This Hick?

Chapter 33

CHAPTER 33

KAREN

T here was a certain freedom to having my secret out. But it was also terrifying. I hoped I could trust her to keep it.

“How far along are you?” Ginny asked after I settled down a bit.

“I don’t know. I’ve only known for a few days. I’m still wrapping my head around the idea of being pregnant.”

“Are you sure you’re pregnant?”

I nodded, biting my lip, trying to keep my emotions in check. “Yes. I went into town a few days ago and bought a test—three tests, actually—and they all said the same thing. Pregnant.”

A long silence stretched between us as Ginny sat back, exhaling slowly. I could see her trying to process the news. I’d been doing the same thing for days, ever since the realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I was pregnant. And now, all the questions that came with it were a jumble in my mind. What was I going to do, how was I going to tell Cassidy, what would his reaction be?

“Please don’t say anything to anyone right now,” I pleaded. “I need more time.”

“I won’t say a word,” she promised. “But, Karen, you can’t keep this to yourself forever. Cassidy needs to know. He deserves to know. I don’t think you want to wait too long to tell him.”

I knew she was right. Deep down, I knew it was the right thing to do, but I was a coward. The thought of telling Cassidy and seeing his face when I dropped this bomb on him made me feel sick all over again.

“I need to figure out how to tell him,” I whispered. “I’m scared, Ginny. It isn’t like we talked about this. We’re not even together.”

“I would say you got together at least once,” she said with a laugh.

“Twice. Two times. And I’m pretty sure it was the first time.”

“I’m surprised he was that reckless,” she said. “Cassidy is a pretty responsible guy.”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s my fault.”

“Your fault?”

“I should have known better. He wore a condom. But it was in his wallet.”

She grimaced. “Really?”

“He said he had just recently put it in there.”

“Yeah, well, that’s not exactly the most effective place to keep them,” Ginny said. “They can get damaged easily, you know? Heat and all.”

“I know. I didn’t think… I mean, it just happened so quickly.”

“I get it,” she said. “But you need to tell him before the party. You can’t wait any longer than that. I’m giving you two weeks, tops. He deserves to know what’s going on, no matter what his reaction is. If he chooses to freak out, that’s on him. But he deserves the chance to freak out.”

I nodded. “I understand,” I said quietly, though my stomach twisted at the thought. “I’ll tell him. I just need to find the right moment. We’re all so busy trying to pull off this party. I don’t want to distract him.”

“That’s an excuse.” Ginny was blunt. Not rude, but it was pretty clear she didn’t like the idea of Cassidy not knowing.

“It’s not that simple, Ginny. It’s…” I struggled to find the right words to express my fear. “It’s a lot.”

“I know it’s scary,” she said softly. “But this isn’t just your burden. Cassidy deserves to share it.”

“I don’t want to burden anyone.”

“This is not something you can handle all by yourself. He’s equally responsible. He needs to know. I don’t like keeping this a secret from him, but I understand you need time to get your head around it.”

“I know, I know.” I groaned and shook my head.

Ginny was my friend, but it wasn’t like we had a long history. We really didn’t know each other. I trusted her, but I wasn’t going to put a lot of stock in her keeping my secret for long.

“Karen, I say this because I care about you both,” Ginny said. The expression on her face told me she was about to say something I didn’t like. “I’ve got Cassidy’s back first, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you too. You’ve got to tell him, and sooner is better than later. Cassidy is like my brother. I love him. I will not be part of any deception against him.”

I swallowed hard, feeling a lump form in my throat. “Okay,” I said. “I’ll tell him soon. Thank you for giving me some time.”

“That’s all I’m asking,” Ginny said gently.

The reality was that while she may be there for me as a friend, she wouldn’t be the one who’d have to face Cassidy and break the news. She wouldn’t be the one to see the shock on his face and potentially lose him as a friend or lover or whatever.

Just as I was about to ask her how she thought I should go about telling Cassidy, the door to the bunkhouse swung open with a bang.

Kenny stomped inside cursing up a storm. He was gripping his hand, his face twisted in pain as he made a beeline for the sink.

“What the hell happened to you?” Ginny asked as she watched him shove his hand under the cold running water.

“Damn nail gun,” Kenny grunted, holding up his hand to show us. My stomach lurched when I saw the long, sharp nail sticking straight through the pad of his thumb.

I clutched my belly as my stomach did a queasy flip. “What the hell?”

Ginny, unfazed by the sight, rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath before snatching one crutch and hobbling over to a drawer. Ginny grabbed a pair of pliers from it, ambled over to Kenny, grabbed his hand without a word, and yanked the nail out in one smooth motion, as if this were just another day on the ranch.

Kenny let out a yelp. “Dammit, Ginny! Your bedside manner sucks!”

Ginny ignored him. “Run it under the water to get all the crap out of there. Thank God you did this six months ago and don’t need another tetanus shot. I’ll get the first-aid kit.”

