Chapter 26
Iwas led deeper into the cave until we were in a hallowed out pocket of a room which shimmered overwhelmingly with jewels along the wall and ceiling of the cave. In the center was a pool of water, black as the night sky, but reflective of stars just as the Crone’s Eye within the temple had been. Cynthia stepped to this smaller body of water and turned to face me patiently.
I couldn’t stop looking at Cynthia as though she might disappear at any moment. Flashes of the flames that enveloped the temple kept crossing my mind. I was relieved and happy that she had survived, but there was no sign or hint of any damage from the fire on any of her skin that I saw. There had been so many wolves nearby… and yet she had escaped.
Had there been more than one secret passageway out?
Cate leaned her lance against the wall before walking towards Cynthia to stand beside her. She looked from Cynthia to me with her own type of patience. I stood before them, filled with uncertainty. I felt out of place suddenly.
“You must feel confused right now,” Cynthia said to me wisely, clasping her hands together as she took me in empathetically.
“I have a lot of questions.” I was proud of myself for containing the questions that were spilling throughout my thoughts wildly.
“I want to tell her. Can I tell her?” Cate looked to Cynthia eagerly.
“Patience,” Cynthia scolded her. Cate crossed her arms with a frown.
“Tell me what?” I asked hesitantly.
“First, you must give me your word,” Cynthia’s tone became so serious that I was unable to take my eyes from her sable gaze. My heart was thudding uncomfortably in my chest. Why was I afraid? “You must promise you will stay and hear everything until the very end; no matter how absurd things may seem or if it angers you.”
“No running,” Cate agreed with a nod.
I paused. Where would I run to, anyway? A war was about to start, if it hadn’t already. Whether I ran to the wolves or to the humans, there was no refuge for me.
“I won’t run,” I said determinedly, “I swear.”
“Then, I suggest we begin with introductions,” Cynthia began, closing her eyes briefly before opening them again. A glow was beginning to rise along her skin. It was like her skin was turning into shining silver, warm and dangerous at the same time. My eyes widened at the sight.
“Is this something oracle wolves can do?” I asked nervously.
“I am no oracle wolf,” Cynthia responded as she stood before me. “I am no wolf, either. I have many names and many forms; Cynthia, Phoebe, Selene, Luna.” I stared at her blankly.
“The Mother,” She concluded, exuding that overwhelming and otherworldly energy I had felt so many times before. I only blinked in response. Had I heard her correctly?
Cate took a step forward to draw my attention from Cynthia abruptly. I turned to her. A shadow had begun to rise over her own form, black as night despite the glow of the jewels within the room. It looked positively terrifying.
“I am no warrior wolf,” Cate echoed Cynthia’s sentiments. “And I am no wolf. I have many names and many forms. You have called me Cate. Others call me Hecate, Ereshkigal, the Crone.” My heart was racing at this point as I took in their ethereal figures. My mind couldn’t wrap around the idea of what they were telling me. I was speechless.
“Do you understand, Mila?” Cynthia asked me gently.
I looked from Cate to her and back again. The Goddesses had never been actual entities in my own image of the world. They were formless ideas and invisible deities that haunted the sky to watch those below. The thought that they had been here, close to me, this entire time… it was hard to understand.
I turned to Cynthia hesitantly.
“So you escaped the fire…” My words faltered from my lips before I could finish.
“She’s a Goddess. Fire won’t hurt us,” Cate said with a laugh of amusement. I looked to Cate with wide eyes.
“And you could refuse Roman’s commands… everyone thinks you’re mute…” My mind was spinning.
“I can’t be commanded by anyone much less a pup. And I don’t speak to those who I haven’t deemed in my favor,” Cate answered me, at first a bit prideful but then her voice softened at my obviously bewildered reaction. “My Oracles, of course. I apologize for deceiving you.”
“I also do not speak to those I do not favor, but the Oracles are sometimes an exception,” Cynthia agreed, nodding slowly, “This is why I remained hidden in the temple. I do apologize for deceiving you, Mila.” They spoke to me carefully, as though there were much more beyond what they’d already told me, but they didn’t want to rush to divulge information all at once.
I stared at them in shock, trying again and again to find logic in how this could even be possible. They didn’t press further. Instead, they stood silent, waiting for me to gain control of my own thoughts. After the initial shock, a question echoed in my mind. It was one that had whispered behind every breath since I’d been selected for the Wolf Moon. And now that two of the Moon Goddesses stood before me, I could ask them.
“Why?” I asked abruptly before more questions spilled from me rapidly. “Why me? Why was I given the same ability Roman has? Why was I chosen to be Roman’s mate? Why am I the one who has to stop him?”
