Chapter 10
After breakfast,the sun hangs above the horizon, pushing the shadows back and making it safe to travel without worry. Thomas has his groomsmen bring my broken carriage onto his property for repair while he sends his footmen to ready one of his own to take me home.
I’m exhausted and a bit sore in places I didn’t know I had. Each movement sparks a memory of his hands. His lips. The way he moved above me.
The ride home feels long. I’ve already grown so used to Thomas’s company and having someone I can freely share my thoughts with.
I flip through the book of plants admiring the careful drawings and skimming paragraphs that detail the numerous uses and preparations of each one, followed by the effects and ways it manifests. Though I find my mind often wandering to other things.
I pull up to our manor expecting Sabrina or Father to greet me with a scolding. But it’s only the house steward who wordlessly opens the door.
“Is Father in his study?” I ask, seeing the dining room unusually empty at this hour.
“He left for Gloamfarrow early this morning on urgent business.” He pauses briefly. “And Lady Sabrina said she would be gone until evening.”
I murmur my thanks and stride down the hall. Their absence means I am free to get some much-needed sleep without interruption.
“Lord Browning is in the garden.” Before I can step foot on the stairs leading to the second floor, the house steward adds with more than a hint of irritation, “He’s been waiting for you since first thing this morning.”
Groaning inwardly, I change course. It looks like sleep will have to wait a little longer. I expected to talk to Benjamin soon after returning home, but I had hoped to nap for an hour or two first, so I could tell him everything I need to with a clearer head.
I pause to add my borrowed book to a few others on the entry table near the doors to the back property, not wanting the maids to mistakenly think it out of place and place it on one of the many bookshelves throughout the house.
I find Benjamin pacing by the oak tree, irritably swatting wildflowers and tall blades of grass, stray leaves sticking out from a bush—anything within reach—with a stick.
“How long have you been here?” I ask as I near.
He whirls to face me. Relief. Anger. Impatience. Worry. Each emotion vies for dominance in his features. He flings the stick off to the side and strides toward me.
“Demons and saints, Zadie! Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?” Strong hands clasp my shoulders, giving me a slight shake. His fingers press into my skin.
I wince. “Ben?—”
“What’s wrong Zadie? Did he hurt you? Where? Why didn’t you say?—”
“You’re hurting me,” I interrupt him before the barrage of questions can continue without giving me half a breath to answer any of them. I give his hands a pointed glance.
It takes a few seconds for him to comprehend. With a sheepish look, he releases me and steps back.
“I’m fine, Benjamin. He didn’t hurt me.” I say slowly. I manage to resist the urge to rub the ache from my arms. “As you can see, I’ve returned home safely.”
Benjamin’s worry over my well-being abates like fog under the sun’s harsh glare. He frowns, reminding me of a much younger version of him.
“He still lives?” Benjamin’s agitation is no more intense than when I overheard him talking to Oscar and Wallace. Only now, his upset feels needlessly excessive. “Tell me that you at least found the night-forged silver?”
I stare at him, careful to school my face into a blank mask despite the dull throb starting at my temples.
“Then the night was a failure.” The utter lack of confirmation or denial doesn’t stop him from coming to his own conclusions.
Lack of sleep has made me weary, and it’s all I can do to keep my patience in check. I cannot expect Benjamin to change what he believes to be true on my word alone and without proof. He will think I’ve been compelled—not that I would be able to blame him. If the situation were reversed, I would feel as much of him.
“We will have to take care of him in sleep—whenever that is—did you at least find out that much?” he continues, waving his hands about as he thinks aloud.
I cross my arms at his condescending tone. When I still don’t respond, Benjamin finally pauses in his pacing to meet my eye.
“You’re not the only one eager to stop these senseless murders. But do not to speak to me as if I’m incompetent.” I hold up my hand when he opens his mouth. “We knew adjustments to the plan would be needed as it progressed. While last night didn’t go as planned, rushing things at this point will only risk everything we have done thus far.”
