The Wolf’s Whisper: The Complete Series

21. Caleb

T here wasn’t much conversation as we drove along, but I didn’t blame Emily one bit. All of my senses were bound up in monitoring her, and there was a whole lot of input: the high ketones of stress, fear, and the acrid stink of burnt adrenaline. I smelled rich food on her breath and the saline from tears down her cheeks. I saw how beautiful her outfit and hair looked, but the rug burn on the shoulder blades, elbows, and knees.

As if that wasn’t enough to get my blood boiling, she was shivering and rubbing her arms like she was trying to get circulation back in them.

God, I wanted to fucking kill Gavin.

“You cold?” I asked, trying to sound nonchalant. I figured she had enough on her plate without me sounding intense about every little thing.

“A little,” she said sheepishly. “But don’t worry.”

It was cute—she really didn’t realize how thoroughly I was wrapped around her little finger, and not from doing anything nefarious or manipulative on her end. I was simply that wrapped up in her, and I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to wake up in the morning excited about her day and go to sleep exhausted from all the happy memories and experiences she’d had.

“Here,” I said as we pulled up to a red light. “Take my jacket.”

“Oh no, I couldn’t! I wouldn’t want to put you out!”

It was the second time she’d dismissed her own needs, and I was amused all over again. If she’d asked me to, I’d have given her every single item of clothing I had. Hell, I’d give her my whole house. I’d been given a second chance at my sacred duty, and how many guardians could say that? As far as I was concerned, I’d go to the ends of the earth and back to keep both Kaia and Emily safe, happy, and thriving.

“Nah, it’s no big deal,” I said. “Remember, us wolves run hot. In a couple of weeks, you’ll likely be fine in this outfit.”

“That’s crazy to think about,” she said as she took my jacket.

It did something to me when she put it on. I knew her sense of smell had to be more enhanced than it was a month earlier, but I wondered how much of me she could pick up on. Was she aware that she was bathing herself in my scent? She clearly didn’t understand the connotation.

I needed to get my mind off of my own emotions and just concentrate on her. This wasn’t that hard to do—the amount of data my brain received from every single thing she did was staggering. Honestly, it was impressive that I was still driving safely.

Just in case my jacket wasn’t enough, I cranked up the heat and pointed all the vents at Emily. I didn’t miss how she smiled gratefully, and even though I knew I’d boil, it was worth it. However, I gave myself the small grace of cracking my window so the icy air of the night could hit part of my face. No reason I had to be utterly miserable, as long as it didn’t make Emily uncomfortable.

“Is this okay?” I asked, gesturing with my shoulder to the small opening. “No draft coming your way?”

“No, it’s perfectly fine. I’m toasty now, I promise.”

“Good, good.” It was stupid, but my alpha’s chest swelled with pride. I was providing for my charge, just as I should be, and as I should’ve been my entire life. Instead of getting embroiled in matters that’d been ultimately unhealthy for me and everyone I was connected to.

“Thank you again,” Emily said, her voice so quiet that I could barely hear it over the rumble of Keller’s truck engine, even with my enhanced senses. He wasn’t expecting me to keep it overnight, but I’d left my bike at his place so he’d have some mode of transport. Besides, he’d seen the look on my face when I ran out, and he knew whatever was going on was serious.

When I’d first gotten the call from Emily and heard how terrified she was, I could have sworn that my heart was about to pop out of my chest. I still had no idea how I’d stayed so calm on the phone, but I’d told myself she needed strength at the moment, not panic. I’d shoved that all away and assured her I would be there.

I’d broken more than one speed limit on my way to the hotel, but I made it, and just in time. I hated to think what would’ve happened if Gavin had continued pounding on that door or gotten a second burst of energy.

If I was being brutally transparent with myself, I was surprised Gavin was still alive. When my hand wrapped around his neck, feeling that disgusting, weaselly pulse of his beating against my palm, I’d wanted to give him far more than a brief reminder of his own mortality. I wanted to show him what happened to men who took advantage of vulnerable girls, who took advantage of the people who loved them, who they were supposed to support. It went against everything I believed, and everything my alpha side stood for.

Let alone the fact that he had done it to Emily. My charge. The very last of my family and the connection to my pack. My Kaia.

I was ready to tear out his throat, but then Emily’s soft voice called to me. Something about her grace released me from the bloodlust that’d gripped my heart so thoroughly. I’d never experienced anything like it. All I knew was I didn’t want her to see me as a monster. She had to know I’d protect her from everything and anything, and would go to the ends of the earth for her. But I’d never, and I mean never, go against her wishes, even if it meant granting mercy to a man who didn’t deserve it.

