Chapter Forty-Nine
The ringing in my ears drowned out everything else. I struggled to focus, stay standing, and hear. Basically, my whole body shut down at Jackson’s comment.
Before I could ask a question or even think of what to ask, Jackson continued. “I’ve worked impossible hours, exercised, dated other women, and nothing. I still thought about you. I still missed you.”
“So, you’re saying . . .”
Nope. The words refused to come together in my head. If he said what I thought he’d said? Couldn’t be. “What are you telling me right now?”
I wasn’t toying with him or trying to make him prove anything. His huge declaration sounded like it matched the decade-long fantasy running through my head. All those dreams I had about him and about us. The one-sided attraction that kicked my butt.
Unrequited love sucked. That’s why his professing big feelings now made zero sense
Jackson looked as confused as he sounded. “Did you really not know how I felt about you?”
Gram snorted. “She didn’t. She’s clueless about these things.”
“Okay.”
Celia took Gram’s hand and tried to steer her toward the door. “We should leave them alone.”
Gram gasped this time. She did love to unleash a dramatic gasp. “We’ve waited for two years for this day. For these two to figure themselves out. I’m staying.”
What was happening? “Two years?”
“There’s a reason Dad talked about Anna. She broke up with me at Christmas because she watched us together. She said it was obvious I was in love with you. I didn’t mean to hurt her or lie to her. I really was trying to get over you and I liked her, so dating made sense, but she was right about my feelings.”
I sat down hard in the chair. “You barely spoke to me when I was home in December.”
“Survival instinct. Self-protection.”
He stood there with his fingers wrapped around the top of the chair across from me. “I’ve spent a lot of time trying to ignore you and my feelings for you.”
He spoke as if Celia and Gram weren’t in the room. As if he wasn’t embarrassed about what he felt or the words he said. Could that be right? Admittedly, I wasn’t great about picking up on cues, but this?
“But why?”
Really, why? I wasn’t his type at all. “Your dad is annoying, and his methods aren’t elegant, but he got some things about me right. I’m unsettled and chronically unemployed. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I’m bumping along while I try to figure it out.”
“All true.”
He didn’t need to agree so quickly but fine. “I can be a bit impulsive.”
He smiled. “A bit?”
No one was rushing to defend me. I knew my limitations. I’d been bogged down by them for a long time but a little support from the people who were supposed to love me most in the world would have been nice.
“At times I’ve been reckless, and one could say overly curious. Those two traits together lead to trouble now and then.”
When Gram started to say something, I cut her off. “No. Do not mention my snooping or the business pitch that landed us in this mess. I know what I did, and I’ve tried for days to undo it.”
Gram’s snort was answer enough.
Jackson knew about my faults. He’d spelled them out for me often enough. Yes, we’d kissed and had sex. All of that meant everything to me. Incredible moments I would pack away and hold on to during the frustrating days ahead.
I figured the flirting, sleeping together, was just guy stuff. Not real and not lasting. An enjoy the moment and move on sort of thing.
“Since when are you attracted to me? Not the sex. I mean the bigger attraction. Love.”
I stumbled a bit at the end because hearing Jackson talk about love still sounded like a mean joke.
“Forever.”
He threw up both hands. “Well, it feels like forever but for a few years. After you graduated from college and spent the summer here.”
Okay, no. I remembered how he acted. Ignoring me. The dismissal.
“When I set fire to the kitchen? You thought, Yeah, she’s the one for me?”
In my defense, the instructions for making caramel were right there on the counter. Gram and Celia had stepped out to run some errand. Of course I tried the recipe. Not successfully but I tried because who didn’t like caramel?
“I miss those curtains,”
Gram said. “The pattern was out of stock, so we couldn’t replace them.”
Celia sighed. “It was an accident.”
“Ladies, please.”
I loved them but they were not helping at all by playing amateur commentators.
“You were here. We spent time together. You didn’t notice how many times I came over for dinner?”
He didn’t wait for an answer. “I tried to stay away. I warned myself not to get attached. You had turned into this beautiful, funny, charming, sometimes unhinged woman.”
I couldn’t even be offended because he started the description with the word “beautiful.”
“Was it the unhinged part that did it for you?”
“You were this burst of energy. This light. You see the world in a different way. You rush in when I would be careful. Too careful. You make me laugh. You make me want to take risks.”
He shook his head. “My work is serious. I tend to be serious.”
Come on. “Tend?”
“You make me want to leave the office and have a life. A full life outside of work.”
Oh, wow . . .
“Look, I know I’m not your ideal man. I also know your life isn’t here. It sucks but it’s true.”
He drew in what sounded like a shaky breath. “We’ll get through this embarrassing moment and go back to normal. Not sure how, but we will. In the meantime, what I can promise you is that I won’t let Dad mess with Mags’ Desserts.”
“Oh, he won’t be touching the business.”
Gram sounded grouchy and resolute about that. “He’ll be lucky if we let him in the door.”
Jackson kept going. “I’ll watch over these two and make sure they avoid more adventures with deadly recipes and suspect pies.”
Gram frowned. “We don’t need a babysitter, young man.”
“Usually,”
Celia said.
“I’ll take care of the things and people you love because I love them, too.”
He shrugged. “It’s that simple.”
Simple? Nothing about this whirl of new information was simple. He loved me, a fact that still didn’t fit in my head. I loved him and had forever. So, why was he talking about letting me go?
“I made it clear to Micah that you did everything right and Brock was the one who messed up the potential deal, despite our warnings. Your job is safe. Micah said he viewed you as a valued employee.”
Jackson smiled. “Helping to keep you employed is my small way of saying thank you for sticking up to my dad and giving me the support to do it.”
Was he winding up or winding down? I couldn’t tell. The only thing I heard was the hint of goodbye in his words. “Okay, wait . . .”
“I need to check in with Dad. Make sure he wasn’t telling us what we wanted to hear in the moment while moving in the wrong direction.”
Jackson kissed me on the cheek. Quick and light like how he might kiss a distant relative. Certainly not the I’m-hot-for-you kiss I’d experienced the last few days.
“Talk to you soon.”
He walked away.
What? I watched him head for the door, not sure if I should throw a muffin at him or run after him. He was gone before I could decide.
I turned to face Gram and Celia. “What the hell was that?”