I lift my chin and hold him in place with an unwavering gaze, despite the uncertainty and hope warring in my heart.
I’m surprised he doesn’t try to cajole me into acting on the impromptu plan brewing in his head.
“The viscount has invited me to dinner at the end of the week and has requested to meet me at the library every day until then.”
“Is there something more going on between you two than you’ve let on?” he blurts.
I continue as if he hadn’t spoken, “I agreed to join him, but I would be spending today to rest and recover from yesterday’s ordeal.” Then, somewhat harsher than I intend, I add, “I really am tired.”
Those four words easily burrow under his skin. A muscle in Benjamin’s jaw twitches from how tightly he grinds his teeth as I speak. Most people might think he’s being patient. Except, knowing him as I do, it’s obvious he’s struggling to rein in his boorish nature. When it comes to important matters, he only wants the facts—everything else can wait until after.
“You said it yourself, the viscount hasn’t attacked anyone since we met. While that in itself isn’t proof of anything, it would be too much of a coincidence to ignore if someone were attacked the one night I was not with him.” The words stick together in my throat as if they were made of cold sap. “After this past week, I doubt there’s a single person in Sangate who wouldn’t expect to see me in his company. Not even the hired help knows we won’t be meeting today.”
“You would risk another innocent’s life to test him?”
The accusation hits its mark precisely as he intended. A sharp thorn piercing my chest. It makes me sound cold and uncaring—he knows that isn’t what I meant. Though, if he notices the hurt it causes, he doesn’t acknowledge it.
“Of course not!” I say indignantly. “You will find a way to send the authorities an anonymous letter.”
Ben scoffs. “And what will this letter say?”
I hadn’t made it that far in my planning yet, but truthfully, it is one of the least important details. Tilting my head to the side, I smile and pat his cheek. “I’m sure you’ll think of something to lure them out.”
His jaw goes slack, then he snaps it closed. “Zadie, what—” Benjamin knocks the heel of his hand against his forehead and groans. “Please tell me your plan isn’t to entice him to kill and hope the authorities will catch him in the act?”
“Not exactly,” I say. “The authorities are merely a precautionary measure. If they catch him in the act, then all the better.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask about the rest of your idea,” he says, not even bothering to hide his cringe.
After all these years, he still can’t wrap his mind around the way I scheme. His style of thinking has always been straightforward, relying heavily on action. He has always thought my ideas were overly complicated.
In reality, mine have always been the simplest, relying on far more than actions I can take. It’s easy to guess what someone might do if you observe them enough. We are creatures of habit, after all. From there, it’s only a matter of timing and creating opportunities. I’ve always thought of him as a ship sailing against a storm and myself as a leaf floating with a river’s current.
“I found something in an old ledger of his, but I will need this week to read up on it and prepare everything. If it works, then this will all be over by week’s end.”
“How can you be sure that bastard didn’t fill a dozen ledgers with lies to trap someone trying to do the very thing we are doing?”
“He’s a vampire, but even he can’t read minds,” I grind out. I can’t escape the bitterness coating my tongue. “Besides, the ink from the entries was too worn to have been written anytime in the last few decades.”
“I don’t like this,” he says with a shake of his head. “The viscount is long overdue to feed again. I don’t want you to become his next victim.”
“How can you know that? Even I couldn’t tell—he’s maintained perfect control every time I’ve been around him.”
Benjamin shrugs, blatantly pleased I haven’t figured it out. “The murders were increasing in frequency, but once the two of you began spending time together, they’ve all but stopped. It’s obviously a ploy to use you as an alibi. Half the city believes he’s courting you now, and since you’re unharmed… what is more innocent than a vampire seeking the favor a human? You’re the only logical choice for him to use. You have status, and wealth, and you’re still innocent.”
