Chapter 16
CHAPTER 16
F our days later, Corrine and Henry arrived with a wagon to take some of the chopped wood Ashley had stacked by the workshop. While Ashley and Henry put wood into the wagon, Lisa and Corrine sat by the firepit. Though the day was cloudy, it was warm enough to enjoy being outside.
“Ashley is very generous,” Corrine said after she took a sip of her coffee. “All of that will get us through the entire winter.”
Lisa’s gaze went to Ashley and she saw that he was giving them almost all of the wood he had collected. She had seen how long and hard he’d worked to get that wood. It wasn’t going to be easy for him to replenish the amount he was giving them. Lisa suspected her association with the Paxtons had prompted him to be that generous.
“Your husband is a kind man,” Corrine added.
Yes, apparently he was. Guilt pricked Lisa as the thought occurred to her that she didn’t deserve him. Her attention went to Corrine. “How are you doing?” Then, to specify what she was asking, she gestured to Corrine’s abdomen, which was barely showing evidence of her pregnancy.
“Nervous.” Corrine sipped more coffee then set the cup in her lap. “I keep worrying someone will discover the truth. I can’t tell you how grateful my mother, brother, and I are that you’re keeping our secret.”
Lisa hesitated to respond. While a part of her wanted to assure Corrine she wasn’t the only one who had fallen from grace, she wondered if it was fair to do that when she didn’t have the courage to reveal it to Ashley. It seemed to her that Ashley should know before anyone else did. She owed it to him. But if she told him, what would he think of her?
“I understand why you don’t want to tell anyone,” she finally told Corrine. “Very few people are forgiving.” And poor Corrine was about to marry someone especially unforgiving. “There’s no reason anyone has to know. This place is far from Iowa. Think of this place as a new life. The old one doesn’t exist anymore.”
“I wish it could be that easy.”
“Why can’t it be? Is someone from Iowa coming out here?”
Corrine shook her head. “That part of the past is behind me. I just mean that I know what I did was wrong. You know those unforgiving people you’re talking about? I’m one of them. I’m not sure I can forgive myself for what I did.”
Lisa winced. In that case, marrying the preacher was going to make things even worse for her than Lisa realized. After a moment, Lisa said, “Regardless of how this child was conceived, the child is precious. You’ll get to watch your child grow up. You won’t have to give the child to someone else. This child will know you’re her mother.”
“Her?”
Noting her slip, Lisa amended, “Or him. Corrine, I know it’s difficult to forgive yourself for not waiting for marriage. A child should be born to a husband and wife. But what can you do about it at this point? You can’t go back and change things. All you can do is move forward. You have the opportunity to give this child a good life. At the end of the day, isn’t that what matters?”
Corrine thought over her words for a moment then nodded. “You’re right, Lisa. I’ll focus on what I’m doing now.”
Though Corrine uttered the words, Lisa could tell that it was going to be difficult for Corrine to fully embrace it. Lisa couldn’t blame her. Knowing something and feeling it were two different things.
“Promise me you won’t take the preacher’s sermons to heart,” Lisa said, her voice soft. “If you do, you’ll never forgive yourself.”
“Do you think I’m making a mistake in marrying him?”
“From what you told me, you don’t have a choice.”
She let out a heavy sigh. “No, I don’t. If we didn’t need food, shelter, and clothing, life would be much easier.”
Despite the grim situation, Lisa chuckled. “I wish life were that easy.” Her gaze went to the wildflowers growing near the cabin. “It’s a shame we can’t just exist on sunlight and rain like the flowers do.”
“They’re so splendid, and they don’t even try to be pretty.”
Lisa hadn’t taken note of Corrine’s appearance before. The woman was quite pretty. During the stagecoach ride, she’d been throwing up quite a bit, so her face had been unusually pale. Lisa was certain the woman’s dark hair had been pulled back into a bun, like it was now.
Today, however, Corrine had color in her cheeks, and that gave her a more flattering appearance. Her dress, however, was on the plain side. If Corrine were to let her hair down and wear something with color in it, she might turn a few heads. It was a shame there weren’t any decent bachelors in town. If Corrine put her hair down and put on her best dress, she would be attractive. Lisa would help her if it would do any good.
“At least one of us did well,” Corrine said. “Ashley’s nice, and he’s not too much older than you.”
Lisa’s gaze went to Ashley, and for the first time, she saw him the way she would have if she’d been back in Vermont at a dinner party inspecting the bachelors looking to get married. He didn’t stand out in a crowd the way Preston did, but he was attractive, generous, and kind. Best of all, he was dependable. Given how much care he’d taken in keeping her alive, she didn’t have to worry he’d pick up his things one day and leave her. Her future was secure with him.
If only she could have a child to fill the hole in her heart.
“I’m glad you’ll be at the wedding,” Corrine continued. “We barely know each other, but you’re the closest thing I have to a friend out here.”
Lisa smiled. “I think we are friends, Corrine.” Whether it was fate or coincidence, Lisa suspected it was just a matter of time before the two developed a lasting friendship where they would, one day, be able to discuss everything, even the darker secrets. But they weren’t there yet.
