Chapter 49
CHAPTER 49
KAREN
“ T hank you, Bodie,” I said with a smile. I sat at the table, poking halfheartedly at my soup and breaking small pieces off the warm, freshly baked bread Bodie had brought over.
“You’re making me think I might not be the cook I think I am,” he said with a laugh.
I shook my head. “It’s not your cooking. This is amazing. I’m just not very hungry.”
“Do you want a salad or yogurt or something different?”
“No, thank you. This is perfect. I appreciate it. You’re an amazing cook.”
“Thank you, Karen. That means a lot. You just let me know if you need anything.”
“I will.”
He walked away, leaving me alone once again. I wasn’t hungry but I knew I needed to eat. This time, it wasn’t the morning sickness ruining my appetite. I was replaying every second of my talk with Cassidy over and over.
I kept analyzing and dissecting everything he said. I kept looking for a missed word that would allow me to assume it was all just a giant misunderstanding. I couldn’t find it.
Instead, I just kept hearing his pain and kept seeing the expression on his face. And then he just shut it off. It was like talking to a cyborg. If I hadn’t been there when he was making love to me, I would have believed he was a total stranger.
Mary Ellen said I should give him time to breathe and process, but all I wanted to do was shake some sense into him. Rylee called him an ass. She was ready to come back and knock some sense into him. Knowing Rylee, she would do it given the chance. Jenny’s sympathy had felt like a soft place to land and Lauren was the one trying to tell me to talk to him again. Their advice was nice, but none of it helped. I was facing all this on my own. I had never felt so lonely in my life.
I could feel Kenny and Ginny’s eyes darting over to me every few minutes from their table. Did they know? Had Cassidy told them how horrible I was? Were they whispering behind my back, thinking I was some girl who’d barged in here, causing trouble and stirring up things that weren’t meant to be stirred? Did they think I got pregnant on purpose?
I wanted to ask Ginny what was on her mind. What was she thinking? Was she mad at me? She was the one that told me to tell him. I did what she asked. That worked out really well for me.
I ate a spoonful of soup. It was really good. I wished I could enjoy it. What was I doing here? What did I really want from this place, from these people, from Cassidy?
I didn’t have long to dwell on it. A cold blast washed over me. I had been waiting to see if Cassidy would come in for lunch. He was the one avoiding me now. I saw his outline, recognizing his body anywhere. The sun blotted out his features until he closed the door. I noticed he was walking stiffly. He stepped out of the sunlight pouring through the window. That was when I got my first real glimpse of him. He looked like he’d been through the wringer. His hair was a mess, his lip was split, and there was blood from an apparent nosebleed. He held one hand to his side. His knuckles were red and bleeding.
My heart dropped. I immediately jumped up from my seat. All the frustration dissolved in a heartbeat. “Cassidy, what happened?” I asked as I turned into a world-class hurdler, jumping over benches in my direct path.
He gave me a tired, crooked smile, one that somehow made him look even worse. “You should see the other guy.”
I grabbed his arm gently. He winced, making me immediately pull my hand back. “Come sit down,” I said, steering him to the nearest table. “What happened? Are you okay? Did a horse kick you?”
“Not a horse.”
“Who was the other guy?” I asked, seeing his injuries had been done by a person. The bloodied knuckles were evidence of that. I knew Cassidy, and even if a horse kicked the shit out of him, he would never punch an animal, not that it would do any good to smack a horse.
“Earl came to have a chat,” he said.
“Earl!” I gasped. “Where is he?”
Kenny and Ginny hurried over.
“What the hell happened?” Kenny asked.
“Oh, Cassidy,” Ginny fretted.
“Earl,” Cassidy said.
“I’ll get a towel,” Ginny said, grabbing one crutch and half-running toward the kitchen.
I carefully took Cassidy’s left hand in mine to inspect the injuries. “I guess the chat didn’t go well?” I asked quietly.
I looked up at him. Touching him and being this close to him was hard. I wanted to throw my arms around him and hold him tight. My heart ached for him. I wanted to kiss away his pain.
Cassidy nodded, grimacing as my fingers gently prodded the bones in his hand. “He showed up mouthing off, bringing up Carson and warning me to stay away. He actually threatened to beat up Carson. And he swung first.”
“Damn, man,” Kenny said. “What the hell? Earl’s given you a lot of shit over the years, but you’ve never taken the bait.”
Cassidy looked at me and there was such raw emotion in his eyes that I felt my breath catch. “I didn’t take any damn bait. He came after me. And I couldn’t just let him talk about Carson like that.”
Ginny arrived with a wet towel and some antiseptic. She handed it to me, which I appreciated. It was a kind gesture.
