This Is Love (Evermore University #2)

4. Rya

4

RYA

My stomach clenches violently, but I manage to hold down the contents that clearly want to eject. I don’t want to hear what the doctor has to say and wish I could bury my head in the sand and never come up for air. Bringing a shaking hand to my lips, I wonder if she expects me to say something in response to her telling me they’ve gotten test results back or what.

Logan brushes a few strands of hair from my eyes. Before the nurse or doctor can bring it up again, he murmurs, “We can go if you want us to. But I’ll be right here if you need me.” I can see it in his eyes, though… he really doesn’t want to leave.

“I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to,” Jaxon grits out. His tone is sharp, but when I groggily swing my head to face him, it’s plain how much he’s affected.

I glance from him to Logan and take a deep breath. “I’d like them to stay for now.”

Dr. Murphy eyes the exchange among the three of us, then nods. “If at any point that changes, please let us know.” She glances down at the tablet in her hand. “We’ve determined you have GHB in your system, are you familiar with that drug?”

Before I can formulate words, a whooshing noise fills my head, and I attempt to shake it off as reality crashes in on me. “No.”

“It’s one of several drugs we find commonly used in instances of date rape. In particular with GHB, the effects are felt rather quickly, and if someone isn’t tested within six to twelve hours of ingesting it, they might never know for sure whether or not it was the culprit.” She grimaces as she watches my reaction over her reading glasses before turning her attention to Logan and Jaxon. “It’s good you brought her directly here.”

I’m in a daze as the doctor goes over some symptoms I would have been feeling prior to the blackout, and I’m frustrated I can’t remember any of it.

“We’d like to perform a Sexual Assault Forensic Medical Exam.”

Those words have the effect of someone punching me in the stomach. Numb, I blink at her. “But I don’t feel weird… down there, I mean.” I squeeze my eyes shut. I recall the nurse asking if there’d been any recent consensual activity. Logan had been the one to tell the nurse it’s been nine days since we had sex.

“Rya?” At the doctor’s voice, I shift my gaze to hers.

“Yes? Sorry.”

She shakes her head. “No need to be. Do you want to have the exam done?”

Wide-eyed I look from Jaxon to Logan.

Gruffly, Jaxon asks, “Could this also tell us that she wasn’t assaulted? The way we found her… we were more concerned with the bleeding from her head and the fact that she was unconscious.” His eyes crash shut for a moment before reopening them and settling his dark eyes on me. He reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze.

“Completely rule out? No. But it could definitely point to there being no conclusive evidence. And she might feel better at least knowing that.”

“This is a long, invasive exam, though, right?” Logan’s worried eyes search mine.

Dr. Murphy nods, focusing on me. “I’m sorry, but it is.”

I hold up a hand. “I didn’t think it would be easy. But… I-I want to have it done. Please.”

With a tight smile, the doctor nods. “It’ll give us a clearer picture at least. We’ll get started in a little while, then. Charlie’s going to get everything we need ready. After we’re done, I’ll want to keep monitoring you for a while yet, but you’ll go home later today.”

Fuck . I was supposed to be rehearsing this afternoon. I’ve gotta be ready for the audition… and since it’s now early Saturday, that means it’s coming up fast. I blow out a hard breath.

Charlie and Dr. Murphy step aside to converse in hushed tones, and I assume they’re setting things into motion. I feel a little sick at the prospect of what’s coming my way but maintain that I’d rather know.

Once they’ve left the room, I slowly sit up with the guys’ help, then draw my legs to my chest. “This is going to suck.” My gaze shifts from one stoic face to the other, and I grimace. But there’s nothing but support in their eyes and not a drop of dissent between them that I can tell. Chewing on my lip for a second, I finally blurt out, “I should have asked if I can still audition tomorrow.”

Logan winces as he exhales slowly. Placing a hand on my back, he moves it up and down in a way he knows comforts me. “Tiny Dancer, is it really that important?”

I give him a wounded look. “You know it is.”

He grits his teeth. “Yeah. I know. Sorry. I think I’m just worried whether or not you’ll be emotionally up to it.”

I get that, because I have the same concern… but I’ve worked so hard for it. I don’t want to back down. Drawing in a breath, I let it skitter unsteadily from me.

“Here.” Jaxon hands me the Styrofoam cup, prompting me to try drinking again. “Are you feeling any better?”

“Woozy. Out of it.” I take a tentative sip.

“What about your parents?” he asks. “Do you want to contact them?”

I rub a few fingers over my forehead. The idea of telling my mom and dad what’s happened brings me close to vomiting up the water I just swallowed. Slowly, I shake my head. “No. No, I don’t think so.”

Logan eyes me for a second but doesn’t question my decision. Jaxon’s brows furrow, though. “Why wouldn’t you want to call them? I thought you told me you have a good relationship with them.”

“I—” My lip trembles.

