This Blood that Bonds Us (This Blood that Binds Us #4)

38. Thirty-Eight

Thirty-Eight

Kimberly

Halina and I took a break from sparring after a few hours. I enjoyed the distraction. We settled into the living room that held an electric fireplace, and various large and small plants littered the space along the floor-to-ceiling windows. The remaining light of the day bathed the leaves in sunlight.

“He kept all of Will’s old plants.” Halina reached for one of the leaves and rubbed it between her fingers. “We take good care of them . . . He was so particular. I remember all the instructions.”

“You miss him . . .”

“Will was—is a large part of what held us together. I don’t think he knew that though. And if he comes back, I won’t tell him. And Thane was a friend. One of the only people I had to talk to. Not sure if you’ve picked up on it, but my brother isn’t very talkative, so it gets lonely. And Skylar, well, Skylar and I butted heads, but it was nice to have another girl in the group.”

“Do you want me to help with them?” I motioned to the plants on the floor and windowsill.

“Sure. You can water and I’ll prune some.”

I worked through the plants, doing just as she mentioned and checking the soil between each one to make sure it was completely dry. All while I thought of William. He’d hate me touching his plants. I wondered what the four of them were doing but pushed any thoughts away that told me they’d been killed or hurt. I wanted William and Thane to come back to their family as much as I wanted it for mine. Perhaps Will would smile when he returned home to see his plants alive and thriving.

“Hey ladies.” Aaron strode in with glowing confidence. An influx of laughter and voices came from the hallway as the boys took their break and walked from the dining room to the kitchen.

Aaron’s gaze stayed fixed on me. His bare chest and the fresh flush in his cheeks made me weak in the knees.

“After this break, Dom is going to work with me for another hour, but tonight, I’m all yours.” He touched his lips to mine and lingered there till my entire body flushed with heat. He leaned close to my ear. “All night.”

I simply nodded. Those golden eyes never faltered, and he winked at me before going for the door.

It took a second longer for me to compose myself.

“God. He’s different.” Halina’s eyes devoured him in an instant, admiring what I, too, admired. The veins in his arms, the curve of his biceps. His messy hair.

A strange heat in my stomach traveled to my throat and almost tore through my clenched teeth. I cleared my throat.

That broke her concentration.

Aaron had changed. What the ritual had torn from me, had fueled him. He hadn’t shed a tear. Every day the sun passed overhead, only seemed to pump him full of radiant optimism.

“I’m sorry. Respectfully, I’m very envious of you right now. It’s been so long for me . . . and the way Aaron looks at you—well, it’s hot.”

Halina never talked to me like a friend, though she’d softened to me. We only talked about logistics. Things like: How long have you gone without blood before? Is this how it was for you? Did you just let me win this match because you feel sorry for me? Never dating.

“I heard he’s been drinking from you. You have to tell me what that’s like.”

“You mean . . .”

“The sex. It’s got to be something else entirely.”

“Uh . . .”

Suddenly, I missed Chelsea. Not that she’d have loved a conversation about Aaron’s and my love life, but she would have listened if I needed someone to talk to. In Alaska, the only person I could talk to was Presley, and considering Aaron was his brother, that topic was off the table. It was too personal of a subject for me to discuss with Halina.

“It’s . . . There aren’t really any words to describe it.”

Halina wouldn’t let me off the hook. She placed her hands on her hips, waiting for more. I’d need to steer in another direction.

“Have you ever . . . had anyone?”

“The dating pool is extremely small when you’re like we are and you hang out with your brother all the time. People think we’re dating. It’s gross. More than that, it’s not like I can pull someone into this suicide mission.”

“Right.”

“Sorry. I shouldn’t say it like that.” Her long blonde lashes fluttered. “Skylar will undoubtedly make me pay from beyond the grave for saying that to you.”

“You really don’t think we’re going to make it?”

“I don’t know about you . . . but I’ve been prepared to die since the minute I was changed. Everyone who hangs around with Kilian is prepared for death. It’s always been a suicide mission. Felix and I were changed for the cause. Like Aaron asked before, we signed on with complete knowledge. Like most people who aren’t afraid to die, we didn’t have a family to worry about, but we got to see firsthand how The Family steals our recruits. They convinced Felix’s best friend, someone I was very close to, to change sides, but it’s never enough for them, they bled him out. Let him die. Slowly and painfully. All to prove a point. I fear everyday what they’re doing to Will and Thane . . .”

I realized Halina never hated us. She hated watching us live life carefree while this had always been a life-or-death battle for her. In her shoes, I might have hated me too. In Blackheart, we’d been foolish and carefree, and though I couldn’t bring myself to regret it, I wished I’d known the secrets and horrors that everyone held close to their chests.

“Do you think William and Thane are a lost cause?”

“No. But I think this is the end. In a lot of ways, I’ve always felt like I was born with a half-life. Though I’ve lived over a hundred years, I’ve never truly lived.”

I felt the pull of her words and the truth in them. Fate had its hooks in me. Luring me, it tugged at my skin and my thoughts every minute of the day. There was somewhere it was taking me, and I was afraid to reach my final destination. The queen was beckoning me to Her, and I knew I’d meet Her in the future. Our paths were merging.

