This Blood that Bonds Us (This Blood that Binds Us #4)

49. Forty-Nine

Forty-Nine

Presley

All night I watched Tarzan and cried. Normally, I’d just sulk in my room, but early in the morning, my hands started to hurt. A pinprick sensation started at my fingertips and moved into a burning sensation that ran down my entire arm. I swear the pain in my chest got worse too. I spent thirty minutes with my hand in the snow. It didn’t help.

I sat on an old stump outside Mom’s cabin inspecting my fingernails. All were clean and just as invincible as before, yet they burned like when you get menthol in your nail beds. I’d resolved to deal with the weird phantom vampire pain for the rest of the day till suddenly it stopped. Like a wave, peace rushed over me. I lay back on the old stump and enjoyed the weightlessness of it while staring up at the trees.

Winter would never end. We were stuck in a time loop doing the same things over and over again.

It would always be me alone staring up at the dull sky and missing them.

Rubbing my chest, I sighed in relief when the familiar pain returned. My brothers were still with me somewhere. With a flick of my lighter, I lit up a cigarette and let the warmth of the smoke fill my lungs. I grabbed the photo from my pocket—the one I wanted to pretend didn’t exist. My brothers were next to a stained-glass window, and Luke did look tired, but after studying for a bit, I recognized the curl of his lips. It was that face where he tried to not laugh at something my brother said. Zach was angry as always, but he was looking directly at my brother. They were getting through it together.

I sighed and went to put it back in my pocket when I noticed small black writing on the back.

Havenville Church

666 Wildbend Rd.

Oh no. There was another test. A new location.

I wasn’t going to go. Absolutely not. I went to tear the photo but stopped.

What if I needed it?

It would be fine in my pocket. No one else needed to know. It was just a photo with an address on the back. It meant nothing. Not important enough to alarm everyone with. I secured it back in my jacket pocket. It wasn’t a bad secret if I didn’t act on it, and I definitely wasn’t going to do that.

When I went for the door of the cabin to return to my hopeless pile of blankets in front of the TV, I was greeted by a dozen balloons in my face.

“Happy Birthday!” Mom, Aaron, and Kimberly shouted simultaneously.

They stood like statues waiting for a reply—probably a happy one—but at the mention of my birthday, I was reminded of the timing I’d wanted to forget by tearing the calendar off the wall. It had been mocking me, and I swear it whispered to me at night.

Two weeks. Another two weeks had passed with no ending in sight.

“I forgot,” I said, feigning a smile. If Luke could smile through his pain, so could I. “This is so . . . great.”

My delivery needed work.

I eyed the sage-green balloons—my favorite color. They’d taken my absence as an opportunity to hang a tattered banner and some streamers. None of it looked new. Mom probably borrowed it all from her friends. I swallowed the lump in my throat when I saw the cake. Light blue and covered in sprinkles.

“I know I’m not as good of a baker as your brother, but I figured it didn’t matter because you couldn’t eat it anyway.” Mom smiled and rubbed my arm.

Smile, Presley. You can do it.

“I love it. Thank you.”

My heart was beating me up from the inside. I really hoped I could avoid the “Happy Birthday” song. Zach and Luke had been to every birthday party since I was born. I wasn’t really wanting to hash out how it felt to not have them there singing in that weird way older brothers do.

“I did buy candles.” Aaron looked at me with that smile that used to not work on me, but something about him putting in all this work to be a leader made me want to humor him. Sue me.

“Fine. Let’s do it.”

Kimberly handed me a colorful paper hat while biting the inside of her cheek. “It will be cute for pictures.”

Oh no . Why would anyone want to remember my birthday? The first birthday without Zach taking me on one of our forbidden excursions. The first time Luke wasn’t there to wrap his big arm around me and squeeze the life out of me.

I let them have their song. Their picture. I used to love that type of thing. Maybe I still loved it, but I couldn’t focus on anything other than the cause of the weird pain in my hand earlier and the very real clue I had sitting in my jacket pocket. I waited it out and went for the door at the first sign of a pause.

“Okay, well, I’m going to go to warm up the car for work.”

“Wait! We have a surprise for you.” Kimberly shared a tentative glance with my brother.

Joy.

“Wait here.” Aaron smiled.

The birthday celebration was almost over. I would accept the gift, then I could forget it. Super easy. Then I’d be at work for a few hours where I wouldn’t have to feel guilty for being quiet.

When Aaron opened the door, the sound of panting excitement came with a blur of black fur, and Sarah the dog came bounding toward me.

“We adopted her for you. I know you’ve always wanted a dog, and well . . . thought she could keep you company.”

Sarah was haunting me with her cute, fluffy ears. We couldn’t escape each other. She circled my legs, and I kneeled to scratch behind her ears.

“You can rename her whatever you want. If you want to.” Aaron spoke slowly and watched me like I was a ticking time bomb.

“I set aside some money so we can go get her a new collar and some things today.” Mom had the same anxious expression.

“I . . . don’t know what to say. She’s . . . perfect.”

I’d begged for a dog growing up. I’d made slideshows and wrote it on every Christmas list, but Mom and Luke especially drilled into me the responsibility it would be.

“She can keep you company in your room.”

