13. Emily
I was still crying.
However, considering the situation, I felt justified. It wasn’t every day that a girl found out she was a mythological creature, then kissed a man who wasn’t her boyfriend of over a year.
Yikes.
I honestly wasn’t sure which one I was more upset by. I never thought I was the type to cheat on my boyfriend. Why had I kissed Caleb? Why, why, why? I didn’t even know him! He was handsome, sure—stunningly so—but what did I care about that? Up until a few minutes earlier, I’d thought he was a creepy, dangerous stalker from whom I needed to run.
What about Gavin’s warning? Was he actually a criminal, or did the charges against him come from being occasionally taken over by a giant wild animal? I couldn’t think of a situation that involved wolves carrying drugs over state lines, but who knew? It wasn’t like I knew anything about the... what was the word he used? Ah, yes. The shifter community.
“Excuse me, miss?”
I jolted and looked toward the small voice at my side. I took a deep breath through my nose as I did, hiding the fact that I was crying at a bus stop in the middle of the city. I wasn’t entirely surprised to see a teenager had approached me.
“Yes?” I said.
“Um, my phone died,” the teenage boy said. “Do you have the time?”
“Sure.” It was nice to have something simple to do. There wasn’t any mythological secret to reading a digital clock.
I told him the time, and he thanked me before shuffling away, leaving me to my messy thoughts.
So much for being a loyal girlfriend, I chastised myself, wanting to hide my head in my own hands. I was ashamed. Ashamed on top of everything else, which was just great. I was a scientist. A med student. A future doctor—a werewolf doctor? I knew that rationally, there was no way a man could change into a wolf, yet that was exactly what I had seen—with my own eyes! There was still the off-chance I was still in anaphylactic shock, hallucinating on the couch in our family study, but that was seeming less and less likely by the moment.
I felt like I’d been sitting at the bus stop forever while being a mess in public when the sky grew dark. It made me long for the days of summer when the sun rose early and set even later. The cool, crisp air of winter was nice, but I missed daylight.
I checked the time again and realized the bus going to campus wasn’t going to arrive for another hour. I’d forgotten that while it ran hourly around the college, the ones leading to the two stops outside campus were three or four hours apart.
Well, shit.
I debated calling an Uber, but with everything that had happened, I didn’t want to interact with any strangers, let alone be locked in a car with an unknown man. I could just walk, but this didn’t seem all that appealing. I guess I could check in with one of my friends. Most of them didn’t have a car, but Jessica did, and I could offer her gas money. Surely as a young woman, she would understand the discomfort of having to walk home alone at night.
“Alright, Jessica, please be my knight in shining armor,” I murmured, hitting her contact in my phone as I tried not to fret over my low battery percentage. I could have sworn it was at a fifty percent charge before I’d left to meet with Caleb. What, did werewolf transformations magically drain batteries?
Well, given that the shift I witnessed had literally transmuted matter and produced lots of energy, it was entirely possible electrons around the area got a little squiggly. All those agitated molecules making quantum leaps didn’t sound so farfetched now.
Certainly more reasonable than literal fucking werewolves .
I had to be careful. If I thought about it too much, I would slide into the miasmic mess of what was real or unreal. The Loch Ness monster? Bigfoot?
Why not?
The person you are trying to reach is unavailable. Please leave a message after the tone.
Oops. So much for that.
It wasn’t entirely unusual for a busy college student to not answer on the first ring, so I risked calling one more time.
The person you are trying to reach is unavailable. Please leave a message after the tone.
All right, then. No Jessica.
The thing was, I knew exactly who I could call. In fact, I would go so far to say that I should call him, but I didn’t want to.
I felt so guilty.
My finger hovered above Gavin’s contact in my phone, the heart emoji I’d put after his name like an accusation in bleeding red. How could I justify calling my boyfriend and asking him for help after I’d kissed another man? Talk about being selfish and hypocritical.
So, I settled in to wait for the bus, or I did until I swore I heard something moving in the alley just behind me, to the left of the bus stop. Oh no, alleys were no longer my friends. Then I heard something moving in the alley to the right.
