Chapter 12
Benjamin makes a movement toward me.I jerk back. My heel catches on an uneven stone, and I bump into the building at my back. He drops his hands. Something undistinguishable about his face shifts, and it terrifies me.
“My legs are weak,” I say with forced laughter. “I must be hungry. Yes. I forgot to eat earlier. I must have been worried you’d try to do this on your own.”
There are only two ways out of this alley, and Benjamin is between me and the first…
“You’ve always been the most precious person in my life, Zadie. More so than Jane—” His voice shifts from gentle and wistful to sharp. “—vapid, contemptible girl.”
… the other, beyond a stack of broken crates, is the dirt road running parallel along the city’s eastern edge. Grooves are scratched into the corners of buildings. The demons that lurk in the forest’s depths will grow bold when they sense prey is near. Their long, misshapen claws move in the imitation of shadows cast by bare tree branches—ready to solidify into razor-sharp talons, digging into whatever they can grasp as they drag themselves as close as they dare to the light.
“Why did you bring me all the way to this part of town?” I ask quietly. “If the?—”
Benjamin releases a long-suffering sigh. “I have to end this tonight, Zadie… for you—everything has always been for you—to keep you safe.”
He takes a step closer. Then another. I want to back away, but there’s no telling how he might react if I do. There’s something off about his eyes. Almost empty. Ben continues to chip away at the distance between us until he’s barely more than a hand’s length away.
“Zadie?” he says my name as if he’s unsure, and I have no choice but to feign ignorance for as long as I can.
He grips my shoulders with a fierce grip, making me wince. “Zadie, I promise I’ll break whatever spell he put on you.”
“What are you talking about?” I hope he doesn’t notice the warble in my voice.
“It’s not your fault. He must have done something to hold you in his thrall without you noticing.”
“I’m not?—”
“Then explain why you’re here.”
“I—”
“With him,” he adds. “I saw him kill that woman with my own eyes.”
I flinch at the blatant contradiction to what he said moments ago.
“He killed that woman after poisoning her, then I followed him to you.” With every word, his grip tightens and his demeanor more bitter. “There’s no other explanation for why you’d allow him to hold you like that in public. This has to end tonight. I will make sure it does.”
I’m unsure if Benjamin realizes he mentioned the use of poison—something he wouldn’t know, even if what he says were true.
A dark smear on his neck catches my eye. Up until now, his cravat had hidden it. As if seeing evidence of the truth up close has heightened my senses, the tang of damp copper clings to him.
“I-I don’t understand,” I stammer, unable to drag my gaze from the blood.
He notices. Reaching up, he sweeps his fingers over his neck. They come away wet. Only then does he let go.
I move back as far as I dare, trying to stay in the light made dim by the weather.
Benjamin rubs his fingers together, chuckling. It’s a humorless and dark sound; with it, the look of a mad man settles over his features—a shadow superimposing itself over him, transforming my closest friend into a complete stranger. He was one of the warmest people I’ve ever known. Now he is cold.
Tears form behind my eyes, the pressure of it bringing on a dull pounding against my skull. How could I not notice what his hatred was doing to him? A fissure forms within my heart, speaking and cracking until it breaks.
“I’m scared, Ben.” I sniffle and hold my hand out to him. “Will you take me home?”
I’m unsure if this is a desperate attempt to reach him through this madness or hope that he will think I don’t know the truth after all.
“I will do everything within my power for you.” He reaches for my hand, but nothing about him rings true.
Taking a half step back, I trip over something, barely managing to right myself. With certain death before me, I will have to take my chances with the threat of demons sensing our presence behind me. Slowly, I back up, careful where I place each step.
“But I can’t take you home yet… not with you like this, anyway.” The corner of his mouth twists up, turning his words into a sick joke.
Like this…
The unspoken meaning is as clear as if he shouted it: Not while you still live.
There’s no use pretending anymore. I continue to move back, hoping to gain some distance between us.
“Where are you going, Zadie?”
“All those innocent people… how could you?”
Now that I’ve dropped all pretense, so has he. And it’s far worse than I could have imagined.
