Chapter 5
CHAPTER 5
KAREN
U npacking my suitcases was the easy part. Setting up my workstation, however, felt like a test in spatial logistics. I had exactly one small corner of the room where I could fit my laptop and folders. The little desk lamp didn’t exactly put out a lot of light, but maybe I could find an LED bulb.
The room was very basic. Comfy and cozy but there wasn’t a single luxury here. The ranch was all about rustic. I was sure that was the goal. People like me—well maybe not exactly like me—came to the lodge to dip their toes in nature.
I sat back in the creaky wooden chair and sighed, looking around at my small quarters. The walls were adorned with pictures of horses and another one of an old barn. A worn-out quilt lay neatly folded at the foot of the log bed.
I wasn’t here for the view. I was here to balance books and maybe balance my life in the process. Or at least, that was what I kept telling myself as I straightened the stack of papers I’d dragged along with me. I opened my laptop and stared at the screen. I had told the girls I would video call them as soon as I got situated.
But I needed a moment. I had to get my head around my new surroundings. The room was quiet. Too quiet. I was used to the hustle of the city, the constant hum of traffic and horns honking. I missed my room at the house. Hell, I missed the house.
Unfortunately, the house was not home. My room was no longer mine. Even if I had stayed in Dallas, I would be living somewhere else. Probably a tiny apartment with a view of a brick building or a back alley. There would be no way I could afford anything as nice as the house on my own.
I missed my friends already. It was time to call them. I turned on the laptop and one by one added them all in until I was staring at each of their faces on the screen.
“Are you there?” Rylee asked.
“Is it amazing?” Lauren chimed in.
“Are you in a log cabin?” Mary Ellen asked as she leaned forward and squinted to see the background behind me.
“I see a horse!” Jenny said.
I looked over my shoulder to make sure she didn’t see an actual horse. “It’s a picture,” I said. “There aren’t any horses in my room.”
“Do you love it?” Rylee asked.
“I’m alive,” I said dryly, immediately launching into the story of my disastrous arrival. “The stupid truck is a stick shift. I don’t drive a stick shift.”
“Did you stall out in the middle of the road?” Lauren asked with a laugh.
“No, but I stalled out a million times in the parking lot. Some old guy had to show me how to drive. Once I got on the highway, I was fine. But then I got here and I couldn’t get it going up the hill. It was absolutely mortifying.”
“I’m sure you did fine,” Mary Ellen said. Her usual supportive words did little to make me feel better.
“I didn’t do fine,” I said. “The stupid ranch hand had to drive the truck up the hill to the lodge for me. Made it look effortless, too. I swear, the way he was smirking, I almost kicked him out of the truck.”
“Oh, no,” Jenny gasped, laughing. “Was he cute at least?”
“That’s not the point!” I argued, although Cassidy was objectively handsome. Infuriatingly so.
“He is handsome!” Rylee teased.
“Guys,” I groaned and shook my head.
“What does he look like?” Lauren asked.
If I didn’t tell them, they were never going to drop it. But if I told them, they were going to tease me incessantly. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t. “Guys, stop.”
“Is he tall?” Rylee asked.
“Does he wear Wranglers?” Lauren giggled. “One of those cute, tight cowboy butts.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, okay. Yes, he’s tall. And yes, he wears Wranglers. Happy now?” I tried to change the subject quickly. “But let’s talk about something else. How are things back home?”
The girls exchanged looks. “Spill it,” Rylee said. “You’re being cagey, which means he’s probably hot .”
I sighed. “Yes, he’s attractive. His hair is too long. His lashes are too long and thick. And his jaw is too square with too much stubble.”
The burst of laughter echoed around the quiet room.
“Girl, you sound like you’re describing a movie star, not a ranch hand,” Mary Ellen teased.
I couldn’t help but smile despite myself. “Movie stars don’t have that much mud on their boots.”
“Sounds like he works for a living, like a real man,” Mary Ellen teased.
“Admit it, Karen, you let the cute rancher rescue you,” Jenny said.
I rolled my eyes again. “You know I didn’t. I was forced into that situation. It shredded the last of my dignity to have to sit shotgun with him.”
“Sure, sure. Just give it some time and let the dust settle.” Lauren said in her voice of reason tone.
I grumbled, glancing out the window at the flat, frozen wasteland that passed for a view. “It’s too cold for any dust to settle. There’s nothing but flatlands, frozen grass, and steaming piles of?—”
“Excrement?” Jenny suggested, barely able to contain her laughter.
I groaned. “Yeah, exactly. Steaming piles of excrement . It’s so charming. And it smells amazing.”
“If you get cold, just warm your hands over one of those piles,” Jenny teased.
“Real funny. You guys should come out here and see for yourselves.”
More snickering. “No, thanks,” Rylee said. “I’ll take my big ass house with working heat over steaming manure any day.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’m going to clean up. Apparently, I have to eat dinner in the hall with all the guests and staff. It’s a thing.”
“No room service?” Rylee teased.
“Maybe they’re serving rotisserie squirrel or something equally yummy,” Lauren said with a laugh.
Jenny cackled, clearly enjoying my descent into hell. “Good luck with that. Let us know if you need a care package.”
“I’m hanging up on all of you,” I said, grinning despite myself. They were ridiculous, but they always managed to make me feel better. “Love you guys.”
“Love you too!”
