The Wilderness Bride (Oregon #1)

Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

L isa stared at the Pacific Ocean. It took some exploring, but she finally found the path that went from Ashley’s cabin to the cliff. A tear fell down her cheek and landed on her hand which was settled on her lap. She sat on the edge of the cliff. She couldn’t jump. She was still too scared. But she could sit here and pretend she had just jumped. She could imagine that all of her past—and the pain that went with it—was finally over. All of her regrets could go tumbling down to the rocks at the bottom of the cliff then wash out to the ocean to disappear forever.

Another tear and then another fell down her cheeks. She made no move to stop them when they came. She had no fight in her. All of her energy had been depleted the day she boarded the train to leave Vermont. Over and over, she kept seeing her parents shaking their heads at her as the coachman drove the carriage off of their property. That was the last time she saw them, and she’d never see them again.

Getting angry with her parents and Preston was getting her nowhere. It didn’t change anything. She was still stuck out here in the Oregon territory, and she still didn’t have her daughter.

Another tear landed on her hand. Giving her daughter to Preacher Ben Martin and his wife had been the hardest thing she’d ever done. It was good that Corrine would never know pain like that. But Lisa wished she had never known it.

“What are you doing out here?” came a surprised voice from a few feet behind her.

She jerked then hurried to pull the hood of her cloak up around her head so the person wouldn’t see she’d been crying. The person approached. She pushed the edge of the hood back and saw that it was Ashley. She breathed a sigh of relief. For a moment, she thought it was Boone, or worse, the preacher.

She bent her legs so that she could get on her knees. She managed to get to her feet as he reached her.

“I was looking all over for you,” he said. “I was beginning to think one of the wolves or bears got you.” He glanced down the cliff. “You need to be careful. If you step the wrong way, you’ll go crashing to your death.” He put his arm around her shoulders and led her away from it. “I don’t mind if you want to come out here to take a look at the ocean. There is no better view in all the world, but next time, ask me to come with you, alright? Things aren’t as safe as they seem out here.”

She didn’t know what to say to that. She’d had no intention of stepping off the cliff today. She’d just gone for a walk and ended up finding the path that led her to this spot. There had been something soothing about staring at the ocean and losing track of time as she sat there crying, even though all the tears in the world weren’t going to bring her daughter back.

He squeezed her shoulders. “Let’s get you into the cabin. I’ll make you something warm to drink. I bet you’re chilly.”

Yes, she was, but she didn’t care. Without her daughter, what was the point of caring about anything? But she kept her thoughts to herself. Instead, she walked in silence as he led her back to the cabin.

* * *

“Are you upset the preacher will be staying in town permanently?” Ashley asked that evening.

Lisa looked up from the roasted meat and dinner roll on her plate.

“I notice you’re not eating.” He poured more water into his cup then poked his fork into the remaining meat on his plate.

Lisa didn’t want to explain why she had no appetite, but she supposed she could discuss the preacher. As unpleasant as the preacher was, he did give her something to share in common with Ashley. “If Corrine has to marry, I would wish it were anyone but the preacher.”

He gave a nod as he chewed his food then swallowed it. “I do, too, but it’s a small town. There’s no one that would be a good match for her. Most of the young men are already married or take to the bottle a little too much. I hate to say it, but if that family needed someone to step in and be a father, the preacher was their best option. Don’t worry, Lisa. Just because he’s going to live here, it doesn’t mean we have to go to town and listen to him tell us how horrible we are.”

Despite the grim situation, a chuckle escaped her lips.

“Why don’t you have something to eat?” Ashley prodded, his voice gentle. “There’s no sense in letting him ruin your dinner.”

If only he knew the least of her concerns was the preacher. She had a hole in her heart that had been created the day she left her daughter in Omaha. Knowing her daughter was better off eased some of the pain, but it couldn’t take it all away. Nothing would take it all away, she supposed. One couldn’t replace a child. All one could do was have another.

Her eyes grew wide. Then, without thinking, her gaze went to Ashley. She was married to him. If he were to get her in the family way, she wouldn’t be forced to leave this place. She could stay here and raise her child. She couldn’t do anything about her daughter, but she could do something about the next child she had.