“How?” He bites out. His hands ball into tight fists as his anger multiplies from within until he is straining to keep it under control. “Because they are monsters. All of them. They are twisted and vile parasites. They might not be demons, but they are no better than the worst of them. Including the viscount.” Spittle flies from his mouth as he speaks. “The only way a vampire like that is created is through their willingness to bond their life and soul to a demon—you know this!” At the last, he lunges for me.
I turn and run towards the howling of lesser demons. The only way I’ll stand a chance of making it through the night is to get out into the open and slip down a side street, circling back into the safety of the city’s light.
Benjamin throws himself at me, tackling me to the ground. All the breath is forced out of me. By the time I can breathe again, he’s flipped me onto my back, gripping both wrists with one hand, trapped under his weight. He leans into it, pressing down.
“He should have refused and died like a human while he still had dignity left!”
I open my mouth to scream, hoping the saints are with me and someone will hear. Something sharp stops me. Two pointed ends, roughly an inch apart, press into the side of my neck. The metal of the unusual weapon is cold. It almost feels like…
False fangs?
“Don’t scream. If you do, I’ll have to hurt you, and I don’t want to do that. Please, Zadie, please don’t make me.” Benjamin pleads with me as if he is innocent as if he is the victim rather than the one threatening my life.
I choke back a sob and nod.
“Look… look at what he’s done to us. How can you doubt his nature when he’s turned you against me?”
Even through the fear, I can’t help but pity him. Regardless of his feelings—there’s no justification for his actions.
“I was fifteen the first time I saw one of those things feeding on a woman… her twisted pleasure at being devoured. He’d fooled her into reprehensible lust in the open. I never told you.” He shakes his head as if pushing the image from his mind. “Ever since then, I knew I needed to rid this city of them. I knew I had to protect you from them.”
Ben has seen vampires as a threat to Sangate for so long he didn’t notice when he became the monster.
But he’s not alone in his guilt. I’ve turned a blind eye to the intensity of his hate all these years. Only now seeing his words thrown carelessly among others and quick flashes of cruel expressions, for what they were. If only I paid attention instead of dismissing things as a tendency toward over-enthusiasm or my imagination.
“Why did you have to insist on helping?” As he rambles on, he begins to sob. “And now?—”
His grip loosens slightly. If I can just get a hand free…
“It’s all right, Ben. It’s not too late to fix things,” I lie. “Tell me how to help, and I will.”
He snuffles as his blue eyes scan my face. “I’m so sorry, Zadie.” He jerks his arm holding the weapon, and drives it into my neck.
Burning pain. The feel of hot liquid spilling down my throat. Not enough air… I’m dying. Choking on my own blood.
Benjamin sits up, straddling me. I grasp at my neck, trying to stanch the flow of blood, but my rapidly weakening grip keeps slipping. All the while, the person I trusted with my life watches from above.
Wrapping his hands around my wrists, he pulls them away. “Don’t worry,” he coos. “I won’t slit your throat. By morning, the city will know who the real monsters are. We’ll drive them out. And it’s all thanks to you. Forgive me, but I don’t have anything to help ease you—you should never have come out tonight.”
Silent tears burn as they slide over my temples.
Spots dance before my eyes. Suddenly, Ben’s weight is gone. There’s a thump and a sharp exhale, then something heavy falls to the ground.
Thomas’s face appears above me, and for a long second, I think I’ve arrived in the Otherworld. I realize I’m still alive when he slides his arms under my band and cradles me against him. Agony blinds me from the jostle of being shifted.
“This will hurt,” Thomas whispers.
His hand is a firebrand against my skin. His touch heating to match the glowing red ring around his irises.
I fight against him as invisible flames swallow me whole. But I can’t even manage to twitch a single finger. Flashes of molten lightning writhe around his hands, lighting his face with a soft red glow. Not once does he look at me; all his focus is on my injury. It goes on for an eternity until I’m afraid I will lose my mind.
My first breath scratches past my throat but each one after is easier and easier. Though it takes me a moment to reorient myself, I’m no longer choking. I realize Thomas is murmuring in soothing tones.
“Forgive me for not getting here sooner,” he says.
With shaking fingers, I reach up and brush newly healed skin. “You healed me?”
The spell breaks with a muffled groan. “Bastard!” Ben growls. “I won’t let you stop me!”