Cynthia and Cate didn’t respond immediately. They didn’t even look at each other to seek the proper answer. I was expecting something like I had been picked at random; some wild human who was fated to catch the eye of the King Alpha.
“Well,” Cate looked to Cynthia briefly as though checking if she wanted to answer before looking back to me. “Why can you turn your hands into claws?”
I hesitated, glancing at my hands as if they had answers.
“Because… I’m… I’m a wolf?” I answered uncertainly.
“Are you?” Cate replied with her own question, lifting her hand to her chin thoughtfully. “My lance is truthfully laced with silver, so why can you touch it without it hurting you?” My brows furrowed in further confusion.
“I’m…” I paused, looking at my hands again. When I’d traced my finger along the silver of the blade Roman gave me, it was only cold metal to the touch. The words I had thought as I’d touched it echoed in my mind. “I’m no wolf.”
“I’m no wolf,” Cate replied immediately.
“I’m no wolf,” Cynthia said as well, shaking her head firmly.
I stared at them openly, utterly confused. How did this explain anything?
“Ah,” Cate said abruptly, lifting her right hand palm forward towards me. Cynthia followed her lead, lifting her own hand up. Instead of holding her hand palm forward, she held it vertically before her, with the meat of the side of her hand from pinky to wrist showing. Just under her pinky was a mark, ever so small, of a solid circle with a hallowed center. I looked back to Cate’s hand to see her own mark under her pinky, a crescent the opposite direction of the one on my hand.
I looked from both of theirs to my hand slowly, looking at that birth mark that I’d had my entire life. It was identical to Cate’s, but when I looked again to confirm, I knew. It was just reversed. It was reversed.
I shook my head.
“You can’t be saying what I think you’re saying,” I said to them stubbornly, closing my hand into a fist.
“It depends what you think we’re saying,” Cate teased, crossing her arms once more before watching me curiously.
“That I’m… that I’m like the both of you,” I struggled to get the words out.
“You have many names,” Cynthia began, but I shook my head and interrupted her.
“I have only one. Mila. Milena,” I corrected her quickly, a panic beginning to rise within me. This was all madness. They were mad.
“Diana,” Cynthia continued despite my interruption, “Agrotora…”
“Just Mila. Sometimes Tala. Sometimes Queen Luna, but just Mila,” I argued almost desperately.
“Artemis, The Maiden,” Cynthia finished softly. “That is why.”
I shook my head firmly yet again. “I’m not… I’m not the Maiden.”
“Why not?” Cate interjected easily, “You have her ability, don’t you?” I looked to her at a loss, my limbs beginning to tremble at the insane idea they had presented before me.
“She must have, I don’t know, given it to me like she did Roman,” I said, refusing to budge from the comfort of my prior world.
“You were the one who gave it to that boy,” Cate responded just as stubbornly. “You’re asking the wrong question. You’re asking why you were chosen. You weren’t. You chose him, don’t you understand?” A hint of irritation came across Cate’s features as she rose her hand to her forehead in slight frustration.
“You’ve been going on and on about this beast for centuries. Don’t curse him. No, I won’t take away his blessing. He can change. My word,” Cate turned to look at Cynthia with a groan, “Like I told you, when she asked me to take away his punishment, it was like she was back all over again.” Cynthia nodded mutely.
“Lovesick,” She agreed, “Since the beginning.”
I had paled entirely. They were adamant on this truth. I couldn’t help but to look at myself, as though my own body had betrayed me. Was it all true? I couldn’t fathom it… but was it true? An unknown pain was rising within me. This idea that I was who they said I was… it was painful.
“If…,” I couldn’t say it. The pain was sharpening. I shook my head.
“Go on, my sister,” Cynthia coaxed me gently. I shook my head again.
“If… you’re telling me the truth,” I choked, the pain like fire in my throat. I covered my eyes with my hands suddenly, beginning to struggle to breathe. “Then, I… I cursed them.” The thought was like knives in my lungs, slicing at me dangerously. The Maiden’s blessing… if I was the Maiden, as they said, which I couldn’t even imagine… I recalled Logan’s words.
She was pregnant with a pup nearly two decades ago when the Maiden took away her blessing. She was one of many who lost their child in their own bellies.
I could hear Roman’s words echoing behind this.
Birth; that’s her blessing. The Maiden took away our ability to exist.