For the first time since she was forced to leave Vermont, she felt a spark of hope. Suddenly, there was something to live for.

Up to now, Ashley hadn’t done more than put his arm around her shoulders or take her hand if he was taking her somewhere. There was nothing the least bit romantic between them. He wasn’t courting her. Nor did he need to, given that they were already married. She didn’t fancy herself in love with him, and she was certain he didn’t fancy himself in love with her, either. The preacher had forced them to be together.

Preston had proposed to her. She had said yes. Had he not betrayed her, she never would have found out what kind of man she almost married. Perhaps that was the silver lining peeking around the clouds over the past year. She was spared a lifetime with someone so cowardly that he couldn’t help her when she needed him most. Because of him, she didn’t have her daughter. But, because of Ashley, she might have another one.

Her gaze went to her plate. She twirled the fork between her fingers. They were married. Sooner or later, they were bound to do more than sleep in the bed. What did it matter if it was tonight or a night far off into the future? The point was, it was going to happen. The sooner it did, the closer she’d be to having another child. And this time, she could keep the baby.

If she was going to get started on the child, then she would need her energy. It took energy to be intimate. Right now, she only had enough energy to crawl into bed and go to sleep. If she was going to do more than that tonight, she was going to need to eat. Encouraged, she ate the meal in front of her.

* * *

That night, Lisa went to bed naked. Ashley was still outside. She didn’t know what he did out there, but his routine took him anywhere from a half hour to an hour. She pulled the blanket up to her neck. The nights were still cool, and he had cracked the window open to allow fresh air into the cabin. If she’d been wearing the thick nightgown Nona had given her, she would have been comfortable. Since she wasn’t wearing anything, however, she had to fight off the chill by bundling herself up in the blanket a little more.

This was so unlike her time with Preston. Not that she wanted to think of it. She didn’t. It hadn’t been something she’d planned. When Corrine had told her that the moment had gotten away from her, Corrine had seemed worried that Lisa didn’t know what she meant. But Lisa knew exactly what she meant. Lisa and Preston had been allowed to have a picnic in the gardens, and he’d led her to a secluded area. She hadn’t thought anything of it.

Looking back, she suspected he had intended for the moment to get away from them since he had remarked that it was ridiculous their courtship had to be extended an extra six months to satisfy everyone in their social circle. She hadn’t understood why that bothered him so much until afterward when he asked her if they could meet in secret to be intimate again. She’d been so ashamed of what they’d done, that she’d said no. And after that, she would only go somewhere with him if a chaperone was nearby.

Maybe that was why he had disregarded her after she discovered she was with child. Maybe it was because she’d been unwilling to keep meeting with him in secret. But then, if he wasn’t willing to wait for her to be comfortable being intimate with him, he wasn’t worth marrying because he didn’t care what she thought or felt.

Her face flushed with anger. She was glad she wasn’t with him. She didn’t realize how selfish he was while they were courting. Yes, out of all the pain she’d been through over the past year, the real silver lining was the fact that she was married to Ashley instead of Preston. Ashley hadn’t backed down from the preacher. He wasn’t forcing her to do anything she wasn’t comfortable with. He could have tried to consummate the marriage right away. He would have had a legal right to do so. But he had chosen not to rush things. He was willing to wait. Even if he didn’t love her, he at least cared enough to give her time to get ready to be intimate with him.

The door opened, and her attention went to Ashley. She was usually drifting off to sleep by the time he came to the cabin, but she knew part of his routine was filling up the water pitcher so they’d have something to drink and clean with in the morning. She supposed she could do that. While she had helped him prepare their meals, he’d done most of the cooking. She had done laundry and had even tidied up the cabin—well, what there was to tidy up given how small the place was. But she didn’t feel she did enough to earn her keep. She supposed that would change once they had a child. Then her days would be spent taking care of the little one.

He turned down the wick on the kerosene lamp, and the cabin went dark, save a stream of moonlight that gave a soft glow to everything. Even if she wasn’t a virgin, she felt a flicker of apprehension as she watched him remove everything but his undershirt and drawers. He never took off more than that, and he made it a habit of sleeping with his back to her. She wasn’t sure how she was going to initiate things. In some ways, starting off with a walk in a garden and ending up at a bench inside a maze where one could get carried away with kissing was easier than planning what to do ahead of time.