I ended the call. Still smiling, I got up and went into the bathroom. As I stared at my reflection in the mirror, I couldn’t help but feel a mixture of irritation and amusement. Here I was, in the middle of nowhere, about to dine with a bunch of strangers and possibly make a fool of myself again. I assumed there would be something normal for dinner, but I couldn’t say for sure. I brushed out my hair. The stuck window had blown my hair all over the place. No wonder the cowboys had been laughing at me.
I changed into something that could pass as both casual and presentable. A pair of dark jeans and a cozy sweater should do the trick. I put on the same boots because I liked them and they seemed to be appropriate for the environment. Yes, my boots had heels but they were still boots.
I took a deep breath, bracing myself for the evening ahead. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Dinner actually smelled good as I made my way downstairs. The voices and laughter grew louder as I reached the lodge hall. That was a good sign.
I walked into the hall and was met with a scene that was almost too cozy for words. Families gathered around tables, kids racing between them. Fathers were leaning back and talking with each other with beers in hand while mothers cradled babies or chatted over plates of food. I had to admit, it wasn’t as bad as I’d feared.
“Karen!” My uncle Don spotted me immediately and waved me over. “Come on, let’s get you a plate.”
The buffet spread out over two tables at the front of the room was, in a word, overwhelming. I held a plate in my hands and stared at the assortment of offerings. This was unlike any buffet I had ever been to. Sloppy Joes, mashed potatoes, vegetables smothered in cheese in foil pans covered the tables. It was a carb lover’s paradise. I, however, eyed the food warily as Don slapped a giant hamburger bun on my plate.
He picked up a ladle of the ketchup and hamburger mix and held it over the bun. “Tell me when to stop,” he said.
“Stop,” I squeaked when less than a tablespoon of the chunky mix landed on the bun.
“You need to eat well out here,” he said, patting his stomach. “It’s too cold for salads and rabbit food.” He dumped the rest of the ladle full of meat onto the bun. The tangy smell hit me like a two-by-four to the face.
I stifled a sigh and gave him a tight smile. “Right. Can’t survive the cold on rabbit food.”
We moved down the line with him slapping more food on my plate than I would typically eat in a week. He topped it off with a small plate with a thick slice of chocolate cake. “I’ll carry this for you,” he said.
“Thank you.”
He led me back to the table he’d been sitting at. “I’ll get you something to drink,” he said. “Want a Coke or maybe a glass of milk?”
“Um, do you have Diet?”
He chuckled. “I’ll get you a glass of water.”
I nodded, grateful at least for the water. I settled into my chair, surrounded by people. They all seemed to be in high spirits, laughing and sharing stories while enjoying the feast.
“Here you go,” Uncle Don said.
“Thank you.”
I picked at the food, trying to be polite but inwardly cringing at the grease on my plate. Just then, Cassidy and the other guy I saw on my arrival, plopped down at the same table with heaping plates and loud laughs. I wanted to suggest they find another place to eat, but that would be rude.
I tried to ignore the way they were digging into their food like they hadn’t eaten in days. I didn’t want to be the odd one out and took a few bites. I pushed my food around, making it appear I was eating, but it was just not my thing.
Uncle Don looked at my plate. “You’re not hungry?” he asked.
“I ate on the plane,” I said.
He chuckled. “Or maybe this isn’t really your speed.”
I grimaced, feeling bad. He couldn’t know what I liked and didn’t like. “It’s fine.”
“I was thinking maybe Cassidy could take you into town tomorrow,” he said. “You can pick up some groceries, get what you need. Rabbit food or tofu or whatever you city kids eat.”
Cassidy, mid-bite, gave Don a look that could only be described as, Are you out of your fucking mind?
“It’s fine,” I said. “I’ll be okay.”
“Think nothing of it,” Uncle Don said. “He won’t mind.”
I had a feeling Cassidy did mind. A lot.
“Meet me by the fireplace in the lobby,” Cassidy said, sounding resigned to his fate like a man accepting a prison sentence. “Seven o’clock.”
“In the morning?” I asked, trying not to gape.
“You’re on the ranch now, princess. If we had a rooster, it’d crow at five.”
I squinted at him. “But you don’t have a rooster?”
The men chuckled, clearly in on a joke I wasn’t.
“I’m Kenny by the way,” the other guy said.
“Karen,” I replied with a tight smile. “Nice to officially meet you.”
Both men finished scarfing down their food before getting up with their empty plates and putting them in the kitchen. I watched them head for the exit feeling like I was the punchline of a joke I wasn’t in on.
I ate in silence—well pushed my food around in silence.
Uncle Don patted my shoulder. “You’ll settle in soon,” he said. “I need to go check on things. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I got up shortly after him and dumped my uneaten dinner in the trash before retreating upstairs. I sat down and pulled off my boots. My earlier resolve to make the best of things faltered. I’d never felt so out of place in my life.
I was surrounded by friendly people, but it was like I was on the outside of their little world, looking in. The ranch, with its loud, messy, sloppy dinners and down-to-earth workers, felt like another planet compared to my orderly, predictable life in Dallas.
I flopped onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. What was I thinking? How was I going to last months here? The work was fine. I could crunch numbers anywhere, but I hadn’t thought about what it would feel like to be so disconnected. Even back home, I was lonely sometimes, but at least I had my routine, my friends, my life.
Out here, I had none of that.
I sighed and pulled the blankets up. I just had to make it to spring. By then, maybe I would have figured something out. A new direction, a plan, something to shake up my life. I’d get through this and go back to Dallas. I would find a cute condo, maybe take a yoga class or two, and finally figure out what I wanted. Or, better yet, what I needed .
That was what this was all about, right? Figuring out what was missing in my life. Or at least, that was what I kept telling myself.