These Wild Dreams of Ours

Chapter 1

“Katie!”

Kate bolted upright, reverie shattered, dreamy thoughts scattering on the wind like pigeons spooked from the rafters of a barn. Oh no. She surged to her feet. No, no, no, no!

She saw Danny’s distant form frantically waving his arms and took off down the hill, strong arms pumping, bare feet pounding the fresh spring grass, her thick tangled braid of chestnut hair bouncing wildly against her back.

A weight of dread washed over her, pulling her down until she felt like she was barely moving.

Not again! Her green calico skirts twisted around her churning legs, tripping her, almost pitching her flat on her face as she reached the bottom of the hill.

She nearly swore in frustration as she gathered up the layers of cumbersome fabric and sprinted toward her brother sitting absolutely useless on his mount, grinning roguishly, casually waiting for her as if they had any time to spare.

“Where ya been all this time, Katie?” Danny called out. “Ma’s gettin’ awful mad; you shoulda been back a long—”

“Doesn’t matter!” Kate gasped, windmilling to a stop by his stirrup. “You couldn’t’ve ridden another hundred yards to come get me instead of me nearly dyin’ down that hill?”

Danny grabbed her arm and helped her as she swung up behind him, her skirts pushing up to her knees.

Kate didn't care about the impropriety, she only cared about getting back as quickly as possible. She jabbed Danny in the ribs in an attempt to get him moving. He just laughed. Other than the fact that they were practically the same height and had a generous spray of freckles across their faces, no one on earth would believe that they were siblings, let alone twins. “Oh, I didn’t want to wear out ol’ Dutch here on the first day out.

” He patted his horse’s neck affectionately. “He’s got such a long way to go.”

“And I don’t?” Kate growled in frustration. “Will you get goin’ already?”

Danny urged Dutch into an easy lope, Kate’s arms fastened securely around his waist. Danny glanced over his shoulder, grinning. “You’re gonna get it!”

She scowled. “You’re just happy it ain’t you.”

“You got that right!”

“Just be quiet and ride. Don’t you know we’re late?”

Danny laughed. “That’s what I been tryin’ to tell you this whole time!”

Kate glared at the back of his head, the color of his flaming red hair matching her mood. How she survived all these years with Danny as a twin, she didn’t know.

They crested a small rise and Kate groaned.

The wagon train was already moving. In fact, the lead wagons had passed from view out of the little valley, and the dust of hundreds of wheels and feet and hooves was rising into the air.

Even the cattle Pa had bought as a seed herd for their future ranch lumbered along, and another wagon company who had stopped just a mile behind theirs had nearly overtaken them.

Only one wagon sat still. Pa and Ian were with the stock, but she could see the straight-backed posture of her mother sitting alone on the wagon seat. Kate’s mouth went dry. “I’m in so much trouble,” she whispered. Danny snorted and heeled Dutch down the hill.

They barreled up to the wagon and slid to a stop. Kate swung to the ground and climbed as quickly as she could into the wagon seat, careful not to look her mother in the eye.

“Katherine, I cannot believe—”

“I know, Ma.” Kate gathered the lines, hurriedly calling out to the mules and slapping them into motion. The wagon lurched forward.

“Look at this, Katherine!” her mother said, gesturing to the dwindling line of wagons. “We are being left behind, and on the first day, no less!” She threw up her hands in exasperation. “What will people think of us?”

“I’m sorry, Ma,” Kate mumbled, her frustration with herself making her sullen. She flicked the lines, urging the mules to pick up their pace. Danny glanced back and gave her an exaggerated look of sympathy. She stuck her tongue out at him.

“Where were you?” Her mother’s cold voice made her flinch.

“Up over there, on the hill.”

“And what, pray tell, were you doing that was so incredibly important as to hold up the entire train?”

Kate looked away.

“Answer me, Katherine.”

What could she say? That she lost track of time daydreaming about the wonderful life that waited for her beyond the horizon, a life free from suffocating expectations, where she could run and ride and explore, where no one could tell her how to act, where she could just … be?

Kate sighed, glancing at her mother’s stony face. “I was”—she looked down at her dirt-stained feet—“I fell asleep.”

“Next time,” her mother’s icy tone knifed into her heart, “kindly take your rest when the work is done and we are stopped for the night.”

“Yes, Ma,” Kate said in a choked whisper.

“And where is your bonnet? Honestly, Katherine, your skin will be as tough as old shoe leather by the time you’re twenty.”

The rest of the afternoon passed in frigid silence.

The wagon jostled and thumped in the ruts of the thousands of wheels that had rolled over the very same dirt on their way to the Promised Land of the West. Once they caught up with the rest of the train, Kate’s task of driving the team became almost redundant as the mules simply followed their comrades in front of them.

Then she had all the time in the world to ruminate on the growing litany of mistakes Kate was sure her mother kept track of, of which today’s blunder was only the most recent.

Would she ever stop being a disappointment?

Probably not. Kate couldn’t remember a time when she had been able to live up to her mother’s expectations.