Nope, nope! Not doing it!
I jumped to my feet and was dialing Gavin before I could take another breath. Unlike Jessica, he answered before the second ring was even halfway through. I was so lucky to have a boyfriend who cared for me when I’d gone and disrespected him. I hadn’t meant to kiss Caleb, but I did, and I couldn’t hide from that.
But maybe... maybe I didn’t have to tell him? At least not right away, and especially when I was asking for a ride.
I wasn’t exactly the best person, was I?
Maybe not, but after having my entire world turned inside out, I could work on everything once I got some sleep.
“Oh hey, babe. What’s up?”
“Hey,” I said, trailing out the ‘y’ sound while trying not to sound absolutely riddled with guilt. “I was actually hoping I could get a ride from you? Or maybe you could call your family driver?”
“Uh, I’m actually with the boys right now. It’s game night.”
Fuck, that was right. As med students, we didn’t exactly get a lot of free time, and one of Gavin’s sacred rituals was a night every other week with four of his closest guy friends. I never infringed on it, knowing how important it was to have things for our mental health, but now…
I nearly wished him luck and hung up, but Gavin cleared his throat. “Emily, are you okay?”
“I, uh, yeah, I’m alright, I just…” Come on, girl, nut up! “I got stranded in the city and the bus hasn’t been coming for ages, and I’m just really nervous right now. I, uh, I worry that I’m being followed.”
“You think it’s that creep from your party?”
Oh, boy. Gavin hit the nail on the head, didn’t he? “I’m worried it might be, yeah.”
“Oh, fuck. You called your other friends? There’s no one else who can help?”
“Jessica is the only one with a car, and she didn’t answer. I did call her twice just to be sure.”
“Yeah, that figures. She’s pretty busy. Okay, let me talk to the boys, and I’ll call you back. Stick to the light and try to stay around other people.”
“Yeah, okay. Thank you, babe. I’ll see you soon?”
“See you soon. Just be safe.”
I nodded as the line went dead. I stared at my phone, so many thoughts swirling around my mind. I had so much to do, but most of all, I just wanted to go someplace quiet and sleep. Somewhere I didn’t have to worry about mythological creatures, kissing a man who wasn’t my boyfriend, and accidentally killing my family. Because those weren’t exactly the #justgirlythings I’d been promised when going into college.
Thankfully, Gavin didn’t leave me waiting for long, telling me he’d be there and asking for the closest cross street to me. I told him while he looked everything up.
“Okay,” Gavin said. “It says about ten minutes to get there, and it’ll probably take me about five minutes to get to the car. Is there a gas station close by where you can wait? I don’t really want you out on the street alone.”
“Uh, yeah. I think I passed a spot.”
“Alright, head there and share your location. You’re lucky I had my phone on. I normally turn it off during game night.”
His tone was sharp, but I deserved it. At least, that was what I told myself. “Okay, thank you again.”
“Just keep yourself safe, babe.”
The call disconnected once more. Now it was time for me to call up my map app and head towards the closest gas station listed as open.
I hadn’t bothered to tell Gavin that sometimes, as a woman, being at a gas station late at night wasn’t all that safe, either. But honestly, I didn’t want to freak myself out. I’d be fine inside the store.
Once I got there, I turned on my location and reminded myself that would likely add just a couple of minutes to Gavin’s commute, so I shouldn’t panic if he didn’t arrive right at the fifteen-minute mark. That was easier said than done as I grew more and more afraid by the second, wondering if every shadow across the windows could be Caleb.
I was curious why he hadn’t followed me at all. He’d told me rather insistently that I could possibly murder my mother and father, and that he needed to help me protect them from myself, and then he just let me go? Something wasn’t adding up.
Oh, who the hell was I kidding? Nothing about my situation made sense.
I managed to remain alone and not kidnapped by the time Gavin did pull up, his lights a beacon of safety amid my mire of negative thoughts and feelings.
“Hey there!” I said, hopping into his car and smiling brightly. “Thanks again!”
