Chapter 33
ELLIE
The following week passed in a blur of bliss—of kisses stolen over breakfast and dinner, and I love you texts sent at least once a day. I’d dreamed of a life like this, and most days I couldn’t believe it was actually happening.
I managed to secure that part-time job in my favourite bakery so I still had to work, but Jake and Noah quickly made up for lost time.
They spent their days building blanket forts, watching movies, play fighting, painting, visiting Maggie, and even wandering the city in search of the best light for photos.
Jake had bought a VTech camera for kids when he was in New York, and Noah had a blast copying him and generally being the cutest, most diligent little photography assistant in existence.
Not that I was biased or anything.
Seeing them together, chatting about their daily adventures, and how much they loved spending time with each other, made me melt all over again. Except, I wasn’t afraid to allow it this time around. There was a certainty in my heart now, and it said Jake is going to stay.
Once Noah was in bed, Jake and I holed up in our bedroom—a brand new lock installed the day after he’d arrived home—and spent our nights reconnecting. We talked about our weeks apart, the future, and everything in between before we lost ourselves in each other.
I’d never felt closer to anybody, or more content.
The night before Noah’s first day at school, I couldn’t sleep, my brain too wired thinking about new beginnings and fresh starts.
Possibilities and potential. I’d put aspects of my life on hold because Noah wasn’t at school yet, wrongfully using it as an excuse to not do so many things, and now it was finally time to embrace our next adventure.
Nervous, excited, and full of hope.
Running through the mental checklist for probably the fifth time—uniform ironed, lunch box packed, shoes shined—a soft snore drifted out from the man sleeping beside me.
Jake’s cheek was smooshed against the pillow he’d bunched up under his arm, and I huffed out a soft, silent laugh at the Buzz Lightyear sticker still stuck to his jaw from when Noah had covered him earlier.
I stared at him for a long while, absorbing the calm he brought by my side, taking up all that empty space in my bed that once felt like miles, then peered up at the ceiling taking it all in, getting lost in the peace and quiet.
There hadn’t been much peace in the quiet before, only a deafening reminder of how lonely I felt, but now…
“I’m so happy, mum,” I whispered, hoping she could hear me, wherever she was.
I wouldn’t get an answer, but there was comfort in believing she was happy for me too.
Noah’s first day started with a dusting of rain that made the streets shiny and the air fresh.
Despite the weather brightening enough for the walk to school, Noah insisted on carrying his new dinosaur umbrella, part of his first-day gift from Grace and Leo, and praying for rain so the little T-Rex’s would change colour.
The clouds said no.
After five minutes he got bored with waiting, and dumped the umbrella with Jake instead, much to his bemusement.
It took some coaxing to stop the pair of them walking on every single wall low enough to climb, and eventually the three of us strolled to the playground bustling with kids and parents gathered to say goodbye.
A couple of children were crying, clinging to their parents’ side, but Noah could barely stand still, eager and excited for the change.
I glanced at Jake, our shared relief palpable.
We still had a couple of minutes to spare so I double checked Noah’s backpack and fussed with the collar of his polo shirt tucked inside his school jumper. He’d looked perfect when we left the house. I was curious to see the state of him by the end of the day.
“How are you feeling?”
“Nervous,” Jake replied.
“Jake,” I said through a laugh. “I was talking to Noah.”
“Oh. Right. Course you were.”
“Are you ready?”
“Can I take this off?” Noah pulled at his jumper, too distracted by the goings-on around him to look at me properly. “I’m hot and it’s all itchy.”
“Of course. Wait until you get inside though, and leave it on the hook with your name on it. And don’t forget your lunch box.”
I had his attention now. “Peanut butter and jam?”
“No, baby. Someone might be allergic, but you can have some as soon as you get home, okay?”
Noah smiled, satisfied by that. “Okay.”
“I packed all your other favourites though, plus a few treats,” Jake added. “If you need me, you tell your teacher and I’ll be right there. Promise.”
“You won’t need to though because you’re gonna have the best time making friends and having so much fun,” I hurried to add, pointedly nudging Jake in the side.
“Sure, but even so—”
“And they have giant books in there, like this big,” I carried on, exaggerating the size with my arms thrown wide.
“Cool!”
Jake tossed me an annoyed look. “But I was—”
“Alright, off you go, baby! We’ll see you soon.”
“Bye!” Noah waved and ran off to the teachers and gathering swarm of four and five-year-olds in their matching uniforms.
Cutest. Thing. Ever.
“Why did you do that?” Jake grumbled, barely taking two steps forward before I yanked him back by the hem of his denim shirt.
“You’re not going after him.”
“But I wasn’t finished saying goodbye. What if he needs me?”
“He won’t.”
“Ouch. You could at least fake it.”
“You told me to never do that with you.”
“Damn,” he muttered. “Well played.”
“Thanks.” My grin was a tad smug. “Now come over here and keep me company.”
His head tilted to one side, but he smiled, the soft, dreamy kind that gave me butterflies, and slotted his hand into mine. “I guess I could do that.”
We waited around just in case, but after ten minutes the playground had slowly emptied of parents, except for a few stragglers hesitant to leave. I never expected Jake to be one of them.