Then I’d gotten to see the fire in her eyes when she told Gavin off, and God, I couldn’t be more proud of her. Of course, Emily had her anxieties, her flaws, but I knew without a doubt that she’d be an amazing shifter. A real credit to her pack. Now, if only dramatic and terrifying things could stop happening before her first shift...

“Hey, it’s my job.” I tried to say it nonchalantly, because while the moment was locked in my head, playing over and over, I didn’t want Emily to feel like she was a burden. If I made any comment about the effort it took, her mind would take her right along the same dark path.

“I know,” she said. “But still, thank you. It means a lot.”

Despite my hesitation, I let a little bit of truth slip while feeling vulnerable - something I wasn’t used to. “You mean a lot, Emily, and not just to me, to all of the people around you. I meant it when I said you could call on me for anything you needed. I’m here for you, one way or another.”

“I just…” I heard the tiny crack in her voice as she turned her face away from me to look out the window. I didn’t press her, but I so desperately wanted to comfort her. I wish we’d had the years and years together that we were supposed to so I knew exactly how to cheer her up, how to soothe her when she was down. But that time was stolen from us, and now I had to speed-run being a guardian.

I was going to do my best, though. Even if it killed me.

“How can you not judge me for being with someone like him? For being willing to sleep with someone who would... who would…”

God, my heart broke for her. It really did. A voice within me was ready to turn around and go right back to the hotel so I could turn Gavin into a fine paste, but that wasn’t what my charge needed.

“Emily,” I said softly, “this was never your fault. You’re a smart woman. I doubt you would have stayed with that man if you knew he was capable of that. Unfortunately, sometimes people hide their real faces, and you don’t find out until you’re stuck with them. That’s why oftentimes it’s right after women get married, or get pregnant, that their abuser will start the process.”

“How do you know all that?"

“Lived on the rez for a bit, and my own dad split. I really don’t think my mama would’ve had a kid with someone she thought was gonna dip. Sometimes, we just believe the wrong person. It doesn’t reflect on you. Doesn’t make you stupid, and it’s not your fault. You were tricked by someone who knew what they were doing.”

When she looked back, those same tears were in her eyes, but there was a small smile on her features, too. Well, it wouldn’t fix everything, but it was a start.

Besides, I didn’t think I could produce a magical sentence that would make everything okay. All I could do was make the waves of processing, comprehending, and digesting what had happened as palatable as possible. I’d be her haven in the storm, something she could cling to when the world was ripped out from under her.

“You get it, don’t you?” she asked.

“I’d like to think so,” I answered.

This time, it was her turn to reach out, and she ever so briefly rested her hand on my arm.

God, that touch was like an electric shock through my whole body. My skin felt strangely alive everywhere she’d made contact, popping and crackling with all the potential energy of a monsoon. My heart thundered against my ribs, and I felt my canines grow slightly.

Calm down! I scolded myself. Not the time.

I was sideswiped by the intensity of my emotions, but as I thought it over, it wasn’t such a shock. I’d already lost Kaia once. I’d suffered the fallout of her disappearance, but that’d barely registered in my grief over her presumed death.

It was only natural that the idea that she was about to be taken away again, that someone was going to bring her to harm... obviously, it’d driven me to a raw state I hadn’t visited in a long time.

I’d been keeping my emotions locked in my chest ever since I’d lost her, a desperate attempt to protect myself from the trauma and pain. But now, now that I knew that not only was she alive but a vibrant, kind woman, I was wide open, letting me feel everything with a renewed vigor.

A renewed honesty.

It was overwhelming, but I liked it.

I was a little too in my head right now, but it kept me occupied the entire drive home and my mind off my body’s reaction to Emily. My charge seemed just as enveloped in her own thoughts. She sure had a whole lot to think about.

“Here we are,” I said as I pulled up to my modest cabin. It wasn’t anything compared to Emily’s upper-middle-class house, or her douchebag of a hopefully ex-boyfriend’s mansion.

Actually, douchebag wasn’t the right word. N?nawethiwa and thê! came to mind, but those weren’t strong enough, either.

“It’s not much,” I added. “But feel free to make yourself at home.” I was calmer now than when we’d first left the hotel. It was a stupidly swanky place, which had made it more difficult than I’d thought to get to the higher floors.

I went around the front of the truck and opened Emily’s door. Her nerves were worked up again, judging by her scent, and I was hit by the urge to pick her up bridal-style and take her inside, gently placing her in my territory so that she’d be safe.

Thankfully, I had half a brain, and I did no such thing. Instead, I just stood to the side so she wouldn’t feel crowded. She’d get out of the car in her own time. Besides, I didn’t mind a little cool air after being stuck in the stuffy truck.

“Okay,” she said after a short wait. “I’m ready.”

I didn’t make a big deal of it and acted like it was completely normal. I had the feeling that after tonight, that was exactly what Emily wanted. “Right this way,” I said.

