Chapter 51
CHAPTER 51
KAREN
T he OBGYN’s waiting room had the warmth of a hospital. I was pretty sure the place was last updated sometime in the nineties. It wasn’t exactly making me feel confident about their medical abilities. Did they even have an x-ray machine? Ultrasound equipment?
The faint scent of antiseptic hung in the air. It was a pungent smell I didn’t enjoy. I fidgeted with the edge of my sweater, pulling it down to cover my hands. The room was chilly. I was supposed to get naked in here? I didn’t think so.
I glanced sideways at Ginny.
“Relax,” she said.
“I don’t know if this is where I want to be,” I said.
“It’s not fancy. It doesn’t have all the bells and whistles, but I promise Dr. Wells has delivered hundreds of babies. He probably even delivered Cassidy.”
“Oh joy, so the guy is a million years old. That’s comforting.”
She laughs. “He’s wise. Years of wisdom. And he’s kind, gentle. Even if the delivery room looks like it’s from the stone age, it’s the doctor that matters.”
I grunted and fell into silence. A faded magazine rested on the tiny table next to Ginny’s chair. It was an outdated issue of People magazine with Brad Pitt on the cover. Him and Jennifer Aniston. That was how old the damn thing was.
“It’s just a regular appointment,” she said. “You’ll pee in a cup, tell the doctor how you’re feeling, get a rough idea of your conception date, and they’ll tell you when you’ll come back for an ultrasound. Really nothing to it.”
I sighed, forcing a shaky smile. “Right, it sounds so simple.”
Neither of us addressed the real reason I was in a shitty mood. It was messed up that Ginny was the one sitting here for my first prenatal appointment and not the father of my child.
I didn’t want to think about him. I was still trying to decide if I was going to stay in Kentucky at all. I was still thinking about going back to Dallas. Cassidy didn’t want this baby and I didn’t want to be in his face with a baby on my hip every day.
“I’m sorry,” Ginny said.
“For what?”
“I know all of this sort of blew up in your face. I thought I was doing the right thing tipping Cassidy off. I just wanted him to have the chance to step up. I really wanted it to work out for you both. I thought he would be different.”
I shook my head. I was mad at her, but not now. I understood why she did what she did. She was loyal to Cassidy first. “You don’t need to be sorry, Ginny. Really. You were being a good friend. Cassidy deserved to know, and it’s on me for not telling him sooner. I thought I could avoid things, I guess. But in the end, the result would’ve been the same no matter what.”
“I just wanted you to be happy,” she murmured. “I wanted Cassidy to be happy. I know he’s a pain in the ass, but I really thought he would react differently once it actually happened.”
“I know,” I said with a shrug. “You are not responsible for him. He makes his own choices.”
“I still have hope he’ll come around.”
“I don’t care,” I said. “He made his choice. I have a child to think about. I’m glad you’re here. I don’t know what I’d do without you right now.”
A nurse came in and handed me a cup. “You know what to do.”
“I do,” I said.
I took the cup into the bathroom and did my thing. I walked back into the room and took a seat on the examination table.
Once again, we were waiting. I had a feeling the next eight months were going to be filled with a lot of waiting.
The doctor walked in a few minutes later. “Karen Vale, congratulations.”
I let out an awkward laugh, unsure how to respond. “Thank you…?”
“It looks like you’re about four to five weeks along, give or take,” he said, glancing between me and Ginny. “How are you feeling so far? Morning sickness, fatigue?”
I nodded, sighing. “Mostly just tired. The mornings are rough, but I think I’m managing okay.”
“Let’s see if we can hear the little peanut’s heartbeat,” he said.
My eyes widened. “Seriously?”
“We’ll give it a go. It might be early but I’ve had some luck before.”
He moved a rolling stool toward the examination table, pulling a strange instrument from his bag. It looked like the business end of a microphone, just smaller.
Ginny walked to the other side of the bed and took my hand. The doctor asked for my permission before applying some gel to my still flat belly.
“This might be a little cold,” he warned.
The gel sent a shiver through my body, but I nodded at him to go ahead. He pressed the instrument to my stomach, and a moment later, the room was filled with a whooshing sound.
“That’s your heartbeat,” the doctor said with a reassuring smile.
He moved the thing around, adjusting the angle every so often, pushing on my belly here and there. We all listened intently. I found myself holding my breath.
Then suddenly, amongst all the other random noises, there was an unexpected thump-thump sound. It was faint and fast.
“There it is,” the doctor said with a big smile. His eyes crinkled on an already wrinkled face.
A surge of emotions welled up within me. The reality of the situation hit home. There was a life inside me. My baby’s heartbeat brought everything into sharp focus.
Ginny squeezed my hand as her eyes filled with tears. The doctor switched off the device and wiped away the gel from my stomach.