All that acting in the hospital was paying off. I was able to put on a decent enough smile to where everyone’s shoulders relaxed and their anxious shifting stopped. They needed me to be okay and have a good birthday, so that’s what I would do.

“What do you think? You wanna stay with someone like me?”

She licked my face, and I rubbed her belly.

We could be sad together.

“Care if I join you?” Kimberly came to sit beside me on the porch steps. Mom and I were waiting for the car to warm up so she could take me to the shelter.

“Sure.” I was on my second cigarette and loving the sense of calm I felt from it.

“Did you not like your gift?”

“What gave you that impression?”

“You just seem . . . off.”

She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and snuggled close to me. It was a nice contrast to the cold chill creeping into my clothes and biting my ankles.

“I love the gift. I’ve just been thinking a dog is a big responsibility that requires me to be here and take care of it, which is exactly what Luke would want. All of this is exactly what he’d want.”

“And that’s bad?”

“I’m not staying here.” The words poured from my mouth before they registered in my brain.

I’d asked myself over and over again the why of it all. Why did Luke think we would just forget about them? Why couldn’t he have said something before all this happened?

Why? Why? Why?

There had to be a reason, and maybe . . . it was me.

“It was Aaron’s idea, you know . . . He was so excited because he knew you’d been asking for one since you were a kid. He told me he planned to get you one for your next birthday. Before you were both turned. We just want you to have a good birthday. And Sydney at the shelter mentioned how much you loved Sarah . . . the dog.”

“I know . . . I know. And I do. I’ll probably give her another name, though, when I think of a good one. Feel like that will trigger Luke when he comes back . . .” I paused at the weight of those words. My brother would come back. We all would. Kimberly rubbed my back. “I kinda like her name for now. It makes me think of Luke all the time. And Sarah . . . the human Sarah. She liked dogs. She had this cute little Pomeranian that would get out, and we’d have to go look for it. Luke’s gonna love her. He likes dogs just as much as me.”

The thought hit me suddenly. I tried to push it out. The memories of Luke and Sarah and our collective childhood. We’d all grown up together. Sarah was going to do something great. She’d been so excited to go to college. Her whole family was abuzz with the celebration, but she never got to go. All those dreams she’d had, everything she’d hoped for, had been snuffed out.

A tear fell from my eyes and ran down the tip of my nose, but I wiped it before it could fall.

“Oh, gross. I’m sad again. Don’t tell Aaron.”

Aaron was in a good mood, and I didn’t want to be the reason he wasn’t anymore. I’d been mad at Luke for doing the exact same thing to me. We were all too alike.

“Your secret is safe with me.”

I offered her a cigarette, and she took it. I couldn’t fight the growing amusement as she surveyed it and sniffed it.

“Don’t give me that look. I’ve never tried one.”

“They taste awful, but it’s not about the taste. It’s about the feeling of it.”

I lit her cigarette, and she inhaled, looking as badass as ever with her dark hair.

“What about you? How are you holding up?” I asked.

“I’m fine.”

I waited.

“I don’t want you to worry about me. I want to be encouraging for you.”

“Eh, that’s Aaron’s job. You can be whatever you want. Be sad with me.” I nudged her.

She nodded and took another puff, grimacing but powering through. “Do you think . . . I’m weak?”

“Huh?”

“This thing is happening to me, and I thought it was a good thing at first, but . . . I’m so scared all the time. I swear I didn’t used to be scared.”

I blew out a puff of smoke. “You’re one of the strongest people I know. Seriously, do you remember that day in the forest you were panicking about telling my brothers?”

I imagined it all. Back in that memory, everything was warm and happy. I almost forgot what any of that felt like. The dirt and the trees were vibrant, and Kimberly’s cheek was red. I couldn’t remember that without remembering my older brothers and their secrets.

“Yeah, I remember.”

“Even then, I remember thinking about how brave you were. And then you went toe to toe with a killer-crazed vampire and still came out on top. You changed, knowing you might not make it. I wish I was like that . . .”

She hugged me without warning, so tight she squeezed the breath from my lungs.

“Kim, you’re hurting me.”

“Sorry. You’re just perfect exactly like you are, and I don’t want you to ever think that you’re lacking somehow.”

“Aaron’s really rubbing off on you, huh?”

When she pulled back, there were tears in her eyes. “Is it that obvious? I didn’t cry before, not even during sad movies.”

I smiled. “It’s kinda cool. It suits you.”

We stayed snuggled together as we admired the snow-covered trees that surrounded our property. That place never changed. I couldn’t imagine it not being covered in snow, but every day, we got a little closer to spring.

“Do you ever wish I would have just turned you away at the OBA party when we met?” I asked, finally finishing my cigarette and putting it out on my shoe.

“Do you?”

“No. I just think about that moment a lot, and I wonder if I could have . . . changed things. Maybe you could have avoided the Calem curse.”

“If this is the result of some Calem curse , I’m okay with it.”

“You really mean it? The whole . . . cabins on a piece of land thing? Or is that more of in a better world thing.”

She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “I meant it. I want us to always be together. We’re going to get them back, and everything will be different. But it will be good too.”

The sadness was back. Clawing its way into my chest. I wondered if she believed her own words.

“You do know what you’re asking, right? I’m literally never leaving you guys alone.”

“I never much liked being alone anyway.”