The Un-Apparent Heir: A Royal Family Saga Romance (Spare Change Book 4)

19. Stolen Sunshine

Lucy stood at the castle gates. It was late, dark, and pouring rain. She had nowhere else and was aware she looked unstable. Winston had everyone. Lucy was alone. She felt once more like she had after George left her to pick up the pieces. Winston hadn’t even rang. The last text he sent was around noon. Lucy made up an excuse that the baby was fine, but she needed to go shopping. That was hours ago. Maybe he just wanted her gone? She worried he was relieved.

“Come with me, ma’am,” a guard said.

Lucy followed him inside, a place she knew very well. She was brought to the dining room to find the whole family assembled, and dressed formally. Lucy felt underdressed and awkward.

“Lucy,” Natalie hopped up. “Oh my God, what is going on? Let me take Iona. Why are you down here? Where is Winston?”

Lucy was glad to let the baby go. She didn’t answer questions.

“Come, sit here,” Vanna said. “Move, Georgie!”

“Sure.” George, looking confused, grabbed Lucy a chair from the corner and squeezed it in next to the Queen.

“I am so sorry for my appearance,” Lucy blushed. “And to bother you.”

“It’s alright. We didn’t know you were coming or we would have… taken better care of you,” Robbie said.

Natalie blew a raspberry on Iona’s cheek. The baby shrieked with laughter.

“She’s a chunk,” Duncan remarked. “Lucy, she’s beautiful. It’s a shame we haven’t seen her. Rita talks about her nonstop.”

Lucy smiled politely. “Well, she’s just a baby.”

“Nonsense,” Vanna said. “She’s a ray of sunshine. Darling, how can we help?”

“Well, I just.. wanted to catch up.”

“Ah, okay.” Robbie looked at his wife down the table, very confused.

“I don’t mean to be a bother.”

“Nonsense,” George said. “Lucy, you have arrived on a very eventful evening which… as it stands may get more entertaining yet.”

“Oh?” Vanna said, confused.

“Yes, shall I recap?” George asked.

“Georgie, don’t do it,” Robbie warned.

“What? She is practically one of us and Natalie will squawk to her in five minutes. Let’s start at the top. Sanne and Paul are having two boys. Sanne is upset about it, understandably. Natalie, I won’t speak for you. Share your news.”

“Uh… I was going to share this with you separately, Luce, but Ed and I found out we’re having a baby.”

“What?” Lucy perked up. “Really?”

“Yes.”

“I am so, so happy for you,” Lucy’s tears welled. “I’m so sorry. I’m a wreck. The baby has a double ear infection and I’m so tired. I promise we will celebrate another time.”

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Vanna had a kind tone. “You’re always welcome here, as is Iona.”

“Of course. And we will,” Natalie brimmed.

“Dad needs open heart surgery and both couples will be on leave,” George continued in the most George way. “Oh, and did I mention Pat and I are moving back?”

“What?” The table erupted.

Well, that was something.

“So, wait. I’m pregnant, about to be regent, and now you are moving back?”

“We were on the fence until about thirty seconds ago,” Patrick said. “But I told him we could. Because, you know… Nat needs the help. Nat and Sanne.”

“I don’t even have a place to put you right now,” Robbie said. “I’m over the moon, George and Pat. Really. It will be lovely to see the girls, but… I haven’t room for you anywhere suitable.”

“It’s fine. In the meantime, they can live with us,” Natalie said.

“They can?” Ed looked at her.

“Ed, come on, our house is massive and we’re in Wales all the time.”

“True,” Ed shrugged. “Welcome to the circus.”

“So, moving back now, Luce?” George joked.

“If only,” Lucy said, voice low.

Someone knocked. “Your Majesty, The Duchess of Lauderdale is on the phone. She says it is urgent.”

Vanna looked at Lucy. “I will call her back. Lucy, why don’t you and I take a walk? Natalie, care to join us?”

“Must I part with Iona?” Natalie asked.

“Give her here. I miss baby snuggles,” Kiersten insisted.

“I don’t need to hear it, Kiersten,” Olav groaned.

“Thanks,” Lucy said.

She followed Natalie and Vanna into the hall and down the corridor to the music room. Vanna sat, as did Natalie. Lucy stood, confused and concerned.

“Lucy, I will ring Rita back, but what should I tell her?”

“I will get you a drink,” Natalie said. “Sit.”

Lucy plopped down in the spot she had many times while reading with George. It was odd being back under such different circumstances.

Natalie returned with a hefty pour of whisky while Lucy chewed her words.

“Lucy, I am concerned,” Vanna said. “Not upset. Concerned. You arrive here without announcing it and the baby has an ear infection. How did you get here? Sweetheart, aren’t people looking for you?”

“I don’t know. I took the train. I gave Winston a bullshit excuse and I don’t think he cares where I am. I think he’s relieved.”

“Lucy, don’t say that,” Natalie said.

Lucy took a long sip of whisky and sat her glass down. “Things are terrible between Tony and me. I’d rather we not relay that to Rita. I think he’s about to divorce me and with her firepower, I will quite literally lose my babies. I do not know what to do. I am so lost and so useless. I think they might be better off without me.”

