The Starman Strategy: MM Romantic Comedy (The Bakery Brothers Book 4)

Chapter 23

“It’s a coping mechanism,” Stone had once said. “It’s your brain’s way of protecting itself from a traumatic experience. You’re taken out of that moment.”

Newt had been sat on the bed. His bed. The room he was inside didn’t have a lock on the door or a camera in the corner. It had a window that could open wide enough to climb out of if the need ever arose. There were trees outside the window and a breeze through the gap he’d opened.

Birds sang.

“Newt…”

Stone had armed himself with a stack of research papers. Dissociation disorder wasn’t a one-size-fits-all condition, and Newt had no idea how to explain it to Stone.

Newt had taken a deep breath and told Stone about the first time.

He hadn’t been scared. In fact, if he was honest with himself, disconnecting from reality had felt like a superpower at the time. He’d denied what the police officer was telling them and simply cut ties with the moment. Sometimes real life wasn’t good enough, and given the choice, anyone would like to tap out for a while.

Wouldn’t they?

“What brought you back?”

Newt didn’t know.

But his dissociation spell only delayed the inevitable. Reality crushed him when he was back in his own head again. His mum was dead. But he clutched the pendant in his hand, protecting it for when she did come back, which of course she couldn’t, but to an eight-year-old it didn’t seem impossible.

Stone hadn’t gotten frustrated over the lack of a magic cure. He’d wrapped an arm around Newt’s back and promised if it happened again, they’d work it out.

It had happened again.

And Stone wasn’t there.

What snapped him out of an episode?

He didn’t know.

But what started as a dull throbbing in his palm turned into something more.

Something insistent.

It pressed into the centre of his palm, a perfect circle, and his fingers ached with the grip someone had on him. They’d curled his hand into a fist, trapping that something to his skin.

It took him a while to work out what it was, but then it clicked.

He held Neptune in the palm of his hand.

Newt peeled his eyes open and focused on a different brother, one looking sleep-deprived with messy hair and dark bags beneath blue eyes. A lamp on a bedside table lit up half of Jude’s face in a soft glow, and when he spoke, it came in a whisper.

“Are you with me, Newt?”

Newt looked at his aching hand. Jude held it in both of his, squeezing it tight. He relaxed his hold, and the pendant slipped out onto the bed. A crinkly sheeted bed. A grey curtain had been pulled around them.

And a clinical smell made itself known. Newt shifted. There were no tubes or needles in unwanted places, and a quick glance down at himself revealed no one had undressed him. He was wearing his blue jeans and orange sweatshirt, just like he’d been wearing for his visit with Stone and Mickey.

That was when…

His chest hitched, and his heart jumped, and Jude shushed him while pulling him into a hug. It wasn’t just the shock, and fear, and worry over Leo that rendered him a snotty, crying messy, but shame too.

He was ashamed of himself for how he reacted.

Jude muffled the sounds in his shoulder, carding gentle fingers through the back of Newt’s hair.

“Leo?” he croaked.

“He’s alive. It was a heart attack. The doctor at the hospital said he’s got to have two stents put in. Angioplasty, Stone called it, far too complex for our back-room bakery doctor.” Jude leaned him back. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Stone said it’s a straightforward procedure. Millions of these surgeries are performed every year.”

Newt struggled to sit up. His muscles ached all over, and he needed Jude’s help.

“How long was I…” Newt gestured to the ceiling.

Jude glanced up, then back at Newt. “Ten hours or so. I went to the hospital with Leo. Riley called me and said you’d had an episode after seeing Leo collapse. He wanted some good news, thought it would help, but I didn’t have any at that time. We were all waiting for the doctors to tell us what happened.”

“You were waiting for news while I was just…absent.”

“You can’t help it?—”

“I should be able to help it. Maybe I could understand it when it happened with our parents, and again on the farm, but I’m an adult now. I should be able to cope with things like everyone else, like a normal person, but I end up here.”

“Shh,” Jude said, leaning in closer. “You don’t want to wake the others.”

“The others?”

“You’re on the medical wing,” Jude said. “It’s you and two other guys.”

“I bet they’re not in here for dissociating. I bet they don’t lose their grip on reality when the person they…”

Newt trailed off. Jude lifted an eyebrow.

“When a person they care about collapses,” Newt amended. “When everyone else is rushing around to save that person’s life, they wouldn’t stand there and watch as a useless bystander to their own lives.” He wiped his stinging eyes. “I wanted to go to him, but I couldn’t.”

“It’s okay?—”

“It’s not okay. He could’ve died, and I just stood there like an emotionless robot and watched it happen, then I clocked out for ten hours because I couldn’t cope.”

“You didn’t choose to do either of those things,” Jude said.

“But I hate it, Jude.”

“I know you do.”

“His watch went off,” Newt said. “I heard Aaron calling his name, and then he stood up. He looked at me, and he was scared. I’ve never seen him scared, didn’t think it was possible, but he was. Everything happened so fast. And I wanted to go to him, but I didn’t.”

