Thots and Prayers: A Slash or Pass novella

Rule 3 - Kansas

“This is fucking hilarious.” I shook my head as I watched Constantine hunched over the table reading the Bible that he found in the bedside table drawer the next morning. “Priest Duvall. Father Duvall,” I added.

“Fuck off,” he snarled, “I knew I should have taken one of the other names you offered. What were they?”

“Swayze and Koi.” I snickered. “A firefighter and EMT in New Jersey. What were the odds they’d need a fucking priest.” I nudged Eisley with my elbow, and she looked up at me with a scowl.

“Be nice. How’s it coming?” she asked Constantine.

“How do you think it’s coming?” he snapped. Eisley stiffened, and Constantine swore and apologized. “Sorry, I just wasn’t prepared to stand in front of a crowd and praise Jesus or whatever the fuck these people believe. I have no idea what I’m fucking doing.”

Eisley slid off the bed and went to him. She rubbed his shoulders, and he fell back, relaxing into her. I sighed, knowing the feeling. She was our saving grace. The only thing that made us feel anything. Without her, we’d be nothing. I diverted my eyes, focusing on the TV that was playing 13 Ghosts.

“Did you ask if maybe the other priest had, like, notes or something?” she asked.

I turned curiously as Constantine popped his eyes open and slid up.

“Not the other priest, the only priest,” Constantine corrected. “And no, I hadn’t thought about that. I wonder...” He stood and went to his bag.

“What are you looking f—Oh, oh Constantine...” Eisley’s voice trailed off as Constantine pulled his ghost face mask from his luggage. “Please don’t.”

“Don’t what? Kill someone?” He snickered, bending down to pull the knife from his boot.

“Yes!” She snatched the mask from his hand and tossed it on the bed near my feet. “You can’t just kill someone because they annoy you.”

“Tell that to Micah, Rem, or Therese.” I snickered. Eisley’s eyes lowered to slits. Even though they were shit friends, she was still defensive over their deaths. Constantine and I didn’t care. I kept going, “Or my favorite, Spencer.”

“You’re not funny.” She crossed her arms under her breasts and stood straighter, turning back to Constantine. “If you go off and kill one of these townspeople, I’ll leave. I’ll walk right out that door and onto the highway. You’ll never see me again.”

I watched their fight from where I lay in bed with interest. Their dynamic was... powerful. While our relationship was more comfortable, like a warm blanket in the fall, her relationship with Constantine was the opposite. They were engulfed in flames one moment and drowning the next. He was constantly making her scared, and she liked it. She liked being terrified out of her mind about what he’d do next. So much so a lot of our foreplay included it. Chasing, knives... blood.

Constantine stepped up to her, his chest bumping into her arms. “You think if you tried to leave, I wouldn’t find you? Ten years I was gone, but I knew your whereabouts the entire time. You aren’t going anywhere, but nice try.”

The energy in the room was electrifying. Eisley huffed and stomped to the bed, picking up the mask. “Fine. Take it, kill someone, but I won’t be here to help you hide the body.”

“I never said I was going to kill anyone. Why do you instantly jump to that?”

“Well…” she stammered. He had a good point. “What are you planning on doing then?”

“Just scare ’em a little bit. You know, terrorize the town until they think maybe it’s not worth it to have us here.”

“Ha.” I scoffed. “They seem pretty determined to have you speak. Good luck. I’m with Eisley. No mask, for now.”

Constantine glared daggers at me but didn’t argue. He slid his knife back into his boot and went to the table, grabbing his leather jacket off the back of the chair.

“I’m going over to that church to see if I can find some prepared sermons or something. I’m not spending my time making up some bullshit to tell these people how not to be assholes.”

“Is the church just open like that?” I asked. “For like, confessions and shit?”

Constantine sighed. “Maybe in big cities or movies. Probably not in Ricefield. I’ll have Mitch call the cop to let me in.”

“Good idea, Father.” I tightened my lips to hide my laugh. He wasn’t as amused as I was.

“I’ll be back.” He pulled his cigarettes from his pocket and left the room with a smoke between his lips and a scowl on his face.

Eisley frowned but then joined me on the bed. She cuddled into me, and I wrapped my arm around her.

“You think he’ll be okay?” she asked.

“He’s immortal and has no qualms defending himself. He’s fine.”

We watched the movie in silence, and when lunchtime rolled around, we walked down to the diner for sandwiches. This time, the waitress wasn’t as nice.

“You are traveling with our new priest?” she asked us. We exchanged looks. Constantine had no issue announcing our relationship, but neither Eisley nor I were quite comfortable sharing details about our sex life.

“We are,” Eisley answered.

“And who are you exactly?” The waitress narrowed her eyes. “Criminals, addicts, unmarried?”

“Um, I’m not sure how to respond to that,” Eisley answered. “Does it matter why we are traveling with him?”

The waitress shifted her weight and glared at us. “We just want to know what kind of folks are in our town. Why would a man of faith travel with two…”

“Unmarried criminal addicts?” I snickered. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her exactly what we did while traveling, but I remembered that we still needed the car fixed. My shit-talking could wait.

Not liking my tone, the waitress pulled out her pad and ripped off our bill. She slapped it down on the table. “Thank you for stopping by. Next time, why don’t you come back with Father Duvall? We’d love to see him at the diner.”

“Father?” I raised my head.

“Priest Duvall,” she clarified.

“Uh, yeah, sure thing.” I pulled money from my wallet and handed it to her. It was tempting not to tip her, but I reminded myself to keep the peace. I left a moderate tip and took Eisley’s hand.

The waitress saw us holding hands and gave us a dirty look. I flipped her off and turned away. In a week, we’d be gone and wouldn’t remember this stupid fucking town. We were immortal now; this was just a drop in a massive bucket.

We got back to the motel mid-afternoon and Constantine was still gone. I took my pants off and slid under the covers.

“Take a nap with me?” I patted the spot beside me and yawned. Eisley furrowed her brow and looked back at the door.

“I think I’m going to go check on Constantine. He’s been gone a while, and I’m worried about him.”

“Why?” I pulled my glasses off and set them on the side table. I laid back down, closing my eyes. “He’s a big boy.”

“Yeah, but like… I don’t know.” She shook her head. “I’m going to go get a ride from Mitch at the desk. You rest.”

“I can go with you,” I offered, non-committedly.

“No, you stay here, it’s fine. I’m just not tired and I won’t be able to relax here.” She came to the bed, gave me a quick kiss, and then pulled the blankets over me further. “I’ll see you in a bit. We’ll watch another movie.”

I closed my eyes again and listened for her to shut the door. They’d be fine. What trouble could they get into at a church?