Three Grumpy Groomsmen

5. Ivy

CHAPTER 5

Ivy

“Can I borrow ten million dollars?“

Ford is sitting next to me in the backseat of my Prius. He looks over and grins. “Sure.“

I don’t know if he’s grinning about my question or my appearance.

Liam rolled his eyes when I walked out of the inn to get in the car. Harrison’s eyes widened, and he said, “Right this way rock star,” as he opened the back door and helped me into the backseat.

Maybe I’m being a little dramatic, but I love the pink, orange, and yellow headscarf and oversized yellow sunglasses I’m wearing. The scarf because I didn’t feel like doing my hair. The glasses because the sun is really freaking bright this morning.

But besides the headache, scratchy eyes, and general regret over my life decisions, I feel very Elizabeth Taylor. I’d feel even more glam if I was drinking out of a martini glass instead of my pink Stanley cup, but I didn’t want to spill anything when we hit the bumps in the road.

Yes, I’m day drinking.

I was left at the altar yesterday and I am now on my way to South Carolina to deal with a house I apparently own and don’t want.

If anyone deserves an oversized thermal cup full of vodka and soda water at ten a.m., it’s me.

Ford hands me the water bottle that he has been routinely passing to me over the past three hours.

I sip to make him happy. Ford has been very sweet. He hasn’t said a single judgmental word, and has just been plying me with water, food, and ibuprofen while I tip back my Stanley cup. But because of him I’m only mildly buzzed and my headache has faded and I actually feel okay instead of like, oh, every decision I’ve made in the past six months was terrible and the consequences have all smacked me in the face at once.

I take a long pull on my straw, then ask him, “Actually, can I just have ten million dollars because ‘borrow’ makes it sound like I’ll pay it back and there’s no way that’s going to happen.“

He chuckles and I feel a strange swirly heat in my stomach. I’m aware that is probably inappropriate, everything considered, but it’s undeniable and I have enough vodka in my system to just enjoy it instead of trying to squelch the attraction to my ex fiancé’s best friend.

Brad has a lot of faults, but his taste in friends is top-notch.

“Yes. You can have ten million dollars, Ivy.”

Wow, I guess that confirms that he has ten million dollars that he could just part with on a whim, and it’s pretty nice to think that he would give it to me without question.

I give him a smile that I think is possibly a little wobbly from the liquor, but is no less genuine.

“You’re not even going to ask me what it’s for?”

“I’m sure you’ve got a good reason.”

I look toward the front seat, roll my eyes and look back to him. “I’m going to pay them to shut the fuck up. I assume you’ll agree that’s a good reason.”

He glances at the front seat, where Liam is driving and Harrison is lounging in the passenger seat, wearing an irritated look. They’ve been bickering almost nonstop, completely ignoring Ford and me.

“Getting them to shut up is a great reason,” Ford agrees. “But you realize for ten million dollars we could just buy a new car and hire a driver and leave these two on their own.”

I salute him with my cup. “Very good point. Why haven’t you brought that up before now, Mr. Multi-millionaire?”

He chuckles, then shrugs. “I suppose I’m trying to keep them both alive and I don’t think that will happen if they’re left alone?”

Just then, Liam slams his hand onto the dash of the car. “I’m not fucking listening to any more Miley Cyrus. If you sing anything about buying yourself flowers, I’m kicking your ass out of this car.”

Harrison hoots. “So you do know the song.“

It’s been like this for three hours. They’ve argued over the music. They’ve argued over the temperature. They’ve argued over the route we’re taking. They’ve argued over the stops we’ve made.

Liam wants to listen to a podcast, though he had agreed to listen to Frank Sinatra or something classical.

I swear he did that just to annoy Harrison. Because Harrison wants to listen to heavy metal or good old-fashioned rock ‘n’ roll. Liam likes both.

Why my best friend can’t just agree to get along for this road trip, I cannot understand.

I study them as I sip on my straw.

Well, that’s not entirely true. Liam and Harrison have some history.

History that means that Liam hates Harrison. I have to admit Harrison is not one of my favorite people either, because of that history. Somebody messes with my best friend and they are on my shit list, too. But Harrison is Ford’s best friend and for some reason, I really feel good about having Ford along on this trip.

The second Liam agreed to go with me, Ford was off the hook. There’s no reason for me to want him here. I don’t need him here.

Still, I’m glad he is.

I love Liam. He knows everything about me, never judges me, and will absolutely get me through this…whatever this is in my life. A bump? A low point? A glitch?

Yes, I’m aware that my broken engagement and ruined wedding should probably register as more than a glitch.

But I’m already past being sad and angry.

I’m not hurt.

I’m frustrated.

And I’m frustrated because I am on my way to my ex fiancé‘s hometown to sell a house he gave me that I absolutely do not want. What a pain in the ass.

But my feelings today actually have nothing to do with not marrying Brad yesterday.

Still, as much help as I know Liam will be, Ford makes me feel stable. Grounded. Like everything is going to be okay.

Liam will help me solve any problem. He’ll listen to me rant. He’ll let me bounce ideas off of him. And he’ll do anything I ask him to do.

Ford, on the other hand, will just make things happen.

I won’t need to problem solve or come up with ideas.

It’s not that I can’t. I just…don’t want to right now.

I would love to have someone take care of this.

I’m an extremely capable and independent woman.

I just planned an entire wedding with zero help from my fiancé.

And then it was for nothing.

So I’m tired. And I don’t want to deal with any more contracts or advice or planning or people.

Ford will take care of it and I love him for it.