“Couldn’t,” Jude said firmly.

“Whatever. Do you think…”

“Do I think?”

“He’ll forgive me for not going to him?”

Jude sighed. “I think he’ll tell you there’s nothing to forgive.”

“Is he alone at the hospital?”

“Stone is there.” Jude pulled a face. “And so is Jenkins. So, Leo’s got one friendly face, and one not so friendly one to wake up to. He’ll be in hospital for a few days, then he’ll be on this wing for a couple of weeks until he’s ready to go back onto E.”

Jude picked the pendant off the bed. He encouraged Newt to lean forward, then clipped the chain around his neck. Newt exhaled a long breath as he clutched it tight.

“The doctor will want to check you over when he gets in.”

“Gets in?” Newt blinked. “What time is it?”

Jude consulted his watch. “Half four in the morning.”

“You haven’t been home yet?”

“Of course not. I came back as soon as Riley called.”

“Why?”

“Because I really love this place.”

“Oh.”

Jude flicked Newt squarely on his forehead.

“Ow.”

“Don’t ask stupid questions.” Jude got to his feet. He groaned as he stretched his back. “I need to call Stone, let him know the good news.”

“Good news?”

Jude rolled his eyes and ruffled Newt’s hair. “You. And I’ll get an update on Leo. It’s going to be all right, Newt.”

He heard the promise in his brother’s voice, but he couldn’t make himself believe it.

* * *

The doctor discharged Newt back onto the wing early the next morning. Riley shot him a pained smile as he locked Newt into his cell. He curled up on Leo’s bed, waiting for unlock, replaying the moment Leo dropped to his knees over and over in his head.

“It’s not the same as her,” Newt told himself. “Leo’s coming back.”

He barely noticed when Riley unlocked his door again for breakfast. Shaw strode inside with his tray and mug. He took one look at Newt on the bed, then exhaled a long breath.

“Don’t do that again.”

Newt blinked. “I didn’t do it on purpose.” He frowned. “I’m not even sure what happened.”

“You went all floppy in my arms, like a goddamn dead body, and for a hot minute, I thought you needed that damn defibrillator too. Your eyes were open, but you were blank, unseeing.” Shaw shuddered. “It creeped me the fuck out, and I had to carry you to the medical wing.”

“I’m sorry.”

“That you freaked me out or that I had to carry you?”

Newt sat up. “Both.”

“An apology isn’t needed for the latter, but for freaking me out, you owe me. You owe me big time, and you can start repaying your debt by getting up, grabbing your tray and following me to the servery.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“I don’t care, you’re doing it. Otherwise you’ll stay on that bed all day, replaying that moment in the visiting room over and over, and it’ll drive you mad. I imagine that’s what you’ve been doing for the last few hours.”

Newt’s cheeks burnt. “How did you know?”

“I know. I’ve had my fair share of bad moments in here, and being locked in a cage, there’s nothing else to do but think about them, so you’re going to do as I say.”

“Because you’re top dog.”

“No, because I’m your friend, Newt, and when Leo gets back here, he’ll be pissed if you’ve wasted away.” Shaw pushed his chin out towards the desk where Newt’s tray waited. “Now, come on.”

Newt got to his feet. “We’re friends?”

Shaw stepped out of the cell. “Why are you putting emphasis on friends like that?”

“Most of my friends are rocks.”

“Rocks, as in they’re there for you when you need them?”

Newt clutched his tray to his chest. “No, I mean, literally, rocks.”

Shaw snorted. “Wow, that’s a knock for my ego. There was me thinking I’d become someone you could rely on.” He led the way to the servery.

“Hey,” Scott said, bumping his shoulder into Newt’s. “How you feeling?”

“Me?” Newt lowered his head. “I’m not the one who had a heart attack.”

“No, but you did zone out on us when Shaw brought you back to the wing, and that was pretty terrifying.”

Thomas joined them. “You looked like you were experiencing some kind of sub drop.”

Scott rolled his eyes. “Trust you to draw a comparison to something sexual.”

Thomas shrugged. “I’m just saying, he looked out of it, but not in a good way.”

“What’s a subdrop?” Newt asked.

Scott patted him on the back. “I’ll explain later.”

Bull smiled at Newt as he stepped inside. He clicked his fingers, and Newt strode over to him.

“Already done yours,” Bull said, lifting a plate. Newt held out his tray and widened his eyes at the two pieces of toast Bull had prepared for him. Each slice half marmite and half jam, and he’d slathered it on thickly, just how Newt liked it.

“Thank you.”

“It’s the least I could do.”

“And don’t even think about disappearing into your cell on your own to eat it,” Scott said. “We’re eating with you on the wing.”

Newt frowned, following Scott out of the servery once he’d got his own food. He strode over to their usual table and sat down. Newt took the seat opposite him.

“Why is everyone being nice?” Newt asked Scott while it was just the two of them.