“I don’t think we can pack that wagon any more,” Henry called out as he approached them.
Lisa’s attention went back to Ashley. He was strapping the wood to the wagon so it wouldn’t fall out.
“Are you ready to go home?” Henry asked his sister.
Corrine nodded and rose to her feet. Corrine gave Lisa the cup. “Thank you for treating me and my family with such kindness.”
“You should thank Ashley. All I did was sit and talk with you,” Lisa replied.
Corrine reached out and clasped Lisa’s arm in an affectionate gesture. “But you are making it possible for my baby to have a good father. The preacher wouldn’t marry me if he knew the truth. Ma has been sleeping much better at night knowing all of our needs will be provided for.”
“She’s right,” Henry added and put his arm around Corrine’s shoulders. “We can’t thank you enough for not telling anyone the truth.” He glanced at his sister. “Do you feel alright?”
“Yes,” Corrine assured him. “I no longer get sick or feel tired. That part of the pregnancy is over.” She gave Lisa an excited smile. “The other day, I felt the baby move. I wasn’t sure if I should be happy at first. You know, given the circumstances.”
“Be happy, Corrine,” Lisa hurried to say. “Enjoy the fact that you have a new life growing in your womb. When you hold your baby in your arms, all of this will be worth it.”
“You’re right. It will be. And it is incredible to know there’s a little human being growing inside of me. I’m lucky that I have support from you, Henry, and Ma.”
“You do have our support,” Henry said. “We’re going to give this little one a home.”
As they wished Lisa good-bye and went to thank Ashley, Lisa had to blink back her tears. It was hard to see Corrine get the very thing denied her. But all wasn’t lost. She had Ashley, and since Ashley was willing to be intimate with her, she could have another child. Just because she didn’t get in the family way right away this time, it didn’t mean it wasn’t going to happen. Not all women conceived the first time they were with a man. It wasn’t always going to be that quick. Fortunately, she and Ashley had time. In a couple of days, she would be done with her flow. Then she could try again. Feeling better, she went to wash the cups.
* * *
Ashley deepened the kiss and let his hands trace Lisa’s body from her shoulders on down to her behind. He wasn’t trying to rush things, but it felt like it’d been forever since he’d last made love to her. As soon as it was time to retire for the evening, he had drawn her into his arms and started kissing her. He hadn’t even waited to make it to the bed. He’d been too impatient for that. All he wanted to do was kiss her and touch her and… Well, he wanted to do everything, and he wanted to do it all at once.
If this surprised Lisa, it surprised him even more. He thought he’d learned how to be patient in his time out in the Oregon wilderness. The nature of waiting for the weather to cooperate with him so he could chop trees and then going through the tedious process of making sure each log he made was ready for burning required a great amount of patience.
One would think six days wouldn’t be difficult for him, and yet, it had been. While he’d been going about his days chopping wood, cooking, and cutting meat from an animal he’d found in one of the traps, he was keeping track of the days. He’d been careful not to reveal how eager he was for the time to pass while he was around Lisa. She didn’t need to know how deep his passion ran for her.
Thankfully, now that the day was done, he could finally give into his baser instincts. How they made it to the bed, he didn’t know. He wasn’t even sure when they took their clothes off. All he knew was that they were by the door one moment and in the bed—undressed and ready for lovemaking—the next. He honestly didn’t know how he could slow down.
There was something about being with her that made him feel whole. He’d been broken when he came out to Oregon. He had fully expected to live the rest of his life feeling that way. He didn’t expect Lisa to come into his life and fill the void. But every day she was with him, the emptiness in his life eased. Being intimate with her reminded him that he could feel something other than guilt and regret. He could feel mercy. He could feel grace. He could feel love. He was, after five very long years, complete again.
He rolled Lisa onto her back. On any other night, he might have been able to spend more than a few seconds on her breasts. He was afraid if he continued delaying things, he was going to lose control before he was inside her, and that would be both embarrassing and unsatisfying. Probably more so for him than her, but still, there was no sense in pushing his luck. He tested the warm flesh hidden by her curls and was relieved when he noted she was ready for him.
He moved so that he was on top of her, and she spread her legs so that he was able to enter her. At once, softness and warmth enveloped him. He let out a groan. Waiting to be with her had only increased how pleasurable lovemaking was. He wanted to get more than a few thrusts in before he released his seed, but he was unable to. He gasped and clung to her as he rode out the waves of his orgasm. She held him to her and kept him close, an action which only heightened his state of bliss.
Once the world stopped spinning around him, he spent considerable time kissing her. He still wanted to explore this aspect of their marriage. These times of intimacy shouldn’t be rushed. They should be savored so they could enjoy each and every moment of it. He thought about apologizing to her for rushing things, but after judging how he might do so, he decided against it. There was no way he could properly express himself. He would sound pitiful for not having the kind of patience a grown man ought to have. So instead, he settled for continuing to hold and kiss her. And that kissing and holding eventually led him to initiating lovemaking again, and this time, he was satisfied with the length of time he was able to make it last.