I don’t know how I know that about him. I don’t know him that well. But it’s just a sense I have of him. He’s so confident. He never seems to blink. He just steps in, says it’ll be okay, and something inside me believes him.

Brad must’ve talked about him, told me stories or something, right? That has to be why I feel this way about this man.

I tune back into the conversation as Liam tells Harrison,

“Because of you, we are already two hours behind schedule. Can you just please sit there and shut up for five minutes?”

I’m honestly not sure that Harrison can do that. He is a talker. And even though he is on my shit list because he hurt my best friend, I find him amusing. I would never admit that to Liam, but Harrison has definitely made this road trip more fun already. When he’s not pissing Liam off, he’s funny and interesting and his enthusiasm is contagious.

Actually, even when he is pissing Liam off, he’s fun. I was all for stopping at the rubber ball museum he saw the hand-painted sign for. And I laughed just as hard as he did when we found out it was just some guy’s garage and his collection of, well, rubber balls. Harrison still paid the guy our ten dollar “admission” and accepted a warm can of root beer from the “snack bar.” All with a grin.

I giggle even now, thinking about it.

He teases, and picks at Liam though, and I have to say I have never seen my friend like this. Liam is quiet, unassuming, laid-back. He’s an introvert for sure, but he’s also just very uninterested in most other people. The fact that he is so easily riled up by Harrison is fascinating. I can’t wait to talk to him about it later.

“Seriously?” Harrison asks Liam. “We don’t have a schedule.” He laughs. “We can’t be late for something none of us intended to do.”

“Not all of us have vats of money we can just dip into when we run a little low,” Liam snarks. “Some of us have to work.”

Harrison stretches his arm out along the back of the seats and twirls his finger in Liam’s hair. “Do you need a little pocket change, William? I’ve got a few tasks you could do for me.”

Liam slaps his hand away. “Not if I was down to my last dollar.”

I shoot Ford a look. “Do you think we can find a car dealership at the next stop?“

He chuckles. “Maybe we can just send them in to watch the armadillo circus and we can take the car while they’re not paying attention.”

“Armadillo circus?” Harrison asks, pivoting in his seat to look back at Ford. “Did you make that up?”

“Saw a sign a few miles back,” Ford says.

I study him as I take another pull on my straw. I can’t tell if he’s kidding. That’s hilarious.

“Oh my god,” Harrison says, pulling out his phone and swiping over the screen, obviously looking up armadillo circus . “Fuck, it’s real,” he says, almost in awe a moment later. “William…”

“No.” Liam scowls at Ford in the rearview mirror. “We’re not stopping and definitely not for fucking armadillos.” He mutters something under his breath but I definitely hear ‘or a fucking circus’.

“Come on ,” Harrison says. “When are you ever going to be back here with this opportunity?”

“Holy shit, I hope never ,” Liam says, looking over at him. “I can’t believe we’re on this damned road in the first place!”

“William,” Harrison says again, his tone pleading. “ Liam…”

I see Liam’s hands tighten on the wheel. “Stop it.” His voice is a little gruff.

“I’ll do that thing you like,” Harrison says.

I actually feel my brows arch. I glance at Ford. He gives me a should we be here for this? look. I shrug.

Liam clears his throat but then says, “Which thing? The thing I like, or the thing I really like?”

Harrison grins. “The thing you really like.”

“Say it out loud,” Liam demands.

Harrison puts his hand over his heart and declares, “I’ll do whatever you say, and shut the hell up the whole time.”

I laugh.

Harrison glances over his shoulder and winks at me. “The circus is a few miles off this road, so that’s a lot of quiet time for our little introvert.”

Liam sighs. “How far off this road?”

“Just a few miles,” Harrison says noncommittally. “Turn here.”

Liam does, but he asks again. “How far?”

“A little over ten miles.”

“How much is ‘a little’?” Liam asks resignedly.

Harrison just says, “I’m not supposed to be talking.”

Liam actually growls.

I giggle and sip.

Harrison settles back in his seat, smiling. And not talking.

“Okay, when we get there, I’ll distract them and you go for the keys from Liam,” Ford says with a grin.

I look over. “Oh. Well…”

Ford sighs, but he’s smiling. “You want to see the armadillos?”

“It’s a circus , Ford,” I say.

Harrison laughs. “That’s my girl.”

Liam growls again, louder. Maybe about me and the armadillos. Maybe about Harrison speaking. Maybe both.

Ford just shakes his head. “You know it’s probably just two armadillos in some lady’s backyard.”

“But we kind of have to find out why she calls it a circus, right?” I ask, actually laughing now.

“Do we?” Liam asks. “Or are we just asking to be tied up in her basement with the other decaying remains of people who thought ‘armadillo circus sounds totally normal and interesting’.”

I laugh, and sip from my cup, and then, just to make Ford happy, I reach for the water bottle he’s holding and take a long gulp.

He gives me a smile and I feel lighter. Actually happy. Less than twenty-four hours after being left at the altar. That’s pretty amazing.

“And to think, you could have been on your way to your honeymoon right now,” Harrison stage-whispers to me.

Obviously Liam can hear him, but instead of growling, he meets my gaze in the rearview mirror. I know he’s checking on my reaction to the mention of the wedding that wasn’t. I owe him a huge thank you and a hug for carrying me out of the reception before my drunken speech went any further.

But I just nod and say, “I can honestly say that an armadillo circus with you guys sounds a thousand times better.”

And I really mean that. Even without knowing what exactly an armadillo circus entails.