This is Me Trying (Evergreen Ridge)
Chapter 1
Riley
O h, good, my daddy issues are being triggered bright and early on a Monday morning. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but it’s greatly unappreciated. I came into work this morning with a fresh outlook. I was going to be more outgoing. Well, maybe not outgoing, but I was going to try to smile some. I was going to put myself out there more. I was going to isolate myself less, but this douche bag has me wanting to retreat into my shell and not even poke my head out for sunshine.
“Well, did you check to see if you have it in stock?” asks said douche bag.
“Like I said, Mr. Brady, I am the one who orders everything, and I’ve never stocked this item before, so I know that we don’t have it. If you would like, I could special order it for you. It’ll just take some time to come in from overseas.”
“This is why I hate coming in here. You don’t even know how to do your job and order the appropriate tools for a hardware store.”
“Mr. Brady, this is a specialty hammer from Germany. I don’t think many hardware stores stock it. You typically just have to order it directly from their website, and like I said, I’d be happy to do that for you.”
“Oh, right, like you could go on a German website and do that. I’ll just do it myself. I’m surprised this place does the business it does with such incompetent people working here.”
Now I can really feel my cheeks flushing and my blood boiling. I’m willing myself not to cry. Not because he hurt my feelings—I couldn’t care less what this tool thinks of me—but because I’m so angry. When I’m mad, all my emotions just bubble to the surface like lava and come out in tears. I will not allow this man to see my cry, so I take a deep breath.
“I’m sorry you feel that way, Mr. Brady. Is there anything else I can help you with today, or was that all?”
“Oh, that’s quite enough. I’m done here.”
“Okay, you have a great day now.”
Mr. Brady harrumphs and stalks off through the front door. The bell chimes, and Craig comes over from what he was doing.
“You would think that man is so miserable because of his old age, but he’s always been a prick,” says Craig as he nudges my shoulder. He can always tell when I’m upset, and I know he’s trying to make me feel better. “I don’t know why you let him talk to you that way, Riley. He has no right, and it’s not like he spends a ton of money in here. He’s more trouble than he’s worth.”
“Thanks, Craig, but it honestly would just be more of a headache to do something about it. He doesn’t come in that often. I’m sure I can handle it. You know I don’t like confrontation,” I say, looking down, a little embarrassed.
His eyes soften. “I know, but you don’t deserve it. Just give it some thought, okay?”
“Okay. Hey, do you mind watching the front for a bit? After that, I’m going to take my break and head over to the Pore Over for a latte.”
“Sure thing, kiddo.”
I smile and grab my sweater. Ever since I started working at Evergreen Hardware, Craig has taken me under his wing and looked out for me. He calls me kiddo, and I know he means it. It’s hard for me to understand why someone would take an interest in me like that, especially when he already has his own children. I know I’m nothing special, but I try not to give it much thought or it’ll drag me down.
I head out and walk along the one street that is considered downtown and take in the view of the old red brick buildings. Cherry blossom trees line the street, and the sights are already making me feel better. I think the coffee shop will help, too. Being around people often feels like such a chore, but there is also something invigorating about it. Even if I don’t have any interactions or conversations with others, there is something about people watching that really feeds my soul. I could sit at a table and watch people for hours, making up stories in my head about their lives, as my own coffee grows cold.
The bell on the door chimes as I step through and see one of my favorite faces: my best friend, Chloe. Blonde hair and striking blue eyes smile back at me. A lot of people underestimate Chloe, thinking that she is her stereotype of blonde hair and blue eyes, but she is actually really smart. Smarter than me, that’s for sure.
She worked her way up to management in this coffee shop so that she could put herself through school. Her deadbeat parents certainly weren’t going to help, so she did it all on her own. She doesn’t like to flaunt her brains, because she doesn’t want to appear pretentious. Instead, people just think she is your average pretty girl who can’t find a rich husband, so she is doomed to working service her whole life. I can’t wait until she shows them how wrong they are. She will be floating out of here to take over the world in no time.
“Hey, girl, how’s it going? I haven’t seen you here in a while,” says Chloe, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Hi, yeah, it’s been one of those months,” I reply, and Chloe’s gaze softens knowingly.
That is the thing about Chloe—she always understands, but she never pries. She lets me open up when I am ready, almost like she knows how hard it is to share my demons with others. I guess because she has so many of her own.