I felt hands wrap around my wrist, pulling my own from my eyes gently. Tears were flooding my sight, but I could see Cynthia’s blurry form before me. My mind was overwhelmed. I recalled my hand on Diana’s own stomach as she prayed for fertility; that surge of power the flowed through me to her. Had it truly been me all along?
“You had to make a sacrifice,” Cynthia said to me carefully, “The birth of werewolves are a blessing only you manage. When you became mortal, you weren’t aware of yourself any longer. The infertility was an unfortunate side effect, though temporarily, Mila. Temporary, as long as you want it to be, this I promise you.”
“I don’t understand,” I responded in frustration, looking to Cate. “You’re here, like me. You’re here as wolves or humans or whatever, but you remember everything. I don’t remember any of this. It doesn’t make sense.”
“It’s what you asked for,” Cate answered firmly. “Look…” She gestured from her to Cynthia and back again. “We were done. The King Alpha was an insult to us. Constantly. He took your blessing, one you never gave to anyone else before, and used it to take over the entire werewolf species. Instead of vying for peace, as we demanded through the Oracles, he systematically began to oppress and destroy the humans and any strength they had.”
“Hecate,” Cynthia called her name in warning.
“I’m telling her what she needs to know,” Cate answered Cynthia with a hint of irritation before turning back to me. “Selene decided to punish him by not giving him a mate. This didn’t deter him at all. In fact, he got worse. So I decided, fine, he won’t get peace. You would think a couple extra years would give a person time to grow and reflect upon their mistakes. He began to plan humankind extinction instead. And you.”
Suddenly, Cate looked at me with a frown, not continuing.
“You refused to punish him,” Cynthia continued for her in a much less blunt tone. “We asked you to take away his ability, at the least. You refused. You see, you were quite fond of him. And even through his insults, you only saw his pain. Instead of punishment, you asked us to release him.”
“Incessantly,” Cate reminded me firmly. “I thought maybe we could contain him for awhile, give him a bit of solitary confinement for him to come to his senses. This didn’t work. He banished all my oracles in response, cutting off the connection between us and the wolves.”
“Whatever we did, it wasn’t working. He was moving forward with his plan to wipe out the humans. We couldn’t allow this. So we decided,” Cynthia hesitated now, as though she wasn’t sure she wanted to tell me what they decided.
“We decided to restart the cycle,” Cate said for her, echoing a sentiment I recalled Cynthia mentioning the last night I had saw her. “Wipe out the wolves and start over from scratch. The King Alpha had already poisoned so many minds, it wasn’t worth the headache. You weren’t a fan of this idea, even when I said the King Alpha would be taken as well. I mean, we were offering him peace essentially, right?”
There was a moment of pause as Cate gave me time to take her words in.
“Well, you asked for a last chance,” She continued simply. “You asked to become mortal; a human with no memories of your past, so that you could grow to love him all over again and prove that the man you cared for was still there behind all the anger.”
“I came to assist you and Hecate, too. I would help guide you. She would stay close to you. But this is your path, the one you chose and have been walking. That is why nothing you do will be considered a failure to us. You can stop this, if that’s what you want to do,” Cynthia spoke me to kindly, reaching to grasp my hands. I was too stunned to pull away.
“We could just stop here, I mean,” Cate suggested with a shrug before smiling deviously. “As I said, tonight seems like a great night for a massacre, don’t you think?” Cate was suddenly much more terrifying than she had ever been before as the Shadow of Death. This was the Crone. She had no qualms with taking the souls of the werewolves here tonight.
“No,” I rejected her offer, my voice firm despite my internal feeling of being so much smaller than the two creatures before me. “No. If what you say is true, you… no, we caused this. We… interfered. And we have to try to correct it. I can’t just give up on them. And I can’t just give up on…” I thought of Roman, an image of a man that seemed to shine differently in my mind suddenly. Had my own fondness, before I even knew it existed, contributed to this? I couldn’t even imagine it.
Cate made a noise of satisfaction in her throat. “Memories or not; Artemis in the flesh.”
Cynthia looked entirely pleased and relieved.
“Then tonight will be the final night in which you can correct what we’ve damaged,” Cynthia said to me determinedly. “You are the only one besides us who can kill Roman Stone. You have been able to since your rebirth. If you would have struck him with that arrow, or stabbed him with that blade, he would not have survived.”
I was cold at her words; shocked. I recalled aiming to kill him and hesitating without knowing why. Had it been a phantom feeling or memory? An inherit knowledge that he would die and that it was something I didn’t wish for?
“You want me to kill him?” I asked her with difficulty.