Scott smirked and shoved a spoonful of cornflakes into his mouth. His frown mirrored Newt’s by the time he stopped chewing and swallowed.

“You are joking, right?”

Newt shook his head.

“We’re your friends, Newt. We care about you, and yesterday you scared us.”

“I don’t deserve it,” Newt whispered. He pushed his tray to the centre of the table. “Leo almost died yesterday, and I…I zoned out. I let him down, and I embarrassed myself in front of you and…and you shouldn’t be nice to me.”

“Then what should we be?”

“You should mock me, shame me, call me pathetic.”

Scott hummed. “None of us think that.”

“Is he feeling sorry for himself?” Thomas asked, sitting down beside Scott.

“A little,” Scott answered. “He’s more surprised that we’re his friends, though. That’s what’s bothering me.”

“I’ve never had human friends before. I had one once, Ford, but he was sent to another mental health facility, and I never saw him again.”

“Human friends?” Thomas asked.

“Rocks,” Shaw answered, lowering himself down on the chair beside Newt. His tray overflowed with toast, porridge, cereal, fresh fruit and a flaky croissant. “We’ve taken the place of rocks.” He grabbed Newt’s tray and pulled it closer. “Get eating, Starman. When you’re done with toast, you’re eating this fruit, and the croissant.”

Newt gaped.

“That’s a start,” Shaw said, grabbing a piece of toast and shoving it in Newt’s mouth.

“Now bite.” Scott smirked. “And chew.”

Thomas smiled. “Before my favourite part, the swallow.”

“Really, Thomas?” Scott sighed, shaking his head.

Newt tore off a chunk of toast and began to chew.

“I know for a fact you didn’t have anything to eat last night,” Shaw mumbled. “So this fruit, and this croissant are getting into you somehow.”

Thomas opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Scott slapped his hand over his mouth and told him a firm, “No.”

Newt obediently ate a slice of toast while Shaw watched.

“And the next bit,” Shaw said, tapping Newt’s tray.

“You’re reminding me of Sto?—”

“Don’t finish that sentence.”

Newt looked down. “Sorry.”

“I think I’d be malachite,” Thomas mused as he opened a yoghurt.

Scott narrowed his eyes at him. “Malachite?”

“It’s a rock, isn’t it?”

Scott glanced at Newt. “Isn’t it a stone?”

“Well, not to be technical, but it’s a mineral,” Newt replied.

“Fuck me,” Shaw breathed. “You really are a rock nerd.”

“But yes,” Newt agreed. “Thomas, I think malachite would be a good fit for you.”

Thomas beamed. He elbowed Scott hard enough he spilled cornflakes into his lap.

“You’d be something pretty.” Thomas smacked his lips in distaste. “Newt?”

“Scott would be rose quartz.”

“And me?” Shaw asked.

“Obsidian.”

Shaw smiled. “I like that.”

“Hey…Starman.”

Newt, Scott and Thomas stiffened. Shaw glanced over to the opposite side of the wing where Greaves leaned against the wall with his friends on either side of him.

“You wanna speak to him, you come here.”

Greaves bit his lip, then pushed off from the wall. He strode over alone, pulling at the end of his sleeves. He stopped beside the table, pale-faced with sweat beading his brow. “I’m sorry about Leo.”

“He’s not dead,” Scott snapped.

“And you don’t care about Leo.” Newt avoided looking at him. “I haven’t forgotten what happened in the laundry room?—”

“That was ages ago,” Greaves said. “And I…I just wanted to…” He gestured at Shaw who sighed.

“I have to take part responsibility for that incident,” Shaw said. “He only went after you because of me, and Leo got in the way.”

“I’m sorry,” Greaves said again. “And…and…”

“Spit it out,” Thomas hissed.

“My dad, he…he had a stent put in, and he’s still going strong. He ran the London marathon last year.” He scratched the back of his head. “Leo will be fine; that’s all I wanted to say.”

He began backing away from the table.

Newt flashed a look at him. “Thanks.”

“Did he win?” Thomas asked.

Greaves frowned. “Did he win?”

“The marathon?”

“Did my dad win the marathon? The London fucking marathon?”

Scott smirked. “I’m sure the ‘London fucking marathon’ is something entirely different.”

“Is it?” Newt asked him.

Thomas, Shaw and Greaves were all wide-eyed.

“Yeah, it’s a huge orgy. You have to burn off the equivalent calories of a 26-mile run.” He laughed, but it soon trailed off when he noticed everyone was staring at him. “I’m joking.” He squeezed his temples. “Of course there’s no ‘London fucking marathon’, Christ guys.”

“I think there should be,” Thomas mumbled. He nudged Scott. “You’d be a contender for sure.”

“Twenty-six miles worth of sex.” Scott exhaled. “I’d smash it out of the park.”

He laughed, his cackle of a laugh that left Shaw and Newt wincing, but had Thomas gazing at Scott like he wanted to devour him.

“Toast,” Shaw reminded, and Newt picked up his second slice.