This Hick?

Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

KAREN

“ C assidy,” I whispered to keep from waking Carson.

“Don’t say it,” he said.

“Cassidy, it’s been two hours. It’s almost noon. I’m sure his father has figured out his son is gone.”

“I doubt it.” The disgust in his voice was hard to miss. “His father is likely hungover or at work. He’s not going to remember to check on the kid he abused the night before.”

I sighed, knowing how much this situation was killing him. I didn’t even really know him, but I knew without a doubt Cassidy was someone who couldn’t stand to see injustice or harm come to those he cared about, especially kids.

“You might be right,” I conceded. “But we can’t keep him here forever. What’s the plan when Earl does find out? We need to think this through.”

Cassidy ran his fingers through his hair, a sign of his frustration. “I know, Karen. I do. But every minute we can give Carson away from that environment is a minute where he feels safe, where he isn’t scared of what might happen next. I’m just trying to delay the inevitable, I guess. He’s exhausted. I know that feeling. He’s been living on adrenaline for a long time, I bet. He can’t ever really close his eyes and sleep because he doesn’t know what his father or his loser friends will do. He can’t relax and just feel safe. Everyone should feel safe in their own home. “

He looked defeated. I had a feeling he wasn’t only talking about Carson. He was speaking from his own experiences. That made me sad. There was a lot I didn’t know about Cassidy, but I felt like he was a good man, despite whatever trauma he had been through. Or maybe because of it.

“Fuck.” He sighed and stared up at the ceiling. “I can’t believe I have to do this to the kid. He came here because he wanted my help. He nearly died to get here. That’s desperation. That says something. He feared for his life. That’s the only reason he made that choice. How can anyone look at that and think he should go back to that house?”

I agreed with him, but I didn’t know how to go against the law. “It’s not right.”

“But I have to do it anyway.”

I took a deep breath. I hated that I was the one that had to tell him to do it. “It’s not permanent. CPS will investigate. If Carson is honest, they’ll have to take that seriously.”

Cassidy nodded slowly. “Yeah, but we both know how slow the system can be. And until then? What’s he supposed to do? Just endure?”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I really am.”

“Yeah, I know. But that doesn’t help Carson right now.”

He walked away. I watched Cassidy wake up Carson and break the news to him. It was time for him to go home. Carson rubbed his eyes. He looked resigned to his fate. I hoped Cassidy knew I wanted to keep the boy as well. I wasn’t heartless.

I was logical.

Bodie walked out of the kitchen wearing his coat. I put up a finger, telling him to wait just a minute. Considering the animosity between Cassidy and Earl, we all agreed it would be better if Bodie was the one to take him home. It broke my heart to see Carson look so downcast. I could see how difficult it was for Cassidy as he handed Carson one of his old jackets.

As much as I hated this, in my heart, I knew this was the right way to do things. If we broke the law, it would only make things harder. If the ranch was lost because of some nefarious lawsuit, it helped no one. I didn’t think anyone was seeing it that way right now.

Bodie and Carson walked by me, their expressions glum. I looked at Cassidy, trying to apologize but he wanted nothing to do with me. I could see the anger flashing through his eyes. He did a good job holding it together, but it was clear it was taking a lot. After Bodie and Carson walked out, Cassidy stormed out behind them.

“Cassidy,” I said, knowing he was partially pissed at me.

He kept walking. I didn’t have a chance to grab my coat. The cold air bit at my cheeks as I followed him across the ranch. He was moving fast, shoulders hunched, fists clenched, like he was about to explode. When he disappeared into one of the old outbuildings, I hesitated for just a second. Maybe the man wanted to be alone. It wasn’t like we were friends. I thought about going to find Kenny or Ginny and tell them to talk to Cassidy.

But I was here. I could at least try. I pushed the door open and stepped inside.

My breath fogged in front of me as I scanned the space. Cassidy was in the corner, punching a two by four like it had done him wrong. I winced when I heard his knuckles slam against the wood. I walked closer, unsure of what to do or say. His knuckles split open as he hit the wood again. Blood stained the wood as he swung again, and again, and again.

His hat fell to the floor, but I didn’t think he noticed. I watched, frozen to the spot. It felt wrong to be seeing this. He was having a moment and I felt like a voyeur. This was him being vulnerable and I was gawking at him like he was some spectacle.

His punching slowed. It was like his hands weighed a hundred pounds each. Finally, he stopped. He slumped against the wall, sliding down it like all the fight had drained out of him.

