41. If I Cant Cry, You Arent Allowed To Cry
brIANNA
41
I sit across from Morgan and watch closely as the make-up artist puts the finishing touches on her face. My sister looks absolutely stunning, and I am doing a terrible job keeping my eyes dry, much to the disgust of the lady who has just spent hours gluing false eyelashes onto the three of us.
“No more tears, Bri!” Morgan says, able to sense my tears even with her eyes closed.
I take a deep breath, fanning my eyes. “I’m sorry, but you just look so good, and I’m all emotional! It’s not every day your big sister marries the love of her life!”
“If I can’t cry, you aren’t allowed to cry. So go think about something else.”
“There's no time for that now, girls. It’s time to get Morgan into her dress. We need to leave in twenty minutes.” Annelisa bustles in, holding the dress bag over both arms, closely followed by Mum.
“And all done!” Krista, the make-up extraordinaire, steps away from Morgan, and we all gather around to praise her fine work.
We help Morgan into her dress, and when she looks over at me, it takes all my willpower not to turn into a sobbing mess. I had no idea how emotional I would be today, having just felt so relieved that the day was finally here and all the wedding stuff was almost over.
“Now, I want to get some photos of the bride with her mother and sister over here by the window, please.” We follow the photographer’s instructions, and I fuss over Morgan’s hair for a moment before we all smile and pose like we’re told.
Next up is a father-daughter photo, and I watch with a surprised smile when my father comes in looking very handsome in his suit. He looks like he’s about to cry himself, and I ponder how close he and my sister seem to have become since I moved away. I vow to make more of an effort with him to see if we can also develop a better relationship now that I’m back.
I’ve spent the last few hours doing everything possible to keep my mind off Jake and how weird things are between us. I know it’s entirely my fault, but I’m unsure how to shake off the apprehension that has followed me since Morgan and Chris walked in on us last weekend. But I’ve missed him so much this week, and knowing this might be the last weekend I spend with him has made me feel sick and afraid.
“And now the bridesmaids.” The photographer waves Annelisa and me over to Morgan’s side, and we stand on either side of her in our beautiful blue dresses. “Gorgeous. I can’t wait to see the look on the faces of your significant others when they see you all.”
Morgan practically preens under all the compliments, and I don’t think my smile can get any wider, regardless of how I feel about my love life. This is precisely what I’d envisioned for my sister on her big day, and she is in her element. I can’t wait to get to the gardens and see Chris’ face when he sees the love of his life walking down the aisle towards him. And as much as I try not to think about it, I wonder what Jake will do when he sees me.
“It’s time to leave, ladies. The cars are waiting out the front.” Dad claps his hands together, walking back in from the terrace where he was peering over the side to see where our transportation was.
“Okay. This is it.” Morgan lets out a shaky breath and smiles nervously.
“Yep. Let’s go get you married.” I squeeze her arms and give her a peck on the cheek, making sure not to leave any lipstick behind before ushering her towards the door.
Mum gives Maddie a final ear scratch. She has been watching us all from where she’s lounging on the back of the couch. “Be a good, fluffy grandchild.”
We all make it out the door, and I can’t help the nervous jitters in my stomach as I lock the door, feeling like everything is about to change.
“I think I’m going to be sick.” Morgan looks pale and clammy beside me while we stand behind the curtain put up to keep her hidden until it’s time for her to walk down the aisle. They’ve booked a private garden decked out for their ceremony, and it’s like a paradise. I haven’t been able to check it out properly, as we’ve been hidden from view, but what I’ve seen so far looks fantastic, and I know Morgan will be happy with it all.
Once she gets her nerves under control.
“Just take a deep breath. Maybe I should have snuck you a valium before we left the apartment,” I joke, squeezing my sister’s hands.
“I didn’t realise you were still on valium?” She redirects her attention from the tiny slit in the curtain to look me in the eye, her eyebrow raised.
“I haven’t needed it much, but the last week…” I shrug, and she sighs.
“I knew all this stuff with Jake was stressing you out.”
I don’t have the heart to tell her that it’s actually mostly because of her. “It doesn’t matter now. Today is about you guys. You’re about to marry the love of your life. There is no need to feel nervous. This is everything you’ve been dreaming of since you were twelve, and Chris finally realised you didn’t have girl germs.” I nod towards the curtain as the next song starts playing on Morgan’s carefully curated playlist. “One more song, and then Lis and I are going to walk out there super slow, and you are going to be moments away from everything you’ve always wanted.”
She gives me a watery smile, nodding, and Annelisa steps into the curtained area behind us. She had been out to check to see if everyone was ready, and now she smiles at Morgan, taking her hand and squeezing it.
“You ready, babe?”
A tiny tear escapes Morgan’s eye, and she laughs. “More than ready.”
“Good. Because everyone is here, Chris is waiting for you, and he looks amazing. So let’s go get you hitched.”
“You girls ready?” Dad sticks his head through the curtain, and we all nod tearfully. “Good. Annelisa, get ready to go.”
She reaches over to pick up her bouquet from the table where they are all resting and moves to stand in front of the curtain when the song for the bridesmaids begins to play. As the lyrics start, she steps out, and I move to take her place, bouquet in hand. When the chorus begins to play, I smile back at Morgan over my shoulder before pushing the curtain aside and stepping into the sunlight.
The aisle stretches out before me, and I take a deep breath before making my way slowly down it. I see Chris first, and he smiles at me nervously, shuffling from one foot to the other. But the man standing beside him draws my full attention, and I feel my knees weaken when Jake’s eyes meet mine. Everything else disappears, and I have to remind myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other while I move slowly towards him. He looks amazing in his suit. I had forgotten how good he looks when dressed up, not having seen him like this since his formal. It takes every ounce of my willpower not to imagine peeling the suit off him right now. His lips curve slightly, and I know my blush has given me away.
Once I finally reach the end of the aisle, I tear my gaze from Jake’s to watch my sister and father step out from behind the curtain, determined not to let my hormones distract me from what today is all about.
Morgan’s smile is wide when her eyes meet Chris’s, and everyone else ceases to exist for them both. I look over at my soon-to-be brother-in-law, and my heart skips a beat when I see the tear tracking down his face while he holds a hand to his heart and stares at my sister, walking ever closer to him and their future together.
By the time Morgan reaches the altar, there isn’t a dry eye amongst the bridal party, and the celebrant smiles at us while she passes around a box of tissues.
Once we’ve all gotten ourselves under control, the ceremony starts, and I find my gaze wandering back over to Jake’s. He smiles at me and we spend the entire ceremony looking from one another to the happy couple. It’s hard not to be swept up in the emotion of it all, and I wonder if I could also have the happily ever after.