I led her to the front door. There was no real reason to lock it, considering I lived far into the woods, so she was able to go right in. But it was only when I saw her breath that I realized the true state of my place.

Whoops. I needed to turn the heat on, even start a fire in the stove I rarely used. I wished that was the only issue. While my house wasn't a pig sty by any means, things were strewn here and there, and most of my furniture was rather threadbare. Efficient, really. It’d come with me since my early days when I’d either thrifted or been gifted things, even when I’d pulled it off the side of the road. I’d never replaced a single item. It always seemed like a waste.

I wasn’t much one for material things, but I remembered the lovely house she’d come from, with its own study, multiple bathrooms, and everything absolutely immaculate, and I felt embarrassed.

“Sorry for the mess,” I said quickly. “Gimme just a minute. I’ll make this place nice and warm for you.”

“I was going to say, you do keep it chilly in here.”

“Yeah, sorry, I didn’t even think about it. This year hasn’t really gotten cold enough to justify turning on the heat.”

“It hasn’t?”

She still had so much to learn about being a wolf. But hey, she’d find out now that I was there to continue the duty I always should’ve held.

As I hurried to the thermostat, I turned the heat on and set the temperature to seventy. It’d be fairly sweltering for me, but I figured I could always open a window. Then I knelt in front of the fireplace, putting down the kindling and some newspapers to get it all started.

I could hear Emily moving about on her own, looking this way and that. Her scent was much more placid, and I appreciated the stillness. I wouldn’t say it was peaceful by any means, but it was much closer to a calm lake than before.

Good. I was glad I could give that to her. From what I knew of grief and other extreme feelings, they tended to come in waves. One moment, she’d feel fine, like she was dealing with it, and then it would wash over her again. But I’d be there for her, one way or another, until that wave left.

It didn’t take her long to explore my house, which wasn’t all that surprising. There wasn’t even a second floor. But she didn’t say anything judgmental, just asked if she could use the restroom.

I tried for a joke. “Sorry, you gotta shit outside.”

Without even turning away from the fire, I could tell that she believed me. Whoops, it looked like my deadpan sense of humor had worked a little too well. Keller always said he couldn’t always tell if I was being sarcastic or not, and that was after multiple decades of friendship.

“Just kidding,” I said quickly. “Use whatever you want. I’m almost done with this. Some of these logs are cherry, so they should smell nice as well. If it gets to be too much, I can always put the thermostat back down. It usually takes a while to warm the whole place up.”

“Thank you,” Emily said. I got the impression she might be blushing, but I didn’t want to embarrass her by looking.

Instead, I just focused on the fire. It was taking me back to my younger days, when things were simpler and Henry was teaching me the traditional ways. While not every shifter in the area was Indigenous, most of us were, so there was a high proliferation of traditional Native American culture throughout our packs.

I’d met shifters from all over the world, and all of us were a little different. That wasn’t a bad thing, but I was grateful that for at least a short part of my life, I’d been in a pack and a tribe.

I missed that.

I felt myself sinking, so I pulled back. I’d just finished setting up the structure of my fire and then lighting it when Emily returned from the bathroom, looking like she’d washed the tear tracks from her face and taken her hair down.

I’d always thought Emily looked beautiful, but tonight? She was an utter work of art. I couldn’t believe that Gavin had wasted it, had dishonored her by enacting any violence against her person. He was an idiot and a fool. If I were so lucky to have Emily in a hotel room with me dressed like that, I’d treat her like the goddess she was.

Except that was never going to happen.

I was her guardian, and I had a responsibility to her to make sure she’d live a happy life. There was no way she’d ever pursue anything with someone more than ten years her senior, and with a criminal record. She wasn’t really the type to go for a drug runner, and though I’d gotten out of that business long ago, the stains were still on my skin. Sometimes they felt utterly inescapable.

“Here, let me get you a glass of water,” I said, hurrying to the kitchen and grabbing one of the few nice cups I had. From there, I went to the fridge door and filled it with fresh ice and cool water.

When I was younger, I thought the pinnacle of wealth was having a freezer in the garage and a refrigerator that dispensed water from the door. I was still far from rich—in fact, most would consider me poor—but I had that fridge I’d always wanted, and I was still proud of it.

I crossed the room and set the glass on the coffee table in front of her. Emily took it, and I noticed her hands weren’t shaking anymore. That was a good sign.

She silently sat down on my couch. Grabbing a blanket I used whenever I passed out in my living room, I laid it next to her. “In case you get cold,” I said before sitting in my only other chair to the right of the fireplace. It was positioned far enough that it kept me a good distance from Emily. Not enough to seem like I was avoiding her, but enough that she had her space. Again, it was another thing that I felt was important to her—her bodily autonomy had been violated by someone she trusted. The last thing she needed was to be smothered.

