Tanya’s eyes widened. “Come in, hon. What’s wrong?”
Gabby sniffed as she sat down on the sofa, angry with the tears that seemed to be her constant companion these days. “I’m not a crier,” she insisted.
Tanya took a chair nearby and wobbled her ankles as if they hurt. “Nothing wrong with crying,” she said. “We all do it. Tears are good for watering whatever is going to grow next when our lives take a turn.”
Gabby gave her a shaky smile. “That’s beautiful. Who said that?”
Tanya smirked. “I made it up on the spot. Not bad, huh?” She cocked her head. “Something happened today?”
“My mother got married. In Florida.”
“Oh, hon. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry,” Gabby said.
Tanya frowned. “I’m sorry you weren’t there to be part of a very special moment in your mom’s life. That’s what I meant.”
“She’s not an inconsiderate person.” Gabby felt protective of her mother even in this context. “But she can be impulsive at times. I think she got down to Florida and began to wonder what the ladies at church might think of her. She was fretting about living in sin , so she and Dave went to the courthouse today.”
“Well, that’s a heck of a way to start off the new year.”
“I should be thrilled,” Gabby said, blowing her nose.
“And are you?”
“I’m trying to be...”
Tanya propped her feet on an ottoman. “So why are you here? Besides your news, I mean. You know I’m happy to listen anytime. But I get the feeling you want more than listening.”
Gabby took a deep breath. “Will you tell me about your marriage?”
Tanya had never brought up the details, and Gabby—a private person herself—had not wanted to pry.
Tanya grinned. “What do you need to know? I’ve been divorced almost four years. It’s old news.”
“Were you in love with him in the beginning? When did you fall out of love? Would you ever get married again?”
“Whoa, whoa.” The other woman held up both hands. “One thing at a time.”
“Sorry.”
“That first question is the hardest one, I guess. I didn’t date a whole lot in high school. No college for me. I went straight to cosmetology school and then got a job at a hair salon. Made decent money. Not great. I’d been there ten years when Jimmy came in to get a haircut one day. I thought he was the cutest guy I had ever seen. There were pheromones bouncing all over the place. He asked me out on the spot. I said yes.”
“And after that?”
Tanya shook her head slowly. “If we weren’t at work, we were together. We had sex like rabbits. I didn’t even know all that much about him, but he made me feel like the most desirable woman on the planet.”
“So he asked you to marry him?”
“Not then. We’d been dating about eight or nine months when we messed up. Had too much to drink. Did it without protection. I ended up pregnant.”
“Oh.” Gabby’s mind raced. It was hard to reconcile her oh-so-practical neighbor with this tale of wild, irresponsible intimacy.
“Oh, indeed.” Tanya snickered. “That’s when we got married. To be fair, Jimmy tried to do the right thing. But when the boys came along and they were twins, he freaked out. Even with neighbors and a family member or two to help, those first months with double little ones are kind of a nightmare.”
“I still can’t believe he deserted his family.” Gabby was indignant.
Tanya shrugged. “Yeah. Said he didn’t sign on for babies. Especially not two of the little stinkers. He paid child support for six months, and then he disappeared. I don’t even know where he’s living.”
“How can you be so calm about it?”
“Because I have those two adorable babies asleep in the other room. They’re my heart and soul, Gabby. Jimmy’s missing out on all that. Even worse, he has no clue how wonderful they are.”
“I see.”
“Tell me the truth. Why the sudden interest in my dismal marriage? Is this about your beautiful man, Jason? I haven’t seen his car around here since Christmas. What’s the status with him?”
Gabby rubbed her hands over her face. “He told me he loves me.”
“That monster.” Tanya’s smile was chiding but sympathetic.
“You don’t understand,” Gabby said. “He thinks it doesn’t matter that I grew up without shoes sometimes. Or that Mama and I lived off restaurant leftovers the neighbor’s husband brought home from the diner.”
“You had a hard life. I get that. And I’m sorry. But what does that have to do with your Jason?”
“His family is wealthy. Both sets of grandparents are wealthy, too.”
“So?”
“He was once engaged to Cate Penland, a beauty queen. I’ve told you about that wedding. Her family has money, too.”
For the first time, Tanya sobered. “May I ask you a personal question?”
Gabby laughed softly. “I think the answer is yes. Considering I’ve made you dissect your marriage.”
“Ever since I met you, I’ve heard about your two best friends, Cate and Leah. Why didn’t you call one of them tonight? Why call me? Is it because they’re more like Jason than you are? You think they’ll take his side?”
Whoa. Gabby hadn’t even admitted it to herself. “There might be some truth to that. If I talked to either of them, they wouldn’t understand how I feel. They don’t know what it was like for me. And they love Jason. Both of them would tell me to get over myself and give him a chance.”
