This Blood that Bonds Us (This Blood that Binds Us #4)

53. Fifty-Three

Fifty-Three

Kimberly

I struck the matchbox in my hand, and the stick’s fire burned ablaze. I’d come to love the silence that once felt smothering, because it reminded me of my nights camping and my hikes alone. I didn’t miss my old life while every current moment felt fleeting and too short.

The last thing I wanted was to be alone.

I missed the green and the smell of blooming flowers, but it was still winter. Those things would come back. I hoped they would. As I lit another candle, I dared to think of the future. A life where we weren’t hiding or running anymore.

At battle’s end, I wanted us all to be together again, walking through the trees and laughing. No smoke or fire, just the scent of fresh blooms and the roaring of the waterfall. I didn’t care where as long as it happened.

The glow of the candles in the room of our cabin reminded me of the burning stars in the sky and that there might soon be a day when every kiss and touch wouldn’t feel like our last.

The front door opened below, and Aaron threw off his coat and boots in a slurry of snow on the ground. I already knew the problem from the rigidness in his shoulders and that urgent look in his eyes. Meeting him at the foot of the stairs, I steadied him.

“Kim, I need blood.”

Kilian was convinced Aaron’s connection to the queen meant something, and after his inordinate display during the eclipse, Kilian was eager to test it out with a few blood bags. It showed us nothing of use. We’d been unsuccessful in figuring it out, and now . . . we were out of time.

“It’s too much, I can’t do it. It’s not working. I just, I . . . I need you.”

“It’s okay. You’re in control.”

I feared for what that meant for him going to that place. If he was injured and needed blood and couldn’t get it. Or even worse . . . him not resisting the temptation for Her blood.

He closed the distance between us in one leap and grabbed me by the waist.

“Off.” He pulled back briefly to look at me. “Take your shirt off. Now.”

“Are you demanding me?” I smiled, unfazed.

“Yes. Now.” His brow bent, and his smile was gone.

Heat flared in my body at his touch and the intensity of his gaze.

“I don’t think I like it when you tell me what to do.” I teased.

“If you keep talking, I’m going to rip this off you.” His eyes darkened as he took a fistful of my shirt, then he stopped. “But—this is your favorite shirt. I really don’t want to rip it.”

Presley brought me home a shirt from the shelter. Aaron remembered I’d mentioned how soft it was, and likely, how often I wore it.

Savoring the want in his eyes, I peeled it off slowly. It was payback for the teasing he’d given me. He groaned, pulling it over my head and throwing it across the room. Before he could grab me, I ran up the stairs to our bedroom.

I didn’t make it past the doorframe before he lifted me and tossed me on the bed. I gasped. He growled, pinning down my arms and biting into my neck.

The pressure swelled, and I arched my neck to give him better access. Losing blood felt like floating on a cloud, then landing in the safety of the arms of the person I loved the most. It was full surrender.

When he pulled away, his eyes were still charcoal.

“You’re mine.”

“I’m yours,” I said, moving my hands through his hair until his rigid muscles let go.

I marveled at how lucky I was to love my best friend and to have him love me back. Lover. Not a title I’d ever thought I’d carry. Scientist, psychologist, friend. Something. Anything, but never lover.

Suddenly, being a lover was the most important thing. Something I’d die for. I never thought much of marriage. It didn’t occur to me that being tied to anyone mattered that much. It was just something people did and spent too much money on. I thought a husband might be nice in the far future, if he was helpful .

I didn’t know it could be like this. I was convinced I wouldn’t be satisfied till there wasn’t a place on my body that Aaron hadn’t touched. His tongue. His teeth. His lips. I wanted to be tied to him in every way possible. I wanted his last name.

The candles on the bedside table and chest of drawers glowed a deep yellow that cast an orange tint along the wall of our room. Vanilla and cinnamon filled our small space.

He let out a slow breath. “I don’t think it’s getting better.”

His fingers caressed my cheek as the warm brown came back into his irises.

A thought I tried to push away came up again. What would it be like to taste his blood? How would it make me feel? Could it help in some way, like William drinking Luke’s blood to cleanse it? He needed to get better, and I would try anything. Usually, I never said it but . . .

“What if I . . . bit you?”

He was still leaning over me. “What? Why would you ask that?”

“Because I . . . I wondered what it’s like for you. And maybe that’s what we need to do to cleanse your blood. Maybe it will help whatever is happening to you.”

“No.” He moved away from me and onto the bed to sit.

“Why not?”

“Because this is my burden. Let me carry it. Alone.”

“Since when do we do things alone? It could help you. This Thing is all about blood sharing. I want to help you.”

In the dim light of the candle glow, Aaron’s expression softened.

“Kim, you can’t. We don’t even know if it works like that.”

“I’m not too scared to try.”

“I know. But I am. What if it hurts you somehow? What if . . .”