I just wished I didn’t feel so awkward in my own home. Normally, I had plenty of charm with the ladies. I didn’t do connections, but I was never truly lonely. If I wanted to warm my bed, I’d find someone who was happy, willing, and wanted a great time. Yet, I felt none of that usual suaveness with Emily. No, I was hyper-aware of her every move. Her every reaction. It was like my entire body was attuned to making sure that she was okay. She had every reason not to be.

“If you’re hungry, I can put some steaks on and make us some grub,” I offered, quickly running out of things to do. That mean voice within my head was mocking me, thoroughly amused by how I was acting like a schoolboy who’d never interacted with a girl alone before.

“Ah, no, thank you,” Emily said. “We ate a lot before the hotel, and, uh, I guess the events of the night didn’t leave me with much of an appetite.”

“Understandable,” I said, though I was beginning to wonder what the hell I was supposed to do with myself.

As if it wanted to rescue me, my stomach let out a truly egregious rumble. Seriously, it was so loud, I swore it reverberated.

I looked at Emily, and her eyes went wide once more before she broke into a gentle laugh. “Was that you?” she asked, and I had to admit, she had the prettiest laugh I’d ever heard in my life. Was it too late in life to pick up comedy as a hobby?

“Afraid so,” I said with a crooked grin.

“If you’re hungry, go ahead and eat. I can occupy myself.”

“Well, if you insist.”

She sent a soft smile my way as I headed to the kitchen, which was enough to put me at ease. Even while I was busy cooking, she’d be somewhere in my peripheral vision. It was a pretty sweet setup, even if the benefit was unexpected. I could make sure she wasn’t crying or in need while giving her space to sort everything out.

Not for the first time since I’d gone and rescued her, I wished we were close enough that I could help her untangle that mass of complicated thoughts and feelings. I knew we just weren’t there yet, and it’d likely take years until we could be. Still, I was determined to get through those years: to teach her, guide her, guard her until she was a full-fledged member of whatever pack she ended up in.

Emily would have a good life, even if I had to beat the ever-loving shit out of whatever bad fortune had taken her away from us all those years ago.

I occupied myself with chopping onions and mushrooms first. I figured I could cook a steak fast, but Emily looked like she needed a little more time. What better way to kill the minutes than caramelizing some onions? It was something I’d learned to do in my twenties. I’d thought it was a waste of time when I was younger, but boy, was I wrong. It was the perfect addition to a nicely seared steak, and fresh-picked basil flash-seared on top was also an amazing touch. It was winter, so my modest herb garden was either dead or in hibernation.

Quiet settled over us again, but it wasn’t uncomfortable, just heavy. I let it drag on for a while before deciding I should check in.

“Do you wanna talk about what happened at the hotel?” I asked.

It turned out my instincts were correct, because the panic in her eyes told me that nope, she wasn’t ready to talk about it. She shook her head, and that was that.

“That’s perfectly fine,” I said. “You don’t ever have to tell me if you don’t want to. Do you just want to chitchat, or would you like to keep things as is? Whatever works best for you. You’ve had a rough night, and I just want to make things easier on you however I can.”

Emily didn’t say anything back immediately, but something about the way she was holding herself told me she wanted to. So I waited.

“Gavin called you a criminal before tonight.”

“Oh?” I kept my tone completely neutral. That actually explained a whole lot.

“Yeah,” she said. “He said you had a record—a violent one—and you couldn’t be trusted.”

“I’m guessing that was the phone call at Pennington?”

I had no doubt that her mind was playing back her ex’s warning now that she was alone, in the wilderness, and stuck overnight in my house. I knew I could take it personally, but why? Emily had been hit with so much, and real fast. It was perfectly normal for her to feel lost and like she didn’t know who to trust.

“Yeah, it was,” she confirmed.

“I figured as much.” Well, I was certainly at a crossroads. I could gloss over the information and focus on something else, considering the night Emily had, or I could give her the unmitigated truth. As much as I wanted to present myself as some flawless knight in armor, I needed to be honest. I didn’t want to risk our newfound trust by being caught in a lie.

“I’m guessing you want to know if it’s true?” I asked.

She nodded, chewing on her bottom lip again.

God, I really wanted to kiss those lips.

“Yes, it’s true,” I said, looking down at the pan I was prepping for the onions. Part of me said it was just because it was already late and I needed to get the long process done, but if I was being frank, it was because I didn’t want to look at Emily’s face. We were only just now starting to get on good ground, and I didn’t want to lose it.

I didn’t want her to think I was a loser.