“Lucy, don’t say that,” Natalie said. “No one would be better off without you. I don’t know what I will do with you. The minute Dad told me what was happening this afternoon, I had half a mind to bother you. I was dreaming of coercing you to come back. I need you.”

“I cannot. Winston will leave me.”

“Why?” Vanna wondered, confused. “Lucy, sweetheart, Winston loves you. You have three children together.”

“I cannot give him what he wants most which is a happy wife who is sexually available. Because Iona destroyed my body in childbirth, I cannot be the wife he needs. I am miserable in Scotland. I hate it there, but I’m the problem. I live this beautiful, privileged life and I’m not satisfied. I need to get over it, but I cannot.”

Vanna’s face went from concern to compassion. She popped up, sitting on Lucy’s other side, where George always sat.

“Lucy, sweetheart, he’s not owed any of that. Are you… are you safe? One time I ran off to Wales and Rita had to come get me. I was… not safe. I can relate to things you are saying in ways you do not know. Also, there is no way in hell Rita would allow him to take your children away. She lived through that with Winston’s father. It wouldn’t happen.”

“People say that, but they change.”

“Lucy, if Winston comes at you with that firepower, I swear to God I will finance your litigation so well he will see stars,” Natalie said. “No one is taking your children away.”

“No one. Absolutely no one,” Vanna said. “Lucy, have you told him this?”

Lucy shrugged and flatly said, “I told him that I was unfulfilled and unhappy. He, meanwhile, told me that my dearest friend there propositioned him for an affair and he avoided it out of obligation. He finds it hard to love me.”

While Lucy was broken, she was emotionless. She had no more fucks to give.

“Oh, darling, no,” Natalie said. She wrapped her arms around Lucy tight.

It was the first feeling of love and security that Lucy felt in weeks. She forgot what it was like to be loved for who she was rather than out of obligation.

“We haven’t spoken in two weeks. He didn’t care at all about me taking Iona. So, I figured, I just needed a break. I left my boys like a coward. But as we were driving back from town, I pulled over and vomited. Uncontrollably. I cannot go home like this. I can’t let him make me feel so bad about myself. He’s abandoned me already, so what is the point? I’m sorry to drop this all in your lap at such a complicated time.”

“Lucy, you were there for us at the most complicated times in our lives,” Vanna said. “It is the least we can do. Winston is… you can figure that out. You need to be safe, okay? You need rest and to get the baby down for the evening.”

“Ed and I will take you home.”

“But what about Rita?”

“I will speak with her, call off the dogs. I will let her know that you are okay and that you and Winston have things to sort out—mostly tell her to stay out of it unless you want me to say otherwise. I don’t think it’s helpful to know the thing about the affair. He didn’t, did he?”

Lucy shook her head no. “I trust he did not.”

“Good.”

“I almost wish he had. At least then he could say he did it rather than holding it over my head that he didn’t.”

“Lucy, marriage is hard,” Vanna said. “Things are bleak right now. You’ve been through so much. You had a baby and are struggling. Do not give up. You deserve better. And he doesn’t get to push you around. I don’t think you two are communicating clearly. You need rest, food, and some TLC before approaching him. It’s good to take some time away.”

“You have a lot of extra hands with the baby,” Natalie said. “Ed, George, and Pat just to name some. We will all be around. Don’t worry about that.”

“He’s going to ruin me,” Lucy said. “I trusted him. But I will get nothing. I will be just as homeless as I was when George left.”

“Don’t catastrophise this yet,” Vanna said. “And you will never be homeless. I can assure you, Lucy. I would wring his neck sooner than I would allow that to happen.”

“Luce, can I come in?”Natalie knocked on Lucy’s door. Sanne stood at her side.

Lucy had been at Frogmore for two days. She wouldn’t leave her room or talk to anyone. She was lost. The only way Natalie could get a word in was to bring her sweets while Lucy nursed Iona. Beyond that, her friend was unreachable. It was far worse than her postnatal anxiety after Malcolm. Meanwhile, Winston rang Natalie and Ed nonstop looking for answers. While Natalie didn’t doubt Winston had hurt Lucy, she knew Lucy’s depression prevented her from thinking clearly. Winston was worried sick, but Natalie held strong. She told him to stop and that they would reach out when it was time for him to journey south.

“I brought cookies,” Sanne piped up.

“And Iona needs a feed,” Natalie added.

“Come in,” Lucy said

Sanne brought the cookies. Lucy inhaled one as Iona nursed.

“Lucy,” Natalie said. “I don’t want to bother you, but… you must come out of here, sweetheart. It’s not good for you or the baby to stay cooped up like this. I am worried. Should we take you to see someone?”

“I’m ninety per cent sure I’m pregnant,” Lucy said, plain as day. “And I don’t want to be. There’s not much you can do. I’m probably not going to stop by Mary Stopes.”

“Lucy, what are you on about?” Natalie asked, confused.

“I skipped my period. It was supposed to come this week. I’m vomiting uncontrollably. Nursing Iona hurts. I’m so exhausted I cannot think straight. You’re both pregnant. Tell me I am wrong.”