I stroked the hair growing longer behind his ear. “Tell me.”

“I don’t want things to change between us. You’ve given up so much for me. You changed, and I just . . . I’m afraid one day you’re going to realize that I’m the reason for everything bad in your life. You’ll see I corrupted you, and you’ll leave.”

“Corrupted?”

He’d used the word before, but it was only at that moment I realized what he meant.

He continued, “We both know this Thing inside us isn’t good. And you would never have taken It if it wasn’t for me. One day you might regret all the things you’ve done for me. All the things you’ve given up. Becoming like I am . . .”

I scooted closer, pulling him to me until we were face-to-face.

“Do you really believe that?”

“It’s just a fear. I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

“Aaron, you could never corrupt me. The Thing inside us—whatever it is—doesn’t matter. This is the only thing that matters.” I pulled his hand over my heart. “I didn’t fall in love with you because I was lonely or . . . because you were some mystical thing, I fell in love with how you make me feel. You make me feel so safe and special. And nothing can change that. Not even a little blood. I’ll choose you every time.”

His lips found mine, and I marinated in the smell of him and the feeling of him on my tongue. I wanted to show him I was his. That I wasn’t afraid of the thing inside of us. Because it would never matter with the love we shared. Blood was just blood. This was stronger.

“Okay . . . let’s try,” he whispered in my ear.

“You’re sure?”

He nodded, with his heart stuttering.

I grabbed his wrist and brought it up to my lips and kissed, and he watched me with careful concentration and soft eyes. The light illuminated the side of his face. With one gentle bite, I took in Aaron’s blood and braced for the taste, the disgust and the strangeness of it, but there was nothing but the growing urge to consume more. He was everywhere. Everything. How many ways could I tie myself to him? How far could I go?

He groaned as I drank deeper. Moving his hand to my neck, he threaded his fingers through my hair, silently urging me to keep going. His blood filled a dark place inside me I never knew existed, and now it was whole and bright. I looked up at him, with his blood in my mouth, and he watched me with soft, amber eyes. Completely entranced.

After a few more seconds, he rested his head on my shoulder, moved the hair from my shoulders, and sank his teeth into my neck. I didn’t stop. I didn’t want to.

Every second brought our hearts closer until we were one.

If his blood was poison, then I prayed it would kill me slowly. I wanted the pain to be long and torturous because then it would last. Like ink spilling to page, his blood became my blood. I wanted all the darkness in his veins, even if it knit its way into every cell of my body and left me a dull shade of mauve.

I pulled away, with heat in my cheeks and a burning in my stomach to keep going. “How do you feel?”

The flames of the candles flickered in his eyes, and he moved his thumb over the blood lingering on my lips.

“So unbelievably in love with you.”

I smiled, pulling him into an embrace. He was so warm, my own radiator in the cold night. In seconds, his shirt was off, and I traced the veins on his wrist and kissed his collarbone.

His breath deepened, and I followed that magnetic feeling of his skin on mine. A need burned in my chest for him. For nothing more than to be closer to him. It was a yearning that had been there for ages waiting to be awakened.

I needed him. In silent invitation, he offered me his other wrist. I let my desire burn, and my kiss turned into another bite. My bite compared to his was likely painful, but he didn’t pull away. He pulled me to his chest and threaded his fingers in my hair while I drank.

“Take all you want.” His breath left goose bumps on my skin.

I couldn’t get enough of the warmth filling my throat and finally understood that need.

The ravenous, insatiable beast within that yearned for him just as he did me. How did he ever stand it? How had I denied myself this feeling?

When I pulled away, I wiped the blood running down my chin and let our new reality set in. This is who we were. Together.

He kissed my neck before laying me back onto the sheets. I moaned as his hips pressed into me to give me the pressure I needed and hadn’t yet realized I wanted.

With feather kisses, he teased the skin on my neck and nuzzled into my jaw. Every touch was intoxicating. Closer. Closer. Closer.

“I’m so in love with you I can’t stand it.” He leaned over me. “Especially the way you taste.”

With eyes full of lust, he lifted my chin to meet his gaze, and I watched in silent acceptance as he kissed my wrist, then sank his teeth into my skin again. It was hungry. Frantic. Like every second he needed more of me and even blood wasn’t enough.

My attempts to remain levelheaded around Aaron Calem were excruciatingly difficult.

Everything he did was exactly what I wanted. Blood on blood. We were whole, and I didn’t know if anything could be that perfect ever again. My head felt lighter, and I welcomed the tingling and weakness in my body.

His tongue licked at my wound on my wrist, and his attention went to the droplets that had fallen on my chest. In long strokes, he licked them while sucking softly on my skin.

Aaron wasn’t holding back anymore. Every stroke of his tongue and bite felt like a promise that he wasn’t afraid. His teeth sank into my skin lightly, over and over with just enough blood to lick away.