A woman standing close by rocking a vintage Silver Cross pram back and forth gave us an encouraging, slightly awkward smile when she caught my eye. “It’s tough, isn’t it?”
“Yes,” Jake said immediately. “This is the worst.”
“I’m terrified to leave, honestly,” she replied. “Last year, my eldest cried so much we had to pick him up after an hour. He refused to settle. I’m dreading the same happening.”
“That happens?” Jake stared at me horrified. “That could happen?”
“Well, yes, but you saw Noah. He was so happy and excited.” He hadn’t stopped talking about school all week. “He’ll be fine.”
“Oh, yeah, totally.” The woman winced at me, mouthing “Sorry” before moving away with a wave. “Good luck!”
Jake didn’t notice, too transfixed by the school entrance. He was silent for a long moment until, “What do you think about home schooling?”
I laughed. “Never gonna happen.”
“But—”
“No. I want him to be around other kids and learn how to make friends.” As someone who didn’t have many friends, it was so important to me, and Jake knew that.
“I’m his friend,” he mumbled.
“No, you’re his…” I still wasn’t used to saying the words out loud, but Jake didn’t deserve that hesitation. “You’re his father. There has to be a difference.”
He stared at me, not saying a word, long enough for my stomach to perform an uncomfortable flop.
“Is that not okay?” I asked, wary all of a sudden.
“Of course it’s okay. It’s just… It feels different to the daddy thing. I can’t explain it.”
“Good different or bad different?”
“Good,” he murmured, tugging me closer. “Definitely good.”
Except good didn’t do justice to the relief and reassurance singing in my veins, or the way his happiness and acceptance at being Noah’s father made me feel. I wasn’t sure there was a word in the dictionary good enough.
“You don’t know how happy that makes me,” I told him.
“I think I have some idea.”
We swayed on the spot for a few minutes, wrapped up in each other’s arms, lost in our own world.
“Should we go get some brunch or something?” Jake brushed my temple with the scruff on his chin, and pressed a soft kiss there.
He did that constantly now, soft mindless little pecks whenever he pulled me into his arms. “If you want me to leave this playground, I need a distraction and food is the only way that’ll happen. ”
“Food sounds good, although there is something else that might distract you.”
“Oh yeah?”
Slowly, I circled one of the buttons on his shirt. “We have the flat to ourselves.”
“I’m listening…” Jake nosed at the delicate spot behind my ear where I sprayed his favourite perfume, then gave a gentle tug at my ear lobe. “Tell me more.”
“Maybe we could test out that new tripod you bought the other day.”
“Hmm.” He drew back, pretending to think about it. “How would we do that? Give me details.”
“Well, we need to test its height. Make sure it lines up the camera perfectly.”
“We do. I’d need something to photograph though. Any thoughts about that?”
“I bought that cute new bedding last week.”
“I don’t photograph bedsheets, baby.”
“What about me naked on top of the new bedsheets?”
“Now you’re talking. It’s like you read my mind.”
“I’m getting good at that.”
“You are,” he whispered, stringing kisses across my cheek and jaw, delicate enough to make me shiver. “What am I thinking right now?”
“You’re thinking you want to fuck my brains out.”
His face illuminated with my favourite cheeky smile, and the joy crawling into his eyes would never get old. I wanted to watch that joy for the rest of my life and oh my god, I’m going to.
“Why, Miss Ellie Brooks, what a dirty mouth you have. If only the you of a year ago could see you now.”
“I think she’d be pretty proud of me, don’t you think?”
“So fucking proud.”
I beamed until my cheeks ached. “So? Are you going to take me home to bed or what?”
Mesmerised by my mouth, it took Jake a second before he groaned and threaded his hand with mine.
He marched towards the school gate, his long strides eating up the distance in a way that was impossible to match.
Once we’d breached the gate, he stopped in the middle of the street, so sudden I almost trod on the back of his heels.
“This won’t do,” he said. “You’re too short to keep up. Hop on.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Hop on my back. We’re wasting time.”
“You’re joking.”
“You know there are two things in life I don’t joke about.”
“Food,” we both said at the same time before Jake added, “And sex. The sooner you climb on my back, the sooner we’ll be home and I’ll be sinking inside you.”
“Oh.” His words caused a needy clench between my thighs, and I couldn’t stop staring at his lips, imagining all the dirty whisperings and pleasure they could generate, and why am I still standing here? “If you insist.”
He glanced at my mouth again, inhaling sharply when I licked my lips without thinking about it. “I really fucking do.”
Months ago, I would’ve said no. But not before my brain spun out a number of embarrassing scenarios, fearing what other people might think, like a stranger’s opinion had any bearing on my life.
And afterwards, like clockwork, I would’ve regretted that no for weeks, wishing I had the courage to be young and normal, and do silly things like piggyback on my boyfriend’s shoulders.
So when Jake crouched down, I jumped on his back without any of that hesitation, locking my arms around his neck and my thighs around his waist, sure in the knowledge that he had me, and if it ended up an embarrassing disaster, well, at least we’d be embarrassed together.
I wasn’t alone anymore and the freedom that gave me was indescribable.
“I think this is where I’m supposed to say something about a spider-monkey,” Jake said.
I laughed, kissed his cheek, and squeezed him tight. “Take me home.”