“I was a criminal, or I suppose that I still am, according to some people. I paid my fines, though, served a little time, and now I work as a CI for a detective in Denver. I haven’t righted all my wrongs, but I’m putting my actions into net positives now. Making a difference so the world is maybe a little better than when I came into it.”

“CI?”

“Confidential informant, or a rat, as some people say. A snitch. It helped me get out of the life, and I’ve helped some people escape situations they never should have been in. I’m not ashamed of what I do.”

“What were the things you were doing? Before you, uh… repented?” She sounded uncertain of that last word, so I let it slide. I didn’t like the religious connotations of it, but those were more hang-ups from unscrupulous people in my childhood who came to the reservation, preaching things they didn’t understand.

“I sold drugs,” I answered. “Ran drugs. Did some illegal fighting. Anything I could do to make ends meet and get ahead. Grief can do funny things to one’s control of their wolf, so I struggled to hold down any steady work. Truth be told, I was punishing myself.”

“Punishing yourself?”

“It’s a long story. A long, depressing story. But eventually, I realized I couldn’t keep on that path. I tried to get out of the game a few years ago, but I made the monumentally stupid decision to dispose of a stash my supplier had given me rather than exiting on good terms.”

“Huh?” Emily frowned. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean that I threw it off the side of a bridge rather than selling it and giving the cash for the product to my supplier.”

“Bad call, huh?”

“Oh, it was an unbelievably bad call. It’s ripping off the people you absolutely don’t want to be stealing from.”

Emily was quiet for a moment. “I see.”

“It felt like the right thing to do at the time. A strong stand against what I knew was wrong, a momentous way to signal my change in direction. But of course, it royally screwed me over. I made things a lot worse before they got better.”

“I’m sorry,” Emily said, her voice soft. “You don’t have to explain.”

“No, it’s okay,” I replied. “I want to. If I’m going to be your guardian, then you need to know me, inside and out. All the bad points and all the good points. I’m no saint. I’ve made more than my fair share of mistakes, but I promise you, you can trust me.”

“I... I think I’m learning exactly that.”

How did she know the perfect thing to say to me? I was filled with a flooding warmth I wasn’t used to. I wanted to grab it with both hands, then slam that feeling so deep inside, it’d never escape. I was far luckier than I had any right to be, and I wouldn’t take it for granted.

“In the end, I ended up stealing a car to cover my debts,” I said. “And of course, that led to its own mess.”

“That sounds so difficult.”

I shouldn’t have been surprised by the amount of empathy and understanding in Emily’s voice. After all, she was in shock from everything else that’d happened that day. Hearing that I used to be a drug runner paled in comparison.

“It wasn’t easy, but I’m out of it now. That’s what matters.”

Emily nodded, and for a moment, I thought that was it. It felt good to open up to her, to admit all the things I was so certain would chase her away. It was like she was banishing all of my fears that she’d be horrified by my past.

“How old were you when you started selling drugs?” she asked.

“Early twenties,” I answered. “But I was messed up a long time before then.”

“Oh?”

A simple word. Just a single syllable, yet it spoke volumes: curiosity, worry, intrigue. Who knew so much could fit into what was barely more than a puff of air? It was just Emily and how in tune I was with everything about her.

“I’d been on the slippery slope of trouble all the way back since I was sixteen.”

“So you were a wild child?”

“Something like that,” I said as I added the mushrooms and onions to my large pan. I watched as the vegetables gently seared in the browned butter, steak seasoning, and red cooking wine, the delicious smells enveloping me. I’d cook an extra steak just in case the scent piqued Emily’s appetite. Worse came to worse, I’d put it in the fridge for tomorrow.

“What started it?” she asked.

I let out a snort, though my mind was rapidly calculating just how much to tell her. “How do you know something started it? What if I was just born bad?”

She frowned. “I don’t believe that.”

She didn’t? Why not? I’d rescued her, but I really hadn’t done much to show her I was an upstanding citizen. I wanted her to trust me, but I didn’t feel like I’d earned it yet.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” she said. “But really, if you’re willing to share, I’d love to know what happened.”

How could I say no? Her voice was so gentle, and her eyes were so wide. She was opening herself up to me even after the terrible trauma she’d been through. The least I owed her was honesty, even if it hurt. The chest of locked emotions was open, but there was still a tightly guarded and chained box at the bottom, one that I glanced at occasionally but couldn’t stand the pain of looking at directly.

But I had to answer. I felt compelled to. So I took a deep breath. “You did.”

It was too blunt, but it was all I could manage. Naturally, Emily stared at me blankly because I’d actually told her nothing at all. God, I sucked at this.

“What?” she asked.

“I... it’s a long story.”

“You’re caramelizing onions right now. Are you telling me you’re in a rush?”

