The Story Of Us

7. Isaac

7

ISAAC

I knew I might have been taking it too far by asking her to talk, but a part of me had started feeling hopeful that because she’d agreed to work together, maybe she wanted the same thing as me. I should have just taken it at face value, that it was something mutually beneficial because we already know each other’s work and know that we’re good at what we do.

There was a time when she trusted me with her writing. She would read it to me and look up every couple of words to catch my reaction, which was never anything but awe. The way she could string simple words together and make them sound beautiful was amazing. I love her mind, and I want to get back to hearing every thought that’s running through it.

Every single thing I do right now is about trying to return to how we were. I need to apologise properly to her, but I don’t know how I can do that when she doesn’t even look at me.

I spend the next forty minutes drawing mindlessly, and it’s only when Mr. Hale comes to sit next to me that I realise I’ve been drawing her .

“Hey, Isaac. I’m not sure if this is my place to speak on it, but I did notice there seemed to be a bit of tension between you and Violet earlier.”

I knew the atmosphere between us was obvious, but I didn’t expect him to call it out like this.

“Is everything alright with you two? I didn’t think you were friends, but I thought you at least got on well with each other?”

My grip on my pen tightens. Keeping our relationship a secret seemed like the right thing to do at the time, but now I regret it. I wish everyone knew just how much she means to me.

“We’re fine. We had a little falling out last year, but we’re working through it.”

It’s a complete understatement, but there’s no way I’m explaining to him how my entire world shattered in just a day, and I’m still struggling to pick up the pieces.

“Okay, well, I’m very excited to see what you two can create together, so I hope you can make up soon.”

Me too.

When I get back to my room, Lucas is lying on my bed because, of course, he is.

“Why are you here?” I ask, knowing that he probably wants something from me.

“Because I missed you.”

“Don’t you have football? ”

“No, it got cancelled today, so you get to enjoy the pleasure of my company.”

I roll my eyes at him as he sits up and crosses his legs.

“You can’t borrow any more of my clothes. You still haven’t given back the stuff you took on the weekend.”

“Okay, wow, rude. I thought that was a gift, but I guess not.”

“Why would I give-” He starts pouting, and I can’t stand the sight of it. “Okay, whatever, keep it. Just stop making that face.”

“Thanks, you’re the best. Also, I need your iPad.” He grins at me as I take a seat at my desk. The urge to fight him has never been so strong.

“Where’s yours?”

“Jinhee has it.”

“Okay, so go get it from her.”

“They’re having room inspections today. I can’t risk going over there.”

It truly amazes me how this boy has an answer for everything. If it was any other day, I’d probably entertain it for longer, but I’m too drained from my interaction with Violet to speak to him anymore.

“Just take it.” I unplug it from where it’s charging on my desk and hand it over to him. He says a quick ‘thanks’ before lying back down. “Also, can you stop breaking into my room?”

“I didn’t break in. Your door wasn’t locked. So, actually, you’re lucky I was even here. Someone else could have got in and stolen your stuff. You’re so welcome.”

“My saviour,” I say, and Luke ignores my sarcasm and continues playing his game.

I lift my bag onto the desk and pull out my sketchbook, opening it to the most recent page I was working on. The past few minutes with Luke helped me to momentarily forget what happened during club, but when I see the sketches of her, I start spiralling again.

I quickly flip forward to an empty page, knowing that I need to shift my focus to ideas for the project. Violet may not want to talk to me, but I know she’s dedicated enough to want to at least try and work together on the project. The best thing I can do is have some ideas ready, even though I’ll agree to whatever she suggests.

I spend about fifteen minutes staring blankly at the page in front of me, not a single idea coming to mind. I know it’ll help if I can show her some options, but I can’t think of anything except how it felt to be so close to her again.

I know I shouldn’t have touched her, shouldn’t have held her wrist, shouldn’t have pressed my knee against hers, shouldn’t have made her say she wants to work with me. But in that moment, all I could think about was how much I missed her. All my senses felt heightened, like there was a dial on them that had been turned up to a hundred, and she was overpowering every single one of them.

But I pushed her too much, and when she left, the dial turned down to zero, leaving me feeling numb. It feels like everything I do to try and reach her is wrong, and I don’t know how to make it right.

Luke’s foot hits my back, and I whip around to face him.

“Hellooo, I asked if you wanted to go out for dinner like five times,” he says, holding up his phone to show me that he’s talking to Jinhee. He has her name saved in Hangul with heart emojis on either side. I would think it’s disgusting if I didn’t have Violet’s number saved in a similar way. “Jinhee said there’s a new restaurant in town that she wants to try.”

“So why don’t you two just go?” The thought of third-wheeling them while I’m still this stressed out about how to fix things with Violet does not seem like a fun way to spend my Friday night.

“Olivia is coming too, idiot. Come on, it’s the weekend.” He pokes me with his foot again, and I shove it away, making him fall back on the bed.

“Fine, but I’m not driving.”

