36. Thirty-Six
Thirty-Six
Presley
Another day, another minute of contemplating robbing a bank to buy my plane ticket to Ireland. Robbing the bank would be the easy part. The bank in town wasn’t the most high tech, and I was confident I could break into anything.
My stomach ached at what Luke would think of my willingness to commit a federal crime. Maybe that’s what he meant by being good.
I was being punished. Maybe Hell Bitch wasn’t a demon and She was a god and knew I spent every minute in my room thinking of how much I hated Her, so She was smiting me. I thought of Her—too often, likely not healthy—I felt anger, and I think it was my brother’s anger. Probably. It was hard to tell. After a while, all the strange internal sensations started to feel the same.
That’s the only explanation for why two weeks felt like two days—hence the bank robbing plans.
The only thing preventing me from committing a federal crime was knowing even if I made my way there, I didn’t know their exact location because I couldn’t figure out the stupid riddle. I was no Bilbo Baggins. Also, no money. I never acted on my thoughts, but sometimes in the dead of night, I’d go to the kitchen, grab the car keys, and toss them from hand to hand.
Everyone tried to make it better, but that’s what made it worse. I was feeling like Aaron when he was whiny and annoying, but I wished everyone would let me be sad. I’d let the sadness swallow me if it would’ve made time pass quicker. Aaron and Kimberly were off being heroes, and I was sitting in my room in the dark.
There was a knock at my door, and I refused to let go of my pillow and tear my gaze from the lamp.
“Hunny? Are you ready for me to take you to the shelter? I have time.”
“I’m not going,” I called.
“Can I come in?”
When I didn’t answer, she entered. I awaited the blinding switch of the light, but instead, there was a shift in the bed and a hand on my back.
“Do you want to talk?”
“No.”
“Work will help.” Mom’s hand felt good against my back. It was nice not to hurt in at least one part of my body.
“I don’t want to work. I want to sulk and be sad, and I want everyone to just let me waste away. Not like I’m any help, anyway.”
What was I going to do? If this big final battle finally came, I’d do what? Stand around and hope for the best? It made no sense for me to be there and no sense for me to try. I was waiting for Aaron to ask me to stay home and confirm what I knew: I was the useless little brother.
“You know . . . when I first arrived, I stayed locked away in my cabin for weeks. I did nothing but think of what a terrible mother I had been and everything I should have done differently.”
“Now I know where I got it from. Thanks, Mom,” I mumbled.
“That was until my neighbor suggested the clinic. It’s been the only thing that’s gotten me through. Being at the shelter will help pass the day-to-day while you see what the next step is.”
“Feels like doing nothing.”
“Sometimes we have to wait for the right moment. And you’ll know when it is. We all help in our own way. Maybe your moment just hasn’t happened yet.”
Mom believed in me for some strange reason. It helped to look at her and to lean into the comfort like I used to. I wished things hadn’t changed and I could enjoy that comfort, but every time I thought about it, I remembered my older brothers needed comfort too, and they weren’t here to have Mom rub their back. They needed it more than me.
“This is going to interfere with my plans to watch Tarzan at least ten times today.”
She smiled while moving a lock of hair from my eyes. “It will be waiting for you when you get home. I’ll watch with you.”
With that, I finally found the strength to get out of bed and turn on the light.
“Come on, Sarah. Good girl, come on.” I ushered the all-black husky out of her kennel.
Her name was further proof I was being punished for something.
I tried not to like dog Sarah at first, but she was always following me around being cute. My coworker, Sydney, said I was Sarah’s favorite and before I came around she’d lay in her kennel all day and mope. Then when I came along, she magically liked to play and eat all her food. I think we needed each other. Being sad was our favorite hobby.
Sarah trotted along to the playpen for her outside time. She was popular with the other dogs but only if I was watching her. If I left to go fill up the food, she’d wait for me by the door. It was annoyingly adorable.
“I didn’t know you had a shift today.” Sydney came around the corner, sporting another ponytail. That was her thing.
“I took an extra one. Needed a break from my family. I just needed a break.”
Probably the only time I’d ever said that sentence.
“Oh, I get it. My sisters piss me off all the time. Love them, but damn.”
“Exactly. This is the only place I have that’s normal.”
Sydney smiled, and it eased my guilt. Barely. “Come with me on break.”
I agreed. I didn’t mind the company. Since I didn’t eat on my breaks, I’d usually just watch soap operas till my time was up.
“Sarah, stay,” I said as she ran to walk out the door with me.
Her whining echoed in the hallway as we went for the break room.
The break room smelled of wet dog and had two blue sofas and a tiny TV next to a mini fridge. I was one of three volunteers. Sydney said if I stayed for a while I could eventually get paid.
She ushered me into a story about her sister Callie and their fight over the hair straightener and how even though Callie was older, she always took Sydney’s clothes. Usually, I’d be all over small talk, but my chest was achy and it was harder to focus than usual.
I pulled the note from my pocket when she went to take a bite of her sandwich.
“What’s that?” Sydney asked with a mouth full of bread. “You’re always staring at it.”
“I’ve been trying to figure out this riddle. It’s for . . . this class I’m taking.”
“A riddle for class?” She raised a curious brow.
I wasn’t giving lying my A game anymore.
“Can I see?”
I handed it to her, hoping she wouldn’t see how worn it had become. “ Where the land meets the see . . . s-e-e.”
“I have literally no idea.”
“Is it supposed to be local?”
“Uh, maybe.”
“Well, we do have Seer’s Point. It’s on the other side of the lake.”
“What? No way.”
She smiled and took another monster bite of her sandwich. “Way. You didn’t Google search it?”
Damn shitty internet.
“I, uh . . . I’m going to leave early today.”
“Got a date with Seer’s Point?”
“Something like that.”
“Well, you better go spend some time with Sarah before you go. I think she gets depressed when you’re not around,” Sydney called as I reached for the door.
I sighed. Her and I both. I already felt better. Mom was right. Of course she was.