“Ah. So you came here because you think my opinion will be more sound.”
“Something like that.”
“Because I’m solidly blue-collar, and I live paycheck to paycheck.”
Gabby’s eyes widened in alarm. “I’m sorry if I’ve offended you. I think you’re wonderful, Tanya. But yes. You at least know about things like food stamps and government assistance.”
“Hmmm.” Tanya’s expression indicated deep thought. Finally she nodded her head. “Here’s the thing, sweet girl. I’ll have to side with Cate and Leah on this one. You have a fantastic job. You’ve looked after your mother all these years. You’re an amazing person. It makes perfect sense to me that Jason is in love with you. What I don’t understand is why a woman as smart as you are could be so ignorant about love.”
“Ouch.” Gabby gaped at her friend. “That’s a little harsh.”
“The truth sometimes is. You asked me if I would ever get married again? Definitely, girl. If I meet a man who loves me and my boys, I’m all in.”
When Gabby stood, her knees felt wobbly. “I should go. It’s late. Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder.”
“But you don’t believe a word I’ve said, do you?”
Gabby smiled and reached for her coat. “Good night, Tanya. Sweet dreams.”
January crawled by. The weather blew hot and cold. Literally. One day there was ice on the shrubbery. The next weekend, crocuses were popping up, and the thermometer hit sixty degrees. Then the chill returned.
On the twenty-fourth of the month, Mr. Hancock came to Gabby’s office. A wide-eyed Jamie showed him in before making herself scarce.
Gabby stood politely, but he waved her back to her seat. “Sit, sit, young lady.”
“Yes, sir.” Since Mr. Hancock was almost ninety and not likely comfortable on his feet, she sat.
He took the armchair on the other side of her desk, lowering himself into it with a wince. “Getting old is the pits, Ms. Nolan. Avoid it as long as you can.”
“But it beats the alternative,” she said lightly. “Right?”
His chuckle was rusty, as if he didn’t laugh very often. “I suppose.”
“How may I help you, sir?”
He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Now that Bradley is off to the Sunshine State with his wife, I need to fill his position. I think you’re the person for the job.” He slid something across the desk. “Here’s the salary and benefits package.”
Gabby picked up the sheet of paper. The base salary listed was fifty thousand over what Bradley had shared with her about his compensation. She cleared her throat. “This is a very generous offer,” she said. Admitting that probably wasn’t good negotiating strategy, but the numbers would double her current pay.
The old man nodded slowly. “Let’s be honest. We all know that you’ve carried Bradley since you’ve been here. You’re intelligent and empathetic. We have prospective new clients who call every week asking for you by name. They’ve heard from friends that you can talk about money in layman’s terms and that you’re extremely knowledgeable about the products and services we offer. Grimes and I are officially offering you this position with a commensurate financial boost and a new title. You’ll be the very first senior female staff person in the building. Congratulations.”
Gabby’s mind spun. She should be elated—right?
She tried to swallow, but her throat was dry. “Is it possible for me to think about this before I give you an answer?”
Shock flashed across his face. He frowned. “Is somebody trying to poach you? Hell’s bells. How much are they offering?”
“No, sir. That’s not it. But this is a big step. I’d like to mull it over before accepting so much responsibility.”
“You’ve been doing the bulk of the work anyway. Might as well get paid for what you’re accomplishing.”
“Please, Mr. Hancock. May I think about it?”
“One week,” he said curtly. “One week. And if there’s another company trying to steal you away, I want to know about it. We can sweeten that offer if necessary. I’m not losing you to the competition.”
The meeting was clearly over.
She pretended not to notice how much effort he expended rising to his feet. “Thank you, Mr. Hancock. I appreciate the offer. I’ll give it my utmost consideration.”
He harrumphed. “Indeed.”
The remainder of the workday passed in a haze of business details and introspection, at least on her part. Jamie was understandably curious. Gabby didn’t breathe a word to any of her colleagues.
At home, she paced the floor. She had never believed in Fate as a real concept. Things didn’t fall out of the sky. She worked her butt off week after week, and now all her efforts were being rewarded.
She should have been over the moon.
But somehow, her mood remained flat. Was she struggling with regret over not seeing her mother wed? Grief over missing Jason? Or something else entirely?
This was the moment when she really should have called Cate and Leah for lunch and a meeting of the minds. They would help her look at the pros and cons of this new G&H position. Be sounding boards as she talked it over aloud.
She wanted to call them, but she couldn’t. If she sat down at the table, face-to-face with her two best friends, they would understandably have questions about Jason. Gabby wasn’t ready for that.
They might offer sympathy. Or maybe criticism. Neither would be helpful right now. Now—like it had been for most of her life—the hard stuff was up to her.
No one else understood the stakes. No one else understood what was in her heart. She had a week to decide what to do. Hopefully that would be enough.