Clever, clever. Crossing to the sink, I filled one of my smaller cups with warm water, then poured it into the pan along with the onions. That’d soften them up nicely while I focused on my conversation with Emily. Didn’t really want the scent of burning onions to interrupt us.

“Alright, fair point,” I said. “There’s a lot of backstory, but I’ll try to be brief, or at least as much as I can.” I took a deep breath. “My mother was an only child. She was white as white could be, but her father was adopted by our tribe. He wasn’t Native by blood, but that never mattered. My father was from the tribe, and he chose to leave everyone rather than be a dad to me.”

“I’m so sorry,” Emily said again, and while I could tell she was genuine, that wasn’t the point of the story. I just needed her to know all this so she wouldn’t get lost along the way.

“In turn, I was adopted by a pretty high-ranking member of the pack on the rez,” I continued. “The guy’s name was Daniel Garrick, or at least his English name was Garrick. I was as much a part of his family as he was a part of mine. So, when his wife was expecting their very first baby, a little girl, I was chosen to be her guardian. It was the biggest day of my life, and I was so proud of myself. I was honored, and I swore I would protect her, no matter what.”

“That was… me?” she asked.

“It was,” I said. “You were a great baby, always full of life and energy. I swear, the clouds parted with your smile. Then, once you were able to crawl and then toddle around, nothing could stop you. You were a force of nature. I knew I’d have my work cut out for me.”

“But something happened?”

That was putting it mildly. “Yes. You disappeared. For two years, I held onto the hope of finding you. That somehow, our bond would be strong enough that it’d lead me to wherever you were, because I knew you couldn’t be gone. But afterward, the pack officially declared you dead.”

It was hard to say out loud, to utter the words I’d locked up inside for so long. But the reason I was able to get them out was because Emily was alive now.

“You don’t know what took me? Or what happened?”

“No, I only know the aftermath. Your parents left within a few years of each other, unable to cope. No one knows what happened to them, or if they’re even alive.”

“I’m so, so , sorry,” she said, taking me aback. “I can’t even imagine. I know it’s me, but at the same time, it feels like you’re talking about someone else entirely.”

“That’s okay,” I said. “I’m glad you don’t remember, because the pain of losing you, my charge, was borderline unbearable. In just a few years, I lost you, my favorite aunt and uncle, my surrogate parents who helped my mom get by, and the trust of my pack. The disgrace of it was like a dagger through my heart, and I couldn’t get it out.”

I’d never forget the way their disapproving gazes tore into me. It was like I could still hear their thoughts in my head.

How could he let his charge have been put into such danger?

What guardian lets a baby slip away?

How could he do that to Daniel after all the family did for him?

“Disgrace?” Emily asked, breaking through the growing furor of my thoughts just in time.

“It’s not common for a guardian to lose their ward,” I explained. “Especially not so young, and especially, especially, to have the child just disappear out of nowhere like smoke. I was disgraced in every sense of the word, stripped completely of my status, barely even seen as a male. I wouldn’t be able to marry, and I would never be able to pass on my family name.”

“That doesn’t seem fair!” Emily sounded outraged.

“You have to understand, guardianship is one of the most important honors in the entire world, and I’d failed my family.”

“You were just sixteen!”

Once more, I was surprised to hear the righteous indignation in her voice, but I took it as a compliment. It felt nice to be cared for, to be worried over, but I just shook my head. “Males tend to shift earlier than females of our species, so in the eyes of our pack, I was already an adult with adult responsibilities. I failed miserably and ruined the lives of everyone around me. As you can guess, that didn’t exactly lead me down the most upstanding path.”

“So what?” Emily shot back, sounding more and more incensed. But the anger wasn’t pointed towards me. It was nice to have someone infuriated on my behalf. “Everyone just hated you? Treated you like a pariah for something entirely out of your purview? It wasn’t like you just chucked me in a river.”

There was so much sympathy in her eyes, even if I didn’t deserve it, but I managed to nod and kept my tone steady. I didn’t need to beg for her pity. I could handle the consequences like a man, despite what the people in my pack thought.

“Everyone turned, save for a few of my closest friends and my grandfather. Him, Keller, and my mother were the only ones who believed in me. As you can imagine, I lost a lot of my confidence and self-worth. I ended up dropping out of high school, didn’t even get my GED. I fell into some real bad habits real fast.” I sighed, trying not to let the bitterness seep in. “What’s crazy is I would’ve been utterly alone if it weren’t for Henry, my grandfather. He insisted I come home for meals and tried to get me into a program to finish my education. You know, real straight-and-narrow type shit.”

“He sounds amazing. I’m glad he didn’t mistreat a child for something that wasn’t his fault.”

“He was amazing,” I agreed.