“Destined to die . . .” I repeated, averting my gaze.

“Skylar didn’t believe that for you, though.”

“What?” I stopped my watering to look at her.

“She was adamant that you’d get to live and make your own decisions. She talked about it a lot actually. It used to get on my last nerve.”

The memory of our talk by the fountain almost brought tears to my eyes. I moved to wipe them, expecting Halina to scowl or scoff, but her brows softened, and she offered a sympathetic smile.

“She liked looking after you. I think . . . she liked watching you all have a life we didn’t.”

“I miss her.”

“Me too. But I have a feeling I’ll see her real soon.” Halina nodded while tucking a long blonde hair behind her ear. Her attention went back to pruning the dead leaves from William’s plants.

As the dead leaves fell, she snatched them up one by one. Halina had made peace with death like it was just another part of life. Fighting would require great sacrifice so life could thrive and go on to live, and I still wasn’t sure I’d made peace with that fact.

“Kimberly, I’d love a word with you.” Anzola’s low voice startled me.

I’d been getting ready to leave and had showered the blood off and was brushing my wet hair in one of the spare bedrooms. She had settled into a long velvet robe like she, too, had the same idea. It broke down my image of her. She conducted herself with the same carefulness as Kilian, and suddenly, she was just a woman like me.

I moved to sit on the bed.

The weight of Anzola’s gaze was heavy on my face. Her presence itself was heavy enough. Something old and official.

“Kimberly, I want to be direct with you. Kilian has informed me of what you’ve been working on with the rituals. The sheer fact that you’re able to access the power of the dagger is unprecedented and something that’s never been done before. Your very existence on this plane in time is very interesting to me. I plan on being there for the next ritual, and I hope to aid you in your endeavors. If only I could tell the council about you . . .”

“The council doesn’t know Kilian has one of the daggers, do they?”

“No, and if they did, they’d take it in an instant.”

“But you won’t say anything?”

“Kilian and I have a long history. I know he does not take such a responsibility lightly. And if he’s able to succeed in his life’s mission of taking down the coven, all the better.”

I had many questions lingering on my tongue but none I’d ask aloud. The council was nothing I cared to know about unless it would aid us, and it didn’t sound like they cared to help. Therefore, their history and their story meant nothing to me, and like Kilian, they couldn’t be fully trusted.

“And if Kilian fails? Will you help then? If your precious dagger is lost.” I was surprised by the conviction in my voice, but I was tired of being everyone’s spectacle. It made no difference to any of them if my family lived or died. They would go on holding their trials and judging those like the Calem brothers and sitting in the shadows waiting for others to make the first move. What would the council of The Legion say at the postmortem meeting of all our stories? Would they tell tales of a battle that ended in catastrophe? I could see it now. A group of hopeful kids thought they could defeat them, but they failed miserably, and only in that failure did they decide to pick up the pieces after. “If only they’d waited.”

If they didn’t want to help, they were no longer of any use to me.

“Very intuitive. The council believes the coven still possesses it.”

“And they don’t care? What if more queens are made?”

“The ritual requires very specific texts, and they’ve all been destroyed or are in our possession. And many aren’t interested in sharing any of their affections with another queen.”

“Anzola, I appreciate you helping at all, but all I care about is getting our family back together. That’s the only reason I’m doing this. Whatever it is you want from me, I’m only doing it for the sake of my own. I have no interest in conversing about the council and The Legion.”

“That’s why I will help. The council will not. It may not mean much, and I do not wish to persuade you to trust me, but regardless, I am here to help you, and I believe I can help you better access the power in the dagger. Kilian tells me you’ve used it a few times.”

“Yes, but I don’t think I’m doing it right. It’s inconsistent. It shows me brief images, and I don’t know what they mean.”

“The Family believes in Divine power. They believe the power in our blood given to us by queens is a gift. But I believe it to be a malevolent spirit. To them, their queens are God in the form of a woman. The equivalent of a messiah sent to help them form relationships and bonds that the greater powers cannot create themselves. The council has their own varying religions and consider their practices blasphemous.”

That must be where all the council business Kilian picked up came from. The trial and the prayers Aaron had spoken about.

“And you?”

“I’ve wavered throughout my life, much like Kilian, but I do believe in something greater . . . on most days.”

“Well, I don’t much care what It is. She could be a fairy or a god or a demon, but it doesn’t matter to me.” I turned my attention to the hairbrush in my hand, feeling the wood grain and gripping it just as I had the blade of the dagger. “I want Her gone. I want my family back.”

I would find a way to be useful in the battle. Aaron and Presley had their roles, and I’d be close behind them when the time was right, but the dagger held the key to something. I just couldn’t figure out what and how to use it to help us in battle. If Anzola wanted to help, I wouldn’t say no.

What kind of person are you? Zach’s words rang in my head. I finally knew where I fell in line with the Calems.

I’d do anything for my family. I’d be anything. Even if it meant not being so nice. The love we shared was worth it.

Anzola smiled with perfectly straight bright-white teeth. “Spoken like a true warrior.”