“No problem, but you owe the guys an apology cake.”
“Okay,” I said simply.
Part of me wanted to spill everything to him right then and there: about meeting up with Caleb, the kiss, werewolves and the fact that I was one. But if I barely believed it, even though I’d seen what I’d seen, how could I expect him not to lock me up in the crazy house? Or even break up with me?
Then again, would that be a bad thing?
Whoa, where was that thought coming from? I didn’t want to break up with Gavin or have him break up with me! Our relationship was great, and he was a good guy. How many people could say that?
Especially people who weren’t ready to have sex yet.
I was close. Lately, I’d thought about being ready to make that leap with Gavin, but something was holding me back. Maybe that was because I was a werewolf. Maybe everything about my identity was a result of being some evil monster, not because I was Emily.
“You okay, babe? You look like you have a lot on your mind.”
I leveled my charming boyfriend with a commiserating look. “You have no idea how right you are.”
“Hopefully, you’re just being paranoid about someone following you, but I guess better safe than sorry, right?”
I settled in while Gavin drove me back to my dorm, which was on the opposite side of his. I was staying in the large unit that somehow the majority of scholarship kids got put into. He was in the much more expensive and swanky one towards the newer part of the college.
“Here you are. Make sure you drink water and get some sleep. The whole hospital thing did a number on you.”
“Yeah,” I said, huffing a very dry laugh. “You’re batting a thousand tonight.”
“Strange, I kept rolling Nat zeros with the boys.”
I chuckled, even though I didn’t fully understand the joke, but as I looked up at the staircase that would lead to my solo dorm, I realized I just didn’t want to be alone.
“Did you wanna come in? I imagine since it’s game night, you normally wouldn’t go to sleep for a while.” Then again, he probably wanted to get back to his boys, and I was being selfish all over again. “But you don’t have to if you don’t want to!”
“Hey, I have no problem walking my girlfriend up to her apartment and making sure she gets settled in.” He shot me one of those winks that once would’ve made my toes curl, but now it just brought on a vague grin. What was wrong with me? I was asking myself that question more and more of late. “Lemme park, and we’ll go right up.”
“Thank you.”
He leaned over and kissed my cheek, ever the gentleman. Finally, my body reacted normally, my face flushing with a pleasant warmth. I was just all mixed up and turned inside out because of the sheer impossibility of everything that had happened. I should give myself a break.
Maybe, maybe, maybe, perhaps, perhaps, perhap s… I felt like my mind was so full of questions and improbabilities. It was enough to make a girl’s eyes cross.
Thankfully, I managed to look relatively normal as we got out of the car and headed up to my dorm. I asked Gavin if there was anything I could get him to drink, and he asked for one of the sparkling waters he knew I kept in my fridge for special occasions. It was the least I could do, as he’d broken up an event that was pretty important to him just to haul my sorry ass back home.
We sat on the couch together, his arm around my shoulders, and he squeezed me into his side. For a moment, though brief, I felt that same comfort I’d always found in his embrace. Ah, there it was. I was finally acting normal again.
“Hey, I get that it’s scary out there, but if you can’t handle it on your own, you shouldn’t go out after dark,” Gavin said. “Maybe wait for another friend get-together.” He chuckled to himself like he was being funny. “If, you know, you can handle not ditching it.”
“I was sick that night!” I said indignantly, bringing another chuckle out of him again. I didn’t think it was all that amusing, though.
“I know, I know, babe. I’m just teasing.”
Despite my usual go-to strategy being to let such things drop, I felt the urge to correct him, to pursue the conversation. But then his hand moved from my shoulder, and his fingers absently stroked the skin at the back of my neck.
Oh.
Ohhhhhhh.
Since when had I liked that so much?
My vision went a little hazy, and that flush that’d mildly flared up with his kiss rapidly spread through my whole body. That syrupy, intoxicating sensation only amplified when he gently squeezed the back of my neck like he was giving me a massage, but much more sustained and with steadier pressure.
