27. Ellis
Ellis
Awareness returns slowly. I know I’m in a bed. It’s soft, and there’s a warm blanket covering me. For a while, that’s all I know. And I’m content to float in the warmth and comfort, mindless and numb to everything. I know what awaits me.
Eventually, the sounds of soft conversation filter into my mind. No words. Just the gentle humming of voices. It’s familiar. Like the voices are part of me. I let them wash over me, soothing the slowly rising tide of emotions I won’t be able to hold at bay much longer.
My fingers and toes are the first parts of my body that I can distinguish in the slowly dissipating fog. My arms and legs are next. Followed by my stomach. I try to keep the feeling at bay. I don’t want it to reach my chest where I know it will hurt unbearably.
But the wave crests. No matter how hard I try to stop it, it washes ashore and there is no stopping the complete and utter despair that floods through me. It steals my breath. Burns my throat and lungs. And where my heart should be, it echoes in the empty space, making the missing pieces all that much more recognizable.
Cade is gone.
My soul-bonded. My mage. My world.
He’s gone.
Never again will I gaze into those beautiful violet eyes. My skin grows cold knowing I’ll never feel his arms around me. I’ll never taste his lips or inhale his scent again. His laugh will no longer echo through the cabin.
He. Is. Gone.
I’m cracked open and bleeding. Raw and broken. How do I heal without the one who put me back together into the person I am now? How do I get out of this bed knowing a vital piece of my soul has been removed. Cut out. Destroyed.
The pain is unlike any I’ve ever felt. Sam’s abuse and torture was nothing compared to this. I curl onto my side, squeezing my eyes shut tighter against the tears burning to be let loose. My lungs scream for oxygen but I can’t get them to expand. I gasp, a rattling breath that does nothing to ease the ache.
Hands on my cheek, my back, my hair. A combination of voices, soft whispers that I’m unable to process as words. I curl further into myself. Unable to open my eyes and see only two of them in front of me.
“Ellis, baby girl,” Kai says, brushing his knuckles down my cheek. “Ellis, listen to me.”
I shake my head. Where did the numbness go? Where is the oblivion I so desperately need?
“Ellis, look at me.” Kai shakes me slightly, and it infuriates me so much I open my eyes.
“Just leave me alone!” I try to shout, but it comes out more like a croak.
Before I can close my eyes again, his begin to glow. “Listen to me,” he says, his voice haunting and demanding.
I have no choice but to listen now. As much as I want to close my ears and bury myself under the covers, I can’t. I do glare at him though. Why can’t he respect my wishes to be left alone?
“Ellis, Cade is alive.”
I blink at him. He forced me to listen but that doesn’t mean I comprehend his words. Cade is dead. I watched him hit the ground. I saw him staring lifelessly at the ceiling. I held his unmoving body.
Why would Kai do this to me?
His gray eyes are soft and understanding. He gives me a small smile and turns my head with a finger on my chin. Sitting on the bed next to me, is Cade. I blink, mouth falling open. But …
“Ellis, love,” he whispers, eyes filling with tears. Violet eyes I thought I’d never look into again.
I choke on a sob and clutch my chest. Cade’s arms come around me immediately, warm and so very real. All I can do is clutch him and cry. He holds me tight enough to make breathing difficult, but I don’t care.
“How?” I gasp between broken sobs. “I saw …”
Cade rubs his hand up and down my back, the other tangling in my hair to press my face harder to his chest. “Agatha said you healed me.”
I pull away, only far enough to look at him. To make sure this is real. To make sure he’s real. “What?”
“Something about the combination of your tears and fire.” He rubs his chest. The last time I saw him, there was a bloody hole there. “Whatever it was, you saved me.”
I stare at him, unable to comprehend the words. “Is this real?” I whisper, lips trembling and tears falling even harder. I’m so afraid to wake up and find this was all a dream.
“It’s very real, love.” Cade wipes my tears, even though more fall immediately. He gently presses his lips to mine, and I lose all the control I had.
I cry harder than I ever have in my life. Tears and snot flow down my face, and I’m barely able to breathe fast enough to fill my lungs. Cade holds me through all of it. Never once letting go. I cry and cry, until I can’t cry anymore.
Cade shifts us so he’s leaning against the headboard. I lay my head on his chest, and listen to his heart beating under my ear. Thump thump. Thump thump . The steady rhythm echoes in my mind as I fight to keep my eyes open. What if he disappears when I close them?
“Sleep, love,” Cade whispers, tucking my hair behind my ear. “I’ll be right here.”
When I wake again, I hold my breath. The memory of Cade holding me, telling me he’s okay, is too painful. What if it wasn’t real? But as I lay here with my eyes closed, his voice washes over me, rumbling in the chest my head is laying on.
“Are you okay, Kai?” he asks.
Someone shifts behind me, and I know it’s Kai by the slightly cooler limbs pressed against mine under the covers. I take a moment to breathe. To let the realization sink in that I’m sandwiched between Cade and Kai.
“No,” Kai whispers, his breath tickling the nape of my neck.
I feel like I’m intruding on something, but I don’t want to move. I don’t want to let go of Cade. Besides, knowing Kai, he already knows I’m awake.