I watched in horror as blood poured into the sink. They were acting like it was no big deal.

I, on the other hand, couldn’t take it. The sight of the blood, the nail, and the casual way Ginny handled the whole thing was too much for my fragile stomach to handle.

“I’m sorry.” I bolted out of the bunkhouse. I barely made it a few steps before I doubled over and threw up. My stomach heaved. I gripped the railing of the porch, gasping for breath.

A wave of self-pity washed over me. This was fucking miserable. I was barely pregnant, and I was already sick of the morning sickness. It wasn’t just morning sickness. My stomach was weak.

This ranch life with the smells, the blood, and the constant motion was too much for me. This was not the life for me. I needed to be in a clean, odor-free bubble.

“Shit,” I said with a sigh. This was embarrassing.

I finally caught my breath and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I made my way back inside. Ginny and Kenny were still at the sink. Ginny was wrapping Kenny’s thumb with clean gauze. They both looked at me with concern.

“Okay?” Ginny asked.

“I’m fine,” I said quickly, holding up a hand to stop them from asking. “Just a little queasy.”

Ginny nodded. She understood.

“You don’t like the sight of blood?” Kenny asked.

“No. It doesn’t usually bother me, but the nail was kind of gross. Do you do that often?”

“Yes,” Ginny answered.

“I’ve done it a couple of times,” Kenny said.

“Why?” I asked the obvious.

“It’s not like I did it on purpose. Shit happens.”

Ginny finished wrapping Kenny’s thumb and gave him a playful shove toward the door. “Go take it easy, you big dork. Stay away from the nail guns for a while. You are clearly not qualified.”

Kenny shot me a grin. “Sorry, I grossed you out,” he said. “When calving season starts, you really better sit it out. You’re not cut out for that part of the job.”

“I’ll take that advice,” I said.

Once he was gone, Ginny turned back to me, concern in her eyes.

“You alright?” she asked gently.

I nodded, though I wasn’t sure if I was lying to her or to myself. “Yeah. I think I’m just going to go lie down for a bit. I don’t know why I’m such a wimp.”

Ginny didn’t push, just nodded and gave me a small smile. “Go rest. I’ll finish up the invitations.”

“Thanks,” I said, already heading for the door.

The walk back up to the lodge felt like it took forever. My body was exhausted. My mind was spinning. My stomach wouldn’t settle no matter how much I willed it to. By the time I pushed open the door to the lodge, all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and forget about everything for a while.

But of course, that wasn’t going to happen.

“Karen, you look a little green around the gills,” Bodie said when he saw me. “You need something to eat? I can get you a bowl of chowder from the kitchen.”

At the mention of heavy chowder, my stomach did another somersault. I shook my head quickly. “No, thank you,” I said. “I think I’ll just head upstairs and rest.”

“Got an upset stomach?”

“Something like that.”

“I’ve got some soup in the freezer. My famous chicken noodle. I can heat up a bowl for you. It’s pretty popular during flu season. Some call it a miracle cure.”

“Thank you, Bodie, but I don’t think so. I appreciate the offer, though.”

“Alright, if you need anything, just holler.”

I mumbled a thanks and hurried up the stairs, barely making it to my room before collapsing onto the bed. The moment my head hit the pillow, the tears started. I couldn’t stop them, no matter how hard I tried. I was emotional. I knew it was the pregnancy hormones turning me into a hot mess. Between the emotions and the nausea, it was sapping all my energy.

I fumbled for my phone. Wiping my eyes, I unlocked it and pulled up the group chat with my friends. My fingers trembled as I typed out a message.

Cassidy doesn’t want to be a dad.

It wasn’t true—at least, not exactly—but it felt like it might as well be. Ginny said as much, and she knew him better than anyone. He had the ranch, his work, his life. He wasn’t going to want this.

I pressed send, then tossed the phone aside and buried my face in the pillow, letting the sobs come. I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care about being strong or keeping it together. I was scared, I was overwhelmed, and I was so, so tired.

My phone buzzed a few minutes later. One right after the other came in. I wiped my eyes before picking it up to see the responses.

Lauren: Karen, are you serious? What did he say?

Jenny: Girl, that’s not something you can assume. You need to talk to him.

Rylee: I’ll kick his ass.

Mary Ellen: I’m so sorry.

I groaned, tossing the phone back down. They were right, of course. I needed to talk to him. But how was I supposed to do that when I was this much of a mess? I couldn’t even get through a day without throwing up or bursting into tears.

I rolled onto my back, staring up at the ceiling as I tried to steady my breathing. I had to get it together. I had to find a way to tell Cassidy, to face whatever his reaction was going to be.

But right then, all I wanted was to hide away from the world and pretend that everything was okay.

Because deep down, I knew once I told him, everything was going to change. And I wasn’t ready for that.