For a split second, fear rippled through me, seeing him like this so wild and angry. It was like looking at a stranger. He wasn’t the man that soothed an anxious horse last night. The man I fell asleep next to on a bed of hay.

But looking at the man, vulnerable and having a moment that was ripping him apart, I wasn’t afraid. I only felt a desperate need to help him. To be there for him. He might not want me around, but I needed to try.

I stepped forward slowly. Cassidy looked up at me. I could see the defeat in his eyes. I knelt down in front of him. His knuckles were bleeding and swollen. Without a word, I reached out and rested my hands on his wrists, just holding him there, keeping him grounded.

“You’re doing the right thing,” I said softly. “Letting the system handle this. I know it might not feel like it, but it will work out the right way.”

Cassidy let out a bitter laugh. “The system is garbage, Karen. It never did me any favors. Carson? He’s just gonna end up another lost kid in the world, all because his daddy’s a piece of shit and the system failed him. You don’t know Earl. He will sweet talk his way out of all this. Carson won’t be free unless he runs away for good and now you’re telling me I can’t help him.”

“The Commonwealth of Kentucky is saying you can’t help him, not me. You have to do it the right way or it won’t work. You’ll pay the price. Carson will pay a price, and Earl will just keep getting away with everything. You can’t help Carson or any of those other kids if you’re locked up for kidnapping.”

Cassidy’s gaze was bleak and distant. He was looking at something behind me. “Does the right way include standing idle as kids like Carson are sent back into the lion’s den? How the hell is that justice?”

I could hear the frustration in his voice. “It’s not. I know it isn’t. But you have to trust that it won’t be like this forever. We will find another way to help Carson.”

“Not soon enough.”

I could feel the pain in his voice. There was anger there, too. But behind all that, there was something else—something familiar. Something that twisted in my own gut because I knew it all too well.

“It’s okay to be angry,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “And it’s okay to be lost, too. I definitely am.”

Cassidy looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time. Really seeing me. In that moment, something shifted between us.

Without thinking, I leaned in. I could feel his warm breath in the cold air in the outbuilding. Before I knew it, he pulled me into him, his lips crashing down onto mine in a kiss that was like fire. It was raw, consuming, like he needed me, needed this, to stay sane.

My lip caught on his teeth, pinching painfully, but I didn’t pull away. Instead, I pressed closer, my hands moving from his wrists to his face, cradling it as if he was the most precious thing in the world. His hands gripped the fabric of my shirt, pulling me into him with a desperation that I felt to my very core.

The cold seemed to disappear as heat radiated between us. My heart pounded against my ribcage. I could feel his need in the kiss.

Then the kiss ended as abruptly as it had started. Cassidy pulled back, panting with his eyes searching mine for something.

He was looking for my reaction, giving me a chance to get up and walk away. But there was something keeping me right there, dragging me in like quicksand.

I hadn’t realized how badly I wanted to be touched like this, to feel something real, something powerful, something that made me feel alive again.

I wanted the man. I didn’t care how reckless or spontaneous it was. Logically, it made no sense, but physically, I would die if we stopped.

I kissed him again, and he met my passion with his, pulling me into his lap. His fingers found their way into my hair, tugging gently, tilting my head back to deepen the kiss further.

My hand pressed against his chest. I could feel his heart pounding. He slid his hand up my shirt and cupped my breast.

I arched my back into his hand. He pushed my bra up, freeing my breast. A second later he pushed my shirt up too. His touch made me so hot I barely felt the cold.

His fingertips brushed over my breast, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. The roughness of his palms contrasted sharply with the tenderness of his touch. His other hand continued to hold me close.

He lowered his mouth to take my nipple between his teeth. I gasped, my fingers clutching at his hair as waves of pleasure shot through me. His teeth pulled at my hard nipple. I could hear myself moaning.

I reached for him, sliding my hand under his shirt. My hand connected with his skin.

He was warm and hard. I moved my hand higher, over his hard abs and up his chest until I found his nipple, mirroring the actions he was taking with my own body. He groaned against my breast, sending vibrations through me that made me shudder.

He moved his mouth back to mine and his kiss was desperate once again. He explored me with a hunger that was insatiable. I pushed my body against him as if trying to crawl inside him. His stubble scraped against my skin, but I didn’t care. The pleasure far outweighed the pain. I wanted him. Needed him. Just as he did me.

He pulled his face away from mine. “Karen, if we don’t stop, it’s not going to stop.”

“Good. I don’t want to stop.”

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes.”