“Everytime I close my eyes, I see you both,” Kai says. “I see your body, bloody and still. I see Ellis laying on top of you, the brightest golden flames I’ve ever seen pouring from her. I almost couldn’t get to you guys.”
The vulnerability in his voice, the trembling echo of fear, makes me ache. I wasn’t the only one who thought Cade had died.
“I’ve never been so scared in my life. I thought I lost you both.” His voice cracks, and his chest brushes against my back as he takes a deep breath. “I don’t know how I would have ever survived, losing both pieces of my heart.”
“Kai,” Cade says gently. He leans over, squishing me even more between them, but I don’t complain.
I can tell they’re kissing by the way my heart speeds up because of Kai’s, and the way Cade’s heart beats harder under my ear. I soak it all in. Tears threaten to fall again just thinking about … No. I won’t let myself think that. He didn’t die, and I won’t let that fear fester and ruin what we have.
A soft knock on the door draws them apart. “Is she still sleeping?” Sterling asks.
“No,” Kai says, tugging one of my curls. “She’s awake.” His smile is evident in his tone.
My eyes pop open and land on Sterling in the doorway. His silver hair is in a bun on the back of his head, and his icy blue eyes pierce me straight to my soul. The first full breath fills my lungs. All three of my guys are okay. All three of my guys are right here, with me.
I haven’t seen Sterling since we went our separate ways—me to deal with Sam, him to rescue?—
I sit up in bed so fast the room spins. “Gracie!” I look at Sterling, pleading with him with my eyes alone. Please tell me you got her out of there!
He walks to the bed and pulls me into his arms. “I got her out,” he says, kissing the top of my head. “She’s at my mom’s.”
“Is she … okay?” I ask, pulling away to look at him.
“She’s as okay as can be expected. Allie has looked her over and she has no injuries, besides malnutrition. She’ll just need time to heal.” He gives me a small smile, cupping my cheek in his big palm. “Her and Chloe have developed a sort of friendship. They don’t talk much, but I think they take comfort in knowing they aren’t alone anymore.”
I close my eyes and lean into his touch. I know all too well what it’s like to climb out of the pits of hell. I had my guys, my Shields, to help me through it. Without them, I don’t think I’d be where I am today. No. I know I wouldn’t be. How will Gracie do it?
Sterling kisses my forehead. “I’m glad to see you awake, kitten. I’ve missed you.”
I scoot to the head of the bed between Kai and Cade, and let Sterling climb onto the bed in front of me. “How long have I been asleep?”
“Three days,” Kai says, taking my hand.
“Three days?” I gasp.
“You used a lot of magic,” Cade replies, taking my other hand. “Your body needed to heal and replenish.”
“What happened?” I ask, squeezing their hands harder. “I mean, is it … over?” I know I killed Sam, a fact I don’t think has registered in my mind yet. Not that I feel remorse over it. But, taking a life should never be easy.
“The warehouse has been completely destroyed,” Sterling says. “I went back with Cole to go through the debris, and there is nothing left of the building. Your flames incinerated it. Along with the building, all of the creatures Sam created were destroyed. Not a single one survived.”
“Were there …” I stop to swallow and lick my lips. “Were there any other prisoners? Did I kill anyone?”
Sterling shakes his head. “Not that we could tell. It seems like he was in between batches of prisoners.”
I release a breath, relieved I didn’t kill any innocent people. “What about the magicals who supported him?” I ask.
“I can’t imagine they will cause many problems with Sam gone,” Sterling answers. “Especially after how it all went down. They will slink back into society and pretend like nothing ever happened.”
“I think it’s safe to say that it’s over.” Kai gives me a small, encouraging smile. “It’s over, Ellis. Your life is yours again. To do with it as you please.”
Tears burn my eyes and slide down my cheeks. Over. A word I never thought I’d hear. I’m not being hunted anymore. I can live my life how I've been dreaming of lately. I squeeze my eyes shut and press my lips together.
Over.
My three guys surround me. Their love, support, and affection fills me. With them holding me, touching me, kissing me, I repeat the word again and again.
Over.
My leg won’t stop bouncing. Anytime Sterling has to stop the Hummer for a stoplight, the entire vehicle shakes. I didn’t think I’d be this nervous to see Gracie, but I am. The waves of nerves that keep washing through me make me feel like a livewire.
“Relax, kitten,” Sterling murmurs, placing his hand on my knee.
I stop the bouncing … for a minute. Then it starts back up again. He sighs and returns his gaze to the road. The landscape blurs past, not registering in my mind at all. And before I know it, the Hummer is pulling up the driveway and Sterling throws it in park. How the hell did we get here so fast? I swear we just left the cabin five minutes ago.
Sterling hops out and walks around the car to open the door for me. “Ready, kitten?”
“No.” My voice shakes slightly and my fingers tremble as I take Sterling’s hand. “Why am I so nervous?”
“Because she’s your sister. And you’re scared to see how changed she is. And you don’t want to do anything that will cause her harm.”
I nod and swallow, my throat dry. “What do I say to her?”