I prickle at the insult—he doubtlessly doesn’t even realize the insult he flung so carelessly at me. “I might not be the most worldly person, but I am far from a dewy-eyed girl who is easily beguiled by a handsome face and a few pretty words.”
Benjamin tilts his head and offers a sympathetic frown. “I know that, Zadie, but what other reason could there be for him to work so hard to pursue you?”
The implication that Thomas could only want me to use as a pawn cuts deep.
“Compromise with me. Give me until this weekend, and if we are no closer to ending this, then I will admit defeat, and the four of us can come up with a new plan.”
“What would you have the rest of us being doing this week? I don’t like the idea of you doing this on your own.”
“I won’t be alone. Just like before, when I meet with him, you three will be close by as you have been in case I need you and to keep an eye out for anything or anyone suspicious. There’s still the chance we’re wrong about him, and the killer is someone else.”
Ben’s gaze turns sharp. “You don’t sound so confident of his guilt anymore… If I didn’t know you better, Zadie, I would say you are under his thrall—are you positive nothing happened?”
We are rarely at odds with each other. I’ve forgotten how harsh it is to be the target of his displeasure. I meet his gaze, unflinching. He is not the only one who can be stubborn.
“Benjamin Browning, you are not the only one who wants to stop these murders. If there is something else on your mind that you would like to discuss, then speak plainly—but you will do so with respect.” Each word is clipped, and I no longer feel like holding back my irritation.
“Zadie… I—I’m sorry.” Awareness of what he implied finally dawns on him. Regardless of the truth, it is not his place to demand I share details of that nature.
“Apologize later.” My voice takes on a slight glowing quality as I reach the limit of my patience. “Tell me if you will agree to my plan or not so I can either go inside now, or quickly explain the rest to you. Either way, I don’t plan to stand here discussing this much longer.”
Undeterred, Benjamin takes his time to mull over my offer. My eyelids grow impossibly heavy as I wait. Each second stretches out, slower than the last. The heaviness spreads through me until it takes more strength than it should to remain standing and alert.
“All right,” he says finally.
“I need you to give me your word that you won’t do anything stupid.”
“Zadie—”
“Your word.”
“Fine, you have my word,” he says grudgingly. “Tell me your plan.”
“It’s rather simple,” I say, then the lie slips out with practiced ease. “There is a poison made of common ingredients that’s as fatal to vampires as night-forged silver. The difficulty lies in the preparation. When I have dinner with him, I will distract him long enough to slip it into his food or drink.”
The corners of his mouth tick upward in approval. Then he launches into the merits of my plan, offering suggestions. I tune him out until his voice is little more than a distant undistinguished drone. Benjamin was always easily blinded by his determination. He doesn’t question my claim. Such a thing could not be kept secret for long, and the rarity of night-forged silver would ensure a mad hunt for it by anyone who views vampires as an enemy.
Thomas and Benjamin each believe I am plotting with them when in reality, I am plotting with neither. Duplicity twists countless knots on my insides, and I hate it. It was different when I believed Thomas to be nothing more than a monster. It’s far harder now that I care for him. Everything in my heart and body tells me Thomas is incapable of anything so ghastly.
I’ve had my fair share of antics and exploits, but they were always in the spirit of fun. Everything is twisted up in so many variables with a sea of tangled questions. It makes my head swim. After a morning teeming with deceptions, my heart feels like lead in my chest. Cold and heavy.
I will betray both men—one more so than the other.
Uncertainty surfaces to scratch its claws along my spine. Never have I attempted something so foolish as what I have planned for tonight.
I want nothing more than to confide in someone. But I can’t tell either of them. They would both insist on joining me, which would only draw too much attention and be a distraction as they tried to keep me safe.
I need to do this alone, to leave my heart out of it. This is the only way I can keep my judgment from being clouded by my affection for the man who has been my confidant and practically family for most of my life. And the man who unexpectedly ensnared my heart.
With any luck, by this time tomorrow, I will have learned the truth.