Chapter 4
4
Brenner
“B rain bleach. I’m pretty sure I need brain bleach,” I say, pacing the hallway. My thoughts are spinning fast, the way they do sometimes, my heart running the fifty-yard dash.
My dad and Taylor’s mom…
I look up to see Taylor staring at the door in a trance, as if his brain is short-circuiting.
“Dude… dude ,” I say. “Our parents are banging .” And then “Fuck, Nic,” plays in my head, and I’m back to wishing I could remove the last couple of minutes from my brain.
I can hear noise behind the door, which is probably, grossly, our parents getting dressed because they realized we walked in and saw Nicole riding my dad. I gag. I mean, maybe it’s a little dramatic, but that’s me, and no one ever wants to see their parents screwing someone.
“Are you okay?” I ask when I realize Taylor hasn’t said a word, which is unlike him. He must be processing what we just saw.
I don’t really care that our parents are…doing whatever it is they’re doing. Still, it’s weird, and not something I ever want to see again, and… “Holy shit. Have they been sneaking around like us this whole trip?” I walk over to my best friend and put my hands on his shoulders. Is he upset? Or just confused like me? “Tay?”
“I never want to see that again,” he finally replies, and I can’t help smiling. Taylor is better at making me do that than he realizes.
The door opens behind me. I have my back to it, facing Taylor, and whisper, “Should we make a run for it?”
“Don’t even think about it,” Dad says, and I’m not sure if it’s because he heard me or just knows me that well.
I turn and stand beside Taylor. Dad’s salt-and-pepper hair is messy. He’s tugged on shorts, and his T-shirt is inside out. I have no idea where Nicole is. “I hope you’re using protection. We haven’t had the talk yet,” falls out of my mouth because I blurt out uncomfortable shit when I’m not sure what to say.
“Jesus, Bren. Come in. Both of you.”
“Do we have to talk in there?” I ask, but I’m looking at Taylor, seeing him studying my dad. I know Taylor better than anyone else, but in this moment, I’m having a hard time reading him. I don’t think he’s pissed. Again, I figure he’s trying to understand what’s happening, how long it’s been happening, and what it means. But then I think back on what we were just talking about: his dad and how much anger Taylor has over how the Piece of Shit treated them; Nicole telling Taylor she’s seen him watching me and Dad. And all I know is that if what Dad and Nicole are doing hurts him in any way, I’ll lose my shit.
Nicole comes out of the bathroom, peeking around Dad, gaze landing on her son. “Taylor, I’m so sorry. We didn’t want you to find out this way. Either of you.”
Hearing his mom seems to snap him out of his trance. “How long?” he asks simply.
“Come in, you guys. We should talk.” Dad steps aside.
Waiting for Taylor to react, I’m caught in this place where I want to support my dad because he deserves this, but Taylor is my boy and I want to have his back too. When he steps toward the room, I walk with him. Dad closes the door behind us, Taylor sits on the couch, and I go down beside him, pressing my thigh against his for support.
Dad and Nic sit on the edge of the bed, which thankfully someone took the time to straighten. “We spent time together earlier this year,” she starts.
“Before Atlas’s party?” Taylor asks, and she nods.
“We’ve run into each other off and on since you boys started college but hadn’t really spent time together, until…January? February? We both ended up out to lunch alone at the same restaurant and decided to eat together.” Nicole’s hands shake slightly, and I watch as my father reaches over and places one of his on top of hers. It’s so odd to see. My dad has never touched another woman in front of me like that except my mom, and it twists me up a little.
“We didn’t plan for anything to happen, but lunch turned into a couple of hours,” Dad adds. “I hadn’t enjoyed talking to someone like that in a long time. It felt…good. I felt normal for the first time in years.”
A sharp pang lands in my chest. I hate that Dad has been so lonely for so many years, that he hasn’t felt normal.
“One lunch led to two, and three, then dinners and hikes or movie nights.” Nicole watches Taylor as she speaks. “We didn’t say anything because at first it was just as friends, but then one day, we realized it was more.”
“ Why didn’t you tell us?” Taylor asks.
“I think because we were afraid. I feel terrible having kept this secret from you, Tay, but I was so happy, and I was scared of losing it…and I was scared of hurting you. What happened with your dad, I know how difficult that was on you. This is the first time I’ve dated since then, and it’s your best friend’s father. I was scared that if something went wrong with Keith and me, it could hurt you and Brenner.”
I can understand that thinking, and really, it’s not like I want my dad to have told me he’s boning Taylor’s mom, but the way they’re talking, I don’t think this is just two friends having some fun together like me and Taylor.
“We messed up,” Dad says. “We didn’t do this the right way. I apologize about that, but Nic…she means a lot to me.” Dad focuses on me, and I know what he’s going to say before the words come out. “I’m in love with her…we’re in love with each other.”
I let that sink in a moment, and I know Taylor must be doing the same.
