3. Lilly
Chapter 3
Lilly
I stare at my parents’ house, memories twisting my stomach into knots. The old swing hangs limply from the tree branch, looking a little worse for wear. It’s a bit too symbolic of my current emotional state.
The meeting at the police station shocked me to my core.
My parents are gone.
They died in a car crash.
It still doesn’t feel real.
My cheeks puff out with an exhale as I make my way up to the front door. I use the house key I’ve had since I was fifteen to unlock the door and walk inside. The smell hits me first. It brings a surprising smile to my face.
Mom had about a million candles she would burn simultaneously. Ocean Mist is the scent, if I remember correctly. I hated that smell. So did Dad, but neither of us was brave enough to tell her.
I continue into the ranch-style house. The living room is open to the foyer and the dining room. The kitchen is around the corner to the left. I can see the echoes of my parents in here. My dad would sit on the couch, directly in front of the television, while my mom sat in her navy blue throne chair, working on her needlepoint projects. Her bag of materials still sits on the floor.
Down the hallway to the right is my bedroom and bathroom. My parents’ suite is on the other side of the house. It was one of the few mercies I received after we moved to Sonoma.
Avoiding Mom and Dad’s side of the house, I move toward my bedroom first. The framed photos lining the hallway make me smile. These snapshots in time follow my brother and me as we grew up. The end comes entirely too quickly, and I stand there, remembering him the way I used to when I lived here.
He was the reason we moved to Sonoma in the first place. Our lives changed drastically when he got the diagnosis. I spent three months with my twin before the cancer took him. My parents were never the same afterward.
We sold our house in New York to help pay for Oliver’s experimental treatment, which didn’t end up working. The summer after Oliver died, we moved here and never talked about him again. It was as if they wanted to forget about him completely. We even changed our last name. Mom said we needed a clean break from everything, but I never understood the decision. She refused to tell me any of their reasoning, citing they didn’t owe me any explanations because they were the parents, not me. How could they erase their own child from our lives as if he meant nothing at all?
I couldn’t bear it, so I hung up my favorite photos, the ones I’d hidden from Mom when she’d thrown all the others away.
She threatened to do the same with the ones I’d hung. I returned her threat with one of my own. I told her I’d move in with Aunt Christine and never speak to them again. I was fully prepared to follow through. Even Christine was on board with the plan, but Mom held her tongue and never said a word about them afterward. She also refused to walk down the hallway, which was a fringe benefit, if I’m honest.
God, what a mess. This house holds too many emotions for one person to handle on their own.
A quick peek into my room tells me Mom never turned it into a fancy guest room like she always said she would. For some reason, that makes me smile. This emotional rollercoaster is starting to make me nauseous.
I call Aunt Christine to check in with her and Nellie. It sounds like they’re having a blast, and Christine is pulling out the big guns to distract her. And herself, too, if I had to guess. Telling her the news over the phone was one of the more difficult things I’ve ever had to do. As my mother’s sister-in-law, they never really saw eye-to-eye on anything, but Christine still saw them as family.
Nellie took the news in stride, but I can imagine she’ll have a lot of questions once she’s finished processing. Christine took her to the trampoline park today, and they’re going to a water park tomorrow. She’s going to start showing Nellie pictures of Sonoma and my parents’ house, now that we know this won’t be a quick visit.
I met with the attorney this afternoon after identifying my parents in the morgue. Mom made a list of demands about her funeral that will be an undertaking to achieve. It’ll take at least a couple of weeks to plan everything. Not to mention needing to go through their stuff. I’m overwhelmed already, and I’ve only been here for a day.
I leave my suitcase in my room to deal with later and head into the office. Sitting in the silence of an empty house sounds like a quick way to go crazy. Since the office is the least sentimental room in the house, I figure why not get a jump start on going through their stuff. Time flies by in a mess of papercuts and headaches until I hear a voice calling from the living room.
“Anyone home?”
I walk out of the office, my eyebrows pinched. Who would want to stop by here? Sonoma is a small town. I wouldn’t be surprised if every single person already knows my parents passed. But I only know a few people who still live here, and I haven’t told any of them I’m back in town.
