Chapter 18
18
Brenner
S o…I’m definitely enjoying this whole see-how-things-will-go situation with Taylor. I don’t know what to call us, but we’re not boyfriends. We’re fuck buddies, though that doesn’t seem the right qualifier either because over the past few weeks we’ve also started sleeping in the same bed every night, even when he doesn’t fuck my brains out. And we’ve done so much cuddling. Like, all the cuddling. We do it when we’re talking and when we watch movies. We sit close, our legs entwined, when we’re playing video games. He plays with my hair sometimes while I’m doing homework, and I tickle my fingertips along his nape because I know how much he enjoys it.
Those are not fuck-buddy activities…which makes sense. Given our history, our friendship, and how close we are, of course it won’t feel superficial; of course everything is going to seem a little more.
And honestly, that scares the crap out of me. Not enough to make me stop, but I can’t pretend my brain doesn’t keep going to that place where I remember what it was like to lose Mom…how heartbroken Dad was, how I don’t think he would have pulled out of it if he hadn’t had a son to raise. And I’m frightened about anyone having that power over me. Not that Taylor would ever do anything to hurt me—I know he wouldn’t—but you never know what life will throw at you.
What I’m starting to realize, though, is that Taylor already has that power over me, and always had. I’ve had friendships before him, obviously, but nothing like ours. He’s always meant more to me than others. We have a deeper connection than I’ve had with anyone else, and so the more I think about it, the clearer it becomes that losing Taylor would’ve hurt at any point. Even before we started having sex and cuddling. And then sometimes, I just kinda look at him and don’t want to stop. It’s all weird as fuck. Sex with your best friend is even more awesome than sex with random people.
These are all things I should probably share with Taylor.
“What are you thinking about over there?” Taylor rolls over and wraps an arm around me. It’s a Saturday, so we don’t have school.
I turn so I can face him, dance my fingers down his naked chest. “About how we’re naked in bed together, my ass tender, and in a little while we’ll be getting fitted for tuxes for our parents’ wedding.”
“Oooh, kinky,” he teases with a chuckle.
“You know what’s funny? We’re going to be staring at each other across the aisle, and all I’ll be thinking about is that I know what your cum tastes like.”
Taylor smirks. “Really? I’d figure you’d also be thinking about how it feels when my thick cock pushes into your tiny, little hole.”
“Well, that too.”
“That’s what I thought.” Taylor leans in and presses a kiss to my lips, almost sweetly. Who knew simple kisses could make your toes curl? Again, having sex with your best friend is awesome .
All too soon, Taylor rolls over and climbs out of bed. “Come on. We have stuff to do.”
“Can’t we just stay in bed all day?” I bat my lashes.
“That doesn’t work with me.”
“Sometimes it does.”
He snickers. “Not this time. I’ll make us some breakfast.”
My stomach growls. “It’s not like I’m going to argue about food.”
We tug on clothes, make omelets together for breakfast, then play some video games before forcing ourselves to do homework.
Eventually it’s time to get ready, and after our shower, I try my hardest not to, but I can’t resist blowing him. Afterward, Taylor drives us to the tuxedo store where our parents made an appointment for us. They picked out what they want ahead of time, so we just have to go in for the fitting.
“I hate tuxes,” I complain.
“You look hot in them, though. Remember when we took those twins to prom? I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was noticing how hot you looked in your tux more than paying attention to my date.”
I rub my hands together playfully. “Oooh, tell me more. Was I your bi-awakening even back then?”
“No, it was Josh Anderson from the basketball team.”
“What the fuck.” I whip my head in his direction. “Him? He was an asshole. I hated that guy.”
Taylor laughs. “I’m giving you shit. I didn’t have my bi-awakening in high school with Josh Anderson.”
“I’m way hotter.” I cross my arms, pouting a bit.
“Wait. Are you seriously jealous? I’m joking about a fake crush. And we literally fucked someone together since then.”
“I’m not jealous. I just thought you had better taste.”
“Hey, I like you , don’t I?”
“Good point,” I agree.
“I didn’t want Josh in high school. This is all newer to me. I didn’t make that up. I mean, were there likely signs earlier that I ignored or didn’t understand? Sure. Like how I remember thinking you looked hot in your tux. I didn’t think it meant I wanted to fuck you, though. But I can assure you you’re what made me ready to take this step, Bren.”
I turn his way and grin. “You basically just said you’re in love with me.”
“I did not say that.” He pulls into the parking lot and finds a space.
“Whatever you say, Mister I’m-in-love-with-Brenner.”
I get out of the car, and Taylor follows right behind me. “You sound like you wish that was the case.” He opens the door to the building for me.
I clutch my stomach and pretend puke. “Ew. Love is gross.”
“Can I help you?” a blond man with green eyes asks. He’s wearing a suit and has a tape measure around his neck.
“We have an appointment. Brenner Dean and Taylor Falkner.”
“Oh yes. Your parents are getting married, right? You’re part of the wedding party.”