“I am only telling you so you are aware the paths you can take. If you choose, you can kill him and give him the peace he has wanted for centuries. You can fight his packs, but you are mortal, unlike the way we are. You were born as a human and you can die as one. If this happens, you will return to us as Artemis,” Cynthia continued to inform me, careful not to sound too harsh.
“If you fail to stop him at all, no matter if you live or die, we’ll restart the cycle,” Cate added firmly, but then seemed to relax further before sighing. “It’s such a relief to finally get this out here. It’s been amusing watching you stumble around, but it’s been…” A flash of anger crossed her features at a thought or distant memory. “Disrespectful.”
“Now, Hecate, they weren’t aware of who she truly was,” Cynthia scolded Cate lightly.
“Dis-re-spect-ful.” Cate spelled the word out, stubbornly offended.
I shook my head lightly.
“I still can’t wrap my head around it,” I said honestly.
“Well, we don’t have all night, so just take it at face value and learn to accept it later,” Cate teased humorously before linking her fingers together and lifting her hands up to begin stretching. I watched her mess around for a moment before speaking.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting ready to get you to shift, of course,” Cate responded with a groan as she reached for her toes. Cynthia only closed her eyes as though Cate was beginning to annoy her already. They were so… different from one another.
“I can’t,” I mumbled uncertainly, “I’ve tried to shift about a hundred times. I can only do a half shift.”
“That’s because you’re not a wolf,” Cate said lightly, doing a couple of jumping jacks before jogging in place almost comically. “You’re trying to shift like a werewolf and you’re not one. It’s not going to work.”
“I don’t understand,” I repeated my currently favorite phrase.
“The first problem is that you have many many forms, whereas a werewolf only has two. Their focus is only on shifting from one form, a human, to another, a wolf. And then of course reverse. They don’t have to think beyond just allowing the power of transformation wash over them and resulting into whatever they may be,” Cate continued to explain firmly. She lifted a finger to point to herself, “But for us, we don’t have just one option. For example…”
Cate seemed to suddenly twist before me, but her movement was like liquid. Her form distorted and then within a single breath she was airborne; a dark raven which landed on Cynthia’s shoulder proudly. It was official. I had lost my mind. I was obviously in some mad mental state, probably still in the prison cell Roman had left me in. I blinked speechlessly.
“Did you notice the difference in how Hecate transformed versus the wolves?” Cynthia drew my attention to her. I hesitated, looking back to the dark raven before thinking back to the actual transformation. I’d seen several werewolves shift at this point. It seemed like an actual beast exploding from within them, forming over their own skin and twisting them into another creature altogether. I had thought I’d felt the beginnings of that beast, but I remembered how silent it had become among the humans.
As for Cate, when she had changed, it was like breathing. In just another breath, she leapt from Cynthia’s shoulder and as though simply stretching, she was suddenly the same Cate I thought I’d known all along.
“See?” She asked, lifting her arms as though pleased.
I was dumbfounded. I still had doubts about my own ability to shift as easily as she had no matter what the form would be. Before I could answer Cate, Cynthia spoke.
“The second problem you face is that you were reborn. As part of this contract, you won’t gain your memories back until you have faced a mortal death. This makes you weaker than if you had simply taken human form. So learning to use your abilities will take more work and I doubt you’ll ever be able to meet your true potential as Mila, no longer how long you live in this life,” Cynthia spoke with that serious wisdom I was familiar with.
I still couldn’t wrap my head around this second identity. I couldn’t imagine myself beyond… myself. But it was undeniable at this point that they were the actual Moon Goddesses; this was as clear as the raven shape Cate had just turned into. I’d never even heard of another being turning into something beyond a wolf.
I sighed and tried to think about how I’d been attempting to shift previously. “So… this whole time, I’ve been telling the wolf within me to form. I even tried to use my ability to command it to shift within me. This isn’t what I’m supposed to do?”
There is no actual wolf within you. You are already a wolf if you want to be. It’s not a matter of trying to tell it to take over. You just realize you are the form you want to take, that it’s not something you must become because you already have become it. And then you just take a breath and shift,” Cate explained as though her teachings made any sense. I frowned further.
“If there is no beast, what is it I’ve been feeling? And what about being Roman’s mate? How can this be, if I’m not a werewolf?”
Cate shrugged. “That’s Selene’s work, not mine or yours.”
“It’s a mark I placed on your spirit,” Cynthia responded carefully, “When you were made mortal, I attached the connection to your wolf form, so that you could feel something that’s similar to what the werewolves feel. It allowed you to make an attachment to King Alpha’s spirit; something I must confess may transcend with you after you’ve left this mortal form. In this way, he may always be a mark on your soul even after he’s gone.”