“She’s worried about disappointing them,” Logan mumbles, immediately pinching his lips together as his knowing gaze roams my features. “Rya, how many times do we need to have this discussion? You don’t have to be fucking perfect. If they knew…”

I clamp my lips shut in an attempt at controlling the wobble in them, which I know will be followed by a burn in my nose and tears that distort my vision. Suddenly, the need to avoid his eyes is too strong, so I look away.

“Fuck. I’m sorry.” Logan’s arm comes around me, tugging me to his side. He turns his head, brushing his lips over my temple. “So fucking sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

The drag of air into my lungs is painful, and for a moment, all I can do is burrow against his chest.

The hospital bed creaks, and Jaxon clears his throat a moment later. I shift to look at him where he watches us from the side of the bed. There’s an impenetrable, steely mask that’s come down over his face, hiding any inkling of what’s on his mind from me. I can’t determine what he’s thinking at all.

“I’m gonna grab coffee.” His jaw works to the side, eyes landing on Logan. “Do you want some?” The question is begrudging, which doesn’t exactly surprise me.

Logan hesitates for a beat before nodding. “Sure. That’d be good,” he says, easing to the side while reaching for his wallet.

“Fuck you,” Jaxon bites out. “I have cash. You, of all people, know I do.” The lethal look he shoots Logan makes my head swim.

So much for what I thought was the two of them being halfway amiable. My eyes dart between them, and Jaxon whips a bill out of his pocket, flashes it toward Logan, and walks out.

My brows shoot up in surprise. “Um. What was that about?” I’m still not feeling well, but I don’t know if that’s why I’m having trouble following. “Was that a hundred bucks?”

Logan grits his teeth as he swings his gaze to mine. “Yep. From the party.” He shifts around so he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, facing me. “You should try to rest.”

I get the feeling he’s trying to change the subject, so I let him. For the moment. “How am I supposed to sleep?” It’s a real question. Because I have a strong feeling what’s coming my way is a whole lot more than a few uncomfortable moments.

Dampening his lips, he shakes his head. “Forget I said it. That was a dumb thing to suggest.”

We’re quiet for a minute or two, each of us off in our own head. A sigh blows past my lips. “Logan? Thank you for being here. Are we—” I hesitate, swallowing hard. “Are we okay?” My eyes flick to his when he doesn’t immediately answer, and I grasp the edge of the sheet, worrying the material with my fingers. “I didn’t know after the way we left things—after you walked away angry—whether I should say something. I thought you needed space, but I let it go on for way too long.” Rubbing a hand over my face, I do my best to steel myself, prepare for him to be upset that I’ve brought it up and walk out all over again.

He lifts his gaze, ice-blue eyes assessing me. It feels like an eternity before his head finally bobs. “There’s a lot I could say. And there’ll be a better time for it soon, but”—he pauses to rake a hand through his unruly hair—“I really need you to know two things. First, I wish I had been more truthful with you, but I never lied. I didn’t know how you felt at all or maybe my head could have been yanked out of my ass earlier.”

“I could have told you. But I didn’t know how.” My tongue pokes out to dampen my lips. “What’s the second thing?”

“No matter what, you’re my friend. Please tell me I haven’t lost you,” he rasps, and I feel the punch of those words in my soul. Our gazes connect, and his blue eyes suck me right in, like they always have.

“You haven’t. But I was worried about the same.” A warmth spreads from my chest all the way to my fingers and toes. I’ve missed the way I feel when I’m with Logan. I take a few seconds to allow it to sink in, to bathe in the serenity that washes over me. “But everything has fallen apart. We haven’t been communicating well.” I let out an exasperated sigh. “It really hurts and… I’ve missed you. I feel like I’m messing everything up.”

“Hey, you’re not. You haven’t—I promise. We can get into it more when you aren’t already upset and feeling like shit. Okay?” He scoots closer, running the back of one finger down my cheek. A tear rolls from my eye and splashes against it. All at once, his arms are around me, and he’s pulling me into a tight embrace. I soak it in, realizing there’s no way to be certain how long it’ll last. Everything I thought I knew about us is wrong. Our relationship has skidded off the only tracks we’ve ever known. I’m terrified things won’t ever be the same again, no matter that he’s trying to reassure me now.

In the back of my head, I’m very aware there’s another guy in this hospital off getting coffee—someone else besides my best friend. Somebody who’s been here for me. Another person involved in this complicated mess I’ve made.

I shudder in Logan’s arms, quietly sniffling. Confusion mounts brick by brick in my already overloaded brain. I don’t have a clue how to handle any of this. The stress of it is a weight I’m incapable of managing alone, but I don’t know who to turn to for help.

“Don’t cry,” he breathes out, tightening his hold on me. “Nothing we’ve been through in the last few weeks matters more than the fact you’re okay.”

Swallowing hard, I nod, unable to speak. Logan’s soft, soothing voice has me ready to break all over again. I don’t deserve him.

My heart tears in two as I realize the truth. I might not deserve either of them.