He gave me an encouraging smile and went over some basics. I listened as he told me everything I couldn’t do. “No coffee, no alcohol, no sushi, no deli meats, certain cheeses off the table, and I’d like you to think about taking some prenatal vitamins.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
My brain was already spinning by the time he finished. It was so much to take in. I was worried I would forget some of the rules. And then what? I broke my kid if I ate the wrong cheese? Ate a tuna sandwich?
“We’ll schedule you for another appointment in a few weeks. I’d like to send you to the hospital for an ultrasound around eighteen weeks to get a better look and ensure everything’s on track. Until then, take it one day at a time.”
The doctor handed me some pamphlets. “We have some classes here at the clinic you can join. You can start any time you want, or there’s plenty of online resources if you prefer that.”
“All right,” I said. My voice sounded distant and small to myself. It felt like there was this whole other universe that I had been dropped in. A universe I knew nothing about. Just the idea of trying to navigate it made my stomach churn. The overwhelming reality was slamming home. I’d known obviously, but now it was all very real.
I took a couple samples of prenatal vitamins and made an appointment to come back in a couple of weeks. The doctor wanted me to get some bloodwork as well.
“You okay?” Ginny asked.
I nodded, but my heart was pounding, and my mind was spiraling. “I just didn’t realize how much there was to all this. I mean, I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t realize just how many little things I’d have to worry about. No caffeine, no more lazy sushi lunches, not that sushi is abundant around here, and I’ll have to get new clothes soon, and shoes. I’m supposed to figure out a birth plan on top of it all?”
She smiled as we got into the truck. “One step at a time. For now, just focus on taking care of yourself.”
I leaned my head against the cold window, looking out at the scenery passing by, and swallowed hard against the sudden ache that had lodged itself in my throat. I wished more than anything that I could go to Cassidy, just let myself collapse into his arms and tell him everything. But that wasn’t an option. I had to do this alone, and somehow, I’d figure out how to manage.
Ginny drove us to the hospital, her ankle almost completely healed at this point. I got my blood drawn and then we were headed back to the lodge. Ginny headed straight for the kitchen. I went to my room. I felt emotionally raw. The last person I wanted to see was Cassidy. I didn’t know where he was but I was not ready to see him.
I barely noticed the mess on my dresser until I’d practically tripped over a pile of laundry I hadn’t put away. I started folding clothes, needing something to focus on.
There was a soft knock at the door. My stomach dropped. Please don’t let it be Cassidy. “Who is it?”
“It’s me,” Ginny said.
I opened the door to find her holding a steaming cup of ginger tea. She handed it to me and walked in. “I thought you might need that.”
“Thanks,” I murmured.
“How are you doing?”
“It’s a lot, Ginny. I feel detached, like I’m watching a different version of me take a life path that is different from the one I’m on.”
She nodded. “I know it’s a lot. It’s crazy and now it’s all very real.”
I took a slow sip of the tea and thought about my future. “It’s just so overwhelming. I don’t know where to start.”
Ginny laughed. “If I can teach you how to wrangle chickens and work in a coop without fainting, you can do this. And besides you’ve got me, and you’ve got a whole lot of other people here who’ll back you up. Assuming you’re going to stay.”
“I’m staying for now because I promised my uncle I would be here for a couple of months. We’ll see how the party goes. Maybe it will be the magic bullet that pulls the ranch out of the red. I’ll stick around long enough to get his books cleaned up and moved to a program that he can use to avoid this again.”
Ginny nodded. “That’s fair,” she said with a sigh. “You have to do what’s right for you. And I know your uncle will appreciate all the help you’ve been giving him.”
“I hope so.”
“And I know you don’t believe this now, but I still have hope Cassidy will come around. I know he reacted badly and that was really fucked up, but with some time to process everything, he might be more accepting.”
I snorted. “Yeah, I don’t see that happening. If he does get this windfall of cash he’s talking about, he might just move away to get away from me and his child.”
“Cassidy is never leaving this ranch. I don’t care if he’s richer than Elon. Cassidy lives and breathes for this square of dirt.”
“Then he’ll use his vast wealth to send me packing. I suppose I should be happy my baby daddy is rich. I can ask him for a mansion and he’ll buy it for me as long as it’s in another state.”
“I don’t believe that,” she said. “He’ll get it right. I know he will.”
“I don’t know about that. I can’t worry about him. He’s made his choice. He gets to live with it.”
“Try to get some rest. It’s been a long day.”
With that, she left me alone. I sat down on the bed and leaned back against the pillows, letting out a deep breath. I rested my hand on my belly. To know there was a little human in there made me feel protective.
Even against his father. Or her father.
I missed the way he looked at me and kissed me. Part of me wanted to march over to the bunkhouse, knock on the door, and just let it all spill out. I wanted to rage at him and shame him for not wanting anything to do with the baby.
But I couldn’t.
He made his choice. I made mine.