Standing in the entryway is a blonde bombshell I haven’t seen in years. “Cassidy Underwood. What the hell are you doing here?”
“I came to grace you with my presence, of course. Don’t you feel so lucky?” She winks at me, her bright blue eyes sparkling the same way they did when we were teenagers.
I laugh and walk right up to her for a hug. She wraps her arms around my shoulders and squeezes me tight. My eyes sting at the familiarity of her being here in this house. Cassidy was the first friend I ever made in Sonoma, besides the guy who shall not be named. Her locker was right next to mine, and the first thing she said to me was, “Oh, cool! The new kid. We’re gonna be best friends. I can already tell.”
I looked at her like she was crazy, but in the end, she was right. We had several classes together, and for some reason, this gorgeous and bubbly girl stuck by my side the entire day. We were rarely without each other after that.
“I’m so sorry you lost them, Lills,” she whispers.
Those tears I was holding back spill over my lids. “Hell, Cass. Why’d you have to go and say that? Now I’m blubbering.”
She grins as she pulls away. “What can I say? I have a way with words.”
With a watery laugh, I swipe my eyes and lead her over to the living room and sit in Dad’s spot while she sits in my mom’s chair.
“Fuck, I’ve always wanted to sit in this chair. I was too terrified of your mom to try, though. I was pretty sure she’d know if I did.” She grimaces.
“She probably would’ve. I think it only fits her ass.”
Cassidy wiggles around. “It’s not very comfortable.”
“Maybe that’s why her nose was always bent out of shape.”
Silence meets my quip before we both burst out in laughter. It’s the kind that makes your stomach cramp and eventually turns silent from lack of air. It’s cathartic in all the best ways.
When we finally get ourselves under control, Cassidy moves to sit next to me on the couch. “I’ve missed you, Lills.”
“I missed you, too. How did you know I was home?” I lay my head on her shoulder like I used to do when my grief over Oliver became overwhelming. We stayed in touch for a little while after we graduated, but as both of our lives got busy, we stopped checking in as often.
“You know the gossip grapevine. Tomi at the morgue told Cheryl Laskey you were here, and she told her friend group all about it when she was having lunch at the diner where I also happened to be eating, and now, here I am, cuddling with my best friend.”
I giggle at the play-by-play, knowing she’s not making up a single word.
We’re silent for a bit before she brings up the topic I’ve been waiting for her to ask about. “Are you going to see Noah?”
I sit up. Just his name brings an onslaught of conflicting feelings. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I could look at him without wanting to slap him.”
“I can understand that. I still have a hard time believing he’d just let you go like that. He was over the moon for you.”
I shrug, not wanting to talk about it. My heart still aches from his betrayal. “He fooled us all.”
“And he never reached out to you? Never said a word?”
“Nope. After my parents talked to him, I never heard from him again. That’s why I moved to Greensboro early. I couldn’t even be in the same town as him.”
“I don’t blame you.” She trails off as if she wants to say something else but isn’t sure if she should. I wait her out, knowing she’ll say it anyway. “He hasn’t dated since we graduated. At least not here. I watch all the women in town hit on him, and he never takes the bait.”
I can’t decide if that makes me feel better or worse. “I have no idea what to do with that information.”
Cassidy huffs out a laugh. “I don’t know either, babe, but I felt like I needed to tell you.”
I decide to change the subject. “You still bartending at Donna’s?” The only bar in town has been around for years. I always wanted to go in there but was never old enough.
“Of course. They made me manager a few months ago. I’m not sure why they trust me that much, but I’m not looking a gift horse in the mouth.”
“You’ve worked hard for that position.”
“Eh, maybe. Anyway, enough about me. How can I help you? I don’t have to be at the bar until five.”
“God, I don’t even know where to start. I was going through the office when you got here, but there’s so much shit in there it’s going to take weeks to organize it all.”
“Well, then we better get started.” With that, she pops off the couch and heads down the hallway.