This Blood that Bonds Us (This Blood that Binds Us #4)

8. Eight

Eight

Aaron

Being alone never helped anything, neither did punching trees. I’d trudged straight through the snow that reached my calves, and hit the largest one I could find till some of the emotion rocking through me ran its course and my clothes were soaked from the avalanche of snow that had fallen from the tree.

I’d moved to the porch where snowflakes fell in a light frost covering the deck. The cold air was harsh on my skin, and I stared out into the vast wilderness.

They weren’t coming back. My brothers were gone. I’d thought for sure they’d give me another clue. A way to find them . Something . But that was a child’s way of thinking. I was still expecting them to come and save me but scoffed at the absurdity of it. I wanted them to save me so I could save them.

Burying my head in my hands, a gnawing emptiness hollowed my chest. When I thought of them, it got worse. I wasn’t sure I’d ever been so angry before, and I’d directed plenty of anger at my brothers in Blackheart. I replayed it all in my mind. That night at the carnival or any time I’d blamed them for everything that was wrong with my life. They let me paint them as the bad guy and yell and scream.

I thought I’d been angry then, but none of that compared to the anger I felt toward myself. I’d been so naive, letting them believe in a world where they couldn’t be saved, and this was the consequence. I’d let them shoulder everything, and I didn’t realize I’d done it the entire time. Since I was a kid, I’d let them do it and didn’t think twice about how it felt to be responsible for everything.

I thought over our last moments together in Blackheart. Before The Family showed up and ruined everything that day in the forest. They wanted to stay together. We were all going to be together, and they wanted it too, then they had to watch as it all got stripped away from them.

It had taken me so long to see it, and it was two weeks too late. They’d given me everything I could ever want. Safety. A house. Mom, Presley, and Kimberly. But it cost them everything. They were okay with that, but I wasn’t. They watched me build a life while everything they wanted got taken away from them.

I needed a plan, but I didn’t make plans. The only times I’d ever made the plans had resulted in almost killing someone. So how was I supposed to do this? How was I supposed to find them? Where did I start and how could I make the time go faster so I could see them sooner? If only there was a way for them to know I was looking for them and I wouldn’t stop until I found them.

Mom appeared bundled in a blanket and holding another for me.

“You don’t have to worry about hypothermia with us, Mom.”

“I just want you to be comfortable. You’re not used to this kind of cold.”

I took the blanket, knowing it would do little to help my wet clothes. The fleece engulfed me, and the smell of vanilla helped ease the tension in my shoulders.

Mom sat beside me, watching the stars overhead before she spoke. “You look so grown.”

“I look the same.”

She shook her head. “No you don’t. You look . . . like you aged five years. I can tell something is different.”

“A lot has happened.” I didn’t want to look at her. A strange invisible wall blocked me from her. Was it time? Was it me?

“I know. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

I stared into the blank nothingness of the snow. The porch light illuminated the fresh powder in front of the cabin as it fell on the hood of our car. The snow was like a blanket that muffled every sound. There were no cars or critters close by. Outside was a void. If I disappeared into the night, I wondered if I’d be swallowed by the emptiness of it all.

“It’s okay if you’re upset about the letter.”

Upset didn’t cover it. Devastated didn’t hit the right note either.

“I’m not just upset. I’m angry. They deserved better.”

“You’re right. They do.”

“I don’t know how to find them. I don’t even know where to start.”

“There’s time to figure it out.”

“No there’s not! Who knows what’s happening to them right now? Luke always had a plan, and I have nothing. I’m not like him.”

“I don’t think you have to be, baby.”

I stood up. “Well, I can’t be me. All I’ve done this entire time is mess things up. I don’t know how to form a plan. I can’t even protect anyone like this. I’m literally useless. I have to go. I have to save them.”

“Just let it sit for tonight. Don’t rush things.”

“Mom.”

“I know. I know.” Her voice quaked. “But I just got you back. Can I enjoy it for a second? Will you sit with me for a minute?”