The conversation stilled for a moment, and it was clear Emily understood that my grandfather had long since passed. He hadn’t been granted the same shifter longevity, but that was the downside of having an accelerated metabolism and ability to heal. There were some things we were more predisposed to that couldn’t be waved away.

Namely, cancer.

It spread like wildfire through us, and we often couldn’t get treatment fast enough to turn it around. What wolves I knew who did go through chemo tended to do fairly well—it was just getting there that was our problem. I’d heard of shifters going from being completely healthy to stage four in less than a month due to the cellular acceleration of our bodies. With every blessing, there was a downside.

“My condolences,” Emily said, sounding introspective again. “I never knew any of my grandparents. From my adopted parents’ sides, that is. They’d both passed long before my parents chose to bring me in. I’m sorry you lost such a great connection.”

“Thank you. It was hard. It was actually his death that made me reevaluate things. That bag of drugs I threw in the river, I did it on my grandfather’s birthday.” I took a deep breath. “You know, in my pack, we have a belief. There’s the first death that everyone experiences, but the true death only stops when people stop saying our names, stop benefitting from the good works we did while alive, and forget all of the lessons we taught. When I threw that bag into the river, I knew that for at least a little while longer, my grandfather would live on.”

“I... wow. That’s beautiful, Caleb. For what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing, even if you didn’t go about it in the most advantageous way.”

What a charitable way for her to look at it. I knew she was being na?ve, but I positively glowed at her approval. So far, our conversation was going so much better than I’d ever imagined. Emily had always been nice and gracious to most people, but I’d assumed she’d point a finger at me and tell me what utter trash I was, how I didn’t even deserve to be in the same room as her. My walls were a little bit too high, apparently.

“So yes, that’s my story, I said. “That’s how I ended up a lousy criminal, as Gavin no doubt described me. But what’s important is I’m here now, cooking food with little baby Kaia. Something I never thought I’d be able to do.”

Emily chuckled good-naturedly and stood up. For a moment, I wasn’t sure what she was going to do, but then she crossed to the fridge to get herself another cup of water. It was a small action, but it made that warmth return to me. She was feeling comfortable enough to walk around. That was a good sign.

“I’m not a baby anymore,” she said.

I was certainly most acutely aware of that fact, but I didn’t say that. Once more, it was not the time or place to acknowledge just how much my charge had grown up.

“Your water is getting low,” she said. “This is where you turn it up, right?”

I chuckled and was grateful for the reprieve from the heavy topic. “Oh, are you a chef on top of everything else?”

“Hardly. But my parents are really into cooking, and I like spending time in the kitchen with them when they do. Makes me feel like a part of things.”

“You’re more than welcome to stay here with me if you want. I’m down for company if you are.”

The smile that spread across her features was downright angelic. I had no idea how she looked so earnest and happy to be in the same room with me, especially after I’d confessed how thoroughly I’d failed her before she was even old enough to comprehend the momentous error.

“I’d love to.”

That was how I ended up finishing the onions, then setting up another pan to sear the steaks in. We didn’t talk much as I finished, but I explained each step as I went, and Emily nodded dutifully from where she was observing just a couple of feet away. It felt almost... domestic, which was just about the last thing I’d expected. But it was welcome, all the same.

In the end, she ended up hungrily eyeing the second steak I made, and that was how the two of us returned to the living room, eating intently. I took it as a compliment that she didn’t chat much while devouring the food I’d made her, and that alpha pride swelled in my chest again. Look at me, taking care of my charge. Maybe I wasn’t worthless.

“This is so good!” Emily gushed when she was about halfway through. “You know, I wouldn’t mind being a little more hands-on if you’re willing to teach me this recipe.”

Teach her a recipe? I was willing to steal the very moon out of the sky and fashion it into a pendant for her if she asked. “I could do that,” I said instead.

“Thank you.” She took another bite, but the entire time, her eyes never left mine. I knew she wanted to say something, but I waited until she was ready. “You know, you should be proud of yourself for getting your life back on track.”

Oh, boy.

I’d sold how I’d turned things around a little too much. I hadn’t meant to make it sound like I was home free; it had just happened with how I told the story. In the moment, with Emily looking at me with such warmth and affection, I didn’t want to admit that Gray was still on my ass about the car I’d stolen.

There were some things that could be my secret a little longer. I guess some things hadn’t changed as much as I’d thought.

But it didn’t have to stay like that. Once Emily was safe through her first shift, and I had a position in the pack again, I could get more work from Zach and pay Gray off honestly. After all, more work meant more money, and that meant climbing out of the pit of debt I’d made by stealing a luxury car, then getting caught. So, I wasn’t lying per se. More like... postponing the truth.

I realized I’d been sitting there silently for far too long, so I cleared my throat and muttered something. “I’m not that great.”