Lord, I was soaking my panties. Since when was that such a strong erogenous zone for me? Was everything about to up and change without notice?
“You’ve had a lot happen this weekend,” he said. “I’m sure all of this is just stress. You’ve always been an anxious bean.”
That was true. I’d be just about the worst type of coffee if I were made into some brewed drink. One could consider me the personification of caffeine jitters.
But at the moment, stress was not what I was feeling. Not even remotely.
There was still that omnipresent guilt coating everything within, as well as a slippery, oily, gross feeling I just didn’t want to handle. But there was something else, too, something heated and primal. Want, desire, and even need were all clamoring around my ears. Or my brain. My heart?
Maybe my pus?—
I kissed him.
How unusual. I’d never expected to, twice in one night, end up crashing my lips against another man’s, so desperate and filled with a type of lust I wasn’t used to feeling. Unlike Caleb, when I’d felt swept up in the moment, not fully realizing all that I was doing, now I felt fully present and full of hunger.
“Oh, hey there,” Gavin said with plenty of interest as I climbed into his lap and kissed him harder, like I wanted to press myself into him and merge us as people.
I’d been horny before, of course, but this was so much more than that. This was visceral, like it was written into my DNA. Was this what all my friends were talking about when they’d discussed sexual attraction? I’d been missing out on so much.
Gavin’s hands went to my hips, and his fingertips sunk into my soft curves. It made me flush even more as I ground against him.
“Fuck yes, baby,” he groaned. “What’s gotten into you?”
A giant wolf, apparently.
That took me right out of it, like cold water being dumped over my head. I was in my boyfriend’s lap, kissing him like a starved woman with the taste of Caleb still on my lips. How disgusting was this?
What was I even doing? I wasn’t ready for sex yet! I wasn’t ready for anything! I possibly wasn’t even human, and I was a huge risk to everyone I loved, including Gavin. Because I did love him.
Right?
It was too much, all too much, and I wanted to scream, to cry, to throw away everything that’d been troubling me until I could just be regular ol’ boring, chubby Emily again.
I pushed myself off Gavin, tumbling onto the floor, my knees knocking into his shins as I did. Ow. Well, at least I wasn’t imagining the whole night.
“What the fuck , Emily!”
Oh, boy. Gavin was mad.
“Sorry!” I blurted, feeling tears pricking at my eyes. God, I was such a mess. Was there anything I could do right? “I just... I’m not myself right now.”
Gavin was up and on his feet. Was it crazy of me to have thought he would at least have helped me up?
“Is this some game to you? I’ve been patient, you know, but I don’t want to be teased like that! You can’t just dangle that in front of me! It’s shitty!”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” I repeated it because what else could I say? I hadn’t meant to rile him up and give him blue balls, but I’d gotten carried away and didn’t think about the consequences of following my instincts. They were either evidently incredibly horny, or just kiss-happy. “I just?—”
But he cut me off, which wasn’t exactly like him. “I’m going to go home, we can talk about this tomorrow. But I’m not gonna wait for you forever, you know. There’s only so much you can expect from a man.”
He wasn’t yelling, but his tone was terse, and it made something in me wither. With that, he was out the door, leaving me alone on the floor of my tiny dorm.
I couldn’t say how long I sat there. Long enough that my back ached when I finally stood up. Throat squeezing tight, I wandered towards my tiny bathroom and turned the water in the shower up to full blast, as hot as it could possibly get.
Yet, somehow, it wasn’t nearly hot enough. It was passable at most, but at least it gave me somewhere to stand under the showerhead and have a good, long cry while I tried to detangle the complicated bundle of emotions in my chest.
When I finally dragged myself out of the steam, got myself into PJs, and made myself a nice, warm cup of cocoa, I felt a little bit more human… whatever that meant right now. Sitting on my bed, I pulled my laptop onto my crossed legs and took a deep breath.
I figured I could either continue to be a passive entity, having people do things to me and explain things to me, or I could be proactive. So that was why I pulled up my favorite search engines and began typing.
Facts about werewolves.