This Hick?

Chapter 31

CHAPTER 31

KAREN

T he bunkhouse was chaos in the best way. Ginny and I had spent the entire morning at the party store dropping hundreds of dollars. Now we were buried in red, white, and pink hearts, streamers, and all things Valentine’s Day. It was hard to believe how quickly everything had come together after Cassidy suggested the event, but here we were, knee deep in romance decor and crafting invitations for the big day.

Honestly, I couldn’t believe it was coming together. I actually didn’t think it could be this big. I was expecting it to be nothing more than a simple dinner. Maybe twenty bucks a head, but once I really started thinking about it, I saw the potential. It was a great idea. Cassidy had really come through.

Just thinking about Cassidy made me feel funny. Funny in a good way. He was so unexpected. I had come here trying to find myself and ended up finding him.

I wasn’t mad about it.

Although I certainly had landed myself in a whole new kind of trouble.

“What’s going on with you and Cassidy?” Ginny asked, cutting right through my thoughts like she was psychic.

I looked up from the stack of heart-shaped cards I was working on. “What do you mean?”

“There’s something happening. What is it? Are you guys a thing?”

“He’s just showing me the ropes like Uncle Don asked.”

Ginny snorted, not buying it for a second. “Oh, I’m sure he’s showing you lots of rope,” she said, waggling her eyebrows dramatically. “And by rope, I mean?—”

I blushed and giggled, unable to keep a straight face. “Stop it.” I tossed a piece of red ribbon at her.

She laughed and picked up the ribbon. “Seriously. Spill. You’ve been all dreamy-eyed since you two first met. You can’t tell me there’s nothing going on there. I know Cassidy’s draw. Few women are immune to him, so I’m not surprised. But what does surprise me is him .”

“What do you mean?”

“Cassidy doesn’t let people in easily, you know? He’s had his fair share of heartaches and letdowns. But with you, it’s different. He’s around more, smiling more. Hell, I heard him singing in the shower. Never heard that before.”

Was Cassidy really changing because of me? The thought both thrilled and terrified me. I had come here to escape the complexities of my previous life, not dive into new ones.

“He’s a good man,” I said.

“Yes, he is, which is why I can understand why you’re in to him,” she said. “You two look good together. I know there’s something there.”

I didn’t know how to explain it, but she wasn’t wrong. There was something there. Something more than I’d expected. And it was starting to feel like more than just a crush. Or a fling.

“I like him.” I admitted the truth I had been trying to hide. I could feel my face heat up as I said it out loud for the first time. “I mean, I really like him. He’s kind. Gentle, even though he’s all tough on the outside. He’s strong. Resilient. Capable. Patient.”

Ginny blinked at me, like she couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. “Sweet? Our Cassidy Scott? Are you sure?”

I nodded, smiling a little as the words flowed out. “Positive. He’s sweet. And he’s vulnerable in a way I didn’t expect. He’s passionate, too, when he cares about something. And?—”

“Okay, okay.” Ginny held up a hand, laughing. “You’re pulling my leg, right? Cassidy is a lot of things, but vulnerable? Sweet? Gentle? Karen, honey, did you hit your head while chasing chickens?”

I shook my head, laughing softly. “You haven’t seen him the way I have. He’s different. He’s going to make a great father.”

Ginny’s eyes widened at that. “Oh.”

“What?” I asked, suddenly anxious. “You don’t think so?”

Ginny frowned and shook her head. I could see her trying to find the right words. “It’s not that, exactly. Cassidy is great with kids. Loves them, even. He’d give his life for any one of those kids in his Sunday program, no doubt. But there’s something about Cassidy you might not know.”

I felt myself holding my breath, my heart thumping uncomfortably in my chest. “What?”

Ginny sighed, putting down the scissors. “He’s jaded when it comes to family, Karen. He’s always had this fear, deep down, that he’d never be a good father. That he’d end up like his parents, abandoning someone who needed him. He’s terrified of becoming responsible for another person’s life. He doesn’t want children.”

I stared at her, my mind reeling. “He told you that?”

Ginny nodded. “Yeah. He’s never really gotten over what happened when he was a kid. The way he grew up, alone and fending for himself, was horrible. It messed him up. He’d rather be alone forever than risk being a dad. The scars he carries from his childhood are not the kind that ever really heal, I guess.”

It felt like the ground shifted beneath my feet. My stomach dropped. I could barely catch my breath. The room started spinning. Suddenly, the smell of glue was too much.

“I need some air.” I gasped, standing up so quickly that the chair screeched against the floor.