“Just let her know you’re here. That you love her. And you’ll support her however she needs. You don’t even need to talk. She might not want it, but your presence alone will make a difference.”
“How did you get so wise?” I tease, trying to shake the uncertainty.
Sterling bumps my hip with his and grins. “I’ve always been this wise. I just like to let Cade and Kai do all the talking to give them a chance to make asses of themselves.”
I laugh and it feels so good to do so. But deep inside, hidden way in the back of my mind, is a tiny seed of fear. My laugh fades, and I bite my bottom lip.
Sterling gently grips my chin and tilts my head up to look at him. “What’s wrong, kitten?”
“I’m scared,” I whisper, my words barely audible.
He steps closer, brow furrowed. “Of what?”
“This.” I wave my hand in front of me, trying to encompass everything that is my life. “The laughter and hope. The peace and dreams. What if it doesn’t last? I can’t help but think something else will come our way and try to take this happiness from me.”
“It’s over, Ellis. We won. You can take your happiness and own it. And if anything else comes our way, we’ll handle it.” He rubs my cheek with his thumb. His bright blue eyes gleam in the evening light. “It doesn’t matter how many people try to take this happiness from us. We’ll fight for it every fucking day because you deserve it. No matter what comes our way, we’ll fight it, and we’ll win. We’ll get our happily ever after. I promise you that, Ellis.” He leans forward and softly kisses me, brushing his lips against mine until I want to melt.
It doesn’t last as long as I want it to, and when Sterling pulls away I pout. He laughs, but threads his fingers with mine and pulls me to the front door. Shari greets us with a warm smile and hug and ushers us into the kitchen for dinner. I’m too nervous to eat, despite the delicious scent of roasted chicken and marinated vegetables. I manage a few bites because Sterling pins me with a stare until I squirm in my seat.
When we’re done and Sterling is helping Shari clear the table, I make my way upstairs. I pop my head into Chloe’s room first and give her a wave before heading to Gracie’s room. My fingers tremble as I reach out to knock on the door. There is no answer, so I crack it open and peer inside. She’s laying on the bed, covers pulled to her chin, her empty gaze staring at the ceiling.
My breath leaves my lungs in a rush. The last time I saw Gracie alive she was vibrant and full of energy. She was always the one to suggest we do something that would get us in trouble. Like climbing out of the bedroom window and onto the roof, or sneaking out at night to fumble through the woods to the cliffs. She looks so little in that bed, a shell of herself. And it absolutely destroys me.
I somehow manage to swallow my sob, squeezing my eyes shut to hold back the tears. I knock again but she doesn’t even blink.
“Gracie? It’s me, Ellis.”
Nothing.
I push into the room and close the door behind me. Slowly, I approach the bed, making sure to project my movements so I don’t startle her. She doesn’t acknowledge me as I sit on the edge of the bed, keeping her blank stare pinned on the ceiling.
“I missed you,” I whisper, barely managing to keep the brokenness from my voice. “I want you to know you’re safe now. He’s … he’s dead. I killed him.”
Still nothing.
I sit quietly, staring at my hands in my lap. Seeing her sunken cheekbones and pale skin, the dark bruise-like circles under her eyes and limp, matted hair is too much. I dig through my mind for anything to say that won’t overwhelm her. Sterling’s words come back to me. You don’t even need to talk. But the longer I sit in silence, the more the heaviness grows in my chest until I can’t breathe.
I suck in a ragged breath and gently take her hand. “Do you remember that time we stole d-dad’s bottle of vodka?” I stutter over that word, but now is not the time to talk about Thomas Kennedy. “We drank half of it before mom found us puking in the bathtub. Or that time we snuck out at night to go to that boy’s house. What was his name? You had the biggest crush on him. Maddox? Yeah, I think it was Maddox. We made it to the end of the driveway and found mom standing there with her arms crossed over her chest. She tried to keep a stern look on her face, but she couldn’t. She just laughed at us and drug us back inside.”
I smile at the memory. I hadn’t thought about these things in a long time. They always hurt too much, knowing I’d lost both of them in one awful night and would never be able to make new memories like that again. My eyes burn, but I don’t let the tears fall.
“I have so much to tell you. Like, I’m seeing someone, er, someones?” I huff a laugh. “I think you’d be proud of me. I’m dating three guys.” I sigh and the smile drops from my face. “I love you so much, and I’m going to keep fighting for you. So don’t give up, Gracie. I’m here,” I whisper, turning to look at her. “I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. Shari is amazing. She’s so sweet and she’ll take good care of you. If you need anything, just let her know. And I’m always just a phone call away. I’ll stop by again later, okay?”
I stand from the bed, and brush a flat curl from her forehead, leaning down to press a soft kiss where the curl had been. I make it to the hallway before the tears fall. Sterling is waiting for me, and he pulls me into a hug, holding me tightly while I cry.
I wish there was something I could do. I wish I could take her pain and fear away. Unfortunately, I know all too well how hard it is to fight trauma like that. I know there is only so much I can do, but the helplessness grates on me.
“Ready?” Sterling asks quietly, wiping my cheeks.
I nod my head and let him lead me to the car.