I flushed at her words; at how solid and final they were. No matter what outcome, we would have a part of each other marking that unknown entity that made us who we were. It was like an unseen scar. And yet, a part of me didn’t mind such a thought. I drew my attention back to the task at hand.
“So… don’t command. Just be?” I inquired hesitantly.
Cate nodded before gesturing her hand towards me. “Go on. Do it. I dare you.” She was always so challenging. I couldn’t help but smile just slightly at her words. It didn’t seem like her idea on how to shift would be any help to me at all, but I would humor her.
I closed my eyes and looked within. I could feel that beast just under my skin, stretched out comfortably and yet quiet. It only ever seemed to act up around Roman; probably because he was my mate and the beast knew this. But if I went by Cate’s wisdom, there was no actual beast within me, was there? It was just me.
I inspected it more carefully than I ever had before. Was this beast not something different from me entirely? It didn’t feel normal, but I suppose I wasn’t normal. Was there even a creature under my skin at all?
No, I thought to it, you’re just me, aren’t you? There seemed to be a deafening silence in response. Whatever beast had been there was suddenly gone, but not gone. I took a breath. I am the beast. I took another breath.
A feeling of cold washed over me and I felt as though gravity suddenly dropped me to the abyss. It was like the ground had opened up under me and I was left to fall into the Crone’s Eye, where the water was cool and yet comfortable. For a moment, I thought I would scream as my senses seemed to alter altogether. I felt my hands and feet plant solidly on the floor below me and despite feeling quite stable, something felt… natural, yet strange.
I opened my eyes slowly, blinking when my world seemed to look different altogether. My arms and legs trembled periodically and my breath was heavier than I could ever remember as I took in my surroundings. I felt entirely different; far more powerful and wild. I swallowed, opening and closing my mouth while running my tongue over my sharpened teeth in confusion.
I looked from Cynthia who had an air of being pleased to Cate who looked smug as they waited for me to say something. When I went to ask if I did something wrong, a strange sound of a beastly whimper came from my chest. I stumbled backwards over unusual steps; looking down to realized I hadn’t fallen to my hands and knees at all. They were the paws of an oversized wolf.
I lifted one up and then placed it back down, tapping the ground as though I weren’t sure it was my hand at all. Then I stumbled back further before collapsing onto my stomach to lie down, overwhelmed. I wasn’t human. I was a wolf, but I wasn’t a wolf. The urge to shift back wasn’t even there any longer. What if I would be stuck like this? It was all too much.
“Calm down,” Cynthia called to me, soothing. “You will learn to become used to new forms. It’s nothing to be afraid of. Come look.” She indicated to the water behind her. I didn’t want to look. I was afraid of what I’d see. What if I couldn’t even recognize myself? I wasn’t even Mila anymore.
I lowered my head to the ground as well, still both fearful and yet something else. I was curious. But I was afraid. But… I was curious. I crept forward just a bit, crawling with difficulty along the ground before pausing further.
Cate groaned and then suddenly took a step towards me, dropping to the ground in her own familiar black wolf. I lifted my head at her presence, feeling an immediate connection to her in this form.
“What are you afraid of?” Her voice suddenly echoed in my head. I froze.
“I can hear you!” I replied loudly, unsure on how this would work at all.
“You can hear any wolf in this form. Stop being a child and come look at yourself,” Cate demanded teasingly, moving next to me to nudge me onto my feet with her nose. I did as she requested, feeling more at ease now that I knew I could at least communicate, even if my tongue didn’t speak as I wanted to.
I took hesitant steps towards the surface of the water, glancing at Cynthia. She tilted her head when I paused and then she also abruptly breathed herself into a large wolf beside me. Even in this form, she was something otherworldly. Her fur was the brightest silver, like the blade of the weapon Roman had gifted me. She looked powerful and dangerous, much like Cate did in her onyx wolf form. And yet her eyes were soft, gentle, and soothing.
“I’m here with you,” Cynthia said to me sweetly, coaxing me forward.
I took a deep breath and then stepped further until I could see the surface of the Crone’s Eye. A wolf’s face reflected back to me; its fur a brilliant and almost translucent white. Yet, the eyes were my eyes; the jealous green eyes of the Young family. They spoke to me, reminding me of where I came from and who I was. It was me.
Cynthia stood to my right, looking down at the reflection as well, and Cate came to sit next to Cynthia’s other side before glancing towards me. I could finally see, despite my mortal eyes, the connection. Together, we were a gradient; white to silver to black; a cycle of birth, life, and death.
We were Trinity.