“Do you want your usual?” Chloe asks.
“Yes, please.”
“One chai tea latte coming right up. Oh, and if you wanted to come over sometime this weekend, I could really use the company. Maybe watch the 1995 Pride and Prejudice ?”
I let out a big exhale as I decide if that is something I really think I can do. I hate being a flake, but I also appreciate the fact that Chloe can tell that I need a push to not self isolate, and she is putting it on herself, as if she needs the company.
“Sure, I would love that. Sounds like just what I need.” She smirks, because she knows I’m on to her.
“Sounds great. I’ll text you when I get off to set it up.”
She also knows I won’t follow up unless she does. Gosh, what did I do to deserve a best friend like her? It definitely doesn’t feel like I deserve it, but maybe I can start telling myself that I do with this newfound outlook on life that I’m having.
Chloe scrunches her eyebrows. “Earth to Riley. Did I lose you?”
“Sorry, yeah. Thanks, Chloe. I can’t wait! It’s been too long since I’ve cringed at their crazy cousin. I’ll talk to you later.”
I head to the end of the coffee bar to wait for my drink. I’ve always had a thing for cute coffee shops, and this one is definitely my number one. The owner combined her love for coffee and her need for a good book in the decor. The walls are lined with bookshelves where customers and community members can donate books for people to take. You are allowed to take any book you want, and it’s just an unspoken rule that you return it when you’re done and keep the shop in mind when spring cleaning comes around and you are getting rid of books you no longer need to hold on to. The owner never wanted income to get in the way of someone reading, so in addition to the small town library, this is a place anyone can feed their love or their curiosity for reading.
Each table has a stack of vintage books with a teacup on top and a sprig of fresh cherry blossom from outside. All the tables match, but the chairs don’t. The banged up, original wood floors give it so much character. I pick my usual table, the one in the far corner, so I can see everyone in the cafe, including the front door. I sit and try hard to silence my mind and just enjoy being away from work and around other people.
The golden bell atop the door chimes and brings me out of my thoughts. I have been sitting here daydreaming for a while and quite a few people have come in and out of the cafe. I don’t really know what makes me look up at the door this time, but when I do, my eyes widen just a fraction. Through the door walks a man in work boots and a green henley that brings out the green flecks in his hazel eyes. He has a five o’clock shadow on his jaw that could cut glass. He is definitely over six feet tall, as he towers over everyone else.
He walks up to the counter to order and smiles at Chloe. Something a bit like jealousy stirs in my chest, which is absolutely ridiculous. I don’t even know this man. He doesn’t know me. He could be a serial killer for all I know, but still, that feeling is there, knowing that this gorgeous man is smiling at my equally gorgeous friend. That ugly feeling is quickly followed by intense shame, knowing that my best friend is the most beautiful person inside and out, and it isn’t warranted.
I know it all stems from how I feel, or should I say, don’t feel, about myself. Once again, I catch myself lost in my thoughts. The man is no longer at the counter ordering, but waiting for his coffee at the end of the bar. When I look up, we make eye contact and my breath catches and I freeze. Instead of looking away when making eye contact, like any other normal human being, he doesn’t break it. He confidently keeps eye contact with me and winks. Son of a—Maybe he is a serial killer, but like the charming Ted Bundy kind, not the outwardly creepy kind.
I do what I normally do. I scowl and avert my gaze as quickly as I possibly can, pretending it never happened. Except it did. I know it, he knows it, and I can still feel his gaze burning into the side of my face. Just as the sun had this morning as it peeked through the clouds. The difference here, though, is he isn’t peeking. He is staring—outright staring—in front of all the people in this small town cafe. Once again, my best friend comes to my rescue, which brings on even more shame and guilt, seeing as the green-eyed monster of jealousy had just invaded my body mere minutes before.
“I have a sixteen-ounce black Americano for Finn.”
Geez, he really is a serial killer with a coffee order like that. Ordering an Americano black pretty much shouts to the rooftops that you lack all sense of empathy. I take note that, this time, he doesn’t give Chloe his winning smile, and that has an effect for some reason or another. He just gives her a polite nod and grabs his coffee. I, of course, think he is going to head for the door, because he ordered his coffee black, but instead, he heads for the condiment bar, where all the cream and sugar is held. Wait, no, not the condiment bar. He’s staring again and heading straight to me.