This is Me Trying (Evergreen Ridge)

Chapter 10

Riley

W hen I get home, I attempt to scrub the humiliation off of my face. However, I feel like it’s going to take a lot more than face wash to cleanse my soiled ego. I’ve been playing this mortifying night over and over again in my head. So much so that the Uber driver had to snap me out of my ruminating thoughts when he pulled up to my house to drop me off.

Now, here I am, staring at myself in the mirror, not so fresh faced and in my frumpiest, but most comfy pair of sweats. I sigh and think to myself, This is as good as it’s going to get. After a night like tonight, it’s hard not to compare myself to the woman that Finn was on a date with. Perfect skin, perfect body, perfect manicured hand that was rubbing his stupid forearm that definitely isn’t sexy.

This is what I get for wanting to get out of my hole. I feel like I dug myself to the surface just to have someone pour fresh soil on top of me, reminding me of my place in this world. I couldn’t even get a full gulp of air before I was buried again.

I need to get all of this nervous tension out of my body, so I wander into my kitchen and make myself a cup of chamomile tea. I add honey and take a deep breath of the aroma to try to calm my nervous system. I head on over to my brown leather couch and pull out my laptop. Whenever I’m upset, putting together a mood board usually helps. I have a feeling the aesthetic is going to be quite dark tonight.

I open up a new file on my computer to search for things that speak to me in this moment. Before I can even really get started, I freeze when I hear my doorbell ring. Who could that possibly be? Maybe it’s Chloe coming to check on me. I’m sure she wanted to come home with me, except we set it up so Grant would walk me out.

Before I’m even halfway across my living room, there’s a pounding at the door. Geez, Chloe, hold your horses. Except the voice I hear on the other side isn’t Chloe. “Riley, open up.”

I freeze on the spot. What the heck could he possibly be doing here, and why isn’t he with his model? I’m still frozen in place, wondering if I should even answer the door or act like I’m not home. “Riles, I know you’re in there. I know you didn’t go home with the frat boy.”

Wait, how does he know about Grant? Dang it, Chloe! Oh, hell no, he does not get to comment on Grant and call me Riles after he just had that woman’s hands all over him. Granted, I have no claim to him. I did turn him down when he asked me out. I just didn’t think he would give up so easily. Except, maybe I did think he would give up that easily because I couldn’t figure out why he wanted to go out with me to begin with.

My thoughts are all jumbled, and I am beyond frustrated, but I decide to confront him. I throw the door open and freeze when I look at him. I’ve never seen him like this. He looks almost distraught.

We stare at each other for what feels like an eternity before he speaks. “I like you.”

Nope, not what he should have said. I can feel the blood roaring in my ears. What I expect to come out in a screech comes out in a whisper, “What?”

“I like you, Riles.”

“First of all, you do not get to call me Riles. The only person who calls me Riles without me biting their head off is Chloe.”

“I called you Riles the other day, and you didn’t seem to mind.”

My eyes widen, and my nostrils flare. “That was before you had some brunette model on your arm.” I can’t help it, but my eyes go to his exposed forearms. Dammit, get it together, Riley, we’re pissed.

“I don’t want her. I want you. I thought I had made that pretty clear when we met, and I only backed off because you asked me to.”

“You could have fooled me by the fact that you were on a date tonight. Look, Finn, I know that I turned you down when you asked me out, so I have no right to be upset about your date, but you don’t get to come here knocking on my door afterward. Let me lick my wounds in peace.”

“That’s what I’m telling you, Riley. It wasn’t a date.”

I snort. “Could’ve fooled me by the way she was all over you, and it sure didn’t seem like you minded that her boobs were in your face.”

He’s smirking at me now, and I feel like I might scream. “You’re jealous.”

“No, I’m most certainly not jealous.”

“Yes, you are, but listen, Riley. While that jealousy does something to me, because it tells me you care, even if it’s just a bit, I find no joy in you being jealous because you could never have anything to be jealous of.”

I’m a bit stunned, so all I’m able to get out is, “Explain.”

He lets out an exasperated sigh. “I was not on a date, Riles.” I open my mouth to correct him and he puts up a hand to stop me. “Sorry. Riley. I was not on a date, Riley. I was at the bar to meet Mason for a drink after a crappy day. He was running late, and that woman just came and sat down at my table. I couldn’t even tell you her name because I didn’t ask. Because I wasn’t interested in knowing. I’m interested in knowing you.

“After said crappy day, I was excited to see you there. Seeing you instantly brought up my mood, and if you wouldn’t have come to talk to me, I was about to get up to talk to you. Then it all kind of blew up in my face.”

“You didn’t seem to mind that it was her breasts that blew up in your face and her hands rubbing all over your forearms.”

He raises a brow and is trying not to laugh. “My forearms?”

I feel all the blood rush to my cheeks. “Yes, your forearms, but that’s besides the point. The point is that you didn’t seem all that bothered to have the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen all over you.”

“She’s nowhere near the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen.”

Great, now I want to die inside. He is so used to gorgeous women throwing themselves at him that he doesn’t even consider her top ten. What did I really expect? This gorgeous man from the city has the pick of any woman he wants. These small town women, especially me, can’t possibly compare. “If she’s not, I’m not sure I could handle seeing who you consider to be to your standards.”

He’s smirking at me again. “I’m talking about you, Riles, and I wish that you could see that as easily as I do. I may not have pushed her off of me, but it’s because I froze. Believe it or not, I actually hate being touched by women I don’t know. I have no desire to have random women throw themselves at me without knowing me. I don’t enjoy feeling like a piece of meat. That’s besides the point, though, Riles, it’s you that I want touching me.”

My brain has short-circuited. One second, I’m listening and hanging on every word he says, and the next, I’m slamming my lips against his. This is not how I anticipated this night ending. I felt buried, but now Finn is supplying me with the oxygen I need.