“Karen?” Ginny called after me, but I was already out the door, sucking in deep, shaky breaths as I stumbled into the cold air outside.

Ginny followed me, hobbling out on her crutches as fast as she could manage. “What’s wrong? You look like you’re about to pass out!”

I couldn’t speak, couldn’t find the words to explain the panic clawing its way up my throat. How could I have been so stupid? Of course, Cassidy wouldn’t want kids. Of course he’d be terrified of being a father. He was a cowboy living his best life out here on the ranch. He said as much himself. He didn’t have time for a kid. He lived in a bunkhouse with a handful of other people. I was out of my damn mind thinking there was a future for us. Like we were going to be some happy family.

“Karen, what’s going on?” Ginny asked. “You’re freaking me out.”

I opened my mouth, but all that came out was a sob. Ginny’s expression shifted from confusion to shock, and then to realization.

“Oh shit, babe.” She breathed, her eyes going even wider. “Are you pregnant?”

Tears spilled down my cheeks. I could deny it, but it wasn’t going to do much good. I was a shitty liar, and if she figured it out without me saying a word, she was going to know. Not to mention the fact pregnancy wasn’t the kind of secret that stayed a secret for long.

I nodded, unable to hold it in any longer. The secret I’d been carrying for days finally burst free. I felt like I was going to crumble.

Ginny quickly wrapped her arm around me, balancing on her good leg as she gave me a side hug. “Come on, let’s go inside. Sounds like we have a lot to talk about. I certainly have a lot of questions.”

We walked back inside the bunkhouse. She gestured for me to sit down at the small kitchen table. “I’ll make us some tea. Decaf, of course.” She put the kettle on the stove. “Karen, it’s going to be okay. Deep breaths, alright? We’ll figure this out.”

I wiped my eyes, but the tears kept coming. “What am I going to do, Ginny? He doesn’t want kids, and I didn’t plan this. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted kids, but now?”

Ginny pulled up a chair and sat down. “Listen, sweetheart. You don’t have to figure everything out right this second, okay? Let’s take it one step at a time.”

I nodded, trying to focus on my breathing, but my mind kept spinning, jumping from one thought to the next. How could I have been so careless? How was I going to tell Cassidy? Would he walk away when he found out?

“I didn’t think this would happen,” I whispered. “I’ve been so careful my whole life.”

Ginny sighed. “Life has a way of throwing curveballs when you least expect it. But, Karen, you’re one of the strongest people I know. You’ll get through this.”

The kettle whistled, and Ginny got up to make us both a cup of tea. She put the steaming mug in front of me. I wrapped my hands around it and inhaled the steam. My mind kept going back to Cassidy. He was a good man, but that didn’t make him a good father.

“What am I going to do about Cassidy?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. “Do I tell him? I’m going back to Dallas. He doesn’t have to know.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she said. “You can’t keep this from him. He deserves to know at least.”

“I know,” I muttered, staring down at the tea in my cup. “But I’m terrified he’s going to be mad at me. He’s the kind of guy that will do something out of obligation. I don’t want him to feel trapped or forced into anything. Or what if he just decides to bolt?”

Ginny leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand. “Cassidy’s a good guy, Karen. He might be scared, but I don’t think he’s the type to run away. Not from something this important.”

I had no clue the idea of fatherhood terrified him. How could I be the one to drop a bomb on him that would shatter everything?

“Whatever happens, we’ll figure it out. Yes, Cassidy might be terrified of fatherhood, and he might not have wanted it, but it’s not like you did this on your own. He had a part in it. Sometimes we don’t know what we want or need until it’s dropped in our laps.”

Ginny reached behind her and grabbed a box of tissues, handing it to me. “And you know, sometimes the unexpected turns out to be the best thing. It challenges us, pushes us to grow. Like you shoveling horse shit.”

I took a tissue, dabbing at my eyes. “I just don’t want to ruin his life, or mine. Or this child’s.”

“You won’t ruin anything,” Ginny assured me. “You’re both responsible adults. He might not think he wants a kid, but you’ve seen him with his Sunday kids. He is a natural whether he knows it or not.”

I nodded, but inside, my doubts were screaming at me. “I’ve seen him with the kids, yes, and he’s great. But that’s one day a week for a couple of hours. It’s different when it’s every day. When he’s the one that is responsible for a baby.”

“True, but don’t underestimate him. Cassidy is constantly surprising people. No one would have imagined the boy he was would grow into the man he is. The world was against him, but he persevered. Never count out Cassidy.”

“Yeah,” I murmured and took a sip of my tea.

I knew she was right, but that didn’t make it any easier to deal with.