I gently wiped at his face first, searching for the source of the blood. I didn’t see any cuts, aside from his busted lip, but there was definitely some bruising. My concern for him quickly turned into anger. I wanted to go find Earl myself. “What about Carson? Do you think Earl would take this out on him?” I asked.
“I hope not,” he said. “I wasn’t just going to stand there and let Earl punch me. But I will admit I was so angry, I didn’t even think?—”
“There’s a lot you haven’t thought about,” I snapped, the words slipping out before I could stop myself. “About this fight, about Carson, about us.”
Cassidy’s gaze shot up, his eyes blazing with anger. Whether he was pissed at me or pissed at Earl, I couldn’t say for sure. “Really? You think I’m the only one who’s not thinking? You didn’t even tell me about the baby until Ginny forced your hand. Don’t put this all on me, Karen.”
My grip tightened on the cloth in my hand. “I didn’t tell you because I knew this was exactly how you’d react! All I wanted was a little space to think, to figure out what I wanted without having to worry about your hurt feelings.”
“But I’m the father!” Cassidy protested.
Kenny glanced at Ginny with a confused expression. “I’m sorry, did he say he’s a father? Did calving season start early?”
Ginny shushed him.
We were too engrossed in each other to notice or care who witnessed our dispute.
“No, you’re not,” I said to Cassidy. “Not yet. You’re the guy that got me pregnant but that doesn’t make you a father.”
“You made sure you told everyone but me. Were you doing a background check? Trying to decide if I was worthy of being in your life? Did I pass the test?”
“No!” I shot back, my voice sharp. Cassidy flinched, looking shocked at my outburst. “I didn’t tell you because I was scared. Scared of what you’d say, scared of losing you.”
“Karen—” Cassidy started.
“No! Let me finish.” I interrupted him. “When I found out, all I could think of was how much it was going to change things. It’s not like I did all of this on purpose. For you it’s easy. You’ll write me a check every month and just go about your day. I’m not like that. I’m the one who will have our child inside me, who will give birth. I’m the one whose life will change the most.”
Ginny’s hand slammed down on the table between us. “Enough, both of you,” she said, her voice stern. “You can squabble over this later. Right now, we need to focus on that boy and making sure he’s safe.”
She was right. Carson might be in actual danger. Arguing wouldn’t do him any good. Ginny glanced at Cassidy, her expression softening just a fraction. “I’m going to try to get hold of Carson’s mother, see if she’s working tonight. Maybe she can give us some insight on what’s going on.”
I went back to work trying to clean him up. Kenny hovered nearby looking very uncomfortable. I could feel Cassidy’s gaze on me, but I kept my eyes on his hands, focusing on cleaning away the blood.
After a few moments, Ginny reappeared. “She’s working tonight, but I couldn’t get through to her directly.”
Cassidy shook his head, his jaw clenching. “That’s not good enough. We should go over there. Now.”
I nodded, my worry for Carson pushing aside every other thought. “You need to be checked out anyway. I’m not a doctor. You might have broken bones in your hand.”
“Looks like you took a few hits,” Kenny said.
“I’m fine,” Cassidy said. “Earl got lucky.”
“You’re going,” I declared.
Ginny agreed. The four of us piled into the truck with Kenny behind the wheel. I sat in back with Cassidy.
The drive was mostly quiet. No one had much to say. Well, I had a lot to say, but I would save it for a time when Cassidy and I could have it out in private. The occasional jostling of the truck when we hit a rough patch of road had Cassidy grunting and holding his side. I was worried about him. Pissed but worried.
We arrived at the hospital. Kenny helped Cassidy out of the truck. We approached the receptionist, who looked mildly surprised at the sight of Cassidy with his bruised face and battered knuckles. After a brief explanation, we learned that Carson’s mom was indeed working but couldn’t leave her shift just yet. She agreed to page her to the emergency room.
Cassidy was told to have a seat. I wanted to argue and demand he be seen immediately, but it was clear he wasn’t seriously injured. There were other people that needed help first. The four of us moved to sit in the waiting room while Cassidy tried to fill out paperwork. With his hands messed up, he couldn’t hold the pen. I snatched it from him and started doing it myself. As I stared at the form in my hand, I realized how little I knew about the man who got me pregnant.
It was eye opening and alarming. “Date of birth,” I snapped.
As we went line by line, it almost felt like I was interviewing him. I was learning more about him through this stupid form than I had in the weeks I had known him.
I felt ridiculous and stupid for allowing myself to get into this position with a man that was virtually a stranger. It was so unlike me. From this day on, I vowed to make better choices. I had to. I had a baby to think about. Every decision I made would affect him or her.