A tear fell from her eyes, and I darted to her, burying her in a hug. I held her close to me and let in everything I’d been trying to hide from. Her warmth and her scent. How it felt to see her almost a year later . . . aged. Different. And I hadn’t been there.

“Of course you can. I’m here. I’m sorry you had to wait all alone.”

She wiped her eyes. “Don’t worry a second about me. I was just so worried about all of you, and I wondered if I’d ever see any of you again. And I wasn’t sure if I could live with myself if I didn’t.”

When Mom hugged me, she wrapped her arms around my head to smother me. Thankfully, I didn’t need to breathe.

“I’m sorry, Mom.”

“Oh, honey. None of this is your fault. It’s mine. I should have done more. I should have—”

“Stop. They wouldn’t have wanted you to blame yourself.”

As soon as I said the words, I let go of her. Neither of them would have wanted any of us to take the blame. They did it all out of love. Though there were things we could’ve all done differently, it didn’t change the facts. My brothers had been manipulated since they were kids to believe this was their only fate. There was someone responsible for this.

“I’m going to find them and the people who did this. I’m going to end it.”

“End it how?”

“I don’t know. But I’m going to free them once and for all. And they’re going to get to live wherever they want and do whatever they want. They won’t have to answer to anyone anymore.”

I cringed at my own naivety. I didn’t even know what all that statement entailed, but I meant it with every cell in my body.

Mom sniffled and let out a long breath. “I had a feeling you’d say something like that. There was no stopping your brothers and no stopping you. Your grandma had that same type of bravery . . . She’d be so proud.”

My grandmother was my mom’s favorite person in the world. I didn’t remember her, but Mom spent my entire childhood making sure I knew all about her.

“You’re brave too, Mom.”

She shook her head. “No. Not like all of you. And as much as I want to tell you to stay here and not dare think of leaving my sight again . . . I can’t find your brothers on my own. Even if I could, I’m a woman in her fifties, and this is way above what I’m able to control. But I want them home too.”

She moved a piece of hair from my forehead. “And I think you’re more than capable of doing what you set your mind to. Gosh, you’re reminding me so much of your brother. He’s so proud of you. I know he is.”

You’re ready.

Luke’s last words to me. Ready for what?

I wasn’t a leader, but I had people who needed me now. My little brother, Kimberly, and Mom were all relying on me to be stronger than I’d ever been. To push through. To make plans and to protect them. To save my family.

“I’ve got people counting on me. I’ll make it work.”

She smiled. “Like that beautiful girl in there?”

“She’s special, Mom. She’s . . . everything.”

“I know. I can tell with the way you look at her. And I know she’s got a good man to care for her.” She pulled me into her, and I laid my head on her lap. All my tension left. Even the ache in my chest was kept at bay in the warmth of my mother’s arms.

“I was afraid I’d never see you again,” I said.

“I knew you’d come. I trusted and prayed.”

It still didn’t feel real, and I couldn’t fully enjoy any of it without Zach and Luke.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen. They’re supposed to be here too.”

“I’ve felt so helpless here. But now that you’re all here, I feel hope again. I don’t think it’s a coincidence. Sometimes it’s dark for a while, but there’s always light somewhere. This place has long, dark winters, but it also has the most beautiful stars and the brightest summers. You’ll see.”

Luke wanted me to let them go. That’s, no doubt, why he brought us to the one place we wouldn’t be found. The moon was the only light tonight. I ignored the stars and wondered where my brothers were and if they were looking up at that same sky. What horrors would await them with The Family?

Zach and Luke were always my heroes, and as I watched the snow fall, I realized my current reality was their dream. All of us were together and safe. It wasn’t their only dream.

We’re leaving together. That was the true dream.

Something turned in my stomach, then I knew there was no going back. The seed had been planted in my mind and, in seconds, taken root. It had a force of its own that sang through my blood till I felt weightless. I lifted my head as the snow fell on my lashes.

Even at the conception of the idea, I knew it might be the end of me. I would save my brothers, and nothing would stop me.