He wasn’t as nice to my other pieces of clothing when stripping me. In one motion, he turned me around and pulled me to the edge of the bed. His tongue teased down every vertebra as I arched into him. Like every time before, his touch was gentle and calculated. He made sure I was ready and took his time. Even with the sounds coming from me, pleading for more.

Aaron’s lips caressed my neck, and he offered me his wrist again.

As my teeth tore his skin, he moved into me slowly. Gentle. Always gentle. The friction. The blood. It all tore me from my calm, soft state to something more desperate and wild. Our bodies rocked in harmonious rhythm, and I couldn’t stifle my moans. The tension tightened in my core until I was on the edge of release. It was so fast, so intense.

“Wait.”

Aaron stopped. “Are you okay? Is this too much?”

I shook my head. “Lay on the bed.”

His eyes widened at my advance, and he complied, crawling back onto his forearms to face me. I moved up to pin him this time and straddled his torso. He was studying me with soft eyes, like a precious piece of fine art.

“Can I bite you again?” I asked.

There was no thirst. It wasn’t like the strange ravenous feeling when it was time to feed on human blood. This was a need for him that overwhelmed me. To feel the warmth of his blood in my mouth and his heartbeat in my head. Human me might have thought the whole thing very morbid, but we weren’t human anymore. There was something in each of us that dared to consume, but we consumed each other. It was bloody, slow, and perfect.

He smiled, grabbing the side of my face softly. “You don’t have to ask. I’m yours. I’d let you drain me dry right now if you asked.”

I smiled. “Don’t.”

“Drink your fill.” He pulled me to him until my lips touched the vein in his neck. I bit down and savored the feeling of his blood surging within me. It was intoxicating how natural it felt.

He kissed me, with his blood still on my lips.

“I don’t know why I ran away from this for so long. Why didn’t we do this before?” His soft laughter filled the cool area around us. His words were filled with elation and . . . relief. Like all the fear he’d once held had dissolved in front of his eyes.

“You were too busy not listening to me.”

“Haven’t we learned you have all the best ideas.”

“You do. I was scared, but I’m not anymore.” He squeezed my cheeks in his palms. “I never had to be afraid of loving you like this. You were always meant to be mine.”

My cheeks heated with the adoration in his soft gaze. And I moved myself to take him in, in every way possible. I was stretched and full but needed more. I kissed his wrist before biting him again. With a circling of my hips, I felt him everywhere. Deeper and deeper. Fuller and fuller.

“I’m not going to last with you doing that,” he breathed.

“You don’t have to.”

He stopped me with a hand on my hips. “No. You first.”

“Together.”

Our bodies moved in a not-so-gentle cadence that sent pleasure rolling from my hips into my abdomen. He kept his firm grip on my waist while we rode out wave after wave of pleasure as one. I shattered completely with a soft cry, but he mended me with his blood, then again when he pulled me down to lay on his chest.

We remained speechless for minutes, and I listened to the rapid beating of his heart until it calmed.

“See, there are candles,” I said. Our limbs were still tangled.

I wasn’t prepared for the transition, but it had happened right under my nose. He knew me before we were lovers, and now I didn’t think anyone could know me more intimately. I never thought I’d be so known. So open. So bare before anyone. There weren’t any more layers to peel back; this was me.

I understood it now. That thing that made people do unthinkable things.

I never wanted to leave the warmth of his arms. My heart skipped at the thought of what was to come, and I remembered we couldn’t stay locked in the safety of our cabin forever.

“Do you still think you’re closer to a funeral or a wedding?” he asked.

“Both.”

“Why are you still so pessimistic?” He moved hair from my eyes and tucked it behind my ear.

“I see the writing on the wall, Aaron. And it says . . . give up because your odds of surviving are low. That nothing ever turns out the way you want it to.”

He laughed into my neck, and the warmth lifted the hairs on arm. “Are you sure? Come on, Burns. Believe with me.”

“I’m afraid of the disappointment.”

“But what if . . . what if everything works out the way it’s supposed to. And we walk out of that place changed and maybe bloody but alive. You don’t think that’s a possibility?”

No. Not a likely one.

“I want to believe it. Help me,” I pleaded.

“Close your eyes.”

I did, and he ran his fingers over my lips. I shivered.

“Repeat after me. I, Kimberly Burns, am brave.”

I said the words slowly.

“And I choose to believe in things that I can’t see despite when my brain tells me how unlikely it is.”

I repeated it, squeezing my eyes as if willing and wishing would make the words true.

“I have hope.”

“I have hope,” I said.

I pulled him into me for another kiss. I wasn’t done with him for the night. Not even close. Each kiss left me wondering if the longer he kissed me the more I’d get a glimpse of that hope his heart held. He filled a deep part of me with optimism. My radiant sunlight warmed me with every touch that dragged in the night.