Why was she like this? Why couldn’t she be the well-mannered, poised, obedient daughter her mother and the rest of the world expected her to be?

Instead, she daydreamed herself into the worst of trouble and, according to her mother, spent more time with the horses than inside learning all the “necessary skills” required of an “accomplished lady.” Kate shuddered at the thought of sitting in a cramped parlor doing needlepoint all day.

Instead, she closed her eyes, dispelling all thoughts of cross-stitch, and conjured up the image she’d painted in her mind’s eye the moment her father had announced that they were packing up their lives and heading west to the Land of Golden Opportunity.

She spent the next hours trying to ignore her mother’s frosty countenance and daydreamed, picturing mountains thick with forests, lush valleys, rich earth, wildflowers, and streams so clear and cold they were like liquid diamonds glittering in the sun.

A house on a hill, a garden out back, a stable of fine horses, all overlooking pastures filled with fat and contented cattle.

And she rode wherever the fancy took her with nothing but wind in her hair and joy in her heart.

By the time the sun set, she’d very nearly managed to forget that she had done anything wrong at all.

The task of circling the wagons that night was difficult to say the least. Most folks could barely handle their teams walking in a straight line, let alone the precision of making a ring tight enough to chain the wagons together to create a makeshift paddock for the livestock, and Cyril Proctor, the company’s leader, was a demanding taskmaster.

He stomped around throwing streams of curses at everyone within earshot.

He didn’t seem to have an empathetic bone in his body.

It wasn’t these poor folks’ fault they’d never done this sort of thing before.

But he was revered for taking trains west and making it there in record time.

Pa had wanted to attach themselves to someone who had done the trek before, and Kate trusted Pa, so she put her head down and took the curses.

But heaven help her, did she ever itch to say a few choice words in return.

Once they had cleaned up from their meal of beans and bacon, Danny and Ian left to watch the stock, and Ma sent her to find fuel for tomorrow’s cook fire.

Kate was exhausted. Her back ached from jostling on that hard wagon seat all day, and she had to walk nearly a mile to get beyond the mess of countless other wagons organized into their own companies who had cast off from the Missouri that very same day.

But she found enough for a meager armload of kindling before the light faded completely, and she wove her way back to their wagon, thankful that she’d always had a natural sense of direction.

She would’ve been lost for sure if she hadn’t grown up tagging along with her pa and brothers on their countless trips into the woods.

The constant awareness of one’s surroundings that a body needed to navigate came to Kate as natural as breathing.

Kate stepped quietly through camp. She was surrounded by the noises of people and livestock, but the calm of twilight was descending like a comfortable blanket, muting the conversations and wrapping her in the quiet gloaming.

She set the firewood down by the front wheel of their wagon and paused, her ears picking up the low hum of her father’s voice, his Irish brogue still strong after all these years.

“And what are ya thinkin’, mo grhá?”

Kate heard her mother heave a sigh. “What is going to become of her?”

“Am I right in thinkin’ you’re referrin’ to our Katie girl and not ol’ Winifred the milk cow?”

“Yes, dear husband, I am referring to our daughter.” Kate winced.

Ma didn’t seem at all pleased. Kate stood stock still in the deepening darkness, not wanting to listen and yet desperate to hear more.

Her mother continued. “What will all these people think of us? Of her? She should be finding a husband, settling down, having babies. Some days she acts like the proper young lady she should be. But then there are days like today, and I wonder what I’ve done wrong as a mother.

She won’t even wear a bonnet! Her skin is as dark as an Indian’s and absolutely covered with freckles.

The only thing she seems to have taken from me is her brown hair and brown eyes.

What sort of man will want a wife who refuses to act the way she is expected to? ”

Kate’s shoulders slumped under the crushing weight of those words. To have her mother’s disappointment stated so clearly made tears prick at her eyes.

“Ach, Edie, you’ve been a fine mother to all our children, don’t you ever doubt that.

She’ll be fine, don’t you worry. Most young lasses belong back there in the city, with all the shops and socials and the like.

Katie, now. Katie’s just like me, Edie. Her heart is in the hills and fields; she talks more easily with the horses than she does with other people. ”

“That is exactly what I’m afraid of,” Ma retorted.

“Give her time and she’ll come into her own. And then a decent and godly man will see her beautiful heart and love her all the more for the touch o’ the wild that comes with it.”

Kate’s despondent heart filled with gratitude.

Pa had always understood her no matter how strange she might be.

And he had summed up her heart’s longings in a way she hadn’t even known was possible.

To be herself and to be loved for it. That was exactly what she wanted.

She knew her mother loved her, but she also wanted Kate to be more than what seemed possible.

To fulfill those expectations, something else inside her had to give.

Her mother heaved a sigh. “You might be right, dear husband. Besides, I know a certain wild man who I couldn’t dream of living without.”

“Aye, he is a wild one, but he loves you very much.”

Despite her mother’s castigation, Kate’s mouth tugged up at the corners hearing her parents express their devotion to each other. They were far from perfect, Kate knew that full well, but they loved each other. One day. One day she would have what they had. She sighed and walked into the firelight.