Ashley slipped into the bed without a glance in her direction. As he had on other nights, he turned his back to her and settled into a comfortable position on the mattress. She took a deep breath and steadied her resolve. She was determined to go through with this. She wanted to have a child. There was only one way that was going to happen.

She sat up and let the blanket fall down to her lap. Don’t think about it. Just do it. She shifted closer to him and placed a hand on his arm.

He jerked and turned to face her. Then his gaze went to her breasts.

Deciding it was best not to give him time to think, she leaned toward him and brought her lips to his. She felt the transition as he went from shock to acceptance. It was quick. He only hesitated for a second. But it was one of the longest seconds of her life. When he rolled onto his back and brought her into his arms, relief flooded through her. Good. He was going to go through with this.

She snuggled closer to him and let him deepen the kiss. This was how things started. Once they were kissing for a while, the rest would naturally fall into place. She didn’t understand how the human body worked with this kind of thing, but she knew there would be a point where neither one of them would want to stop. There would be that pressing urgency ruled by something deep within them that would compel them to finish what they started. At least with her being married to Ashley, there would be no sense of shame or regret afterward.

Ashley’s hands were gentle as he caressed her. And he seemed to be intent on taking his time with things. He started by rubbing her back then touching her hips and then her waist. The more he caressed her, the more excited he got, if the way he deepened the kiss was any indication of his arousal. She recalled this part of things. As much as she didn’t like thinking of that time with Preston, snippets from the past slipped into her mind. But she did note that while Preston had been eager to hurry things along, Ashley was content to take his time.

At some point, his mouth left hers and went down her cheek and then down her neck. She let out a moan and, without thinking, clasped his biceps. She was getting closer to her instincts taking over, though she wasn’t there quite yet. She could feel, however, the tension starting to mount between her legs. It had been this tension that had urged her to allow Preston to remove her clothes despite the inner voice that told her not to. This time, the inner voice wasn’t warning her to stop. It was giving her permission to keep going.

Ashley slid his hand up her side and brought it to her breast. She shifted so that he could more easily explore her, and he traced her nipple with his thumb. A surge of pleasure swept over her. She let out a contented sigh and kissed his shoulder. She did like the feel of him. He was strong and solid. Dependable and warm. Soothing and calm. She relaxed further into the mattress as the last of her inhibitions slipped away.

Ashley lowered his head to her breasts and continued his exploration in greater earnest. His attention went from one breast to the other. Even in his excitement, he was mindful to be gentle with her. She squeezed his arms and wrapped her leg around his waist, only remembering he was still wearing his drawers when she felt the cotton fabric. He stopped kissing and touching her so he could throw his undergarments off. Then he hurried to return to her arms, as if afraid that pulling away from her could ruin the mood. But nothing could ruin the mood. Not when it was safe to be with him.

She couldn’t recall the moment when time ceased to exist. All she knew was that she ended up reaching that point of no return—the point where all she could do was feel him and partake in the pleasure he was offering her. When he was satisfied with exploring her breasts, he settled on top of her and brought his mouth back to hers. His kissing was now urgent, and she responded to him in kind. She needed him as much as he needed her. This joining of their bodies was no longer an option; it was a necessity.

She was slick with need when he entered her. Her flesh clasped around him, and she urged him to go deeper. He moaned and moved inside her. She echoed his moan and moved with him. She could have continued with him forever since everything felt so good, but their lovemaking came to an end when he grew taut and spilled his seed into her. That was the purpose of tonight. She wanted this. And yet, there had also been something very pleasant about simply joining her body with his.

When he relaxed, he stayed inside her for a minute, just kissing and holding her. She allowed herself the pleasure of being able to enjoy this part of things, too, since she could safely get in the family way without any negative consequences to go with it.

He pulled out of her then retrieved the blanket and tucked it around them. He brought her into his arms and held her securely against him. This was nice. There wasn’t the need to rush into putting one’s clothes back on. She and Ashley could remain like this for the entire night. How different this whole thing was when she shared it with someone she was married to. She settled her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. Never in her life had she felt more protected. She wanted to linger on in this state of bliss, but much too soon, she drifted off to sleep.