Chapter 34
”Mum, do you think we could live here?” Flora asked me as I laced her boots a few days after Thanksgiving.
She was going horseback riding with the girls under Clay”s supervision. Rowan was busy at the other end of the ranch for the day. Something to do with a frozen water pipe.
”You want to live here?” I asked cautiously.
”Yeah. I love Amy and Carla. I love Spirit. And Clay. And Ace.”
When Rowan had told her the horse was hers, she”d been giddy, though she understood it just meant she could ride the horse. I knew it wasn”t just a figure of speech. He”d given my daughter a bloody horse.
”You won”t miss New York?” I asked Flora.
”I”ll miss Uncle Mick and Art, and Grandpa and Nana,” she said gravely. ”But we can visit them. At least that”s what Uncle Mick said when I talked to him last night. And they can come here, see the mountains.”
Alone in Rowan”s house after Flora left, I called Mick.
”Once you said you”d be going, I knew you wouldn”t come back,” he said a little sadly. ”But, hey, now Art and I can come hang out with the cowboys with all those muscles and tight asses. I think all that hotness might be good for our sex life.”
I laughed. ”I think your sex life is fine.”
”Speaking of sex lives? How are things with yours?”
”The sex is amazing. It”s the love life that is still…I don”t know, Mick, something is holding me back,” I confessed.
”What do you think that is?”
”Search me.” I was frustrated with myself. ”I want to go all into this relationship…but I keep thinking, what if he changes his mind?”
”Then you come back here to us and get on with life.”
”Just like that?”
He chuckled. ”There are no guarantees. Tomorrow, Art could tell me he”s been banging a hot nurse, and it”s over. Who knows? Or I get hit by a bus. Shit happens. Can”t live worrying about tomorrow. You got to live today.”
”All that sounds good in theory, and in my head, it makes sense. But in my gut, it”s a whole different story. Flora is involved now.”
”Flora is already in deep, Isha. You know that. You let him have that. Stop running away. You know what”s holding you back?”
”What?”
”Good old, garden variety fear. It”s not more complicated than that.”
I went for a walk in the snow, letting the mountains, which had stood for millennia soothe me. I had a job starting the second week of January. Flora was signed up for kindergarten. I had a house and friends in New York.
I walked down the path to the hot spring and saw Ace as he stepped out of the sauna. He waved.
”You going for a dip?” he asked.
He was in a pair of sweats, boots, and a jacket, no shirt.
”Just walking.”
”You want company?”
”You”ll get cold.” I pointed to his bare torso, peeking out from under his open jacket.
He grinned. ”Give me a minute.”
He went back into the sauna, and came back minutes later. He wore a hat, scarf, and gloves this time.
We walked quietly around the ranch, not straying away from the pathways that were laid and cleared of snow.
”Someone”s been working overnight to clean this up,” I murmured.
”The stones are heated. They have wires running under them that get activated when it snows, and melts it right away.”
”Smart.”
We were getting close to the main house, when Ace spoke, his voice low. ”You know, if I hadn”t been an asshole, you and Rowan would be living here already and have a couple of kids to boot.”
”How are you so sure about that?”
”He loves you. He loved you then. There was probably a lot more lust involved at the time…but he fell in love. He never fell out. Neither did you.”
We stopped in front of the house.
”Drink?”
Except for Thanksgiving I”d studiously avoided being inside the ranch house. It was a reminder of all that had happened there; my humiliation, a feeling of desolation, and the brutal realization that I”d been used.
”Can”t you let the past go?” Ace asked forlornly, his tone apologetic.
It”s just an inanimate object, Isha, a pile of bricks. Nothing more.
I was here now. Rowan was with me every step of the way. He”d proven that repeatedly.
”Yes, I”d like a drink,” I said, instead of answering his second question.
We sat by the fireplace in the living room, where the windows showcased why Montana was called the Big Sky State.
”This is the most beautiful place I”ve ever been to.” I picked up my cup of coffee which contained a splash of whiskey, because it was bloody cold.
”Yeah. It is. My girls love it. They”re ranch all the way. Not like Caitlyn and me. She prefers the big city.”
”What about you?”
He shrugged. ”I still haven”t figured out what I like or want. I love my girls. I know that. But the truth is that Rowan has had as much a part in raising them as I”ve had, sometimes more. Caitlyn has been absent. The divorce is going to be a shitstorm. She”ll use the kids.”
