Epilogue Ava
The screen in front of me went black for a moment. I started to get up, thinking the video was done, but Rosie whined and put her paw on my leg.
“I can’t go yet?” I asked her.
Rosie left her paw in place.
I settled back down. “Well, all right.”
The blackness blinked into color and sound. Okay, yes. There was another one.
It was me again, this time with longer hair. I lifted my hand to my shorter style. I wasn’t sure which one was better.
In the video, I sat on a blue sofa and held out my arms.
A small boy toddled slowly and carefully toward me. He wore blue overalls, and his feet were bare.
In the video, my eyes lit up. “Come on, Tad! Come on! You’re doing it!”
The words were barely out when Tad abruptly sat on his bottom. His face screwed up in a terrible pout, then he let out a wail.
I scooped him onto my lap. “It’s okay, Tad. You did such a good job. What a good boy. Such a big boy.” As I held him, Tad settled back down, then squirmed to get out of my lap and tried to walk again.
A different version of me, one I’d watched earlier, came back on screen.
“You’re all caught up, Ava. Tad is almost two right now.
I’ll update this after his second birthday.
I’m terribly sorry this has happened again.
We grieved hard when a reset made us forget his first birthday.
It seems like you and I will be fighting the medicine battle a little longer.
I hope we find one that works for us again soon. ”
The screen went black, and this time, it stayed that way.
Rosie sat at my feet.
“Can I go this time?” I asked her.
She backed out of my way as I stood and stretched. The notebook I’d found after reading my tattoo lay on the bed.
Man, my mother was a piece of work. I hoped I didn’t run into her anytime soon. At least I knew where she was and what she looked like.
“What now, Rosie?”
The furry red-gold dog bounded to the doorway, then turned to wait for me.
“I’m coming.”
I followed her out of the room into a small hall. On the left was the front door of the house. To the right was the kitchen.
Rosie ran to the back door and used a rope with a ball on the end to open it.
“You want me to go out there?”
Rosie pulled the door open wide. It was a bright, sunshiny afternoon. A sprinkler was going in the yard.
Something flashed past the door in bright yellow.
“Rosie, what was that?”
I stepped forward. Rosie moved ahead of me onto a small concrete porch. She sat down and barked three times.
The bit of yellow appeared again. It was the boy from the video. “Mommy!” He lifted his arms.
Before I could move, he was snatched up by the man from the video. Tucker. My husband.
I took a step back into the doorway.
“Did you get to the end?” he asked.
“I think so. It was Tad’s first steps.”
“Yes. We should add more videos. We’ve been meaning to. He can walk quite well now.” He hefted the boy onto his hip.
“Mommy, Mommy!” The boy attempted to lunge from Tucker’s grasp to get to me.
“Wait a minute, Tad,” Tucker said. “Let me talk to Mommy.” He turned to me. “This is the first reset where he’s old enough to come for you on his own.”
Tad squirmed in Tucker’s arms. “Mommy, Mommy!”
My belly quivered. “It’s okay. Let him come to me.”
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
He set the boy down. His short legs immediately started pumping, carrying him the last distance to the porch. He was wet, the yellow shirt and shorts soaked from the sprinkler.
I picked him up. “Mommy!” he said, resting his head on my shoulder.
I arranged him on my hip. My body already knew how to hold him. “Yes, Tad,” I said. “I’m here.”
I didn’t know how long it had taken for me to read the book and watch the videos, but it must have felt like forever to someone so little.
Tucker approached. “You doing okay? Did you take some medicine? You usually have a headache.”
I nodded. “Rosie took me to the ibuprofen.”
“Good.” He clasped his hands behind his back. “I know this is hard.”
“I think I’m okay. I don’t feel angry or scared like the video said I might.” Tad reared back in my arms. “Mommy!”
“Yes, Tad,” I said. “Hello.”
He squirmed down from my hip. I guessed he was ready to move on.
I set him down, and he took off across the lawn, shrieking as he got sprayed with water.
I sat down on a red metal chair near the door. “He’s cute,” I said. Watching him play was the most calming thing I’d experienced since I woke up on the bathroom floor.
Tucker sat near my feet. “He is.”
I had a thousand questions. Who was I really? Were we in love still, like Ava had said in the video? Did I still take photos? What would happen now that I didn’t know anything?
But the sun was warm on my skin. Tucker sat with me quietly, close but without asking anything of me.
And a small boy raced across the glass, forward and back, shouting every time the water turned his way.
Rosie lay on the other side, panting lightly, the words “Seizure Dog” bright and white on the harness on her back.
I reached down to pet her head. We were already acquainted.
And soon, I’d get to know this man beside me. And the boy playing in the grass.
Maybe I didn’t know anything yet. But even so, I think I’m going to like it here.
Thank you so much for reading This Love.