20. The Day Before Christmas
The Day Before Christmas
Scene I
[In front of the gates at Snowspruce.]
Viola, dressed in women’s attire, lingers.
Do I deserve to be happy?
That question haunted me all throughout the rest of the day yesterday and into the night. It seems like a simple enough question. Yes, everyone deserves to be happy. But how much do I deserve that happiness?
Do I deserve it enough to be bold? To take a risk? To chance humiliation or worse?
Do I deserve it even when I’m not perfect? Even when I’ve hurt someone? Even when I’m the bad guy?
I tossed and turned all last night until, finally, I conjured up the image of Duke’s smiling face.
My mind had been assaulting me with memories of him crushed, distrustful, and angry.
It showed me what I didn’t want to see over and over and over again.
Only when my brain dared to pause in its spiraling torture did my heart send out the memory of his smile.
His smile.
That cool breeze on a summer’s day smile. The one untouched by sadness. The one he had just for me. That’s what convinced me finally that I deserved happiness. Because the alternative, never seeing that smile again, was unthinkable. A life without feeling the warmth of Duke’s smile is unimaginable.
I refuse to accept that life.
I refuse to accept that unhappiness.
Beside me, Sebastian squeezes my shoulder. “You got this.”
“Yeah? Maria isn’t waiting to arrest me because I impersonated someone else?”
He pauses. “You probably got this.”
“Great,” I sigh.
“Just give it a go. You’ll never know what can happen unless you try.”
I stare into Snowspruce Christmas Village. There’s a stark line where the wet pavement from the perpetual gloomy rain turns into a snowy wonderland where everything sparkles and promises that dreams come true. I just have to step into it.
“You sure you don’t want to take my place? Pull the ole twin switcheroo one last time?”
Sebastian laughs. “God no.” He looks at me seriously. “Frankly, the whole charade is a little immature. I’m disappointed in you for even suggesting it.”
“Jerk.”
“Yeah, but, as your brother, that’s my job.” He holds his arms out wide for a hug—a hug that I surely can use. Except, when I go to lean in for the hug, he grabs me, twirls me around, and shoves me through the candy cane gates. “Go get ‘em, tiger!”
I stare at him angrily, even though I’m secretly delighted to be feeling the crunch of the fake snow once again underfoot. “Double jerk!” I call over to him.
He presses a hand to his chest, adopting an expression of sheer surprise. “Me? The guy who let you sleep on his couch for almost a fortnight? The guy who’s spending Christmas Eve running around preparing for your grand gesture?”
Right .
“You sure you know what to do?” I ask.
He rolls his eyes at me, then smiles. “I can always just text Olivia if I forget.”
I glower at him. “You stay away from Olivia.”
His smile just widens. “Maybe. I can’t guarantee she’ll stay away from me, though.”
Now it’s my turn to smile. The only thing more certain than this coastal rain is Olivia rejecting any man that seems remotely interested in her. For the first time, Sebastian won’t get what he wants.
Maybe his luck has finally shifted over to me. I hope so. I’ll certainly need it.
I take a deep breath in and knock on the HR building door.
“Public bathrooms are between the family of jolly snowmen and the photobooth,” Maria calls out through the door.
“I deserve happiness,” I whisper to myself and slowly creak open the door.
Happiness, however, does not greet me when I step into Maria’s little office. Her hard stare ices me over as I hover in the entrance, waiting for her to either invite me in or banish me. She does neither. She doesn’t even put down her pen or move the documents that she’s looking over.
“Hi, Maria,” I offer.
She continues to stare. “Hello, Viola. Or is it Sebastian today?”
I smile weakly. “No, no. It’s Viola. No more pretending.”
“No more pretending,” she says, feigning an exaggerated surprise. “Whatever will we do at our place of business then? Work? Unheard of.”
And that’s certainly something I deserve.
“I know it was unprofessional of me—”
Maria scoffs. “An understatement if I’ve ever heard one.”
Once upon a time, I would have left it at that. But that’s not what Sebastian would do. He would fight for what he wants. “I did take the job very seriously while I was working here, though. I gave every single day—every single kid—my all.”
“And that makes you think that all your lying was okay?”
It takes everything in me not to cry. “I’m so, so sorry. I really didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt.”
Finally, she puts down her pen and gives me her full attention. “Hurt feelings aside, do you have any idea the position you’ve put me in? Intentionally filling in employment paperwork incorrectly is a crime.”
I nod slowly. God, this is why I should never stick my neck out.
She rifles through the papers on her desk. “But you never filled out the paperwork, did you?” I shake my head. She pulls a paper from the top of her pile and shows it to me. It’s my criminal record check. “The only paperwork you gave me is this. I need to know the truth, Viola: is it yours?”
“I promise. I wouldn’t lie about children’s safety.”
Maria narrows her eyes, looking closely at the smudge over my first name. “And why did you have this ready to go?”
“I’ve been trying to apply to the ECE program for years, but Mal never thought the timing was right. I’ve kept one up to date, just in case.”
Maria exhales slowly. She moves the paperwork, including my criminal record check, off to the side. “And why are you here?”
“I’ve been Santa all season,” I say, the tears finally spilling over. “I can’t miss Christmas Eve.”
“You’re not here for Duke?” she asks, cocking an eyebrow.
I shrug. “I hope to make things right with him, today after work, if possible. But no, he’s not the reason I’m here. I’m here to be Santa one last time—if you’ll have me.”
Maria’s face remains unchanged. “I hope that’s the truth because Duke told me that if you showed up today, he asked that you stay away from him.”
My heart sinks. Duke asked for me to stay away from him? I swallow. “I can respect that.”
Maria bursts into a smile. “I was hoping you’d say that. Since you’re truly here for the kids, welcome back… Santa.”
I smile, even though the victory feels a bit hollow knowing that Duke wants nothing to do with me. Still, I have one last day to spread a little Christmas cheer, to see the smile on kids’ faces, and to do some real good.
“Thank you.”
Maria’s face returns to her serious expression. “I have no idea why you’re still standing here when you’re already late for work.”
“Right, sorry,” I apologize, scrambling for the door.
I’m almost out the door when her voice interrupts me. “Oh, and Viola,” she starts, “I should say that Duke’s exact words were actually ‘make sure she stays away from me during the shift ’. If that makes a difference.”
I exhale, letting so much of my tension and worries go. “It does. Actually, do you think you could help me with something?”
Once again, Maria offers me a rare smile. “Tell me about it. When you’re on break, of course.”
With that, she shoos me out of the office.
Viola leaves the office, smiling.
Maria returns to her paperwork, also still smiling.