He seemed so resigned about it that it pissed me off.
”Don”t let her,” I snapped. ”They”re your kids, protect them. That”s your only bloody job.”
He smiled at that. ”Rowan said the same thing…or a similar thing. He said I should buy her out.”
”She into money that much?”
”Yeah. But I don”t have that kind of money. I mean…I live here, but the money is Rowan”s.”
”He”ll give it to you,” I said confidently.
”How do you know?” he asked.
”I know him. He”d give you the money for the girls, no questions asked. That”s who he is.”
”I”m glad you know that because he did offer, and I”ll take him up on it if it means protecting my girls. But what it tells me and should tell you is that you know him, Isha. You know him in and out. So, what”s holding you back?”
”What makes you think anything is?” I demanded.
”Because you”re going back in January and every time I see Rowan think about it, I can see his grief and heartbreak. Having you both here has been a dream for him. He was so excited. Setting up the house. Getting the hot spring and sauna ready. He told Clay that he wanted a horse for Flora. The man was like an excited kid on Christmas morning.”
I set my cup down on the coffee table and buried my face in my hands. I needed to break free of my fear, and I wasn”t sure how to do it. If I didn”t, I”d hurt my baby, Rowan, and myself.
I straightened after a while, and let go of a deep breath. ”I feel—”
”What is she doing here?” A voice behind me cut in.
We both turned to see Caitlyn. She was dressed like she was going to be in a winter magazine photo shoot. Fur coat, thigh-high boots, tight pants, a sweater that was molded to her tits. I was in old jeans that needed to be held up with a belt. A pair of sturdy but well-worn boots, and a sweater that was warm but nothing to write home about.
We were very different people, I thought—and Ace was into her, while Rowan was into me, which told me that Ace and Rowan were also very different people. In my mind, they were never interchangeable, but somehow connected.
”You knew Isha was here, Caitlyn.” Ace rose.
”I can”t believe we”re letting trash into our homes these days.”
Six years ago, that remark had burnt me all the way through to my soul. As an orphan I”d hear the word trash often associated with me. Now, it just irritated me.
”Stop being rude, Caitlyn,” Ace warned heatedly.
I picked up my coffee and drank like a domestic drama was not unfolding around me. I wasn”t worried about Caitlyn. Hell, I wasn”t worried about anyone.
And I wasn”t, I realized, because I knew I had Rowan.
I had him.
Bloody hell! What a time for an epiphany!
”You couldn”t get your hands on Ace, so you went for Rowan.” Caitlyn came to stand in front of me, blocking part of my view of the mountains.
”Well, Rowan”s the one with money, Caitlyn. Of course, I did.”
Ace choked out a laugh, and Caitlyn glared at him. ”You know we could all see who you were then? Just another gold digger.”
”And a successful one at that,” I agreed, enjoying myself.
Ace sat down on the couch next to me, now amused.
”What are you so happy about, Ace?” Caitlyn demanded.
”The girls are out riding,” Ace told her. ”They”ll be back in a couple of hours.”
”And are they out with the slut”s spawn?”
”Watch it,” Ace threw at her.
”Or what?”
”Or Rowan”s going to kick you out of the house,” I told her.
”Is he?”
”Yep.”
”He can”t do that.”
”Actually,” Ace leaned back on the sofa, ”he can. Everything is his. He”s nice enough to let us live here.”
”But if you don”t treat his future wife and daughter nicely…I think he”ll show you the door,” I added.
”Future what?” Caitlyn let out a harsh laugh. ”He fucks you, darling, he won”t marry you.”
”He does fuck me, Caitlyn, and very well. And, yes, he”s marrying me. You need to accept that. You also need to accept that we will live here on the ranch. Flora will spend time with her cousins.” I was on a roll, and I was loving it. I”d never thought I”d be this confident in a relationship with anyone ever, but I was. In the past months, Rowan had built this inside me without my being conscious about it.
”Cousins? Your daughter is not Rowan”s.”
”Yes, she is,” I told her softly. ”Now, if you don”t mind, my friend Ace and I were having a conversation when you interrupted us.”
The look on Caitlyn”s face, as the credit card ad said, was priceless.