I spent all summer learning how to drive, and my parents gifted me a car, but now that I have it, I hate driving. I think of the promises I made to Violet, telling her that once I got my license, I would take her out on a real date, and we could drive to wherever she wanted to go. It’ll never happen now and so driving has lost all its appeal.

“Whatever, I’ll drive.” He relays what I’ve said to Jinhee and hangs up. “I’m going to get changed, and then I’ll come back here, and we can meet up with the girls.”

I nod, closing my sketchbook and standing up at the same time he does. I follow Luke to the door, locking it behind him as she leaves, and let out a huge sigh. I need to figure out how to fix things with Violet, but for now, I’m going to try and enjoy the weekend with my friends.

I don’t say much at dinner, but my friends have gotten used to this by now. I’ve grown quieter over the years, more reserved, but they don’t treat me any differently. I’m sat next to Olivia, with Luke and Jinhee opposite us, as they all talk. The conversation turns to university applications, something I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about as much as possible. We agreed not to mention them at all during summer. All of them were well aware that I was stressed about studying for the LNAT, but now that we’re back at school, there’s no avoiding the topic. They don’t know why else I’m stressed about taking the exam, the added pressure that’s there now that I’m certain that I don’t want to do law.

It’s only the first week back, and university applications have already been mentioned nearly every day by every teacher I’ve interacted with. My friends are all pretty much decided on where they want to apply and for what subject, and I guess, technically, my choices are decided, too. I’m supposed to use all five options to apply for Law, focusing mainly on Oxford. That’s the goal I’ve been working towards since I was ten, and I’ve done everything right up until this point to make it a real possibility. But over the years, as I started drawing and putting more effort into developing my skills, it became something I wanted to pursue further.

Nearly all of my free time is spent watching animated movies and shows, studying them to work out how each frame is broken down, whether the background is static or moving, and how each character’s expressions are drawn. Then I try to replicate my favourite frames, drawing and redrawing until it matches as closely as possible to the original. It takes a lot of time but the outcome is always worth it.

When Violet first started noticing my art, she encouraged me more than anyone else did, and I know I probably would have given up if I hadn’t had her support. She’s the reason I even started thinking about applying for animation at university, and her support made me believe that it was a real possibility for my future.

We planned it all out together, dreamed of a future with both of us going to university in London so we wouldn’t have to be apart, following our hearts' desires and having a future together. But that dream doesn’t exist anymore.

“Isaac, how was art club?” Jinhee asks, and I know it’s just an innocent question, but it brings Violet back to the forefront of my mind. I open my mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a sigh. “What happened?”

I push the remains of my food around the plate, trying to avoid looking at any of my friends.

“Nothing, we just didn’t do much.” I keep staring at my plate until I feel a sharp pain in my shin. “Ow, Luke. What was that for?!”

“You’re hiding something.”

The fact that he’s managed to figure that out with just one sentence is beyond scary, but there’s a reason he’s my best friend. I think he’s always known me better than I know myself.

I drop my fork, and it clatters against the plate as I try to figure out how much I can tell them without giving anything away.

I’ve never told any of them about Violet, barely even mentioned her over these past few years, because after that first day, we mainly just kept to ourselves and Violet did the same. But once our relationship changed, became something more, it felt right just to keep it between the two of us. It was special, something sacred that I didn’t want to share with anyone else. But now I’m stuck, unable to talk about what happened today without exposing our past.

“Mrs. Harper and Mr. Hale decided to join their clubs together and make us do a pair project. It’s just annoying that I have to work with someone else.” The quiet loner angle seems like the best one to take.

“Who did you get paired with?” Olivia asks, and I debate for a few seconds whether or not to lie to them. There’s no point, though, because, hopefully, at some point, they’ll see us working together.

“Violet.” It feels wrong to say her name with complete indifference to my friends, and I have to take a sip of water before continuing like I can wash it away. Whenever I called her by her name before, it was hard to hide my admiration for her, and I don’t know how it took so long for her to figure out that I liked her. “She’s the only person in our year in the writing club, so I guess I got lucky there.”

I try to put a positive spin on it, but it feels like my face is about to crack open from the effort of having to school my expression.

“Maybe you can get lucky in another way,” Luke says, barely finishing the sentence before Jinhee whacked him on the arm. “What did I do?”

“That was vile, Lucas. Don’t say anything like that again.” She says, and I can’t help but laugh at how ridiculous Luke looks as he apologises to her, hands clasped together like he’s begging for forgiveness. For a moment, I consider trying that with Violet .

Olivia’s hand covers mine that’s resting on the table and she gives it a quick squeeze.

“Whatever you make will be great,” she says with a smile, and I give her a halfhearted one back as she pats my hand before letting go.

Luke is pouting at Jinhee and Olivia makes fun of him, the conversation diverting to another topic that I don’t pay attention to. Instead, I think about approaching Violet on Monday and seeing if we can make this project work somehow, and maybe, us too.