“Nah, I have to call you on your shit here,” Emily countered. “It takes a lot of courage and determination to build new habits and take the harder path, though I see you’re still favoring the bad-boy fashion.”

I laughed. “Am I?”

“I mean, every single outfit I’ve seen you in looks like you’d walked out of some biker magazine.”

“So I’m a model now?” I didn’t know how we’d gone to gently teasing each other, but I loved it. It felt so right, like we were two old friends long at ease, with nothing to worry about.

“I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised to find you in the pages of a magazine.”

I laughed again. I never thought of myself as a particularly mirthful person, but Emily brought it out of me. “I guess a wolf never completely changes their fur.”

I meant it as a joke, but from the way Emily sat up straight and blinked a couple of times, something was going on in that head of hers.

“What is it?”

“I just realized, I’m going to be a wolf.”

“No offense, but I hope you realized that much by now.”

“No, I mean, I’m gonna be a wolf. How big am I gonna be? What color is my fur gonna be? Am I gonna have a big tail?”

Oh my God.

How fucking adorable.

I tried not to smile from ear to ear, but I just couldn’t help it. She was so genuine, so lovely, and I was feeling her excitement for the first time since she learned exactly what she was.

“I’m sure it’ll be beautiful,” I said.

It was a relatively loaded statement, but it exited my mouth before I could even think about it. I cringed, and the mood did get a little awkward. Thankfully, we had our food to return to.

By the time we finished, it was well into the night, and I could see Emily’s eyes beginning to flutter. I wasn’t exactly surprised. Adrenaline dropoff was a hell of a thing.

“Why don’t I put these plates in the kitchen, and then we can head to bed?” I suggested. “Do you think the house is warm enough?”

“Definitely," Emily said. “I’m nice and toasty.”

“Good, good. I’ll be with you in just a minute.”

I took our plates and set them in the sink, grateful I washed the dishes before I left for Keller’s. That wasn’t always the case. Ah, bachelor life. There were perks and there were flaws, as with many things.

“Right this way,” I said, leading her to the bedroom. It was one of the few closed doors I had. I opened it up to reveal the second-largest room in the entire cabin.

Emily stepped in and looked around. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking or if she was disappointed until she turned to me.

“If this is the guest bedroom, then where’s yours?”

“I might have been slightly exaggerating the guest bedroom part. But it’s no big deal, really. I pass out on the couch all the time while watching TV. It’s actually pretty comfy out there, and I need to watch the fire dwindle down, anyway.”

“What?” she demanded. “That’s not fair! I’m the guest! I should be on the couch.”

“Absolutely not,” I insisted. “You have to walk all over campus daily, and you don’t have an accelerated healing ability yet. Besides, what kind of host and guardian would I be if I let my charge sleep out on the couch on what might have been the worst night of her life? No, you take the bed, and I won’t hear another word.”

“I... if you insist.”

“I’m afraid I do.”

Much to my relief, she didn’t argue with me further. Instead, she let me show her where the extra bedding was and how not to hit her head on the lower door frame leading to the bathroom. I’d always meant to elevate it, but I just never ended up getting around to it.

“Did you pack anything in your bag to sleep in, or do you need to borrow some of my stuff?” I asked.

I watched the flush spread across Emily’s cheeks. At any other time, I would have enjoyed the display, but there was a reason she didn’t have any other clothes.

“I have a nightgown, but…”

“It’s what you planned to wear with your boyfriend after having a wonderful night together, not to wear in a cabin in the middle of the woods?”

She let out another relieved sigh. I liked how much I was able to read her. I felt less like we’d been separated for more than a decade and more like she’d just gone on a long trip. “Yeah, basically.”

“That’s all right. I have an old T-shirt and sweatpants you can borrow.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Like I said, it’s no big deal. As long as you don’t mind.”

“No, I like baggy clothing. It feels so comfortable.”

“Great. Just let me root around in my dresser for a moment.”

In reality, I knew exactly what I was going to give her, and my wolf side practically salivated at the idea of her sleeping in my clothing. She’d smell so thoroughly like us that any shifter she approached would likely hesitate before messing with her.

I told myself not to get too riled up, though. I was doing this for Emily, not for myself. I needed to remember that. I’d already spent enough years being selfish.

Regardless, I couldn’t ignore her bright smile when I handed her a couple of items of clothing. We said good night, and she headed to the bathroom while I made my way out into the living room.

For the first time in a long time, I was happy as I settled in. Cautiously happy, but it was there. Finally, I was getting a chance to right the wrongs I’d accumulated in my life.

Still, as I lay there, breathing in the lingering scent as I watched the fire dwindle, I wished I could hold her through the night. And promise that as long as I was near, nothing would ever hurt her again.

But I kept quiet and let that fantasy stay in my dreams.