“But how? I thought you weren’t?—”

“We had the world’s most awful, uncomfortable sex three weeks ago. We didn’t use protection because I’m nursing, and I honestly didn’t think about it since we hadn’t been. I’m not on the pill. I’m a fucking idiot?—”

“It takes two people to make that happen,” Sanne said. “You’re not. This whole thing… he’s still their dad. Lucy, you have been doing everything for him and the kids for years. You’re miserable. He’s panicking because chickens came home to roost.”

“And now I’m getting a divorce while pregnant. Yay! It’s fucking embarrassing.”

“We need to get a test,” Natalie sighed.

“No one from the house can get it or it will look like…”

“What? I’m pregnant? She’s pregnant? Newsflash, Lucy,” Sanne giggled. “I will march down there right now to Boots and buy you a motherfucking pregnancy test.”

Natalie giggled. “Send Paul. People can speculate about whether or not he has impregnated a model.”

“Oh, good idea,” Sanne joked.

Lucy snickered. “Send George. Payback?”

“God, I love that for you. Best idea yet,” Sanne said.

“He’d do it, too. He’s worried about you, Luce. I’ll send staff down.”

Natalie picked up the receiver to buzz the staff. She placed the order while Lucy and Sanne stuffed their faces with cookies.

“They will run one up as soon as they can. The Palace Doctor is in,” Natalie said.

“I don’t need a test, honestly. I’m pregnant—again. What will I do?”

“Same thing I am. Pop out number four and tell him to get a vasectomy?” Sanne asked.

“Brilliant idea, but that assumes we’re going to fuck at all. I’d be happy to never have penetrative sex again.”

“What do you mean?” Natalie asked.

“I am healed, but I still feel pain. My body is an embarrassment. This child tore me all the way across. I am still frightened. And yet? My midwife’s advice was to power through it because it was “all in my head.” And that meant my pain wasn’t real and I had to suck it up. So I did that, didn’t get off, angered my husband, and then burst into tears when he yelled at me. That’s when he said he couldn’t do this anymore and went silent.”

Natalie’s heart broke for her friend. “Lucy, if Ed did that, I would be broken into pieces. I’m so sorry. Your midwife is wrong.”

“There is something wrong in my head for sure.”

“Lucy, it doesn’t matter what is going on. You need help, not dismissiveness. Nothing good comes from soldiering through and hoping it gets better,” Natalie said.

“You should see someone in London while you’re here,” Sanne said. “You had birth trauma. When that happens, you need time for rewiring. Otherwise, your mind and body will shut down all the time.”

“Winston and I have been distant,” Lucy said. “He’s right about that, but I just feel like I am so miserable and useless. I should be happy now. I have everything—healthy children, wealth, a husband who takes care of me—and yet it’s not enough.”

“Does he take care of you?” Natalie asked. “Or does he just provide for you and leave you wanting emotionally?”

The answer was probably too much for Lucy to handle. She didn’t answer.

“Lucy, what do you want?” Sanne asked.

She shrugged.

“Lucy, you know what you want,” Natalie said. “You do. You don’t want to say it.”

“I want to move back. I want to raise our kids together. I want to see you all and laugh. I want to feel important and needed—do something useful. George jokes about needing me around, but he does. You all do. That sounds all uppity, but?—”

“No, it’s not. I need you—more than ever, Luce,” Natalie said.

Sanne nodded. “Same.”

“I know you needed to go. We went our own ways for a bit, but I never thought you would bloody well move to Scotland and never see me again. I always thought you’d come back.”

“I didn’t want to go forever but Winston fell in love with it. He swears it’s the best way to raise our kids. You know I love my babies more than life, so I want the best for them—to give them a childhood I couldn’t even dream of.”

“Lucy, you will solve nothing if your kids see you miserable,” Sanne said.

Lucy looked down at Iona. The baby fell asleep, face smooshed against Lucy’s breast.

“Luce, you are their safe place to land,” Sanne said. “You always will be. But you must take care of yourself.”

“You cannot put an O2 mask on them until you put it on yourself. Land the plane, Lucy. If you cannot land the plane everything else falls apart—you’ll run out of fuel, crash into a mountain, or lose spatial awareness. Your happiness matters. It should be essential to Winston, too. I don’t think he realised how hard things were for you. Maybe now he does? Either way, you belong here. You must make choices, but it’s clear what you want.”

“Can we not be as violent or disturbing with the imagery?” Lucy winced. “I get your point.”

“You expect dark from me. Admit it.”

“You should have seen her wielding a sword at dinner the other night.”

“Sad I missed it,” Lucy laughed. “Invite me next time.”

“I will because you’ll be here with us. We can build a commune and raise our kids together.”

“I love that idea,” Sanne admitted. “Always another set of hands.”

“I missed this,” Lucy said. “Remember when we watched the TV endlessly and worried about nothing?”

“Those days are gone, but we still have one another,” Natalie said. “I’m about to be a mum for the first time in my late thirties, so I need all the help I can get.”

“You’re going to be great,” Lucy said. “Not that my opinion counts for much these days.”

“It does, Lucy. You did what you needed to get help,” Sanne said. “And sometimes, that means doing something drastic.”