“I know this feels like a lot,” Nicole says. “I’m sure it seems fast, but we’ve been serious about each other for months, and now that it’s out there, we don’t want to keep anything from you.”
I look over at Taylor, who nods. “I trust you,” he tells his mom. They’ve been through a lot together, and he believes in her. As awkward as this is, we both just want the truth.
“So you’re in love?” I confirm.
Dad looks at me. “We are, and if it’s okay with the two of you, we would like to get married.”
If it’s okay with the two of you… Those words spin through my head like a washing-machine cycle. There’s not a doubt in my mind that they love each other. Casually dating isn’t Dad’s or Nicole’s thing. All I want is Dad to be happy, and in some ways, it’s really fucking cool that he could find that with Taylor’s mom, but still, as much as I want this for him, there’s an ache deep in my chest. He’s spent my whole life loving Mom, and now he loves someone else. It’s a strange thing to get used to. A strange thing to hear.
“Okay,” is all I can say as if it’s okay with the two of you plays on a loop. That’s the thing about our parents. There’s no doubting their love for us. Dad has been alone for so damn long, but despite the fact that I’m a grown-ass adult, if this was going to hurt me, he wouldn’t do it. Nicole hasn’t been able to trust anyone after what the Piece of Shit did, yet she trusts my dad, but if this was going to hurt Taylor, she too would do right by him first. “I’ve always wanted a brother.”
I turn to Taylor, who looks at me. I wink, which in some ways is absolutely ridiculous, but I’m hoping it conveys are you okay and also hey look, now we’re stepbrothers who hook up too.
Taylor grins, offering a small shake of his head that’s just for me. “I’ve always wanted a brother too.”
“Really?” Nicole’s eyes fill with tears, and I swear, I see both their bodies relax, see how much they want this and need us to be okay with it.
“Yeah, Mom. I just want you to be happy.”
“Eh, you’re all right, I guess,” I chime in. “Though I don’t see a ring. Am I going to have to give you pointers on how to treat a lady?” Dad and Nicole laugh, and then he pushes to his feet. Nicole does the same, and I nudge Taylor with my arm.
When we stand too, Dad pulls me into a hug. I look over to see Nicole doing the same with Tay. “I’m sorry for not telling you,” Dad says softly. “But I’m happy, Bren. I didn’t know I could feel this way again.”
My eyes tear up, but I try to fight them back. I don’t want Dad to feel like I don’t want this for him, because I do. I’ve been telling him for years, and apparently every time I’ve said it recently, he must have been afraid to tell me about him and Nicole. “I’m glad you have her. Just…I don’t know, put a sign on the door next time. I’m literally scarred for life.” I swipe at my eyes with the back of my hand as he pulls away.
“We thought you guys were getting burgers. Why did you come back here?”
Well, that’s definitely not a conversation for today…or like, ever. There’s absolutely no reason our parents need to know Taylor and I are hooking up. What we’re doing is just for fun, and the last thing I want is to make things even more awkward than they already are. So, Dad…I know you’re marrying Nicole, but I’m blowing her son so he has some experience with what it’s like to be with a guy. No thanks on that convo.
“Stomach was a little upset,” I lie. “Thank God we didn’t get Thai.”
“Can I have a hug too?” Nicole says to me when she and Taylor part.
I shoot a quick glance at Taylor to make sure he’s okay. “Yeah, of course.”
Just as Nicole’s arms wrap around me, I see Dad do the same to Taylor. “I love your mom. I promise I’ll be good to her.”
Taylor nods, and Nicole thanks me for being supportive. My brain is still spinning, but I know Dad will treat Nicole the way she deserves to be treated. He was so fucking good to Mom. Dad is probably the best person there is at loving someone.
“Do we know when the wedding is?” I ask.
She chuckles. “We’re thinking February but wanted to speak to you first.”
“You know me. I have no patience. Ooh, maybe Tay and I could be wedding planners.”
Nicole’s eyes widen like she’s not sure how to respond to that, and Dad just laughs. “A beer-pong-themed wedding isn’t happening.”
“Come on! It would be fun!” I joke, then wrap an arm around Taylor. “My new stepbro and I got this.”
“I’ll leave the wedding planning up to you,” Taylor says.
“You’d miss out on the fun?”
After another round of laughter, things get awkward and quiet for a moment, maybe all of us remembering what was happening when Taylor and I walked in.
“So…I think Tay and I will go now. Let you two kids get back to your…date.”
Dad smiles. “Only you, Bren.”
“Or if you’d rather, the four of us can spend some time together,” Nicole adds. “Or just you and me, Taylor, if you want to talk.”
“No. I’m good. I think Bren and I will really go get that burger now.”
I don’t know if he truly wants food, or if we’re gonna find somewhere else to do what we originally planned, or if he just wants to talk. Whatever it is, I have his back. And honestly, I wouldn’t mind talking this through with him.