“We are the wedding party,” I reply. Our tailor doesn’t look impressed with me. “Hey, Taylor and tailor,” I tease.
“It’s his first time in public,” my Taylor jokes.
“Well…yes. Let’s get started. Taylor, come with me. My coworker will help you, Brandon.”
“Brenner.” Other Tailor is a dick.
A woman approaches, and I follow her toward the back where they went. There are a few rooms, and Taylor is in one of them already, while Asshole Tailor waits outside.
“I’m Heidi. Your suit is inside. Go ahead and put it on, and then we’ll get started.”
I nod and go into the room. Taylor and I could have gone into one together, but I’m pretty sure that’s frowned upon. I hurry into all the clothes, then open the door to only see Heidi waiting for me. Asshole Tailor must already be inside.
“One of your parents is getting married, right?” Heidi asks.
“My dad is marrying Taylor’s mom.”
Heidi makes small talk while telling me how to move and stand, taking measurements and sticking pins in places, but I can’t stop focusing on what’s going on in the other room. Asshole Tailor is really chatty in there. I can’t make out what they’re saying, but twice he makes my Taylor laugh, and what the fuck? Asshole Tailor didn’t seem that funny to me. I’m also pretty fucking sure Asshole Tailor is queer, and if he thinks he’s going to hit on my…whatever it is we are, he has another thing coming.
“Can you lift your arms?” Heidi asks, and I really wish I could tell her no and go to the next booth and see what’s so funny. But I do what she says while she pulls things in a really weird way.
More mumbling from the other room.
Taylor laughing.
“Psst!” I say loudly.
Heidi frowns. “Yes?”
“Not you. I was talking to Taylor…not the tailor, my Taylor, I mean.”
She chuckles. Thankfully, Heidi’s chill, but Taylor doesn’t seem to hear me. “Is he your…” she asks.
Well, shit. “Best friend,” I finish for her.
“Nice. Bet it’s cool that your parents are getting married.”
I doubt she would be saying that if she knew we’re sleeping with each other. Or that I’m standing here jealous. This situation is messing with my head.
Luckily, no more laughing comes from the booth next door, and a little while later, we’re walking out of the store together. “Asshole Tailor wants to fuck you.”
Taylor laughs. “What? No way. Wait. You’re serious? He’s queer?”
“You haven’t gotten the homing beacon installed yet?” I tease. Clearly, it’s not something every queer person immediately recognizes in another.
He rolls his eyes. “Second time jealous has come up in one day. That’s so cute.”
“Like you weren’t jealous at the party last month.”
“I’m not denying it.”
We should maybe talk about what that means, but luckily, he doesn’t press me to open up and share my feelings right now. It would be hard to share something I don’t yet understand. “Good. I’m not either. Oh hey, you know what? I heard there’s a new arcade over here. We should go.”
“Are you taking me out, Bren?”
“I mean, I figured you would pay, but I’m willing to negotiate.”
He reaches out and laces our fingers together. It surprises me for a moment, and Taylor tugs me closer, giving me another of those sweet kisses I never saw the draw of before him. “The arcade sounds fun, and no worries, I get the jealousy. Like I said, I felt the same about you. That must be normal for best friends who are future stepbros and having sex with each other.”
I laugh.
Yeah. Normal. I sure as hell hope so.
We detangle our hands and get into the car. Taylor looks up the new arcade, then drives there. This is actually perfect. We haven’t done something like this together in a long time.
“You know I’ll kick your ass at everything we play, right?” Taylor teases.
“Yes. I’m used to it by now.”
“You want me to let you win?”
I gasp. “Hell no.”
“Good. Because I wouldn’t anyway.”
We get to the arcade and find a parking spot. It’s loud inside from all the games and people.
“Race you!” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, we start running toward one of the machines for coins like we’re twelve years old.
Taylor gets there before me, and I pretend to be annoyed, but of course I’m not. We get a prepaid game card, then head straight for the games. We play old-school fighting games, newer shooter games, and the zombie game Taylor loves. He beats me at everything, like we knew he would, but I hold my own pretty well.
Eventually we end up at the air-hockey table. “Your winning streak is about to end,” I say gleefully. If there’s one thing I always win at, it’s air hockey.
“Maybe.” He shrugs. “I can’t win everything.”
I laugh. “You asshole.” Then wrap my arm around him and kiss him, before we each go to our end of the table. Taylor puts the coins in, and the puck pops out on my side. “Well, lookie here,” I tease.
“You’re gonna need all the good luck you can find.”
“That’s what you think.” I set the puck down, up-nod him and say, “I wanted to sneak into the room with you and Asshole Tailor and blow you.”
“What?” he asks just as I shoot the puck, and it goes right into his goal.
“You fucking cheater.”
“I play to win, baby.” I throw in a cheesy wink for good measure.
“Whoever wins gets to top tonight,” Taylor says, making me fumble the paddle. It’s the distraction he needs to shoot at my goal and score.
“One–one. I play to win, baby,” he throws back at me.
Game. Fucking. On.