Thomas’s features harden, then he looks up. I try desperately to cling to him, not wanting to let go or be let go. A pointless waste of effort. He sets my back against the wall and stands.
The loss of his warmth is nearly enough for me to cry. I know enough to understand I am in shock, physically, mentally, and emotionally, from everything that’s happened tonight.
Thomas takes one step forward before Ben turns and bolts out of the alley and into the darkness, where the song of demons grows louder by the second.
I must whimper because Thomas glances down at me. He hesitates for only a heartbeat, then kneels at my side and wraps his arms around me.
It would have been easy for him to go after Ben. It would take less than a few minutes for Thomas to catch up to him and end his life for the murder of innocents and plotting to kill him.
“You’re safe now.”
I press the side of my face to his chest and cling to him.
A horrible sound cleaves the night. I don’t even recognize it as human until Thomas presses a palm over my ear and hums softly, blocking it out. The scream lingers in a never-ending echo in my mind.
I have lost someone dear to me, but I have also found someone who chooses kindness over hate. Someone who ensnared my heart with a smile.
After a while, we find ourselves surrounded by people. They quickly give up speaking to me and turn their questions on Thomas. He answers them but refuses to let me go. Thomas is even at my side, offering support when I explain everything to Father and Sabrina, helping me find the words I need when I stumble.
Benjamin’s family leaves town a few days later. No one is quite sure where they chose to relocate, only that it was several days before it came to light that they mentioned a different city or town to anyone who asked. I don’t blame them for wanting privacy to start over.
It’s a week before things calm down and life returns to normal—or as normal as possible. Sitting on the bench in our garden, I take the opportunity to appreciate the warm spring air of early evening, rich with bird song and the delicate scent of new flowers. It’s the first day reporters, neighbors, or anyone else hasn’t come by unannounced to ask question after question in an attempt to learn something no one else knows yet. I close my eyes and take slow, deep breaths.
“Your father said I would find you out here,” Thomas says softly.
Butterflies swarm in my belly at hearing his voice. I glance up and smile, shifting over to make room for him. He sits, and we are silent for a long while, but we don’t need words to be comfortable. This is enough. It’s strange how quickly his presence has become ingrained into my life. I miss going to the library to study with him, but I’m not ready to return just yet.
“Thank you for everything you’ve done. You made an impossible situation bearable. I don’t think I would have made it through without you,” I say after a while.
Thomas turns in his seat to look me straight on. “It was my pleasure. Though you would have been fine without me because you are strong—never doubt that. I’m positive you could handle a great deal more if necessary.” He pauses thoughtfully. “I’ve always believed that just because someone can handle something on their own, it doesn’t mean they should have to. Everyone deserves support when faced with difficulties.”
“Not many people think that way.”
He shrugs. “By watching rivers.”
“Rivers?” I arch a questioning brow.
“Even the hardest stone will slowly wear away in the never ceasing path of a river.”
“That’s… deeper than I expected.”
“Mmm,” he hums in agreement, then with a straight face, he adds, “So are some rivers.”
I try to hold in a bubble of laughter and end up snorting. Which only makes me laugh harder. It feels good to laugh again. When I finally stop, I slide closer to him and rest my head on his shoulder.
“How are you doing?” he asks after a moment. It’s such a simple question. One, that when usually asked, people don’t want to hear the answer to. But as I continually discover, he’s not like most others; he genuinely wants to know how I’m doing.
“It hurts. Benjamin was practically family. I wasn’t prepared to mourn him.”
“We are rarely ever prepared to lose those who are dear to us.”
“I feel terrible for Sabrina, too. She her best friend left without a word… I think she’s been having an even harder time. I’ve had you, but she’s had no one. And I only seem to make her more upset.”
Thomas puts his arm around me and tilts my chin up. “She needs to mourn before she can heal, and you will be here for her when she’s ready.”
“I’m sorry I doubted you… and tried to kill you.” It’s insufficient for the apology he deserves. I have a lot to make up for.
He grins rakishly, leaning in. “Nonsense.” His breath brushes over my lips. “That’s exactly what made it impossible to resist you any longer.” Then his mouth is on mine, and he kisses me fiercely.
Healing is a long and arduous process, but with him, it won’t feel impossible.